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New sub starting training... - 5/7/2006 9:49:11 AM

LeatherCharm

Posts: 8
Joined: 10/15/2005
Status: offline

Hello everyone.

I am to start training soon. I am terrified. I have been yearing this to be a part of my life for quite sometime. I just turned 24. She has what I crave inside. Yet I had a flight for this morning and canceled it. What is stopping me from relinquishing control of myself. I want to follow through and get on the plane and submit myself to her. Anything is helpful.

John

< Message edited by LeatherCharm -- 5/7/2006 9:59:56 AM >

Post #: 1

RE: New sub starting training... - 5/7/2006 10:03:04 AM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

Likely this is the same thing that happens to lots of boys when they don't show up. Personally this is why I must have a cell number for newbies and contact them at regular intervals leading up to meeting reassuring them that we're meeting for coffee and not everyone can see the invisible kinky tattoo on his forehead.
Unfortunatly through your actions you've now put yourself in the position to be undesirable to those locally that you should have started out with and VERY likely with this woman that you claim to profess devotion. I'm hoping that you've contact her and discussed the change of plans and unfortunately assuming that by making this post you haven't contacted her and you're trying to 1) tell her of the change 2) find someone that will justify your behavior...sorry I'm not that person.
In light of your post finding this part of your profile strangely ironic...No games or BS Here. This is my life.

If you are sincere that this is your path and considering that you live in a kink black hole I'm very curious as to how you justify your coarse of action?

(in reply to LeatherCharm)

Post #: 2

RE: New sub starting training... - 5/7/2006 10:06:04 AM

LeatherCharm

Posts: 8
Joined: 10/15/2005
Status: offline

I am not trying to ro do I desire to justify (sounds bad). I have know her for over a year. We have seen each other only once. I have contacted her and spoken to her this morning. This is a move that is going to be full time. It is my life beacuase I am consumed by thoughts throughout the day. Why am I having a problem facing the music. That is what I don't understand I guess?

(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 3

RE: New sub starting training... - 5/7/2006 10:14:48 AM

FLsubmalecd

Posts: 143
Status: offline

My guess would be that you are stuggling with facing reality and are not sure if your desire is just fantasy or that you really want this as a very real 24/7 part of your life.
My only other thought is that perhaps you should have called her and told her about your fears ina very open and honest way instead of posting here looking for some courage and a push to get on that plane. Seems like the both of you have not talked this out enough and maybe even agreed to a trail period. It's a big step for you. I realize that.l it just seems you are not sure.

I suggest very strongly that you get on the phone to her immediately and very sincerely and openly tell her of your fears and or whatever else is holding you back. Again, you shuold have already dome that. Good luck to you. I hope it works out for the both of you.

_____________________________

"Don't make someone a priority in your life, When you're only an option in theirs"

(in reply to LeatherCharm)

Post #: 4

RE: New sub starting training... - 5/7/2006 10:17:01 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

We are often afraid of being as successful as we think we should be, as healthy as we know we could be and as happy as we feel we deserve. Follow our bliss can actually be a terrifying journey, especially when we are used to a certain mindset. Sometimes, we stay in hell because we know all the street names. Self esteem can keep us from bliss because, deep down, we feel we don’t deserve it.

According to Carolyn Myss, we each have 12 archetypes that are active throughout our lives. 8 of them vary from person to person. 4 of them, we all have. These are the Child, the Victim, the Saboteur and the Prostitute. While these might, at first, have negative connotations, they can be used in a positive way. Perhaps you will find this information useful, should you decide to study them and yourself. http://myss.com/FourArchs.asp

It sounds like to me that your saboteur archetype is in full swing. you'll have to analyze whether or not this archetype is acting out of fear and limiting you or acting in such a way to keep you from doing something stupid. Are there red flags with this woman that you've tried to ignore? Or, do you have a habit of sabotaging yourself to keep yourself miserable? It can be a tough analysis. Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to LeatherCharm)

Post #: 5

RE: New sub starting training... - 5/7/2006 10:17:11 AM

LeatherCharm

Posts: 8
Joined: 10/15/2005
Status: offline

I have done this this morning. She instructed me to post here and see what feedback I get....

(in reply to FLsubmalecd)

Post #: 6

RE: New sub starting training... - 5/7/2006 10:21:30 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

If you've only met her once in the course of a year, it's my opinion that you feel reluctant because you know that the relationship hasn't developed as deeply as it needs to in order for a 24/7 move to work. You really don't know someone until you live with them. I suggest several extended visits before moving. Something longer than a weekend...if you can swing it, I'd do a month at a time. I mean, you wouldn't go and marry someone having only met them once, right? Why would you do this that way?

Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to LeatherCharm)

Post #: 7

RE: New sub starting training... - 5/7/2006 10:26:39 AM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LeatherCharm

I am not trying to ro do I desire to justify (sounds bad). I have know her for over a year. We have seen each other only once. I have contacted her and spoken to her this morning. This is a move that is going to be full time. It is my life beacuase I am consumed by thoughts throughout the day. Why am I having a problem facing the music. That is what I don't understand I guess?

