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Are you easy to serve? - 4/3/2011 11:10:02 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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This is one of those threads that was somewhat inspired from another. In My response there, I mentioned something about anticipatory service and it got Me thinking.

Let Me start this by saying that I am not a good fit for most submissives. A lot of people don't want the kind of control that I have within a dynamic. I expect a person's best at any time that they are physically, emotionally, and mentally able to meet that. My standards are pretty high and it's My standard that someone has to reach. When I set an expectation, that is what I want a person to be able to achieve. That can be challenging, but I won't settle for less.

Even with this in mind, I don't think I'm all that difficult to serve. There's very little that I want in the form of anticipatory service. I don't set up the situation for a s-type to try to figure out what I might want. It's pretty plain. I want My diet pepsi served the way that I've told you to do it when I come in the door. I want My cigarette lit after I've pulled it out of the pack. I want the door opened when we're walking in somewhere together. I don't want dinner on the table as soon as I walk in the door and want it timed for about an hour after that. I want the toy bag packed with the stuff that I've told you goes to every play party. Participation in protocols and rituals is required as I've set them.

Other than that, it boils down to one simple rule. Do what you're told. You don't have to try to figure out what is going to please Me, because I'll tell you. There's no guessing games or having to take shots in the dark. If I want something, it's easy enough for Me to articulate. If you're confused or unclear; ask. I'll make My very best attempt to explain anything that you don't understand.

So, while I am not everyone's kind of Dominant, and I may be what some out there consider tougher to serve, in My eyes, I see it as very easy for someone to accomplish. In this sense, I think I'm easy to serve.

How do you see yourself in this question. Are you easy to serve?

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

Post #: 1

RE: Are you easy to serve? - 4/3/2011 11:28:35 AM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
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From: Hell
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I'm a lot like this too. I want my coffee served the way I've instructed, I want doors opened for me, I want supper on the table when I get home or shortly thereafter and I want the house picked up but it doesn't have to be spotless. I'm not a protocol and ritual person, so those are minimal, and I don't play in public so there's no need to worry about packing the toy bag. I'll tell you what I want done and leave it up to you to figure out how to make it happen. If I want it done a specific way, I'll tell you. There really isn't any guess work involved.

I think I'm fairly easy to serve, yet I have a hard time finding partners willing to surrender to the level of control I expect. I find myself in a strange no-man's land between the people with hardcore fantasies who want to be whipped, degraded and caged 24/7 and the "weekend warriors" who only want kink in the bedroom. I'm too intense for the latter and not intense enough for the former.

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(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 2

RE: Are you easy to serve? - 4/3/2011 11:34:24 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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Yes.

My main rule: OBEY. I don't "need" a great deal, bring my coffee, carry my bag, whatever. What I need is to be served in the ways that *I* want, not the way the sub thinks is a good idea at the time.

That's an enormous stumbling block for many, and it's couched in enthusiasm and "desire to serve" but if I ask for X and you bring me Xx, then that's not obedience, is it?

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

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Post #: 3

RE: Are you easy to serve? - 4/3/2011 11:39:17 AM

FukinTroll

Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Other than that, it boils down to one simple rule. Do what you're told WHEN YOU ARE FUKIN TOLD!

I'm not a Mistress so all I could really contribute was fixin that glaring error in your statement.

Slurp~

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Post #: 4

RE: Are you easy to serve? - 4/3/2011 12:08:11 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
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It depends on the person. Those that have a real desire to please me and know me, don't find me hard to please. Those focused on themselves and not us... (I don't demand it always be about me) don't do well with me. Another type of man that doesn't do well with me is someone insecure (wounded) in a manner where they take easy offense with senses or wit dulled by overwhelming insecurity in a situation and that then become defensive. Eventually, I will eat them.

