RE: Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently than females on this forum? (Full Version)

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blacknwht -> RE: Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently than females on this forum? (4/7/2011 12:17:23 PM)

Human beings think too much! Animals aren't thinking about cheating or not cheating, they are acting on instinct. It is instinct that makes men want to breed more than one woman and is absolutely essential to the survival of the species. Those animals that are mostly monagamous probably have a very low population and in need of protective custody by humans.



Lockit -> RE: Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently than females on this forum? (4/7/2011 12:21:56 PM)

Well the way humans multiply, I really can't see population as an excuse to have multiple women.

I will comment on the op in a bit. I have a phone call.



NocturnalStalker -> RE: Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently than females on this forum? (4/7/2011 12:30:02 PM)

I like cheating.  It's a thrill.



mnottertail -> RE: Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently than females on this forum? (4/7/2011 12:31:32 PM)

Too many wimmenz, 'n too many pills..................



blacknwht -> RE: Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently than females on this forum? (4/7/2011 12:32:44 PM)

Well, not today with all of our technology and advanced shelters and our (the USA) superior military hardware. Look at civilizations that have been decimated by war or ravaged by disease. Or even look at 5,000 years ago when survival was very difficult. The men went out to hunt and didn't come back. There were more women than men so the men had to breed more than one woman. Humans think too damn much nowadays in our comfy rooms sipping gourmet teas and coffee typing away on our notebooks and computers. Give me a break people. Can a really intelligent thinking person comment about this that can remove the emotional component from the discussion? Geezz!



LaTigresse -> RE: Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently than females on this forum? (4/7/2011 12:33:18 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: blacknwht

Human beings think too much! Animals aren't thinking about cheating or not cheating, they are acting on instinct. It is instinct that makes men want to breed more than one woman and is absolutely essential to the survival of the species. Those animals that are mostly monagamous probably have a very low population and in need of protective custody by humans.


You are making very lame excuses. Seriously. If you are as stupid as a rutting boar, then I will give you the animal argument. Otherwise, that rutting boar didn't have the brain capacity to promise monogamy in a binding ceremony. If you are married, I assume you did. You've already said that your wife does not know so I also believe that the assumption the two of you have not agreed to a poly lifestyle would also be a valid one.



Arpig -> RE: Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently than females on this forum? (4/7/2011 12:34:27 PM)

Anyone, regardless of gender who cheats on their partner is a worthless shit. As far as I am concerned, the people who sleep with a cheater are no better.Man or woman, I pretty much despise them.



blacknwht -> RE: Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently than females on this forum? (4/7/2011 12:37:58 PM)

Ok, let's start a political party and use this as a way to make the people quarrel amongst themselves while we steal all the money and goven how we like!



stellauk -> RE: Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently than females on this forum? (4/7/2011 12:38:38 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: blacknwht

Human beings think too much! Animals aren't thinking about cheating or not cheating, they are acting on instinct. It is instinct that makes men want to breed more than one woman and is absolutely essential to the survival of the species. Those animals that are mostly monagamous probably have a very low population and in need of protective custody by humans.


What like birds? Around 90% are monogamous. Penguins are monogamous irrespective of whether they are heterosexual or homosexual. Swans, ducks and geese are also monogamous, even the sadistic ones.

Other monogamous animals include foxes, gibbons, lynx, some species of lions, wolves and beavers.

Conversely very few animals which have symbiotic relationships with humans are monogamous.

Sheep are downright perverted.



LaTigresse -> RE: Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently than females on this forum? (4/7/2011 12:39:38 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: blacknwht

Ok, let's start a political party and use this as a way to make the people quarrel amongst themselves while we steal all the money and goven how we like!


Nice attempt to change the subject.

Seriously. If this is the best attempt you can make in a debate......... give up.

As for who has it rougher. I am going to say that my ex-husband had it A LOT easier than I did when I decided (wrongly) that sleeping with women secretly on the side was not really cheating........cuz yanno, it wasn't with a guy and all guys think that kind of stuff is hot, right?......



Arpig -> RE: Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently than females on this forum? (4/7/2011 12:39:50 PM)

quote:

You can quote Me on that.
I did!



Lockit -> RE: Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently than females on this forum? (4/7/2011 12:40:31 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: blacknwht

Well, not today with all of our technology and advanced shelters and our (the USA) superior military hardware. Look at civilizations that have been decimated by war or ravaged by disease. Or even look at 5,000 years ago when survival was very difficult. The men went out to hunt and didn't come back. There were more women than men so the men had to breed more than one woman. Humans think too damn much nowadays in our comfy rooms sipping gourmet teas and coffee typing away on our notebooks and computers. Give me a break people. Can a really intelligent thinking person comment about this that can remove the emotional component from the discussion? Geezz!


What is intelligent about asking humans, who come naturally as emotional to some degree or another, to take out the emotional component? Trying to insult those who add the emotional component is like telling your wife, when she finds out... don't make mountains out of mole hills, I was just doing what my caveman nature is. Bet that will go over real well.

You cannot excuse lying to someone that should be your best friend. You have admitted that there are lots of women that have suffered this pain of a cheater and yet, you find every excuse to justify your cheating. It matters not to us, but how about your wife?

As for the OP, it is comments such as the ones I am responding to, that tend to really get board members going. I think a lot is determined by the situation, details and presentation of the so called facts. Could there be some unfairness... sure... I don't know but... sure. I have seen women cheaters get raked over the coals around here.



