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Mistress-submissive dance - 4/2/2011 3:48:20 PM

kitcatsub

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Joined: 3/16/2004
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When starting with a new submissive what are some of the ways you start to exert your control on the submissive?

Just from my experience I find it like a dance as I try to show submission and the domme exerts her dominance. Each domme has had different styles. Some are more direct other more seductive/non-verbal.

For me the dance is done best on meeting and begins immediately although it is very subtle. Based on this dynamic I usually trust my instincts on whether they is chemistry or not.

I’ll be curious to hear other points of view.

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RE: Mistress-submissive dance - 4/2/2011 3:51:04 PM

JohnWarren

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Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
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I've long wanted to have a submissive dance like Jamie Lee Curtis in True Lies. Sadly, "that" particular talent has not been forthcoming.

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RE: Mistress-submissive dance - 4/2/2011 4:00:38 PM

ReginaMirus

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Nope. I determine if there's chemistry first in a VANILLA sense. If we can't establish some sort of foundational relationship from the get go and it becomes all about YOUR kink, then there's really no point in proceeding.

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RE: Mistress-submissive dance - 4/2/2011 4:03:33 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
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*sends warmest regards to John and Libby*

to the OP:

personally, I think ANY relationship is like a dance in the way you describe, regardless of orientation/nilla/whatever.

Trusting your instincts is usually a GOOD thing, except when it isnt. Some folks get so wrapped up in the fantasy that they can read into things something that isnt actually there on both sides and end up incorrectly translating their gut feelings.

(I hope that made sense.. it did in my head.. )

yes, I am a cynic.

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RE: Mistress-submissive dance - 4/2/2011 4:52:28 PM

leadership527

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For me it is not a dance exactly. I just interact with folks. If they interpret whatever it is that I do as "dominant" then fine. If I interpret whatever they do as "submissive" all the better. The kind of submission I'm looking for you cannot "show". It is either there or it is not. I look for the way below the radar stuff that NOBODY would even think of as dominance and submission. There I can see the truth because it IS under the radar. People cannot "try" to do anything when they don't even consciously know they are doing it.

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I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
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RE: Mistress-submissive dance - 4/2/2011 7:49:45 PM

stellauk

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The only sort of dance I would associate with this is the general song and dance some people like to kick up when they're frustrated through not getting any jiggy jiggy.

BDSM like any sort of relationship can only exist when you give someone the opportunity to be creative towards you for their own personal fulfillment or satisfaction.

This requires a certain amount of basic knowledge and understanding about the other person.

It never ceases to amaze me just how many people think they can skip this important and vital step and just steam in there going straight for the jollies.

Honestly, it's like trying to watch a moth fly into a room through a window and keep whacking its head on the glass time after time after time.

Rather than stop and think and try and find the route into the room which isn't obstructed by glass the moth keeps trying - tap tap tap - believing if it keeps trying long enough the glass will disappear.

Or it ends up getting pissed off by the fact that windows contain panes of glass.

This is why I'm almost certain that if there was a species of moth which thought the same way as some people think in the BDSM community it would be known as the headbanger moth.

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RE: Mistress-submissive dance - 4/2/2011 7:50:01 PM

fitfreak36

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Joined: 2/27/2011
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I love "the Dance"! It is pretty much "The Chase", which is the most exciting part of any relationships. Keep Dancing :-))

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RE: Mistress-submissive dance - 4/3/2011 1:05:47 AM

Wickad

Posts: 428
Joined: 3/12/2005
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(fast reply)

I don't dance!

By that I mean that I don't like the coy BS associated with dating and such. When I was single I had folks I had sex with (never intimate and always physical) and then I had the people I hung out with and called my friends. Never did the two groups meet. Never was there overlap or confusion of roles. Now that I'm not single, but looking for a play/D/s partner, I really don't know how to play the game or dance the dance. I tend to see it all as a lot of manipulation.

That being said, I want a potential play mate to be attractive to me and it would be good if he found me attractive. This can be established in a vanilla setting and then discussed to see if we both are looking for the same things and what our interests are both vanilla and BDSM. I enjoy really liking and being attracted to those I play with and I usually just tell them how I feel so we can move on to other parts of the discussion.

At first meeting I am intentionally not dominant. I've been told that I'm a fake and not Dominant and even that "I guess we're not going to play because we are friends". I take it all in stride. I mean, it stings but better to learn early on rather than later is my thought. After all, if I don't like the person in a vanilla context, how am I going to play with him, being that I'm the same person be it in a vanilla or a dungeon setting.

Wickad

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