Most of the time, I am so easy going that men think they can work or test me and that is a huge mistake if done the wrong way. I will see through to the motive because I will dig for it and if someone is trying to manage me... he finds himself standing there going wtf just happened, because I have found they don't get it even when I explain it. I am very clear about who I am and what I want and if someone wants to change that, I will take offense, not personal offense, but offense to it. I see that as, they aren't being honest somewhere.

When I get very direct, there is no doubt who and what I am as I make myself very clear. Either they wish to be involved or they don't. Either they fit me and wish to have the same things in a relationship or they don't. They either honor what they say or they don't. There should be no real hardship about it. If it doesn't happen or is too hard or they find me too difficult to serve, we weren't a very good fit.

With the amount of talking, explaining and foundation I insist upon in the beginning, there should be no confusion. After that, I don't seem to have too many problems as long as everyone was honest from the start and remained so.

I love an easy flowing life with lots of laughter and that doesn't come about with the tit for tat score keeping, resentment and a poor fit. There are certain things I insist on, but for the most part, nothing is too difficult for the average person that truly wants a d/s dynamic. I will compromize in many area's if I see a reason for it. If I don't see a reason, forget it. It can become, my way or the highway.

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Post #: 5

RE: Are you easy to serve? - 4/3/2011 12:20:17 PM

SexyBossyBBW

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I think I'm easy to serve, because I will give directions, and always allow for questions, if I was somehow unclear.
I'm not high protocol, so would have few routine activities.
If he simply obeys, is a gentleman, and honestly wants a D/s relationship, he'll find me easy to serve. If he is more into what he can get as a fetishist, excanging service for kink, and keeping tract, we wouldn't work very long. M

_____________________________

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(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 6

RE: Are you easy to serve? - 4/3/2011 3:03:27 PM

RapierFugue

Posts: 4740
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From: London, England
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Other than that, it boils down to one simple rule. Do what you're told.

We laugh because it's funny ...

... and we laugh because it's true :)

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 7

RE: Are you easy to serve? - 4/3/2011 3:56:23 PM

Madame4a

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline

I'm easy to serve for the right person. The right person is often very rare.

Generally, I would think, from the outside, someone would assume I am not easy to serve.

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 8

RE: Are you easy to serve? - 4/3/2011 4:12:03 PM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
Are you easy to serve?

Apparently not. I spent 25 minutes queuing for a coffee in a cafe this morning - just one straight coffee, mind, no frills - while five women ahead of me faffed around ordering pointless, grossly-overpriced cakes with coffees that had all kinds of crap in them (nutmeg, chocolate, banana, ground-up squirrels' testicles, warthog-dandruff - whatever the frig women always seem to want in their coffee). And then the cretinous waitress forgot to bring my bog-standard, ordinary, coffee over. Christ, I should have sailed to Sumatra, grown my own coffee plantation and harvested it - it would have been quicker.

Heh. Makes me laugh, actually. I could imagine a Dom whose needs and desires are dead straightforward, being served by a femsub who's frustrated because she wants to attend to all sorts of needs 'he didn't know he really had' (what's known as 'fussing', in the vanilla world). On the other hand, I can see a Domme scratching her hair out in fury because her malesub, unfathomably, can't grasp that the first sheet of a new toilet roll *so obviously* must be turned up into a triangle in one corner.

_____________________________

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Post #: 9

RE: Are you easy to serve? - 4/3/2011 11:24:34 PM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
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No, I am not easy to serve. Not when it comes to suffering, surrender, vulnerability - that's the kind of service that I want. I need a man that can get into my head and figure out how to make me wet without me spelling it out so plainly that the element of surprise is totally gone. I need a man that knows how to surrender fully, so that his vulnerability makes me literally ache, uncomfortable with how aroused it makes me.

The other stuff? It's not specific to submissives - it just takes a man who is an effective assistant, chef, butler, etc. I could probably hire someone to take care of all that stuff so the men in my life could just focus on one thing: enduring bondage, S&m and the other games that keep me ticking and excited. For now though, the man in my life makes it a priority to see to it that my day goes smoothly. It takes the same skillset a polished employee has, without needing a ton of coddling. I don't think his efficiency at taking care of this stuff is related to submission though, it's just the kind of person he is.

