RE: first-time poster: dealing with heartbreak

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RE: first-time poster: dealing with heartbreak - 6/17/2006 5:16:51 AM

Rule

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The experience may have shaken her. It may be that she needs some time out to get used to what happened. She, therefore may be back.

I agree that you should have taken it more slowly, more vanilla to start out with.

Anyhow, her experience should have taught her that she can trust you, so I expect that the relationship may continue.

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RE: first-time poster: dealing with heartbreak - 6/17/2006 5:25:32 AM

sublizzie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Archer6

but then she started scaring me, she had to throw up, saying she was having an anxiety attack, I asked if she wanted me to leave and she said yes. What could I do? I'm not going to force myself to stay, and if she was feeling emotional I didn't want to add to her anxiety

Just a bit of information that may be helpful. When I am very nervous about something I don't generally show the nervousness to the people I am with at the time. Everyone thinks I'm doing just fine. It's after things have slowed down and I've had time to get a little relaxed that my body reacts to the nerves. My nervous reaction would be similar to hers in that my stomach will try to rid itself of whatever is in it after I'd had time to settle a little. It's a panic attack, delayed. It's not necessarily a *bad* reaction, just not pleasant. It doesn't mean that I was upset or angry or anything like that. Just very, very nervous about what happened a few hours before.

If there is some way you can contact her and ask how she is doing now, it might be a good idea. Maybe, now that she's had some time to process, she's in a place where she can talk with you about what happened. At the least, it would be nice for her to know that you are concerned and care.

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RE: first-time poster: dealing with heartbreak - 6/17/2006 6:57:42 AM

xxmstrchasxx

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quote:

This may be a little blunt... but she sounds like a fuckin whack job to Me.... and you're better off far far away from her.

LMAO, yep that was a little blunt alright.

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RE: first-time poster: dealing with heartbreak - 6/17/2006 7:08:21 AM

irishbynature

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Sounds to me as if the anxiety attack stems from deeper issues, and was probably nothing you did or said. As stated in the former post....."when their fantasies become real they can't handle them because they were never meant to become real, they do online because r/l BDSM freaks them."(meatcleaver)

I'm really sorry you are feeling pain. I hope everything works out for you later

Irish

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RE: first-time poster: dealing with heartbreak - 6/17/2006 7:37:34 AM

Arpig

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let me see if I have got this right....

Boy meets girl online...they chat online for a week, with a phone call or two thrown in.......boy comes to visit, they go out, then fool around.......boy beds down on the couch and girl asks him to leave....he does leave, and she now avoids him.....

Its called a one-night-stand.

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RE: first-time poster: dealing with heartbreak - 6/22/2006 6:48:00 PM

cynthiamarie

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From: Bluefield, WV, USA
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She may have had a bad case of sub drop she didn't know how to deal with, as well. Some will go on crying jags "for no reason". Maybe she needed more aftercare but wouldn't let you give it. If she were new, maybe she had never heard of sub drop and didn't know how to deal with it and felt humiliated, or like she was going crazy.

Many people have PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) and pushing one of those buttons by accident *which is unavoidable* will cause a huge overreaction. Petting them, and stroking their hair for an hour or so after a scene while talking soothingly and getting them to talk about everything they felt can help a lot.

Our bodies keep lots of memories...that can be released at the touch of another's hand. It can be unexpected for both people, and overwhelming.

Sending flowers and a note sounds like a good idea...as would a phone calls the next few days after a scene to see if the sub is going through sub drop, and needs your reassurance, acceptance, and comfort.

It hurts to lose a sub...and then beat yourself up over it hundreds of times, wondering what you should have done that you didn't do, or how you should have handled things differently. It helps us to grow...but...we will never become omnipotent beings who can handle every situation perfectly.

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RE: first-time poster: dealing with heartbreak - 6/22/2006 7:32:05 PM

LokisBrat

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This definitely is an emotional deal all around. I would say the best possible outcome of this is to learn from your experience. There will always be anxiety from transitioning to online and real world and that can be a bit much for some people.
If there is to be a next time, try some relaxation techniques (dealers choice) and ease the tension. Assurance and praise can help ease the feeling of anxiety also. Good luck and don't beat yourself up to hard, for life is but a series of experiences. This is how we grow and learn.

LOKI

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RE: first-time poster: dealing with heartbreak - 6/25/2006 10:30:02 PM

Archer6

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hey all, I kid you knot, until recently I had almost forgottena bout this post

while I was and still am a little heartbroken about things not working out the way I hoped (like I said usually it's me that dosen't feel the sparks, this was a new expierience for me being on the other side

And yes while I am still lonely, andwih things were different, me and the "gal in question" still exchange IM's on occassion and try to remain friends. In fact she's due to be engaged soon and while I can be a bit jealous, I don't have any ill will towards her, or blame her for the way things turned out

still I really do appreciate all the responses, and I'll keep looking :)

best wishes
--Russell

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RE: first-time poster: dealing with heartbreak - 6/26/2006 4:52:09 PM

sophia37

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Big bummer. Big big bummer. You sound like a good guy though. So keep trying. The right person will know you are the special one.

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RE: first-time poster: dealing with heartbreak - 6/26/2006 10:04:23 PM

thegunslinger

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From the things I've read, it's generally not a good idea to play the first time you meet someone, as much as you can meet and get to know a person online, there's something to be said about physically getting comfortable being around the person, and when it comes to play that is also taken into account as you physically or even mentally dominate someone "in-person" instead of over the phone or internet.

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