dom goes mising! (Full Version)

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emmab -> dom goes mising! (5/7/2006 11:04:27 PM)

I thought I had found just the right man.  Intelligent, good looking, funny, very dominant in every way.  Everything seemed wonderful.  Then 3 weeks ago, just one email to say he had been busy but would make it up to me.  Since then, nothing, zilch, not a sausage.  No emails, no phone calls, no texts.  No replies to any of mine.  My question is, why to people to this to each other.  Why just stop with no explanation.  Do men fear that we will stalk them with a knife in our coats and turn into bunny boilers.  I would prefer the truth to no explanation at all.  Its so hurtful.  Is this a fairly normal occurance?



Veryfewcan -> RE: dom goes mising! (5/7/2006 11:12:22 PM)

Unfortunately it is. But it is important to learn from this.



feastie -> RE: dom goes mising! (5/8/2006 3:57:08 AM)

I've found that sudden disappearance means that he has a wife or fulltime girlfriend. 



MstrssPassion -> RE: dom goes mising! (5/8/2006 4:26:50 AM)

It could be the wife or girlfriend thing... especially if you have not had face to face time with one another.

I had a submissive that I had been seeing for several months. I spent a great deal of time in his home... there was absolutely no trace of a wife or girlfriend. He was the one that brought up the topic of moving our relationship to a full time one & even made it a point to familiarize me with his area when we went out for drives... he teased that this would make it easier on me when I decided to move there full time.

We had one of our wonderful weeks... I left to go home, he told me to be sure & call him to let him know I made it home safely... then poof.

I never heard from him again.

The thing you have to do is not cling, don't keep making futile attempts to establish contact. I know closure is important but you most likely aren't going to get it from him. You'll just have to close the door & not go back & jiggle the knob.

Just thought I would post to show you that it is not just a dominant thing to go poof, the subs do it too. Maybe some of the kind gentlemen of the boards have a story or two about the disappearing dom or sub women of their lives. I'm sure this is not just a gender thing.



Arpig -> RE: dom goes mising! (5/8/2006 5:05:52 AM)

It happens, but it may not be a wife/girlfriend issue. I had a "new neighbour" borrow $10 from me, he never brought it back when he was supposed to. a month or two later he did show up...he had been arrested and spent that time in the local jail. So, he may not be dumping you...he may be unable to reply.



RavenMuse -> RE: dom goes mising! (5/8/2006 5:14:22 AM)

It could be any number of reasons and yes it is difficult not to take it too personaly. It could be the wife/girlfriend thing, it could be cold feet and lack of a backbone, it could be alien abduction for all you know *g*

But whatever it is, it means you need to pick yourself up and try again. Don't let it become a barrier to finding what you want, keep looking and eventualy you will find what you seek.



DelRey -> RE: dom goes mising! (5/8/2006 5:48:29 AM)

News Flash:

Men are not the only ones to do this.



heartfeltsub -> RE: dom goes mising! (5/8/2006 7:49:55 AM)

Very true men aren't the only one who do this, but it hurts no matter who is doing it. To add to this rant a bit, if someone knows they are going through a very busy time in their lives, it might be wiser to put off trying to make any new connections until they have more time, as it is hurtful to the other person who may have already started making emotional ties.



temptressofsouls -> RE: dom goes mising! (5/8/2006 7:56:43 AM)

I dont think anyone was trying to say it was only men, or only Dom/mes, or only subs...

Its pretty easy to see that it can/does happen on all ends of the spectrum. I've had it happen to me three times in real life, (yeah yeah yeah, I know, fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me, fool me three times and I'm just a royal idiot) and it hurts like a bitch.. Each time it was a fairly different situation, so while I try to learn from my mistakes, it wasnt always possible until afterwards. It was hard for me to trust for quite awhile after that, that this person I was beginning to care about just wouldnt disappear into thin air. Also, if they come back, DONT take them back. Chances are they'll just fly the coop again later. It may be days, or even months, or it may not happen at all, but I wouldnt take the chance.



emmab -> RE: dom goes mising! (5/8/2006 10:10:32 AM)

thankyou very much for your replies.  I wasnt saying its just doms, I know it could be anyone, but when you are a submissive, it seems harder to pick yourself up cause he seemed so genuine every time we met.  But its a lesson learnt.  Just wish people would be honest in the long run.  Its far better but I obvioulsy didnt pick the wonderful person I thought I did.  Although he must exist somewhere?



RavenMuse -> RE: dom goes mising! (5/8/2006 10:25:08 AM)

I'm sure he does sweetie, just as much as I know what I am looking for is out there too. Just takes a while and a few false starts before you find them.

Good luck



LadyHugs -> RE: dom goes mising! (5/8/2006 10:39:11 AM)

Dear emmab, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
Unfortunately, you cannot control others and or what they do, and the only thing is to just maintain control on your own life.
 
It really can be a menu of reasons why there is no reply; from a fizzled PC; a sudden medical emergency, death and rush to respond to relatives, a dominant female lasso wrapped around him and dragged him in for impersonating a male dominant.  Anything can be given as an excuse or explaination.  Individuals are--well--human.
 
This is why, I prefer local men to meet; as there is a better chance of meeting them than over E-mail exchanges. 
 
Why the feelings, is because of "hopes."  The ache for relief from the days, months, years of lonesome hearts.  The clock ticking and the agony of waiting.  It is this way for men, women, dominants and submissive sorts.
 
Now--I'm sure if he was a naughty one; it is best he is out of the picture before things go bad for you.
 