This kind of falls under DUH. You've met this person ONCE and you're moving perminantly? <jumps up waving big red flag> You problem is that you don't know this person enough to feel secure and haven't developed enough of a level of trust to know that you'll be safe and secure in this situation. Thus my example of contacting the new on the way to meetings.

(in reply to LeatherCharm)

Post #: 8

RE: New sub starting training... - 5/7/2006 10:30:05 AM

LeatherCharm

Posts: 8
Joined: 10/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Or, do you have a habit of sabotaging yourself to keep yourself miserable? It can be a tough analysis. Fire

This is a question I have continued to ask myself about many things and decisions I have made, work or personal.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 9

RE: New sub starting training... - 5/7/2006 10:31:11 AM

LeatherCharm

Posts: 8
Joined: 10/15/2005
Status: offline

It's not going to be 24/7 per say. And I do feel comfortable with her.

< Message edited by LeatherCharm -- 5/7/2006 10:33:01 AM >

(in reply to LeatherCharm)

Post #: 10

RE: New sub starting training... - 5/7/2006 10:34:55 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

I agree with the previous two posts.

If you have only met face-to-face once in an entire year, you may be feeling anxious because you really don't know enough about this person yet.

Perhaps you should negotiate spending a weekend with her first and then flying back home and then other trips between where you are and she is to see if you two are a good match.

Once you are there for an unspecified time it may be difficult to pull up stakes and move if you need to do so.

I'd also suggest getting a job and your own place when you do move out to just continue to see how well things work. Remember this is about consent and you need to be able to say "no" as well as "yes" at any time if things don't go well.

But this is how I run my household. I'd never ask someone to move in with me unless we had several months of daily face-to-face contact. How could I be sure that he/she is trustworthy unless I've seen them in a variety of situations?

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 11

RE: New sub starting training... - 5/7/2006 10:37:34 AM

LeatherCharm

Posts: 8
Joined: 10/15/2005
Status: offline

It's not that I am not comfortable etc. I am more concerned or afraid of the "unknown" or giving control up.

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 12

RE: New sub starting training... - 5/7/2006 10:43:20 AM

Proprietrix

Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
Status: offline

You're here asking for feedback. That means you will receive some comments you like, some you're indifferent to, and ....... my opinion.
If I were the Mistress in this scenario, I'd be pissed. I've been stood up before because a submissive's words didn't match their actions and they got cold feet. It's completely inconsiderate imo. I can't stand people who talk the talk but then can't measure up when it comes time to walk the walk. It infuriates me to the core and has hypocrisy written all over it.
If I make a commitment to do something, I do my best to make sure I follow through on my word. I expect the same in return. I have no time for sniveling in the corner. If someone isn't ready to make the next step, they shouldn't agree to take the next step.
If it had happened to me, I would tell you to go ahead and resume your life where you're at because you obviously aren't ready to move forward, and I'd preoccupy myself with people who were ready to live up to their promises.
If you had set up a job elsewhere and planned to relocate, and then got cold feet and cancelled, would you really expect the employer to say "Oh it's ok. I understand you're young and maybe not ready for such a life change."? No. You'd more likely expect a response like "Sorry you couldn't follow through. We've found someone else who could handle the job."

_____________________________

IMO, IMHO, YMMV, AFAIK, to me, I see it as, from my perspective, it's been my experience, I only speak for myself, (and all other disclaimers here).

(in reply to LeatherCharm)

Post #: 13

RE: New sub starting training... - 5/7/2006 10:48:27 AM

LeatherCharm

Posts: 8
Joined: 10/15/2005
Status: offline

Well I have the opportunity to make this decison. It't not that I just blatently did'nt show up and say someting a week later. I called and discussed this before my time to leave. I am communicating my feelings to Her.

(in reply to Proprietrix)

Post #: 14

RE: New sub starting training... - 5/7/2006 10:48:47 AM

Kirei

Posts: 146
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Most good dominants I know have you stay at least a week or two with them. Then go home and wait to see what you say back. If your in a couple of weeks asking, or begging to come full time...then they can make for it. A week to 2 wks gives you a pretty good time to see some good and some bad in the person you will be living with....if you can handle that your ok.

Koneko

(in reply to LeatherCharm)

Post #: 15

RE: New sub starting training... - 5/7/2006 11:14:25 AM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear LeatherCharm, Ladies and Gentlemen;

I am really concerned for you lad. You are a young man who hasn't lived life as a free man all that long as to discover your authentic self.

Doubts crop up as you haven't the experience or means to judge the situation, it might be your gut instinct raising the red flag -- Are you sure you want to hop from one fry pan into another fry pan, not knowing the expectations and or if the dominant is qualified to train you in the first place. Talk is cheap--Life's lessons expensive. So, I would be curious as to what the hurry is in jumping from what you do know (as life is where you live) to a life based on conversation and one meeting with a dominant.