Arpig -> RE: Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently than females on this forum? (4/7/2011 12:44:33 PM)

quote:

I totally get it. I am a cheater and make no excuses for cheaters just wish to find a fellow cheater to cheat with or someone that does not care.

If you look at the animal kingdom in general, nature in general does not support a monogamy view. It is the jealous and possessive nature of Man that has interjected this falsely romantic constraint on human behaviour.
Dude it doesn't matter what is natural or instinctive. you gave your word. That is the point. And by your own admission, your word is worthy shit.

So you've maintained a relationship for 20 years? What sort of relationship can it be if its based on lies and deception. It isn't a relationship at all. She may be in a relationship with you, but you're just lying to her.



DykeNoir -> RE: Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently than females on this forum? (4/7/2011 12:52:33 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

The only gentler, kinder treatment I've ever seen is when the cheater is a victim of abuse. Then they are given some small measure of understanding that frequently abuse victims need that kind of personal support to get the ability to realize that they don't deserve what's happening to them and to get the strength to move on. But even that isn't universal, in fact most are still lambasted.




agree wholeheartedly .... Very well put DesFIP

























blacknwht -> RE: Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently than females on this forum? (4/7/2011 12:55:52 PM)

I gave my reasons why men are treated more harshly than women. I think it is a valid point and will rest on that.



Lockit -> RE: Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently than females on this forum? (4/7/2011 1:04:41 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: blacknwht

I gave my reasons why men are treated more harshly than women. I think it is a valid point and will rest on that.


Well you also assumed that most the relationships of people around here were shallow and transitory. Do please speak for yourself rather than a large group as a whole, because you would indeed be very wrong. Just as you are in my opinion, about a number of things.

I didn't go for the... everyone is doing it mom! with my teens and I won't go for... men just do it more, it's no big deal, we are geared that way. Are you saying that a lot of men are liars, have no honor and might be shallow and transitory because it is their nature?



LadyPact -> RE: Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently than females on this forum? (4/7/2011 1:11:46 PM)

Yeah.  Keep making excuses for your dick.  When you evolve a bit above animal level, we'll talk.



kalikshama -> RE: Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently than females on this forum? (4/7/2011 1:21:52 PM)

I'd like to think I don't have a gender bias but don't remembering seeing or participating in any female cheater threads.

I've noticed a lot of female frustration with perceived male entitlement, men who believe a McDomme or a McSub is their right. I'll disparage any guy who comes on here with an attitude out of http://www.submissivewomensecrets.com/

I appreciate that (IME) men on CM are more upfront about their marital status than on vanilla dating sites. Of course, it becomes pretty clear early on if one is not allowed to call him in the evenings or go to his house after a reasonable interval, etc. One guy asked me not to text him unless he initiated, claiming his phone was used at work [8|]

Since I have been annoyed by married cheating men, I might be more likely to dis them than women.

blacknwht - Trust is integral to BDSM for me, and I simply can't trust a cheating liar.

I got married at 19 and was married for 14 years. I was a very different person in my 30s than in my teens. We drifted apart, and got divorced. Sure, this was painful, but more honorable than sneaking around.



stellauk -> RE: Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently than females on this forum? (4/7/2011 1:47:04 PM)

Other than it being commonly perceived to be more of a male thing probably due to numbers I can't recall ever noticing any sort of bias.

I think various factors need to be taken into account here. Firstly, to me it seems most of the cheating that comes through on the boards is from the perspective of the person being cheated on and less from someone who is cheating on their partner. We are getting one person's perspective of the relationship, rather than both (we have to fill in the missing details for ourselves) and this alone would skew any conclusive opinion one way or the other.

Secondly what do we mean by cheating here? Are we talking just about sexual infidelity? Emotional betrayal? Some would even argue that browsing profiles and making contact whilst being in a relationship is cheating.

Personally I find cheating a bit like lying, or certain forms of abuse for that matter - it's never always completely black and white, but also comes in shades of grey.

That saying I have no personal gender bias and no doubts or grey areas as to where I stand personally on dishonesty. Where words and actions are intentionally incompatible this renders a person incompatible with being in my life and I'm fully prepared to cut ties immediately in such a situation.

Relationships to me are pretty straightforward things. It all comes down to choices and responsibility. You are responsible for every single choice you make in your life. If you can't handle the responsibility, then you need to make a decision which relieves you of that responsibility. I hold myself responsible for the choices I make in life, and I hold other people responsible for their choices too.



SweetDommes -> RE: Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently than females on this forum? (4/7/2011 2:33:31 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: blacknwht

I feel that male cheaters are treated differently than female cheaters here because of the sheer numbers and the fact that women are cheated on and hurt more often so, there is the emphathy factor. Also considering the median age of this site, I am sure that most of the women on this site have been heartbroken by a cheater. I totally get it. I am a cheater and make no excuses for cheaters just wish to find a fellow cheater to cheat with or someone that does not care.

If you look at the animal kingdom in general, nature in general does not support a monogamy view. It is the jealous and possessive nature of Man that has interjected this falsely romantic constraint on human behaviour.

My ability to actually maintain a relationship for 20years certainly trumps 90% of the relationships on this site that are purely transitory and shallow.



There is a difference between being non-monogamous and being a cheater. We are poly, as are many others on the boards (LadyPact, just for starters), but we are NOT cheaters. Everything is on the table, out in the open, and all who are involved and/or may be affected by it are aware of the situation and thus able to agree to it or not. A real relationship cannot be based on lies and deceit - if there is no trust, then there is no relationship.



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