RE: Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently than females on this forum?

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RE: Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently tha... - 4/7/2011 5:40:28 PM

littlewonder

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I treat them both exactly the same..cheating is cheating in my book and not something I approve of from anyone at all.

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RE: Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently tha... - 4/7/2011 5:47:08 PM

IrishMist

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quote:

This topic came up from another thread, in which someone pointed out that male cheaters are "jumped on with both feet" while female cheaters are "given alot of support."

Yep.
Not only here, online, but in real life too.

No offense, but us women, we know how to work the emotional and sympathetic buttons to get the response we want in situations like this.

When a man tries the same tactic, the response is usally different. Instead of sympathy, you get 'suck it up and be a man'.

Sorry
But it's true.

Why this happens, I don't know...I have a few opinions on the issue, but they are just that...opinions.

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RE: Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently tha... - 4/7/2011 5:53:04 PM

Daddysredhead

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I agree with IrishMist, in that I have seen it numerous times on the boards, where the female is looking for something on the side and she gets cheered on for "doing what she wants" and "living her life the way that makes her happy," etc. If a male posts something like that, he gets soccer cleats to his head.

I don't agree with cheating at all. It is so hurtful. IMO, better to get out of the unhappy situation you are in than to create a whirlwind with other people. However, I try to leave people to their own decisions, especially when it doesn't involve me or mine personally.

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RE: Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently tha... - 4/7/2011 6:11:28 PM

SpiritedRadiance

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quote:

ORIGINAL: blacknwht

Well, not today with all of our technology and advanced shelters and our (the USA) superior military hardware. Look at civilizations that have been decimated by war or ravaged by disease. Or even look at 5,000 years ago when survival was very difficult. The men went out to hunt and didn't come back. There were more women than men so the men had to breed more than one woman. Humans think too damn much nowadays in our comfy rooms sipping gourmet teas and coffee typing away on our notebooks and computers. Give me a break people. Can a really intelligent thinking person comment about this that can remove the emotional component from the discussion? Geezz!

Actually if you had factual evidence you would know there are more men then women on the planet... and it has been that way for a few thousand years.

It isnt based on emotional anything its based on factual evidence. Not based on your want to justify not keeping it in your pants.

Studies show there are anywhere between 105 to 125 males born to every 100 females, per your arugment, women are the gender who should be with mulitple partners not men. Factoring in that 10 percent of the population is beleived to be gay you are down to 90 women to 113 males. Meaning still More boys then girls...

There have always been more men then women just in a physical stance because men have strength that until recently women did not have. There for they were able to move and survive in a way women were not.

IF you knew your history you would know that the reason why men when the population was lower would fuck more women, is because not every fuck leads to a child....if your main goal is breeding then both in your species are going to have to fuck multiple partners to ensure offspring.

As Humans do not need to reproduce in those manners any longer its not an acceptable excuse to say well its my nature, If you look at animals that are pushing the over population mark, they STOP BREEDING...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex_ratio
http://www.sixwise.com/newsletters/05/06/22/why-are-more-boys-than-girls-being-born.htm
http://usgovinfo.about.com/od/censusandstatistics/a/moreboys.htm

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RE: Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently tha... - 4/7/2011 6:14:42 PM

SpiritedRadiance

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As for the Topic at hand...

Cheating in any way shape or form is not acceptable to me. Wither it be on a math test in high school or it be on your spouse.

I dont consider "circumstances" because in 99.9 percent of those cases those circumstances are lies to make the partner look better about his or her choice to cheat. With out factual evidence that the other partner is okay I dont involve myself with a man or a woman who is in any form of relationship.

My friends know this and accept that is my way and many cases its cheered for...

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RE: Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently tha... - 4/7/2011 6:56:21 PM

slaveluci

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~FR~
I think that anyone who even remotely seems to be "cheating" is pilloried here, male or female. If you wanna see some self-righteous, holier-than-thou, there ain't never no excuse period drama, indicate there may have been some cheating. Mass murder is judged less harshly here......luci

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RE: Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently tha... - 4/7/2011 7:00:50 PM

Aileen1968

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I don't judge. People make the best choices they can at the time based on their situations.
Sometimes they're the right choice. Sometimes they're the wrong choices.
Either way, that person has to suffer and deal with the consequences and emotions for the rest of their lives.
It's never black and white.

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RE: Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently tha... - 4/7/2011 7:06:38 PM

ChatteParfaitt

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Daddysredhead

I agree with IrishMist, in that I have seen it numerous times on the boards, where the female is looking for something on the side and she gets cheered on for "doing what she wants" and "living her life the way that makes her happy," etc. If a male posts something like that, he gets soccer cleats to his head.

