I don't get male submissives/slaves... (Full Version)

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lild456 -> I don't get male submissives/slaves... (5/8/2006 1:32:59 AM)

and I am one.  I can't connect to them.  And this is rather frustrating, as I would love to meet other male submissives or slaves who "get it", who view submission and service as more than something hot in the bedroom.  Who see an inherent value in service for its own sake, in exploring the depths of themselves by kneeling before another.

This isn't a bitch post, believe me.  I am far from believing that I am the only one who gets what I do out of their relationship.  But damned if I can find anyone to bounce ideas off of, to share common experiences with.

So those of you who are out there, make yourselves known.  Those of you who have profiles that barely mention your fetishes.  Those of you who can go for months without play and still feel like you are serving.  Where do you meet others like yourself?  Is there some secret club I'm not aware of?  Do you have a support network, or do you feel as detached from the common male "submissive" as I do?

Inquiring minds would like to know.

darren aka lil_d

P.S. This isn't a bash against fetishists.  I'm just not one of them, and would like to meet others of like mind.



chainedupnick -> RE: I don't get male submissives/slaves... (5/8/2006 4:45:48 AM)

I know my profile has a long list of fetishes in it, but i agree with your idea that Serving doesn't necessarily have anything to do with sex. I'm new and still working on getting into a relationship, but something based entirely on sex or scening (nixing the deeper connection, and Service qualities) would seem kinda empty to me. Sometimes that connection can replace the need for kinky "playtime."

Anywho; darren, i can kinda see where you're coming from. I'll be keeping an eye on this thread as i can probably learn a lot from it [:)]



subrob1967 -> RE: I don't get male submissives/slaves... (5/8/2006 5:31:29 AM)

I've been in a relationship for two years now, and we play maybe once every three months or so.
Thats all our schedule allows, and I'm content with the relationship. I don't see a problem with a person listing their fetishes, it helps with compatibility issues, but I prefer just to list hard limits, and leave everything else open to discussion.



michaelGA2 -> RE: I don't get male submissives/slaves... (5/8/2006 5:37:38 AM)

i have been a submissive most of my life and thus far, if sex is not in the mix, most Dominants tend to stray away from submissives...even when the Dominants claim not to place sex high on their list. perhaps that is why alot of males that view sex as not important cannot seem to attract Mistresses (or Masters for those bi/gay subs out there)

just my opinion.



MasterFireMaam -> RE: I don't get male submissives/slaves... (5/8/2006 9:08:24 AM)

It's not just male submissives who feel sex is important. Many, many people do...that's what this is for them. And, that's wonderful. There are some of us, however, who find other joys in this, sometimes instead of sex, sometimes in addition to sex. I'm bi. I have a female slave. she's het...no sex. I have a male slave. he's het...there's sex. But, for each relationship, there's so much more there, so if there is sex it's like icing. For an Ms relationship, I look for service and spirituality first, SM and sex second. However, if I have my ideal, I have all four aspects, so I try to look for all four. Sometimes, I'm called to Master where there isn't all four. It really depends on the personal connection, from whatever aspect that might come.

Clear as mud? LOL

Fire



lild456 -> RE: I don't get male submissives/slaves... (5/8/2006 12:53:21 PM)

Thank you for the responses thus far.  And don't get me wrong, sex and sexuality compatability are a HUGE thing for me, and an absolute necessity.  I happen to serve a woman who not only commands me, but is incredibly beautiful and sexy and arouses desires in me that would get this site shut down for offensive content if I put them into words.

But where my difficulty is coming, and maybe I phrased this wrong initially, is that to me the service is also a means and an end in of itself.  Yes, there can be service during sex, but service is not only done in an effort to obtain sex or as part of a fulfillment of some kinky desire.  I serve because it allows me to touch my most authentic self, it allows me to be who I am most comfortable being.

More power to the fetishists, the bedroom submissives and everyone else who is different.  Really, truly I mean that, it takes a whole whack of people to keep the planet turning.

But I'm just wondering where to find the like-minded.

lil_d



Nuke718 -> RE: I don't get male submissives/slaves... (5/8/2006 1:49:23 PM)

darren, good luck.  Dominant women I know all seem to look for service subs.  The real ones seem few and far between.  I however am not one of them.  I understand the frustration tho of looking for something you are sure must exist, yet never finding it.

