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why will noone message or talk - 4/3/2011 10:18:06 AM

slave2632

Posts: 2
Joined: 4/1/2011
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am i doing something wrong i send out messages and never get a reply. I am always polite talkn appropriate i just dont understand must be me thanks for the help

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RE: why will noone message or talk - 4/3/2011 10:23:00 AM

Kana

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Joined: 10/24/2006
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Punctuation and spelling are your friends.
'
If I got a note written like the OP,coupled with that profile, I would think Nigerian scamster and never reply

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RE: why will noone message or talk - 4/3/2011 10:25:55 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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Who are you?

I'm dead serious. Here's your profile:

"i love being a good sub for a woman. i am seeking r/t of course. I have 10 years experience and have not had any luck on this site just seems like a bunch of people ignoring each other, yet I am trying again. I appreciate any females consideration thank you"

First sentence is superfluous. Second sentence is not bad but I'd drop the "of course". Third sentence is whining. Fourth sentence doesn't really say anything.

So basically, all it says is that you're a straight submissive man. A Domme could get that anywhere. What makes you you?

What kind of job do you hold? What are your hobbies? Do you have kids? Do you want more? Do you have college?

What kind of woman do you want? Age range? Is it okay if she has kids? What interests would you like her to have, that she could teach you or you could share?

And as Kana suggested, not worrying about spelling and punctuation doesn't give off a good impression.

Edited to add: and of course LadyPact is right. I had focused on your profile, but she's right that Dommes get flooded with messages that are shotgunned out to all women. If you're going to contact a woman, make sure that the letter focuses on her unique profile or posts.

Let me give you some suggestions, based on her profile. If I were writing her out of the blue, I'd say something like:

I'm interested in joining local groups. I live close to Bakersfield. My situation is as follows: XXX. Could you recommend which local group(s) might be best for me?

You state that you are married and have an additional sub. I've never understood how that could work. How do you manage to find time for both?

On 3/13, you gave a talk on fire play, and mentioned that it could be done with inexpensive items. I'm sorry I missed the talk - could you let me know what items could suffice? Was the talk recorded?

< Message edited by DarkSteven -- 4/3/2011 10:40:00 AM >

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RE: why will noone message or talk - 4/3/2011 10:29:57 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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OP, do you realize that there are thousands of males out there just like you sending emails? Some random guy sending Me an email just doesn't hit My meter. If you come across just like everybody else, there's really no reason to respond to you out of the sea of others just like you.

Take a look at the FAQ thread at the top of this forum and do some reading of the advice given to contacting Dominant women. You may see what the problem is with the mails that you are sending. There might be some pointers in there to help you. You might want to have a look at the suggestions for doing something with your profile as well. That one paragraph (which is somewhat negative) isn't helping your odds.

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The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: why will noone message or talk - 4/3/2011 10:32:44 AM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
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Please read the FAQ at the top of the section. The dominant women of this forum have gone to a lot of trouble to provide you with helpful resources. Please have the courtesy to make use of them.

From the FAQ:

Q: Why won’t dommes answer my CMail?

A: There are many reasons a dominant woman doesn’t respond to email. Perhaps you are too young, too old, too far away, married, or you don’t share the same interests. Sometimes, it just boils down to lack of chemistry. If she reads your message, inspects your profile, looks at your picture, and doesn’t feel a spark of interest, she probably won’t reply. Most women will not respond to a message of only one or two lines or one that demonstrates you haven’t read her profile. Another possibility is that your profile is too short or comes across as too focused on yourself and your kinks. Below are links to on-going threads dedicated to getting help with your profile and improving your introductory email.

Profile Help: How to Attract a Dominant Woman
CMail Help: How to Contact a Dominant Woman

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RE: why will noone message or talk - 4/3/2011 10:49:15 AM

MsLadySue

Posts: 2254
Joined: 12/18/2004
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You joined the site 2 days ago. Miracles don't happen over night.
Try putting some information about you in your profile. No, not your fetish wish list, etc.
What are your interests, hobbies? What have been your experiences in the last 10 years?

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RE: why will noone message or talk - 4/3/2011 11:02:08 AM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
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Beyond the totally inappropriate, the most common problem I see in my email is that men have nothing to say. They contacted me; they should have something to say. Opening conversations may be difficult for many, but if one takes the time and has more personality and smarts than a cardboard box, they can figure out something to say. If they cannot, this makes a statement to me. They can't figure out that if they read the profile, most women have something that they could play off of? (Boy will I get bored fast even if I gave them a chance.)

