too honest to submit?

too honest to submit? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

toofriendly -> too honest to submit? (4/9/2011 8:28:41 PM)
Hi. I'm not really new to this. I've always been a submissive but don't necessarily have any fetishes. I love when guys make me feel...little? I guess? When they come off as so knowledgable and cool that I just want to crawl next to them and learn everything I can. Keeping this in mind, I don't really care for bullshit, nor do I humor men in order for them to feel better about themselves. Unfortunately, this has been my downfall as a sub. I don't scream and/or moan during sex if you give me no reason to. If I'm bored, I'm bored. Guys don't like this. When I get spanked and don't respond by screaming, Guys don't seem to like this either. When I refuse to to respond to their weak attempt to flirt online (pointless), Guys don't like this either. I've not genuinely connected with any Dominant men ever because I'm not submissive enough for them. And I was wondering if I should just give up being submissive. I thought it was a natural thing to be submissive but vanilla men think I'm too dominant, independent and/or intimidating (their words) and Dominant men say I'm just plain not submissive. So what am I? I have no interest in dominating others. What do you guys think?

littlewonder -> RE: too honest to submit? (4/9/2011 8:36:25 PM)
It just means you haven't found the one for you. Master requires honesty in everything. If I'm not feeling whatever it is then he wants to know that. Does that make me dominant? No...it just means that sometimes I'm not always feeling up to whatever it is or the mood isn't right, or whatever. I'm still submissive to him and that's all that matters.

toofriendly -> RE: too honest to submit? (4/9/2011 8:42:13 PM)
That makes me feel a little better. I hope there's someone else out there for me. I just can't count how many men label me as not a real submissive or a bad submissive after a convo that didn't go as planned. And just now I got another mail saying I'll never find a Dom.

sirssubk2008 -> RE: too honest to submit? (4/9/2011 9:10:55 PM)
Just keep looking. I've heard the same things for alot of the same reasons, but I agree with littlewonder, just haven't found the right one yet. Honesty is definately a good thing. Those that feel you should 'fake it' just to make them feel that you are 'submissive' are just wankers (IMO).

DarkSteven -> RE: too honest to submit? (4/9/2011 10:05:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: toofriendly That makes me feel a little better. I hope there's someone else out there for me. I just can't count how many men label me as not a real submissive or a bad submissive after a convo that didn't go as planned. And just now I got another mail saying I'll never find a Dom. That's one of the marks of a weenie, that they try to make you feel bad if you don't mesh with them. There are men out there that will make you feel like submitting. You haven't met any of them yet. I assume that's due to your age, that you haven't yet perfected the art of rejecting those that aren't a good fit.

LoveSparkie -> RE: too honest to submit? (4/9/2011 11:24:10 PM)
You sound a lot like me. I have the same problem. I am submissive, yet independent. I think its just because we haven't found the right dom yet. Some day I will find a dom who knows and gets who I am and how to handle me and you will too. Be patient and never give up who you really are.

BKSir -> RE: too honest to submit? (4/9/2011 11:30:08 PM)
As an almighty and wise beyond words D-type (yes, that's dripping with so much sarcasm that I need to go find a shop-vac) I expect from my pets pure honesty. That's the number one thing. Of course, there will be times when I say "Well, guess what, pet of mine... too bad.", but 99% of the time, I can accept what they have to say and work with them toward a compromise, or a change in myself if I deem it appropriate. Doms are human too, and as such, just as imperfect as everyone else out there. Soooo, don't give up, there's a lot of leather clad fish in the hot wax sea. :)

phoenixmoonn13 -> RE: too honest to submit? (4/10/2011 1:40:22 AM)
master requires honesty and i would be punished if i cired out in pain and it didnt hurt etc. you jsut havent foudn teh right one yet

ranja -> RE: too honest to submit? (4/10/2011 3:17:25 AM)
you are 22 so still quite new at the whole sex thing really i agree that you might not have found the right man yet i also think that a lot of young people might expect too much of their partners, the people you are dating might have to be cut some slack at times as Mr Super Duper Right does not exist unfortunately... even if you think you have spotted him... it soon turns out he has weaknesses too. also i see nothing wrong with role playing... that way you might be able to curb your honesty, get into the game and give the guy some Masterly feelings that might just enable him to step up to the level you require of him... manipulation, get good at it

sunshinemiss -> RE: too honest to submit? (4/10/2011 4:22:52 AM)
Sunny Quote of the Day goes to BKSir [sm=cute.gif] for there's a lot of leather clad fish in the hot wax sea. :)

agirl -> RE: too honest to submit? (4/10/2011 6:05:01 AM)
All I can say is that I'm not submissive and still live rather joyously in an M/s relationship and have done for years. It doesn't really matter that much HOW submissive you are or even whether you even ARE submissive. It's much more to do with whether you want to and CAN. It doesn't matter much WHAT guys think, dominant or otherwise, it really comes down to clicking with the right guy just as it does in any other relationship. Repeating myself, I'm not submissive but there's this man that is bigger than the sum of me.......You don't have to be anything other than yourself. It makes no difference to M whether I'm submissive or not, what matters is that we respect the fact that I chose to be here, in an M/s relationship with him. Of course, there IS the aspect that some people want it and like the idea, but find that actually having to DO it is a bit of a drag. What do I think? I think you haven't come across someone that can do the job, that's all. agirl