Respectfully submitted,
Lady Hugs
 
 



artglfr -> RE: dom goes mising! (5/8/2006 12:18:49 PM)

Every time I have had to turn a girl loose I am sad but i feel it is her own fault because i am very explicit about my expectations and they really are not that difficult to follow . When she doesn't follow them I email her and ask why...if she has an answer that appears even reasonably possible I give her a chance to prove herself again, usually this is all she gets except an email from me saying "you are no longer mine, you cannot/ willnot follow directions find someone who tolerates this because I won't."  She is gone, I always say why and give her notice. I feel even though she has broken her contract I still have a contract of being responsible and letting her know what, why and when.

Sorry this happened to you but don't give up.
Have a great and Kinky day,
Art



MistressWolfen -> RE: dom goes mising! (5/8/2006 12:32:49 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

It happens, but it may not be a wife/girlfriend issue. I had a "new neighbour" borrow $10 from me, he never brought it back when he was supposed to. a month or two later he did show up...he had been arrested and spent that time in the local jail. So, he may not be dumping you...he may be unable to reply.


Exactly Arpig....I had a similiar thing happen as the OP, dedicated submissive moving to real time etc., we were chatting on the phone and he excused himself to settle his niece and nephew with snacks and a film.  He didn't call back, nor contact me in any other fashion, basically "poof" of course I was hurt..pissed off...not amused (pick any or all). He contacted me some weeks later, he had suffered a very serious stroke and had not been found until the childrens mother came and realised that although the kids had thought uncle was sleeping there was something seriously the matter. Point of the sharing is; sometimes we can fall into a pattern of pointing fingers whilst saying faker, cheat, player etc., but life events can and do happen to people. The story has a happy ending in that he is well on the road to a recovery that will allow him to lead a productive and happy life. So although people do vanish in hurtful ways emmab, sometimes it is truly out of their control whether or not they can say good bye.
*edited to annihilate the nasty spelling Gremlins



LaTigresse -> RE: dom goes mising! (5/8/2006 12:33:45 PM)

It is not only men and not only Doms. Yesterday was a deadline I set for a young woman that I have known as a friend online for over two years. She began to express an interest in me otherwise about a year ago. At first I did not take her seriously. Finally when I did and started pushing for R/T interaction, you guessed it, always some excuse. Finally a few weeks ago I sent a very calm and well thought out letter stating that if she wanted a chance to be in my life the way she has always proclaimed, she was going to have to follow thru and I set a deadline for her. That dead line was yesterday. I have heard nothing since just before my email to her and nothing after. Perhaps I will never know why. The pain of the loss is nothing to make light of. As friends we had shared alot of personal life stuff. Any multitude of things are possible. Because I know this, I refuse to be angry. However, it is unrealistic for her to expect me to put parts of my life on hold waiting for her to gain the courage, have the perfect moment, or whatever her reason is. I cared for the person I came to know, I always will. Caring for her does not mean I have to be a moron. If she reappears and wants to follow thru I will listen to her explanations with an open mind but will demand an immediate follow thru with my conditions. That is IF I have not met someone else, I would never toss aside anyone just to give her a chance to prove herself.  I have so much to give the right woman, it is my responsiblity to myself to remain open to that right woman when and if she comes into my life. OR, as my grandpa used to tell me........"little girlie, a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush" .........a silly saying to be sure but some of those silly old sayings have alot of truth in them.



dogobedience -> RE: dom goes mising! (5/8/2006 12:45:17 PM)

PLEASE THIS GET THIS STRAIGHT NO DOM IS A DOM ONLINE, ONLY A CYBER DOM!!! Unless you see him often(even 1 time per month if ok), you and he are simply in fantasyland.
A cyberdom can find new girls weekly, much like you, some real, others just wanting a diversion from their boring lives.Few lead up to more than perhaps EASY KINKY SEX. Most stay online, and in a fantasy world.Which id fantastic IF you want that!
No real dom will invest time in a cyber slave, yes it can begin that way.......but it must lead to face to face time.
Look at it this way, easy come easy go When no real investment of time has been given by either part, it is sooooooooo easy to say good bye. Add to the fact that girls want to believe the PERFECT DOM, which fuels his ability to constantly seek out other girls to fool..........you stand no chance......next ask  time ask questions then ask more,   REAL DOMS WILL UNDERSTAND...............then OWN YOU......when will you girls stop the constant madness of beliving in a LIE!!!!!!!!!!



composer83 -> RE: dom goes mising! (5/8/2006 12:49:04 PM)

keep in mind the difference of online & so called real time....the online world is so easy to fall into....its all fantasy....even tho we are dealing with real peoplr with real lives & real emotions..it is incredibly easy to become selfish, dismiss it as make believe & click the 'block' icon so that you never have to have contact with that person again.  It is a chicken-shit way out.  But truth be told, it is much easier than say....having to deal with an X on a daily or semi-daily basis in the real world.  My guess would be your perfect Dom lacked backbone....which means you probably didnt want him anyway....if i were you i'd celebrate...

~m



LaTigresse -> RE: dom goes mising! (5/8/2006 1:20:23 PM)

why did a terrible song from waaaaaaaaaaaaay back when come to mind............Ceellllllllleeebraaaaation...................



MistressWolfen -> RE: dom goes mising! (5/8/2006 1:22:35 PM)

OMG now that horrid song is stuck in my head LaTigresse LOL



LaTigresse -> RE: dom goes mising! (5/8/2006 1:39:48 PM)

mine too dammit



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