I don't agree with cheating at all. It is so hurtful. IMO, better to get out of the unhappy situation you are in than to create a whirlwind with other people. However, I try to leave people to their own decisions, especially when it doesn't involve me or mine personally.

Thank you Red, for your very honest input.

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RE: Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently tha... - 4/7/2011 8:56:36 PM

Hillwilliam

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OK, folks, I was indirectly the one that started this with a post in another thread and I promised a couple of ladies that contacted Me on the back channel that I would post so here it is.

I've been in this wonderful WIITWD for a coupla decades. This observation is totally unscientific so if you want to call it BS, have at it.

Munches, activities, a few relationships, conversations with like-minded folks, newsgroups (remember them?) and in the last 10 years chat.

If a woman is a good looking sub, it doesn't matter what is on her left ring finger, she will be accepted by a goodly portion of any group. Why? Men (and a few les Dommes) are horndogs ok.

I have even seen women giving their married cohorts tips on hiding their tracks online and offering sympathy when "He" found out.

A married Domme that is sneaking is REALLY damn rare but you wanna bet that wouldn't slow the male subs down one bit in sucking up to her?

For the reason, see above.

Male subs sneaking. Male subs get a raw deal all around. Female subs look at em as competition sometimes and male Doms sometimes just think they're wierd. Even the legitimately single ones sometimes have a hard time being accepted.

Male Doms sneaking. EVERYDAMNBODY doesn't like them. Why? The women see, in them, the embodiment of any partner they have ever had that cheated on them.

Male Doms, well, we just see em as competition LOL

Thus my conclusion that women who are married and their partner doesn't know have it easier both here and in RL groups than males.

The usual disclaimers apply. If you think I'm full of shit, that's an opinion you probably share with others LOL.

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RE: Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently tha... - 4/7/2011 9:32:38 PM

SweetDommes

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I don't deny that males have it rougher around here when it comes to cheating - I've seen it. Do I go easier on a female who is cheating? Hell no.

I will admit one thing, though. I rarely see females using "I'm poly" as an excuse for their cheating - that seems to be an almost exclusively male excuse, and I react much more strongly to that than other excuses (i.e. "s/he doesn't understand" "except for the kink aspect, I love him/her" "s/he won't even talk about it" etc.) Using poly as an excuse to cheat is lower than low, in my opinion, because that clouds what poly actually is. I will be harder on a male who uses "I'm poly" as an excuse vs a female who uses another excuse (or a male who uses another excuse).

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RE: Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently tha... - 4/7/2011 10:21:09 PM

DomImus

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quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

This topic came up from another thread, in which someone pointed out that male cheaters are "jumped on with both feet" while female cheaters are "given alot of support."

Yep.
Not only here, online, but in real life too.

No offense, but us women, we know how to work the emotional and sympathetic buttons to get the response we want in situations like this.

When a man tries the same tactic, the response is usally different. Instead of sympathy, you get 'suck it up and be a man'.

Sorry
But it's true.

Why this happens, I don't know...I have a few opinions on the issue, but they are just that...opinions.

This pretty much mirrors my perception on the matter.

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RE: Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently tha... - 4/8/2011 12:12:52 AM

LadyPact

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Arpig, you totally wow'd Me. I don't know what to say for being a part of your sig line. Damn! You just took My breath away.

My deepest thanks.

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RE: Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently tha... - 4/8/2011 12:51:42 AM

Kalista07

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I am sooooooo dying to respond to this.

But am taking the higher road.

*damn higher road*

Kali

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RE: Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently tha... - 4/8/2011 3:02:10 AM

sunshinemiss

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Sunny
Quote of the Day
goes to
Aileen1968

for
People make the best choices they can at the time based on their situations.

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RE: Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently tha... - 4/8/2011 6:35:04 AM

blacknwht

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I came to this site to learn and "learning" is what I am receiving; more like a spanking actually! I will discontinue my discussion on this subject due to the extremely fine points made by all involved and the pitiful points made by me. I can definately admit when I am wrong and on this subject, I have been.

I have done some thinking and have come to realize that my thinking on this subject is abjectly wrong and my seeking another outside my troubled marriage is wrong. I will continue to be a part of this site and others but will discontinue my quest for a companion until I resolve my issues at home.

I wish to become an integral part of the family here and coming in with a scarlet letter of shame and distrust hampers that process. I thank you all for the "correction" and look eagerly to my future growth in the community.

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RE: Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently tha... - 4/8/2011 7:01:27 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam

OK, folks, I was indirectly the one that started this with a post in another thread and I promised a couple of ladies that contacted Me on the back channel that I would post so here it is.

I've been in this wonderful WIITWD for a coupla decades. This observation is totally unscientific so if you want to call it BS, have at it.