N



MichMasochist -> RE: I don't get male submissives/slaves... (5/8/2006 3:12:30 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: lild456

and I am one.  I can't connect to them.  And this is rather frustrating, as I would love to meet other male submissives or slaves who "get it", who view submission and service as more than something hot in the bedroom.  Who see an inherent value in service for its own sake, in exploring the depths of themselves by kneeling before another.



Don't feel bad, I simply cannot connect to individuals such as yourself. The asexual sub or slave is totally incomprehensible. Suggesting, to me, their need for physical and emotional abuse may be stemming from a more serious underlying psicosis or even a neurosis.



MichMasochist -> RE: I don't get male submissives/slaves... (5/8/2006 3:14:43 PM)

Of course this applies equally to the domme and master who expresses such interest in a non sexual context.



SweetDommes -> RE: I don't get male submissives/slaves... (5/8/2006 3:18:42 PM)

MichMasochist - I don't think he's saying that he's asexual ... just that he gets FAR more out of a relationship than just kinky sex ... that he's looking for more of a relationship than just kinky sex (non-sexual service along with the sexual service). 

The problem is, that most guys out there who claim to be submissive (that we've run across, at least) are really just sexual bottoms - they are submissive in the bedroom and that's it (the "fetishists").  No problem with that, but for those of us who aren't interested in that, it's difficult to make any kind of connection.



CrappyDom -> RE: I don't get male submissives/slaves... (5/8/2006 6:26:20 PM)

Lild,

First off, an unasked for lesson in communication:

quote:

   would love to meet other male submissives or slaves who "get it"


Did you mean to imply that those who see it otherwise don't "get it"?

quote:

    who view submission and service as more than something hot in the bedroom. 


Right or wrong, saying people only enjoy this in the bedroom is almost always heard as a putdown, how would you like someone to say something similar to you?

quote:

   Who see an inherent value in service for its own sake, in exploring the depths of themselves by kneeling before another.


Now this was an eloquent way of stating your case, it implied no insult to what others do, it didn't put what you do on some higher pedestal, and yet clearly stated what you find of value.

As for fetishists, don't you fetishize service?  Oops you are one of them too, perhaps you don't connect with others because of your communication skills.



chainedupnick -> RE: I don't get male submissives/slaves... (5/8/2006 11:09:41 PM)

CrappyDom, i think what lil_d is trying to say is he's looking for other sub guys who like submission in its own right, and service, beyond or not necessarily including sex. he posted a second time and clarified what he meant.

lil_d, if you want to find people who are in it to Serve, maybe you could try looking on the profiles and dropping friendly hellos to people. Personally, i think talking to someone is a better way to get to know him than by what he says on his profile.
Also, it looks like you're overgeneralizing a bit.. be careful with that cause that's usually when people start flaming. just my honest opinion.

ttyl,
slave nicholas



MistressJaguar -> RE: I don't get male submissives/slaves... (5/9/2006 1:23:48 AM)

I believe that before You are in a relationship with Your sub or slave, that you both know what you want in a relationship. Communication, communication, communication.  That is one of the things that some people lack in their relationship.  I also believe that there is much more to the D's lifestyle than just sex. It should be an emotional and trusting bond between two people.
 
Mistress Jaguar



NikkiAnn -> RE: I don't get male submissives/slaves... (5/12/2006 1:32:21 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

There are some of us, however, who find other joys in this, sometimes instead of sex, sometimes in addition to sex. I'm bi. I have a female slave. she's het...no sex. I have a male slave. he's het...there's sex. But, for each relationship, there's so much more there, so if there is sex it's like icing. For an Ms relationship, I look for service and spirituality first, SM and sex second. However, if I have my ideal, I have all four aspects, so I try to look for all four. Sometimes, I'm called to Master where there isn't all four. It really depends on the personal connection, from whatever aspect that might come.

Clear as mud? LOL

Fire



I sincerely believe I could offer you all four and maybe some of my other skills may be of use to you as well. There are not many chores that I am unable to do around a home or garage and what I can't do I can learn.

Humbly Yours,
Nikki Ann



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