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wannabeacdwife -> Can I handle the changes in my life? (4/4/2011 5:22:18 PM)
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I could use some personal direction in my own goal versus "task" vision. I admit to being somewhat confused about this point; but also am proud of having figured out much that would have (and has) stumped others in their pursuit of self fulfillment and the fulfillment of others. To wit, my trans or pan-gendered nature stopped perplexing me when I was three; I came from an extremely abusive family background but have managed to avoid self destructive tendencies such as alcohol or drug abuse, etc. and also to learn to a moderate degree that my nature is both feminine and submissive. Where I have trouble is the degree (or maybe a better word would be "type" of submissiveness that will empower me to be the best and most loving partner to a dominant man.
I know for example that humiliation, verbal or otherwise is not for me, personally; that idea doesn't make me feel humble, it makes me feel troubled. On the other hand, I love the idea of being instructed and guided to serve a man in any way that was mutually significant, from dressing purely to please him to showing my complete embracing of his ideals through obedience to his wishes; desire deeply to be a refuge for a strong minded partner in which he can receive a measure of satisfaction, pleasure and personal fulfillment. The more I am able to give of myself to him, the more "whole" I feel. This scenario has not happened fully in my life yet; several times some elements were in place and I recognize them for their beauty. If "the" dominant soul mate to my submissive heart-felt soul search is ever near me, I hope we recognize each other.
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