There is what is called a "courtship" to which the "hunt" is more fun than the capture. Have you thought about, should you find yourself in a dire situation, how to get out of it?

My opinion in a similar situation, to which I was interested in a young lad as you, would have many more visits out to the Dominant's residence, be patient, I'd want my slave potential to look at me when I'm sick as well as decked out, as if I was hunting for a victim to ravish and ...err nebbermind (getting to excited at my age might get me frustrated).

How old is the dominant? Is she a young lass wishing to have a boy to be a slave in "keeping her?" What is the training for? What do you plan to make of it when all is said and done in her training. No offense but, one [cough] alleged slave trainer expert's thought on training was sending the lad to get a job and buy her goodies. Her idea of D/s was see how much money she could bleed out of you under the guise of "training."
I do believe most individuals know how to do a place setting at a table. I didn't see the justification to charge a lad $2,000.00 to learn that. I might add, that she didn't know the difference between a coffee cup and tea cup (which is-the tea cup is larger than the coffee cup; especially in pre-1920s services).

What we fear is what we do not understand. So, all these emotions, feelings, thoughts, logic and debates that wrestle inside of you--is a natural instinct of the primal human-
Fight or Flight. You have a right to be human lad. If it is meant to be; patience is a virtue and when the time is correct it will happen.

I personally would not push a lad as sweet as you come across, into a blind situation.
I'd recommend joining the military, where you'll be trained and paid for it; to where I would take up where the military left off. [[Being as old as I am, chasing young lads with a long whip and empty collar like a butterfly net --has long since passed]]

Submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to LeatherCharm)

Post #: 16

RE: New sub starting training... - 5/7/2006 7:08:59 PM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U
This kind of falls under DUH. You've met this person ONCE and you're moving perminantly? <jumps up waving big red flag> You problem is that you don't know this person enough to feel secure and haven't developed enough of a level of trust to know that you'll be safe and secure in this situation. Thus my example of contacting the new on the way to meetings.

Amen!!!! This is your brain alarm sounding that something is not RIGHT! Follow it!

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 17

RE: New sub starting training... - 5/8/2006 10:28:44 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

What is stopping you from relinquishing control?

Do you really need to ask?

It is like relinquishing a leg.

Your ego, is who you are, it is the thoughts you think the things you do...Everything comes from self perception something you have been developing for 23 years, fine tuning discovering who you are , what you like, how you act, what makes sense to you and what does not in the world.

And now you are being faced with the very likely possibility, that what you like, will shift and and change and perhaps be forbidden...
how you act, will shift and change and parts of that will be forbidden....
and what makes sense to you, will certainly shift and change and some of that will be forbidden.....

Not since you were a child has any one had the right to tell you NO, or to do things for them whether you like it or not. AND to be able to corporeally punish you if you dont comply, chances are your own parents did not do that to you.....

This is a HUGE step...and very scary.

You dont sound ready.

Ask yourself what you being ready looks like and then ask yourself what steps would need to be in place to get there.

Be ruthlessly honest...and then be just as ruthlessly patient ....

< Message edited by crouchingtigress -- 5/8/2006 10:30:45 AM >

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to MisPandora)

Post #: 18

RE: New sub starting training... - 5/8/2006 4:19:07 PM

LindaLashes

Posts: 170
Joined: 10/28/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Proprietrix

You're here asking for feedback. That means you will receive some comments you like, some you're indifferent to, and ....... my opinion.
If I were the Mistress in this scenario, I'd be pissed. I've been stood up before because a submissive's words didn't match their actions and they got cold feet. It's completely inconsiderate imo. I can't stand people who talk the talk but then can't measure up when it comes time to walk the walk. It infuriates me to the core and has hypocrisy written all over it.
If I make a commitment to do something, I do my best to make sure I follow through on my word. I expect the same in return. I have no time for sniveling in the corner. If someone isn't ready to make the next step, they shouldn't agree to take the next step.
If it had happened to me, I would tell you to go ahead and resume your life where you're at because you obviously aren't ready to move forward, and I'd preoccupy myself with people who were ready to live up to their promises.
If you had set up a job elsewhere and planned to relocate, and then got cold feet and cancelled, would you really expect the employer to say "Oh it's ok. I understand you're young and maybe not ready for such a life change."? No. You'd more likely expect a response like "Sorry you couldn't follow through. We've found someone else who could handle the job."

Guess you have no consideration or patience for slaves who aren´t tip-top and 100%.
I pity those slaves who dare to feel insecure or have doubts when you´re around,,,, job? what do you pay them then??

< Message edited by LindaLashes -- 5/8/2006 4:20:22 PM >

_____________________________

Smack me around and call me Suzy...

(in reply to Proprietrix)

Post #: 19

RE: New sub starting training... - 5/9/2006 11:40:59 AM

LeatherCharm

Posts: 8
Joined: 10/15/2005
Status: offline

I really appreciate all who are giving info....Thank you LindaLashes. I appreciat the sincereity, this is a very important decision for me.

(in reply to LindaLashes)

Post #: 20

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