Akasha

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Post #: 10

RE: Are you easy to serve? - 4/4/2011 9:04:10 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
How do you see yourself in this question. Are you easy to serve?

Obviously, that answer is going to depend on the partner in question. But generally I'd say that I'm hard as hell to serve.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 11

RE: Are you easy to serve? - 4/4/2011 9:51:31 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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I think I am. However, as others have already said.....it is the obey, that seems to be the biggest hurdle.

I want what I want, when I want it, the way I want it. Not what they think I should want, when they think I should want it, and not the way they think I should want it.

Apparently, that is not easy.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 4/4/2011 9:52:00 AM >

_____________________________

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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Post #: 12

RE: Are you easy to serve? - 4/4/2011 10:25:54 AM

porcelaine

Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I think I am. However, as others have already said.....it is the obey, that seems to be the biggest hurdle.

I want what I want, when I want it, the way I want it. Not what they think I should want, when they think I should want it, and not the way they think I should want it.

Apparently, that is not easy.

Greetings LaT,

i don't find it odd that you've encountered challenges and it appears your comments echo the same sentiments others have shared. From my experience and observation on this side of the paddle, most submissive persons aren't wired for obedience in the manner it's suggested or promoted. i find very few are truly seeking that kind of relationship, and wrongly assume great instances of latitude that are rarely given by persons like yourself. In many cases obedience is derived by other methods that require continued inference by the dominant party and never reaches the point of self-generated desire by the other person. It's often the consequence of being disobedient that drives their compliance as opposed to a need to adhere to his will instead.

Namaste,

~porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 13

RE: Are you easy to serve? - 4/4/2011 10:41:13 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Nobody ever said the obeying part was actually easy.

I expect a submissive of Mine to struggle. I expect inner turmoil on some matters. If there was none, would it really be submission?

At the same time, there are certain, underlying truths that I want to be a part of him. Obedience is one of these.

ETA: There is a difference between knowing that one has to obey and going through the steps of doing so.

< Message edited by LadyPact -- 4/4/2011 10:46:51 AM >

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to porcelaine)

Post #: 14

RE: Are you easy to serve? - 4/4/2011 11:10:38 AM

porcelaine

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Joined: 7/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Nobody ever said the obeying part was actually easy.

I expect a submissive of Mine to struggle. I expect inner turmoil on some matters. If there was none, would it really be submission?

Greetings LadyPact,

i've always felt that obedience is a choice that i ratify with every decision made. There are instances when adherence proves cumbersome and some degree of struggle is involved. i consider these moments to be testaments of my tether. Especially when it involves a noticeable step outside of my comfort zone. In short, i need them. It sharpens my person in a manner that comfort never would.

quote:

At the same time, there are certain, underlying truths that I want to be a part of him. Obedience is one of these.
ETA: There is a difference between knowing that one has to obey and going through the steps of doing so.

Do you believe this is something you can impress or a facet of his person that must be present upon commencement? i have my ideas, but i'd appreciate your opinion on that. For some the steps are directly related to the payoff, and others find joy in the simplicity of movement in itself. Obedience wired persons see knowing as doing. There's no disconnection between the two.

Namaste,

~porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 15

RE: Are you easy to serve? - 4/4/2011 11:34:16 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I have to wonder if you are asking Me if a seed planted in the earth will grow. Certainly, it will, if the soil itself is filled with nutrients. If it is tended to and encouraged, life will spring from it.

Yet, planting the same seed in the desert will not. There is nothing to feed on. This is not the fault of the seed, but of the earth that is was planted in and the farmer who placed it there.

The whole purpose of a seed is to grow and thrive. It's existence is to struggle against the earth, push through, and sprout. It can not reach it's full potential if it does not. While every plant has started from a seed of some kind, not every seed will become a plant.