Empty words or promises are what most send out. I think you are beautiful... I would love to be your slave and serve a woman like you (they haven't even read my profile)... here are some flowers for a beautiful domme... I would serve you for life... I like this and that or what would you do to me... on and on and on.

If you can't think of anything to say and you really want to make contact, then learn a bit about her and show some personality and creativity OR waste your time being ineffective.

Clueless isn't attractive. That doesn't mean that not knowing something is problematic or you are stupid. It may mean you simply don't know. However, many of us are mothers. We know how smart those little ones are and we know damn well, one shouldn't get dumbed down as they age. Think...

< Message edited by Lockit -- 4/3/2011 11:06:43 AM >

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RE: why will noone message or talk - 4/3/2011 11:57:13 AM

lizi

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This may seem facile to you, but I would completely ignore a message from someone who demonstrated such poor writing skills. In this thread and on your profile, you seem to have no grasp of spelling, grammar, or punctuation. Even if you say you are being appropriate in what you write, I wouldn't be able to get past the lack of attention you've given to presenting yourself. It's like going out on a first date without brushing your teeth and hair. It might be ok and there might be spinach there or severe bed head; a woman will think she means nothing if you can't be bothered to put in the extra minute or two to make yourself as attractive as possible on a basic level.

Also, if you are saying things in your messages similar to the things you wrote in your profile about how you never have any luck here, and it's a bunch of people ignoring each other, I would not respond to a message like that. I don't have any use for whining.

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RE: why will noone message or talk - 4/3/2011 12:22:54 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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All right, maybe I'm in a grouchy mood...

OP, you came here and asked what you were doing wrong. Two male Doms, one female sub, and four female Dommes made suggestions about your profile and your approach. And you said... nothing. You didn't change your profile, you didn't respond to thank us, you didn't say you'd change anything. Nothing.

Picture a party. There are half a dozen people chatting. Suddenly a man walks up and says, "I'm having a hard time meeting women here." The half dozen people take time to make suggestions.

And he just stares. He says nothing. Then he leaves without saying a word.

OP, what was your aim in coming here and asking questions if you had no intention of listening?

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: why will noone message or talk - 4/3/2011 12:32:56 PM

thishereboi

Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
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There are 2 monthly parties in your area as well as munches. Get off the computer and go out and meet someone.

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RE: why will noone message or talk - 4/3/2011 1:24:39 PM

BitchyMistress

Posts: 1
Joined: 2/22/2009
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I completely agree with lizi!!! .... I receive several emails a day from potential subs that are riddled with misspelled words, partial sentences, or only "one-liners" that have little to no grammar skills.... For Example: If I specifically state in my profile that I'm searching for someone in Wisconsin, or someone over the age of 30... or to leave a detailed message, BUT instead I get someone from New York, or Germany, or a "one-liner" like "Oh Mistress I'd love to serve you" or "How do I apply to be in your school" after I've already mentioned how to apply in my profile.... It just confirms the fact that this person has NOT paid enough attention to what I just said, or was too lazy to read my profile... and if you don't care about what I have to say in writing, HOW will you ever begin to care about what I have to say face to face??..... Do you see what I mean?..... FYI: A little effort goes a long way!!

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RE: why will noone message or talk - 4/3/2011 1:42:13 PM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
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I agree with what everyone else has said. But I'll add a few additional thoughts.

Like yourself, I'm a male sub. It's hard out here for us. Too many male subs, and seemingly too few Dommes. With that being the case, you may have to work a little harder.

Firstly, you need to think of your profile as an advertisement for yourself. Remember that you never get a second chance to make a first impression. So go back to your profile and see if it is sending the message that you want it to send. Frankly, after reading your profile, I think it needs to be completely redone.

Once you improve your profile, put some thought into what you want to say to the ladies when you approach them. Don't just sent a note saying "Hi", or "You are hot!" or "Can I serve you?" Messages like that aren't likely to get a reply. Instead, let your personality shine. Tell her WHY you chose her. Let her know what you liked about her profile. Tell her what personal traits you possess that make you feel that you would be a good potential sub/slave for her. Include some humor in your message. That usually helps. But most importantly, remember that she doesn't know you. So you have to give her a reason to want to begin a dialogue with you.

Try to remember that Dommes aren't sex providers, they're women. Show them respect, and they'll do the same to you.

