Question on Switching (Full Version)

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lordemo01 -> Question on Switching (4/4/2011 8:29:41 PM)

I was wondering how can I overcome the effects of switching. I mean, it is hard for me to Dom someone who I have subbed for, or who has seen me in sub mode. Is it possible to switch with the same partner, or should I just reveal different sides of my kink to different play partners?

Thanks :)



Muttling -> RE: Question on Switching (4/4/2011 9:04:08 PM)

I don't find it difficult at all with the same person, I suspect I view it differently.


I don't Top because I'm really into being dominant as most do.    When I Top, I do so because it thrills the one I am with and I take great pleasure in that.    It's kind of like subbing from the Top.



Sunny27 -> RE: Question on Switching (4/6/2011 7:27:17 AM)

Ok well first of all you have to ask the person thats Domming you, if you can switch to being the Dom sometimes.It depends on if you can think of it as another role play!!! Then it shouldn't be as hard!!



ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Question on Switching (4/6/2011 8:41:32 AM)

I wrote this a few years ago, it still applies:

Over the years I've identified two distinctly different kinds of switches.

There are ones like me, and by that I mean those who strongly lean towards one side or another. For instance, I'm a mostly submissive switch. I say this even though my personality is primarily dominant, and I submit to a rare few. My primary relationship will always be with a dominant male.

Although I enjoy secondary relationships with submissives, they can't be my primary relationship b/c (so far at least) I'm not interested in having sex with them. This type of switch may have a dom partner and a sub partner, but they rarely, if ever, switch with the same person.

I think many people are confused by this type of switch; they assume when the right person comes along, the stronger side will win out. I can assure you my dominant side does not mysteriously disappear b/c I'm in a relationship with a dom male.

Then there are those switches who are more top/bottom than dom/sub. They tend to be more middle of the road as opposed to extremely dominant or extremely submissive. The also tend to be more S/M then D/s, although I've known switch couples who had a wonderful synergy and flowed from dom to sub effortlessly. This type of switch tends to hook up with another switch of their kind. I also think they are the most misunderstood, b/c those who strongly identify with one side or the other have difficulty understanding those who. . . .don't.

Are there overlaps to these two type? Yes !!

Now to my questions:

Do you agree that there is more than one kind of switch?

If so do you agree with my switch categories, or do you have your own?

Are there some categories I've yet to identify?

All thoughts are appreciated, although if we can keep this from turning into a "switches
should just decide" rant, that would be nice (I'm sure that's been done.)

There are many great gems to be mined in the archives, and the search engine, rusty as it is, is your friend.







MissImmortalPain -> RE: Question on Switching (4/6/2011 9:08:59 AM)

ChatteParfaitt, I agree.

Yes there are many different kinds of switchs. As you said the sub switch. Those never shock me. I believe all sub at some part of their core want to dom. It is like a rock star that wants to do comedy, or a blonde that wants redhair. I have to say though that I think it is a bad idea for many. It can become very confusing for someone that is truely submissive to try and be something they are not.

There are also,though rare, the Dom switch. As a domme myself I have submitted to both other Doms and subs. As far as the Doms went they both said later that they knew I was only playing a game. That in many ways I was actually dominating them by making it clear I was just giving them what I knew they wanted. In the cases of the subs...well that was a whole different matter. One ended up crying because she could not bring herself to believe I would let her dominate me. The other , male, ended up actually doing harm to me(torn my urethra,broke my finger,and my nose) in each case he ended up running from me because he knew when he hurt me my reaction would be to defend myself.I did not hurt him in return because I knew he did not mean for it to happen, but each time he was scared of me because of it.