Can I create a seed where none existed? I would have to say that I can not. If what I am dealing with is a pebble, rather than a seed, no matter what I do to it, the pebble will not grow. Even the best farmers can't pull that off.

I'm not quite sure that I agree with you as to knowing = doing. It is one thing to 'think' we know before it is our experience. Actually following through with what we thought is another matter. We don't really know until we have faced our challenges and met them successfully.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to porcelaine)

Post #: 16

RE: Are you easy to serve? - 4/4/2011 12:14:44 PM

porcelaine

Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I have to wonder if you are asking Me if a seed planted in the earth will grow. Certainly, it will, if the soil itself is filled with nutrients. If it is tended to and encouraged, life will spring from it.

Yet, planting the same seed in the desert will not. There is nothing to feed on. This is not the fault of the seed, but of the earth that is was planted in and the farmer who placed it there.

Greetings LadyPact,

i appreciate the analogy provided, it is very apropos and one i use when describing my mindset. i posed the question because i've noticed certain traits that are generally present in individuals that want to and do obey their dominant with some measure of regularity. i don't believe their adherence was wholly impressed by the other party, but they entered with a workable canvas that allowed the ideology to take root and bloom.

quote:

The whole purpose of a seed is to grow and thrive. It's existence is to struggle against the earth, push through, and sprout. It can not reach it's full potential if it does not. While every plant has started from a seed of some kind, not every seed will become a plant.

my understanding of the merits of struggle wasn't borne in BDSM, but came from Eastern principles. i've got this odd giddy grin right now because i'm recollecting their philosophies on this concept and you're hitting them with great accuracy. It's refreshing to hear. Thank you.

quote:

Can I create a seed where none existed? I would have to say that I can not. If what I am dealing with is a pebble, rather than a seed, no matter what I do to it, the pebble will not grow. Even the best farmers can't pull that off.

i agree. But it takes a wise farmer to realize this. :)

quote:

I'm not quite sure that I agree with you as to knowing = doing. It is one thing to 'think' we know before it is our experience. Actually following through with what we thought is another matter. We don't really know until we have faced our challenges and met them successfully.

my apologies for the lack of clarity. i'm referencing a different kind of knowing. Or perhaps i merely come at that idea from a different angle. For me, it isn't a question of will i obey, but the internal fortitude i may need to muster to make it happen. The knowing mentioned isn't applied to what's expected, but the understanding and acknowledgment that adhering to that person is paramount. It's the fundamental truth i lean upon, rather than it's physical manifestation.

In my head i'd have a hard time reconciling why i couldn't or wouldn't do as asked. All the excuses one might raise bring me back to the same point. It's the but i cannot swallow. It allows no deviation from the facts - who's in control and the trust i've placed in that person. The argument is circular and may have valid points, however, at the end of the day the principles help me when i struggle or find myself swaying.

As such, i could never conceive of what you'd ask or do, but at the pit of my person i know i trust you and the path you're laying. That's my touchstone. i don't see obedience through my eyes, but rather the one i serve. It's understanding and embracing 'his why' that makes movement a possibility. If it were solely up to me those little objections might hasten my steps.

Namaste,

~porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 17

RE: Are you easy to serve? - 4/4/2011 1:37:22 PM

SomethingCatchy

Posts: 796
Joined: 7/29/2008
Status: offline

I used to think I was very easy to please and serve. I used to think that I was an easy going kind of lady. Lately (past few months) I've realized I've always been wrong about myself. Now I'm attempting to find out what to do about that.

_____________________________

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Post #: 18

RE: Are you easy to serve? - 4/4/2011 4:58:08 PM

Politesub53

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Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

A wonderful thread. Thanks for starting it LadyPact.

I`m just making a list of who`s easy.

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Post #: 19

RE: Are you easy to serve? - 4/4/2011 6:39:00 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53

A wonderful thread. Thanks for starting it LadyPact.

I`m just making a list of who`s easy.

Cheeky man!

Made me smile, thank you.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Politesub53)

Post #: 20

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