Edwynn -> RE: Brtitish History as Ametica understands it ? (3/31/2011 11:17:55 PM)
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two Celts talking, looking at just completed Stonehenge ... "helluva cemetery monument, innit?"; "truly!"; "we got the extra package, where you can tell when the equinoxes are gonna happen"; "smart move that was"; "yup, and good thing those aliens came just in time and moved those big ones into place, my back was hurting just thinking about having to haul those things"; "indeed, but one of them asked me a weird question before they left, he said 'you know anything about British history?' "; "who?" "that's what I said" . --- "Anglos and Saxons and Vikes! Oh my!" --- "Entshuldigung, wissen Sie sich die Geschichte der Kornwallen?"; "The history of ? ... I think you mean the ... "; "nein! nein! Bitte, lasen Sie mir die Spekulation anstellen."; "OK, next guess then."; "hmm ... die Gesichte der Schotten?"; "Sorta, I mean not really, but ... "; "Siehe! Ich weiß schon! 'Die Geschichte der Briten!' Ja?"; "Bingo! ... um, does this mean we all have to talk like you guys now?"; "Ja, von jetzt vielleicht rund 500 Jahre an."; "Well, OK then. oops! I mean 'Na, das stimmt!' " Then there was a good spell where they had a heck of a time finding out just who was king until some guy named Edward finally Confessed to it. Once upon a sunny day Billy the Bastard came over from Normandy and, speaking the most awful French, said "Sorry Harold, auntie Emma invited me!" Thence the mongrelization of soldier German and soldier French that after a few centuries conduced to Chaucer-speak, later to be taken up by William the Shakespearier and set upon a course of usable discourse and exemplary literature. And around that same Playwrite-ian Period was Elizabeth I (Engl.) talking to James VI (Sctl.) and thusly said to him "Dear cousin, I was thinking of passing the torch your way, but I wanted to make sure first that you don't hold a grudge, just because I chopped your mum's head off or anything."; "Ha! think nuffin' of it cousin, I know you didn't quite mean to, and she just bent down to pick up her dropped brooch at the wrong time, you know?"; "ha ha! Well I was hoping you'd understand, I mean, my daddy chopped me mum's head off too, you know, and I was just ... "; "Ha, no worries, I mean, I think that's just part of the deal now, right?"; "Sure enough! Maybe we should just amend that to the laws of succession and say that ... "; "what laws? ha ha!"; "hush! I'm making funny here, ... 'must be properly next in line, and have had mummy's head chopped off to be eligible for the throne', whadya think?"; "ha ha ha!"; "ha ha ha!"; "ha ha ha ha ... " ; "OK, then what ya gonna do about 'keeping the faith' for the people, Jimmy?"; "Oh, don't you worry cousin Liz, I'm gonna write the Bible on Bible-writing! It's gonna have my name all over it, bet on that one."; "I knew I could count on you, cousin." Then William and Mary went on a cruise from Holland and decided to stop by for a visit to Mary's papa, whereupon she gave him a bunch of oranges and said "I hear it's nice in France this time of year, daddy, have a nice retirement!"; "But ... "; " Oh c'mon daddy you know how us Stuarts are! Happy sailing!" The English invite Georg Ludwig to be George I and sit in the big chair, and first thing he says is "Entschuldigung, können Sie mir helfen? Wissen Sie sich die Geschichte des Britanniens?" England: "Oh sh#t! not this again ... " George III: "What's all this, 'no reprehensions without taxation,' or, no wait, 'no plantations without ... ' ok, whatever it is, who do you think you are? Yer just another Ireland but with funny looking people on it. Pay up!" Lots of deal making and breaking with their friends yesterday/enemies today and enemies yesterday/friends today all over Europe, skillfully playing that "balance of power/imbalance of mind" game so skilfully all the while, but a good highlight being when Wellington Waterloo'ed the French Empire and picked the army of Napoleon's bones apart. Aside from Victoria getting her knickers in a knot over public acknowledgment of knickers, business as usual until some German generals forgot to take those helmets off and wore them literally for a few decades and weren't aware of the brain vasoconstriction it caused thereby and decided to wage a 19th century war in the no-longer-19th century. As payback some French Clemenceau-and-ceau made the Germans pay five gazillion francs per annum for the next five gazillion years and the resultant 'Why Mir?" Republik had a tough go of it, and desperate people elected somebody who wrote a book that set an all time record for repetitiveness of drivel and wore a customized mustache, whence round two. Then The Beatles sang "I wanna Sturm und Draaaannng!"; ha ha, just kidding, it was called "I Want to Hold Your Hand" actually (that George I thing stuck in my head there), whereupon a new generation of Americans discovered that British people talked different, and made funny jokes real fast. But the only thing I actually know much about is the Blackburn plant of the Mullard Ltd. (though actually Phillips owned) company that made what some think are the smooovest sounding EL34 valves ever made. And a little about Leak amplifiers, and the famous Quad electrostatic speakers. And other than that, just that they pour milk into their tea, but only at a certain time of the day.
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