DesFIP -> RE: too honest to submit? (4/10/2011 9:14:20 AM)
I was 48 years old before I met the only man I could ever submit to. We're still happily together, 8 years later. Keep your high standards. However, if you don't tell a guy what you need in bed, then don't blame him when he doesn't do it. If you don't start an interesting dinner conversation, don't blame him for boring you. You are required to be an equal participant in your relationships. Are you?

hausboy -> RE: too honest to submit? (4/10/2011 9:21:57 AM)
Really glad to read that the people who responded here are being supportive--when I first read your initial post, I thought "oh no! another sub is gonna get toasted" so take the advice from those above to heart--ask for what you really want, be true to yourself and be patient until you find the man compatible for you both. Don't lower your standards--when that guy comes along that totally makes you scream and moan, it will be SO worth it. Good luck and keep searching

MstrPBK -> RE: too honest to submit? (4/10/2011 9:26:10 AM)
Personally, honesty has little to do with submission. Submission has to do with how the slave gives themselves to their Master. (adjunct) Punishment is based on what extreme the Master/Dom wants to hold the slave in fear. Personally (and most slaves do not get this concept) I prefer slaves who respect me rather than fear Me. Yes I do like to see pain. Pain can be a mutual experience. MstrPBK St. Paul, MN USA

MzReel4Real -> RE: too honest to submit? (4/10/2011 9:41:19 AM)
You have a taste of that which you seek....and to date it hasn't been satisfied. Because "they" haven't yet satisifed it, they label you and make you "wrong"...hence it can't possibly be their fault, they can't own any of it...way easier to continue being them. Point is, be you, settle for no less. Submission is a gift and don't waste it on anyone who can't step up to receive and accept it. Their labels, have nothing to do with who you are or what you are....so this isn't your issue, "they" can label you what "they" choose, but you...have a standard and won't settle. You are waiting for the right man to submit to...nothing at all wrong with that. What a delcious dynamic when the two are you find each other.

leadership527 -> RE: too honest to submit? (4/10/2011 9:50:14 AM)
Whether or not you are "submissive" and what you even mean by that is up to you. I can't know. I sincerely doubt these other guys know. At best, they know that you're not submissive by their definition of submissive. It is a natural thing to be "naturally you". Anything else is, by definition, unnatural. Guys who don't like "naturally you" are probably not good fits for you. Guys who fail to register as dominant to you are probably not doms to you. You are probably not a sub to them. If, over time, you find that NO person is able to get you to submit then you oughta start considering whether your definition of submission is remotely aligned with anyone else's. If it helps you any, I'd peg you as dominant not submissive (based upon almost nothing but reading between the lines in this post here). So you'd be a dominant personality who chooses to submit in my head. That combination is maybe 80% of the posters here. I find that a lot online... less so in real life... at least the real life places I happen to go. So I'd say you're in good company. Now you're only trick is to find someone who can make you choose to submit and who wants that sort of a partner.

toofriendly -> RE: too honest to submit? (4/10/2011 10:15:09 AM)
THere's nothing I like better than answers that everyone can agree on. All i need to do is find mister right. I'm so happy. You guys have made me feel a lot better about my circumstances.

Palliata -> RE: too honest to submit? (4/10/2011 11:00:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder It just means you haven't found the one for you. Master requires honesty in everything. If I'm not feeling whatever it is then he wants to know that. Does that make me dominant? No...it just means that sometimes I'm not always feeling up to whatever it is or the mood isn't right, or whatever. I'm still submissive to him and that's all that matters. Couldn't have said it better myself. This is my ideal dynamic - my ego is more than sufficient to take care of itself, and I don't need a sub playing to it. I'd rather live in an unfortunate reality than a well-constructed fantasy.

DarkSteven -> RE: too honest to submit? (4/10/2011 11:01:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MstrPBK Personally, honesty has little to do with submission. Submission has to do with how the slave gives themselves to their Master. (adjunct) I don't agree. To me, a slave/sub who is not honest with his or her M type has not given themself fully. Once an s type lies or misrepresents to me, the relationship is in deep trouble.

MaxsBoy -> RE: too honest to submit? (4/10/2011 11:23:54 AM)
FR OP, I'm another of those "not truly submissive" submissives. My last "Dom" used to say so to me all the time, but the problem was not that I am not really submissive - the problem is that I wasn't submissive to him (and in fact he ended up as my sub eventually, but that's another story). Some people are just on the dominant end of the submission spectrum. That just means you need to search for the Dom who makes you feel the need to submit. It might be a longer search for you than it is for some others, but hang in there and it'll happen eventually. Being honest and picky is only going to increase your chances of finding the right one.

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.046875