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Diminished pain threshold - 3/26/2011 8:54:21 PM   
artemiss


Posts: 88
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline 		For those of you reading this for the second time, I apologize. I had posted this as an update to my previous "Returning to the Scene" thread. Howeve the responses I was getting were to that question, not my current. Hopefully this was will be more clear.


So I am revisiting this thread after facing my fears. Thank you all again for your advice, both to my previous question, and anything you my add here.

A couple weeks ago I met up with a man I had been conversing with for about a month, (and yes, I was up front from the very begging that I was out of practice). There seemed to be strong attraction from both sides, and a good overlap in compatible kinks, so we set up a play date for last night.

Overall, it was a wonderful experience. And it was great to find that most ofthe submissive feelings were still there. However, my pain threshold seems to be rather diminished. And on several occasions my brain was snapped back to reality with "oh fuck that hurt."

Granted he is more severe than previous men I have been with. And while he readily provided care and encouragement as needed, his style is not one that is willing to provide pleasure without simultaneously providing pain.

So my question now, and this is particularly directed at littlewonder as she had mentioned her diminished pain threshold as well, would
appreciate feedback from all :

Was it simply continued experienced that allowed you to build your pain tolerance? Are there any tricks such as breathing exercises that have helped you? Do you feel it is something that simply increase as your feeling for your partner grow? What are your thoughts and or experiences here?

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RE: Diminished pain threshold - 3/26/2011 9:06:45 PM   
peachgirl


Posts: 396
Joined: 6/25/2009
Status: offline 		My own pain tolerance has decreased significantly because we don't play as often. Also, I find that if it is close to my period then the pain is more intense as well.

I don't feel it has anything to do with the way I feel about him. The willingness to withstand the pain has increased with the way I feel, but not necessarily my tolerance level.

Hope that helps.

_____________________________

Have you seen that girl in the corner?
I'd like to take her out of her chains
Cause if I had my way with you baby
I would be changing your life today.
- Bob Welch

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RE: Diminished pain threshold - 3/26/2011 9:32:04 PM   
hausboy


Posts: 2360
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline 		Good evening artemiss
I think this may be one of those questions which will have as many answers as respondents--so with that in mind, I can only speak from my own experience with this--so that may not assist you much, but since you asked....

I was told by my Masters/Mistresses/Tops that I was a heavy bottom--certainly not the heaviest, but I definitely seemed to be able to tolerate (and enjoy) activities that many were unable to.  It doesn't make me any better (or worse) than those other bottoms/subs, it just means that my pain tolerance was higher.  The longer I played--the more tolerance for pain I built.  Certain types of pain I found completely intolerable (I never liked electricity, for instance) and other types, like piercing, I barely flinched. 

It wasn't strictly repetitive/progressively increasing levels of play--my tops were very experienced, and definitely trained me in breathing techniques that allowed me to push through the pain.  Holding my breath and clenching my teeth not only made me lightheaded and queasy, but it was sort "resisting" the pain, if that makes any sense, instead of absorbing and processing/experiencing it.   For me, it was important to contextualize the reason for the pain, in order to put me into the right headspace to receive it.  And my hide has toughened a bit over time.

After my transition, my tastes changed and my pain tolerance became significantly lessened.  This was never a problem with my former Domme (and ex-wife), who really wasn't into pushing me beyond my limits--but now I am single and playing (periodically) with a male Dom who is not only a sadist, but enjoys trying to push me past my breaking point.  I find it necessary to employ the breathing techniques and enter a particular headspace.

Now.  All that hot air to basically say "yes"--it is possible to build up a pain tolerance and there are some techniques out there you can employ.  The real question is "why?"  Is it for your enjoyment? Your partner's?  To me, the only "wrong" answer here would be to want to increase pain tolerance solely out of some perceived increased value or competition.

I personally believe that there were (and still are) certain circles of the BDSM community who seem to think that the more pain one can take, the more "experienced" or valuable that bottom is, and that those uninterested or unwilling to engage in heavy pain were somehow less "bottoms."  This is complete bullocks as far as I'm concerned.   (It just may make you less attractive a masochist to the heavy sadist, but that's more of a compatibility issue than a value)  



< Message edited by hausboy -- 3/26/2011 9:34:20 PM >

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RE: Diminished pain threshold - 3/26/2011 9:38:21 PM   
LadyEvadne


Posts: 7
Joined: 2/9/2009
From: California
Status: offline 		There are many factors that come into play when accepting pain, but you can gradually work up to where you would like to be over time.
The influence of the mental side of pain is a major factor as well. The more you train with a Top and build mutual trust, the easier it may be to let yourself go into a heavy subspace. I personally have employed things like breathing exercises, mantras, and similar things to help my submissives focus and have found it quite useful in helping them deepen their tolerance.