Hope that helps.

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RE: why will noone message or talk - 4/4/2011 1:08:11 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
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Sunny
Quote of the Day
goes to
Lockit

for
Clueless isn't attractive.

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RE: why will noone message or talk - 4/4/2011 1:25:43 AM

SexyBossyBBW

Posts: 1693
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Read This http://www.collarchat.com/m_3623896/tm.htm.
I promise it will be helpful. M

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RE: why will noone message or talk - 4/4/2011 6:41:06 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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Somebody should save this thread. What Steven did in the above is exactly the kind of thing a lot of women would respond to in an email. It's an excellent example.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: why will noone message or talk - 4/4/2011 7:27:43 AM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
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FR

I don't think many people really grasp just how much of a handicap bad writing can be. It can make the writer look both dim and lacking in personality.

You know, I'm wondering if people who can't write well should send an audio instead? Could that be made to work, I wonder . . . . Maybe an audio on one's own profile especially aimed at the target femdom, with a link to it in one's first cmail to her?

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RE: why will noone message or talk - 4/4/2011 7:29:18 AM

subtlebutterfly

Posts: 2230
Joined: 6/15/2008
From: Not your hood
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Because you're boring.

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RE: why will noone message or talk - 4/4/2011 7:45:42 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

FR

I don't think many people really grasp just how much of a handicap bad writing can be. It can make the writer look both dim and lacking in personality.

You know, I'm wondering if people who can't write well should send an audio instead? Could that be made to work, I wonder . . . . Maybe an audio on one's own profile especially aimed at the target femdom, with a link to it in one's first cmail to her?

I can hear the recording now "Ahhhhhhh yeahhhhhhh, ahhhhhhhhhh hello mistress. I ahhhhhhhhh wood love to kiss urrrr feet.........ahhhhhhhh.....ahhh ahhhh,,, (sound of heavy breathing.......ahhhhhhhh.......urrrrrrr sooooooo hot in urrrrrrr pikturrrrrreeeee......ahhhhhhhh........(more heavy breathing..) AHHHHHHH!!!!!! .........message me.......bye."

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: why will noone message or talk - 4/4/2011 1:30:56 PM

SomethingCatchy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

FR

I don't think many people really grasp just how much of a handicap bad writing can be. It can make the writer look both dim and lacking in personality.

You know, I'm wondering if people who can't write well should send an audio instead? Could that be made to work, I wonder . . . . Maybe an audio on one's own profile especially aimed at the target femdom, with a link to it in one's first cmail to her?

While it's a nice suggestion, I personally wouldn't listen to an audio file sent to me on this website. I've been burned by too many obscene phone calls to ever trust a guy on this website to be able to keep his verbal penis in his verbal pants.

Yep, writing a letter works much better.

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RE: why will noone message or talk - 4/4/2011 4:07:03 PM

SnowRanger

Posts: 503
Joined: 5/25/2008
From: Sinsinnati
Status: offline

Cease Fire! Cease Fire! The learning curve around here is steep enough with out venom on the FIRST PAGE!

Hello 2632,

First, you ARE getting a lot of good advice here but I am sure that you are overwhelmed by all of it. Step back, take a deep breath. You're in this for the long haul! Stop sending out messages for a while and focus on your profile. You need to write it and RE-write it until you're sick of it. Take a day off and do it again. If you are anything like me, it will take a while. It requires work but it's worth it. DID I MENTION ANYTHING ABOUT A LONG HAUL?

If you write a good profile women WILL contact you (not often, but it does happen!).

When you DO send out a message, I recommend that you keep it short. I would try to make a personal connection as soon as possible. For instance: "I see that you list 'Chainsaw Operations and Maintenance' as a 'Lives For.' I am a class 'C' timber faller myself!" IMPORTANT!: It is generally advisable to be truthful about common interests. She may challenge you to a Lumber Jack/Jill contest.

I once encountered a woman who listed 'bird watching' as a 'hard limit.' I asked her if we might have had the same Ornithology Professor in college. We had a nice correspondence for a while. In any case, SHOW HER that you've read and thought about her profile.

You mention that you are polite. Good! Being that this is CollarMe, I'm willing to bet that you have kinks, fantasies and deep burning desires. KEEP THEN TO YOURSELF! Wait until you're asked about them. BE A GENTLEMAN!

Keep your chin up... Did I mention anything about a long haul?

Mike
SnowRanger

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