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not sure if I'm in the right place... - 4/10/2011 4:04:05 PM

curdom

Posts: 2
Joined: 4/10/2011
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Hi!

So I'm not sure I'm even in the right place, or if any of this is for me. But I guess I'm curious or whatever, and looking for some answers.

I have these feelings I suppose...I feel guilty even writing it down. I think about like being in charge etc. I'm a 26 year old guy and I only sort of have limited experience with all this. All my experiences except 1 have been I guess "vanilla", but the reason I feel I might be into all of this is because I had one relationship where I practiced some "dominant" type behaviours.
Recently I think about all of this more and more, and often feel guilty about it, like it's wrong but yet I want to do it again. Even at the time I felt bad for "making" this girl do this stuff, even though it was her that got me into it, and wanted me to treat her that way, if that makes sense? I am really just confused as to how I feel about this and I want to feel better about it.

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RE: not sure if I'm in the right place... - 4/10/2011 5:19:12 PM

ashjor911

Posts: 7793
Joined: 9/7/2010
From: balcony, having a Smoke
Status: offline

Welcome To CM

Let me tell you that THIS IS THE RIGHT PLACE.

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"operative" working undercover for the federal government of bangladesh.

my name is : bonsh ... jamesh bonsh.
code name : 009.5
licensed to give formla

(in reply to curdom)

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RE: not sure if I'm in the right place... - 4/10/2011 5:48:09 PM

Delilya

Posts: 4108
Joined: 2/2/2011
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Welcome to CM and best of luck to you. Read the forums, they are a wealth of information.

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“Love me without fear, trust me without questioning, need me without demanding, want me without restrictions, accept me without changes, desire me without inhibitions"-Dick Sutphen

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RE: not sure if I'm in the right place... - 4/10/2011 6:19:27 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Yeah, I went through that as well, and sometimes still have twinges.

Look, SOMEONE has to be in charge. Just make sure that you don't abuse the power granted to you. It's fine to hurt others as long as you don't harm them.

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"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: not sure if I'm in the right place... - 4/10/2011 9:43:58 PM

poise

Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
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Welcome to Collarme. This is a great site to learn about these feelings of yours.
If it helps ease your guilt any, there are many many many women out there
that want a man to take control of them. Best of luck in your search!

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When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

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RE: not sure if I'm in the right place... - 4/10/2011 9:52:31 PM

Selectivelight

Posts: 191
Joined: 9/30/2010
Status: offline

Welcome to CM, you -are- in the right place. The forums are a great place to learn new things.

May I just say, you seem to have a reasonably level head on your shoulders. That you care enough about your partner to be concerned for your behavior is a good sign. No matter what you ultimately decide, you're on the right track for questioning it.

(in reply to poise)

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RE: not sure if I'm in the right place... - 4/11/2011 8:02:08 AM

silvery

Posts: 1
Joined: 4/7/2011
Status: offline

to Curdom, yes I think you are in the right place. [image] What a state the world has got into when a man feels guilty about wanting to be manly!

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RE: not sure if I'm in the right place... - 4/13/2011 5:21:24 AM

tiggerspoohbear

Posts: 19141
Joined: 6/27/2010
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Welcome to CM and the boards. No need to feel guilty, if these are your feelings, own them. Learn from reading newer and older threads here. Take your time, there's no rush. And hang around, there's also some great people to meet here. Good luck.

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RE: not sure if I'm in the right place... - 4/15/2011 7:53:31 AM

curdom

Posts: 2
Joined: 4/10/2011
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So thanks for all the replies. I've had a look around the site and I'm sure I am in the right place!

It seems that there are a fair few women out there who want to be "taken control of", if that's the right terminology. I suppose feeling guilty about wanting to do that stems from a couple of things if I really think about it. The first is that I'd feel really bad doing things which, albeit consensual, seem kinda degrading to me. Like I think back to that one relationship I had with a girl who sort of allowed me to do things, where I suppose I treated her "roughly". Without being too graphic (!) a lot of what I seem to like involved her underwear around her neck and in her mouth, and also spitting. I think about it a lot...I suppose a bit like when you really want a cup of coffee...!
Anyway, like I say I felt like I was degrading her by giving into these feelings- even though she willingly participated. I was brought up to respect women and all that and I feel guilty treating a woman that way. Very conflicted!
The second reason I suppose is more internal and I feel that somehow I should be satisfied by a more "vanilla" relationship. After all, most of the country seems to walk around quite happy doing normal things with their spouses...so why shouldn't I? And then I feel like there's something wrong with me!
I am also confused and wary about bringing this topic up. Like if I met somebody...how do you just say "I'd like to...have you wear whatever....and lock you up for 2 days with your pants in your mouth...and then do whatever to you"!! I know that sounds ridiculous but I'd worry about scaring somebody off, so I'd just bottle it up again like I always have! And they always find out there's something amiss eventually and then blame themselves- think they're not enough etc, and then I feel more guilty. Annoying I know, thanks for reading.

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