It is not necessarily bad that it takes you time to get to your true pain threshold. This allows you to get to know your partner better before you completely surrender.

Best of luck to you!

-Lady Evadne

_____________________________

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www.LadyEvadne.com

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RE: Diminished pain threshold - 3/26/2011 10:03:10 PM   
artemiss


Posts: 88
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline 		hausboy,

To answer your question, it would be for his pleasure. While I have never considered myself as much of a masochist, in that I don't enjoy pain in and of itself, I do get off on providing that service. So no, it isn't about wanting to be move valuable to random strangers, but to be valued by a specific person.

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RE: Diminished pain threshold - 3/26/2011 10:14:31 PM   
hausboy


Posts: 2360
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: artemiss

hausboy,

To answer your question, it would be for his pleasure. While I have never considered myself as much of a masochist, in that I don't enjoy pain in and of itself, I do get off on providing that service. So no, it isn't about wanting to be move valuable to random strangers, but to be valued by a specific person.


Well, that's a good thing then!  And you might find that with the right context/headspace and good focused breathing, you might find a surprising pleasure in the pain...in addition to the pleasure you'll have pleasing your partner with your endurance.


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RE: Diminished pain threshold - 3/26/2011 10:14:55 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

So my question now, and this is particularly directed at littlewonder as she had mentioned her diminished pain threshold as well, would
appreciate feedback from all :

Was it simply continued experienced that allowed you to build your pain tolerance? Are there any tricks such as breathing exercises that have helped you? Do you feel it is something that simply increase as your feeling for your partner grow? What are your thoughts and or experiences here?


Both really. The more we play the more my tolerance gows but there are some things where my tolerance has not grown or it diminishes again because we haven't played in awhile or due to illness or time of month and during those times I've learned to grit my teeth, bite down and try my best to zone out. When he sees I'm having an especially hard time dealing then he helps me with breathing exercises and reassures me of how well I'm doing which really really helps...knowing that what I'm enduring is for him and he's pleased with me for my efforts.

And of course being in a long term committed loving relationship with a man who I love and adore really helps.

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RE: Diminished pain threshold - 3/27/2011 12:35:42 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		From personal experience I can absolutely say 'yes' to increasing your pain tolerance after a period of not playing.

My previous Dom was fairly sadistic, and my pain tolerance was high with him. When we parted company I made the decision to not to do casual play, but to wait until I found my next Dom. I didn't play for a year and a half, until I met Master.

Master is significantly more sadistic than anyone else I've ever played with. First time, I think I took 20 hard strokes of the cane and then fell over, lol

Now it's 3 months on and we measure the cane strokes in the hundreds, as well as other activities in the same session (hot wax, wire, clamps, flogging, paddles, etc). It bloody hurts, but I can take it and I can appreciate the pleasure it brings too.

Part of this increase in threshold is due to practice, and part of it (in my mind, anyway) is because I now have such strong feelings for him that I want to take anything to make him happy. He orders me to take the pain and my desire to please him is stronger than any pain. I trust him totally not to go too far, and he has always proved me right.

Keep communicating with your Dom, take it slowly but surely and your pain threshold should increase.

Good luck!

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


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RE: Diminished pain threshold - 3/27/2011 6:24:53 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: artemiss

hausboy,

To answer your question, it would be for his pleasure. While I have never considered myself as much of a masochist, in that I don't enjoy pain in and of itself, I do get off on providing that service. So no, it isn't about wanting to be move valuable to random strangers, but to be valued by a specific person.


personally speaking my pain threshold is far greater when i am in total submission to a person and my emotional and physical drives are all tied up in pleasing that person.  its why i dont meet up with random strangers and play on the first meet - wheres the genuine trust, acceptance, submission and desire to go further for them. for me that isnt about submission to the Dominant at all, its submission to submission and to the play on offer. if youre not much of a masso what made you even imagine youd be able to take heaps of pain from a guy you barely know and can hardly be in any meaningful submission to.
.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

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RE: Diminished pain threshold - 3/27/2011 7:47:10 AM   
artemiss


Posts: 88
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline 		Lally2,

I am glad you know what works for you, and that all your reationships are able to progress exactly the way you want them to. However, I could have done without your judgement. There really was no point of reference for you to jump to the conclusion that we hardly no each other. The Internet being what it is, it tends to bring people with distances between them together. In this case it is marginal, but significant enough that it takes effort to arrange face to face interaction. Neither of us are naive enough believe that serious committed relationships happen over night, so this is how we chose to take the next step in gushing compatiblity. To see if the attraction and interest are high enough to continue to put in effort I a long distance relationship. It may not be how you would choose to pursue a relationship, but that doesn't mean it is fair to pahoehoe as casual.

