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RE: Newbie seeks advice and resources - 5/8/2006 10:35:53 PM

MissDiandSirHugh

Posts: 1158
Joined: 8/11/2005
From: Goondiwindi ( Qld )
Status: offline

SCExecutiveSub we agree fully with the advice given here on learning and geting to know your thoughts and feelings no matter what you are patience is the best companion to have with you on your journy.
As to the Dom who has approached you and told you what he wants on your first meeting please if you do decide to meet him do it in public and at no time give him any detailed knowledge of your address or how you may be contacted other than on here and most of all go with yor feelings and what your heart and mind tells you at all times if it says run then run like the wind and do not turn back.
Just enjoy your search for knowledge and for the one for you at all times but be ready to show others that you are no push over either.

< Message edited by MissDiandSirHugh -- 5/8/2006 10:37:10 PM >

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RE: Newbie seeks advice and resources - 5/9/2006 7:21:47 AM

SweetMocca

Posts: 3
Joined: 4/23/2006
Status: offline

helloSCExecSub. i'm also a newbie. i haven't yet experienced a r/t Dom/sub relationship because i'm being ever so careful & cautious in selecting a Master to serve. there is presently a Dom i've been talking with for a little over a year and He wants me to relocate without having met face2face. i'm not ready to commit in this way & He's threatening to leave me if i don't move soon. it's a difficult situation for me because i've become bonded to Him in many ways. plz take it slow...i wish you the best.

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RE: Newbie seeks advice and resources - 5/9/2006 3:52:38 PM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear SweetMocca,

Oh dear lass; if you do relocate you will be in strange waters. At least where you are you know places, people and have your roots.

I do understand the heart leaps and belly burns in finding someone who speaks in letters that calls to you in lovely ways-- However, it will be said, that if you are worth it--you'll both meet face to face.

You would not buy sight unseen any item for sale. You don't know where he lives--he may even be in a trailer with garbage all about, a slob and not very nice at all.

Hopefully, you will seek out a BDSM Support and or Education Group.
If there is nothing local, travel to the nearest one. Perhaps conventions. I know it is odd to consider but, seek out local Gay Leather groups as well. You'll know that they won't seek sex from you but, they will open their arms and make you welcome, when they know that you seek BDSM, M/s and or D/s experience. There are Lesbian Groups as well -- they'll respect your dignity also. All these groups are sincere in helping those new, survive and have a positive experience.

However, everybody across the board will say--it is unwise to relocate to a Master, Mistress, slave sight unseen.

If you have relatives living near a BDSM Support and Education group, stay with them, get a rental car-- go to that group and take in all you can. The more you know, the better quality of the choice you make.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

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RE: Newbie seeks advice and resources - 5/9/2006 5:02:17 PM

xxmstrchasxx

Posts: 423
Joined: 5/9/2006
Status: offline

quote:

A dom has recently contacted me and has demanded play on our first 'date' tomorrow evening. I am feeling way to much pressure having not ever met this person before in my life. Comments such as 'you are not serious if you don't' and 'You WILL be my pet'

Sounds more like a Dom wannabe than a Dom

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RE: Newbie seeks advice and resources - 5/9/2006 5:38:01 PM

rabbitgirl

Posts: 3
Joined: 5/8/2006
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mmm, im new too, its hard living in a place where there isn't any munches (!i think thats the right word!!) so i have to find someone online, and who will be out of town! im already doing tasks with one guy, who i haven't even seen! we txt and i send pxts....i want to please, and want to be good, but maybe im being too eager!

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RE: Newbie seeks advice and resources - 5/10/2006 2:30:12 AM

MistressLove999

Posts: 201
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: Daytona Beach, Florida
Status: offline

Forgive me A/all for pasting this here but hopefully she and others just starting will take heed, because a GOOD Dom will take it slow and easy, he will let you get to know him and he you, building the trust between you slowly. Please don't let anyone rush you or bully you into anything. You were given some awesome advice, especially about the one of bringing someone with you. I am an older Domme and I do NOT meet new subs alone ever, we meet with a group of people for coffee/dinner and chat there.
I saw the following one day and loved it I copied it, the author is unknown to me, it can also be changed to fit either gender.

A MASTER
A Man who displays sensitivity will be a Master who is sensitive to you.
A Man who displays humility will be a Master who will show you respect.
A Man who is not afraid to cry will be a Master who understands your tears.
A Man who is quiet will be a Master who will hear your quietest whisper,
A Man who knows fear will be a Master who will not leave you to face yours alone.
A Man who will listen to a child will be a Master who will always work to understand your words.
A Man who can stand alone will be a Master who will not crush you under His weight.
A Man who controls Himself with ease will be a Master with the ability to control you in the same way.
A Man who does not have to prove His point will be a Master with many worthwhile points to share.
A Man who never makes demands will be a Master who treasures anything you give.
A Man who doesn't run after you will be a Master you will never need to run away from.
A Man who is calm will be a Master who can weather your storms.
A Man who has walked the path to peace will be a Master able to guide you along that path.
A Man who does not shout will be a Master who will never deafen you.
A Man who knows Himself will be a Master who will have time to know you.
A Man with an open mind will be a Master who never stops learning.
A Man who never stops learning will be a Master who never stops growing.
A Man who always seeks to be the best He can be for you is the only Man truly worthy of being called Master.

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Play nice & Be Well,

Mistress Love

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RE: Newbie seeks advice and resources - 5/10/2006 3:06:58 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

OK petal, what I put here is my own opinion and way of looking at things, take what you find useful and feel free to ignore the rest.

If the person you are planning on meeting is 'demanding' play on the first meeting.... he isn't worth meeting. You are not his yet, you have not submitted yet and he is frankly in no position to demand anything of you.

Like my old friend IB there I 'EXPECT' the first meeting to be somewhere SSC, public, well lit, well known and with good transport. There is NO expectation of play on the first meeting, heck before I've met them how do I know I'm even interested enough in the person to WANT to play?

Have I played on the first meeting in the past? Yep, but there was no expectation of doing so, it felt right, both of us where drawn to do so and we went with it, but that was after a number of hours chatting and finding we liked the person first.

Comments like "you are not serious if you don't"... BIG red flag, you are being played petal, a horny net geek has spotted someone new and insecure and is trying to use that to get a cheep lay. My advice: RUN! Have nothing to do with ANYONE who tries that kind of bullshit.

Keep exploring, keep learning and above all, keep being CAREFUL. Make the experiences you collect 'good' ones rather than walking into bad situations. Learn what you are looking for, don't submit to the first horndog who turns up with a Dom lable pinned to their chest.

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This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

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