Personally the idea of "switch" for me has always been a very silly one. I can do it but it is not who I really am. And I honestly suggest that before anyone try it they make sure they at their core know who/what they really are.

~~~~Why hide it. Why fight it. This is who I am, now show me who you are~~~~~~~~~



rikkyredbottom -> RE: Question on Switching (4/7/2011 5:30:02 PM)

I've been involved in several switch relationships. Maybe its just my bad luck but they always ended up wanting to sub more than domme and tho I know the ropes, I truly have no desire to dom. it obviously works for some but it always leaves me half empty.



TheBlackWidow -> RE: Question on Switching (4/7/2011 10:53:41 PM)

I have done both in the same relationship (and him being swtich he has done both with Me within that relationship) however I am predominantly Dominant and so I do not do as "well" subbing to him as he does to Me.  Some of the time we interact as equals/friends and on the whole that is the bulk of the interaction unless we are in a specific mode where he is having a whole chunk of time as sub with Me as his Mistress or where I am his sub but even in the midst of our equals/friends we often have to odd sections where we Dominate or sub to each other.



leadership527 -> RE: Question on Switching (4/8/2011 10:07:39 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lordemo01
I was wondering how can I overcome the effects of switching. I mean, it is hard for me to Dom someone who I have subbed for, or who has seen me in sub mode. Is it possible to switch with the same partner, or should I just reveal different sides of my kink to different play partners?

From a top/bottom standpoint, Carol and I "switch" routinely and fluidly... oft-times several times during the course of one evening's passion. We don't personally switch from a D/s standpoint but I know others who do and they seemed to make it work pretty fluidly.



tonyfordz -> RE: Question on Switching (4/19/2011 10:03:14 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lordemo01

I was wondering how can I overcome the effects of switching. I mean, it is hard for me to Dom someone who I have subbed for, or who has seen me in sub mode. Is it possible to switch with the same partner, or should I just reveal different sides of my kink to different play partners?

Thanks :)



I think this is different for each switch because me personally I cant dom someone that has been a dom over me unless they too are a switch, and I cant sub to someone that has been a sub to me. I honestly hope that you dont try to top from the bottom or bottom from the top because this is one of the major problems that make it so difficult for a switch to find partners that are anything other then another switch. It is a serious turn off for me when someone tries to switch from their main role with me & to some degree even pisses me off. As for what you should do, explore with different partners if you like making it perfectly clear that your just exploring so that no one gets offended or upset.



secretmsmarks -> RE: Question on Switching (4/21/2011 12:13:42 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissImmortalPain

Personally the idea of "switch" for me has always been a very silly one. I can do it but it is not who I really am. And I honestly suggest that before anyone try it they make sure they at their core know who/what they really are.

~~~~Why hide it. Why fight it. This is who I am, now show me who you are~~~~~~~~~


As a switch, at my core... I am a switch... so I find it hard to understand how you say that someone needs to know at their core who they really are. Not everyone is one definite role Top/bottom, Master/slave, Dom/sub I feel it is possible to be a blend or in one mood relate to one better. As a switch I play the bottom role most often but that does not make me a submissive... for the right person I can become very submissive but it's also something I can turn off and on. I also have Topped several people off and on over long periods of time... the first time I went into my Domme mindset the man I was playing with who had always been in the Dominant role beforehand told me that I was "a natural". I go into the mode I am ready for at the time.... that being said I love being spanked... and that will never change. I think we over think these things, I mean is there really any difference between me loving receiving massages more than I like giving them?

As for the original question I feel you should be open with people you are with. Whether it be about your sexual preferences (positions, turn ons, etc) or about something you'd like to explore on the kinky side. If the person is a friend they're not going to be offended by you asking and if they enjoy bottoming at all they will more than likely be willing to give you some pointers. I find when you first switch with someone you need to be willing to let them Top from the bottom a little bit, that is... guide you in what they like and styles of play. If you have limited experience on the other end you'll need guidance from someone on how to do it... as play can get dangerous if you do not know how to do things correctly/in a way that doesn't cause harm.



HannahLynHeather -> RE: Question on Switching (4/22/2011 10:41:02 PM)

ok, i'm a bit complicated in this respect. i am submissive to dominant women, and i am dominant to submissive women. i cannot dominate and submit to the same person, however i have no trouble topping & bottoming to the same person.

hannah lynn
_______________________________________________________________________
It's true. I get to whip her!!! Hmmmmmmm, do you suppose that's why I put up with her going on about freedom and rights and stuff?

< Umhm,...Yeah, I see.....OK....Ye...zzzzzzzzz....Huh?...No Hanners, I'm listening, its really fascinating. I just closed my eyes so I could envision it better, honest.>

Heather



NightDaughter -> RE: Question on Switching (6/1/2011 1:10:03 PM)

everyone finds what works for them, I and my husband switch because we both are switches .. we might be Owner/pet for a few hours, days, weeks or months or we might switch and be Mistress/boy again for hours, days, or months (though this has become our default position in the past three years).

I feel that you can switch with someone who you have bottomed to if it feels right to do so, as in that person actually calls to both sides of you to come out and play.

I was with a fellow switch but with him I could never be other then Mistress to him I might bottom on occasion to him but we just didn't have the dynamic in place that he called to my other side, so we didn't switch.



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