Munches, activities, a few relationships, conversations with like-minded folks, newsgroups (remember them?) and in the last 10 years chat.

If a woman is a good looking sub, it doesn't matter what is on her left ring finger, she will be accepted by a goodly portion of any group. Why? Men (and a few les Dommes) are horndogs ok.

I have even seen women giving their married cohorts tips on hiding their tracks online and offering sympathy when "He" found out.

A married Domme that is sneaking is REALLY damn rare but you wanna bet that wouldn't slow the male subs down one bit in sucking up to her?

For the reason, see above.

Male subs sneaking. Male subs get a raw deal all around. Female subs look at em as competition sometimes and male Doms sometimes just think they're wierd. Even the legitimately single ones sometimes have a hard time being accepted.

Male Doms sneaking. EVERYDAMNBODY doesn't like them. Why? The women see, in them, the embodiment of any partner they have ever had that cheated on them.

Male Doms, well, we just see em as competition LOL

Thus my conclusion that women who are married and their partner doesn't know have it easier both here and in RL groups than males.

The usual disclaimers apply. If you think I'm full of shit, that's an opinion you probably share with others LOL.

Thank you for coming forward regarding what we were talking about on the other side. It makes the conversation a bit easier to talk on the thread what we discussed privately.

I have to agree with what you say in the above. If there is a gender bias when it comes to cheating, it probably does have something to do with the numbers game as the ratio exists in this lifestyle. On either side of the kneel, males far outnumber females. It's always been that way, so anytime that a female comes along, many people are just glad that she showed up. A person doesn't even have to have been around that long to see it. Read the Introductions board some time and anyone can see how evident it is that what you say here is correct.

With that said, you also mentioned how vested interest plays into this. Maybe it is your examples in the above that make the difference. Those of us without such interest may not have the gender bias on the issue, while those that do, might.

I will echo what SweetDommes said. I do think that those of us who engage in ethical poly can be the harshest of the lot in this area. I can honestly say that is probably a part of why I am, at least.

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RE: Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently tha... - 4/8/2011 7:20:17 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
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From: Savannah, GA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: blacknwht

I came to this site to learn and "learning" is what I am receiving; more like a spanking actually! I will discontinue my discussion on this subject due to the extremely fine points made by all involved and the pitiful points made by me. I can definately admit when I am wrong and on this subject, I have been.

I have done some thinking and have come to realize that my thinking on this subject is abjectly wrong and my seeking another outside my troubled marriage is wrong. I will continue to be a part of this site and others but will discontinue my quest for a companion until I resolve my issues at home.

I wish to become an integral part of the family here and coming in with a scarlet letter of shame and distrust hampers that process. I thank you all for the "correction" and look eagerly to my future growth in the community.

major points. well done.

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RE: Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently tha... - 4/8/2011 7:29:44 AM

Arpig

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Au contraire, it was you who wowed me with that line.

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RE: Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently tha... - 4/8/2011 11:26:24 AM

needlesandpins

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fr

i've skipped reading everyone else's replies and i'm posting purely from my own pov.

i have been the other woman when i was a very young 18yr old flattered by an older man's attentions while i was in hell at home. it's no excuse but he was leaving his wife anyway and we helped each other get away from a situation we weren't happy with. after a couple of weeks we realised that neither of us was happy so i told him to go back to his wife and i moved on. i have no hard feelings towards him and in fact thank him greatly for getting me away from home. however, i have hard feelings for myself. i shouldn't have been so selfish and should have thought about his wife and how she would feel, but what is done is done.

on the other side, my ex cheated on me with a so called friend of his who knew all about me. she was purely selfish and wrecked my entire marriage for a quick shag with my husband. i blame her just as much as i blame him, they are both worthless as they knew exactly what they were doing. she had had it done to her by her husband and so knew exactly how it feels, unlike me she is not a child but someone in her late 40's. he's a complete arse as he knew she was out of bounds.

karma coming back to bite me on the arse? maybe. but one thing i do know; it doesn't matter who's fault it is or what is wrong with the relationship, deception and lies to get your jollies is just damn right wrong.

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RE: Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently tha... - 4/8/2011 5:27:05 PM

frazzle

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And this is where i disagree.

Not everyone who "cheats" is looking for a quick bit on the side. There are reasons that to some may not be acceptable, to others they are.

Ive been the bit on the side and ive been the "cheater".

I became the cheater when my partner moved the goal posts, the rules of our relationship, he changed with no discussion. I didnt change what id been doing fom the start.

I have also been the other woman, with full understanding and acceptance as to why he needed an outlet. (disabled wife who couldnt meet any needs, but he still loved her and didnt want to destroy the marriage)

There are more than a few on here with similar outlooks, Step into someones shoes and live there for a while, before you condemn.

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