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RE: Diminished pain threshold - 3/27/2011 8:06:46 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: artemiss


Overall, it was a wonderful experience. And it was great to find that most ofthe submissive feelings were still there. However, my pain threshold seems to be rather diminished. And on several occasions my brain was snapped back to reality with "oh fuck that hurt."

Granted he is more severe than previous men I have been with. And while he readily provided care and encouragement as needed, his style is not one that is willing to provide pleasure without simultaneously providing pain.

So my question now, and this is particularly directed at littlewonder as she had mentioned her diminished pain threshold as well, would
appreciate feedback from all :

Was it simply continued experienced that allowed you to build your pain tolerance? Are there any tricks such as breathing exercises that have helped you? Do you feel it is something that simply increase as your feeling for your partner grow? What are your thoughts and or experiences here?




Well, experience of what a certain pain is likely to be like, helps. You've only been with the guy once so if it were me, I wouldn't lay great store in what anything felt like that one time.

I wouldn't call it a trick......but having been with M for many a year I know how to *zone-out* if possible, because I know him, and we are *in it* together.  Having said that, there are plenty of things that just hurt like fuck.....just because they do.

I don't have any particular threshold. Sometimes it's just bloody awful and I'm glad when it stops, other times it's weirdly whoopie-doodah.

It's probably a little difficult for me to relate entirely, as I'm not interested in being submissive as such, I'm not particulary kinky (even though we seem steeped in it) and I'm more interested in the person than what they *do*.

agirl






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See how easy it can be?

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RE: Diminished pain threshold - 3/27/2011 9:19:46 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		im sorry you thought i was being judgemental,  i wasnt but maybe the tone sounded that way.

even so, what i was suggesting still holds good.  internet interraction can build up a bond for sure.  meeting for the first time creates a whole other process to develop and build from.  for me anyway, play on a first meet seems to be putting the BDSM before the development of the relationship.

i hate to compare with vanillas, but i dont believe ive ever heard a vanilla say that they got in the sack on a first date to make sure it was worth pursuing.

all im saying is that play and levels of play evolve with the relationship as the bond of trust evolves.  you asked why you couldnt take much pain, i was answering youre question from my perspective -

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

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RE: Diminished pain threshold - 3/27/2011 9:25:34 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		Mental excercises work well for me. I try to remember that pain is just a sensation. It is not mandatory that I attach any particular feeling or emotion to the sensations. You can step aside in your own head and just objectively note it.... "yup, lot of pain... not life threatening... ignore."

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: Diminished pain threshold - 3/27/2011 12:16:42 PM   
artemiss


Posts: 88
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

Mental excercises work well for me. I try to remember that pain is just a sensation. It is not mandatory that I attach any particular feeling or emotion to the sensations. You can step aside in your own head and just objectively note it.... "yup, lot of pain... not life threatening... ignore."


Mind over matter :-) like I use to say when I was practicing and tea hint yoga regularly, "if you don't mind, it doesn't matter."

For those of of you who correlated you ability to take pain with the strength of your bond, that is really where I believe the answer lies for me. How wonderful that each of you have found that level of connectedness.

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RE: Diminished pain threshold - 3/27/2011 12:21:16 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		You don't mention if he's bothering with warm up or just laying in hard from stroke one and expecting you to take it. Because warm up helps.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: Diminished pain threshold - 3/27/2011 12:46:35 PM   
artemiss


Posts: 88
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

You don't mention if he's bothering with warm up or just laying in hard from stroke one and expecting you to take it. Because warm up helps.


You are right, there was a lot I didn't say. Was trying to pose inas more of a general and/or philosophical question, than a recounting of the nights activities. But yes, there was warm-up.

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RE: Diminished pain threshold - 3/27/2011 1:10:19 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Are you looking for philosophy or practical help? Because the op seems to be looking for practical and as such, the less info you give, the less practical advice you will get.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: Diminished pain threshold - 3/27/2011 4:23:26 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		From the experiences that I have had with other people, I have found it very common for a person's pain tolerance to lessen if there is a period of time where they have not been playing.  I'm not talking about a week or a month.  More like time periods of several months or years.  I usually look at it from the same perspective as exercise.  If a person jogs regularly, they build up their endurance and they can do that five mile run.  If that same person stops jogging for a couple of years, that same five miles is going to be a heck of a lot more challenging.

The original also specifically mentions connection to the person dispensing the pain.  For some people, I believe that can be a factor, too.  Especially if someone has a stronger desire to please one top as opposed to another. 


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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