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RE: The Mental Carousel - 5/2/2011 6:12:26 PM

peachgirl

Posts: 396
Joined: 6/25/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: uncertainlyizzy

The other part of that that I'm working on really hard currently is the idea that anyone would want to help. That I don't have to do everything on my own. The idea that D would watch my daughter for me for 10 minutes so I can step outside for a breather or be willing to buy me dinner or would be concerned because I'm in pain is foreign to me. He's having to beat it into my head that yes I am important to him so therefore he does want to help me out when he can. My side of changing that is learning to ask for it and speak up when I'm needing something instead of just smothering it so I'm "not a bother". Me being weird from not eating or stressing too hard from being "on" with my daughter for too long or just plain hurting so bad I'm stupid with it bothers him more than me asking for help ever would and I'm learning to focus on that more than anything else.

isn't it amazing when you learn you don't have to do it all yourself? and everything turns out just fine?

_____________________________

Have you seen that girl in the corner?
I'd like to take her out of her chains
Cause if I had my way with you baby
I would be changing your life today.
- Bob Welch

(in reply to uncertainlyizzy)

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Post #: 21

RE: The Mental Carousel - 5/2/2011 6:18:01 PM

peachgirl

Posts: 396
Joined: 6/25/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

No, just a traveler.

...lol...

I associate the term "stinkin thinkin" with the Flylady, her followers are known as flybabys...

http://www.flylady.net/index.asp

_____________________________

Have you seen that girl in the corner?
I'd like to take her out of her chains
Cause if I had my way with you baby
I would be changing your life today.
- Bob Welch

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

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Post #: 22

RE: The Mental Carousel - 5/2/2011 9:24:14 PM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

I first heard that term years ago in a 12-step program!

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

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Post #: 23

RE: The Mental Carousel - 5/3/2011 6:51:30 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: peachgirl
I have to give credit where credit it due...the Man was the first one who said to me that my "it's all my fault" was the behavior I fall back on the most when I was getting ready to shut down.

Well yes. If any mistake is met with abuse and degradation that goes on and on, and you discover that the only way to abort this attack to some degree is self abuse, and the only way to live through the abuse both from the other and from yourself is to shut down, then this is what you will do.

If it helps, what works for me is for him to hold me at this time. Because nobody ever yells at you while hugging you. So he isn't angry and I'm not afraid, which allows me to hear him without frantically trying to find a way to run away from it all, even if just in my own mind.

Remember, it is when people are most unlovable that they most need love.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

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Post #: 24

RE: The Mental Carousel - 5/3/2011 10:31:07 AM

peachgirl

Posts: 396
Joined: 6/25/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: peachgirl
I have to give credit where credit it due...the Man was the first one who said to me that my "it's all my fault" was the behavior I fall back on the most when I was getting ready to shut down.

Well yes. If any mistake is met with abuse and degradation that goes on and on, and you discover that the only way to abort this attack to some degree is self abuse, and the only way to live through the abuse both from the other and from yourself is to shut down, then this is what you will do.

If it helps, what works for me is for him to hold me at this time. Because nobody ever yells at you while hugging you. So he isn't angry and I'm not afraid, which allows me to hear him without frantically trying to find a way to run away from it all, even if just in my own mind.

Remember, it is when people are most unlovable that they most need love.

thank you, I think you made two really good points here. and I think when you find yourself the most unlovable, then that is when you need to love yourself the most.

_____________________________

Have you seen that girl in the corner?
I'd like to take her out of her chains
Cause if I had my way with you baby
I would be changing your life today.
- Bob Welch

(in reply to DesFIP)

Profile

Post #: 25

RE: The Mental Carousel - 5/4/2011 2:29:55 PM

yummee

Posts: 111
Joined: 5/31/2009
Status: offline

I'm another martyr. "Look how hard I work for you, blah blah ... After all I do, blah blah." It is learned behavior from my mother, the Martyr Supreme. B pretty much just tells me I am welcome to stop doing all those things at any time. That ends it. I've got it made and I know it, lol.

(in reply to peachgirl)

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Post #: 26

RE: The Mental Carousel - 5/4/2011 7:59:17 PM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

Sunny
Quote of the Day
goes to
yummee