RE: Discussing interests with sig. other

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ranja -> RE: Discussing interests with sig. other (4/15/2011 3:15:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarlingDisaster You think it's too severe lol " Ha, i was thinking about him, and the stains on the carpet if you want him to be your master and do these things that turn you on... and have him do it at exactly the right time and in the right manner then you can not start with slamming a bottle to pieces and tell him he's a sissy if he doesn't force you down and make you crawl through the shards while calling you a worthless whore and killing fag ends on your butt... not if you have not prepared him a bit more gently first (manipulation) even to tell him you want to crawl through broken glass might be too much, because the above image might be a total turn off to him start with just crawling on the carpet first, kiss his feet beg him to insult you, ask him to put his foot on your neck... if you want more pain introduce rice or cause yourself some carpet burns. same with the ice bath... it takes planning and is quite a boring job to fill a tub with ice, are you gonna fill the tub yourself or would you like him to go through all this effort to 'surprice' you?... why not just suggest him to make you take a cold shower, see how hard he can make your nipples

DesFIP -> RE: Discussing interests with sig. other (4/15/2011 4:36:50 AM)
You haven't talked at all about what he wants, you don't seem interested in anything except handing him a script to play out. Are you sure he's interested in that? What does he want? Ask him. And as far as feeling to shy to talk to him, there's a rule of thumb: if you can't talk about it, you shouldn't be doing it.

ranja -> RE: Discussing interests with sig. other (4/15/2011 4:52:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP And as far as feeling to shy to talk to him, there's a rule of thumb: if you can't talk about it, you shouldn't be doing it. well, no i disagree with that, for me there are plenty of things left unspoken that we manage to do perfectly ok obviously it might be good to talk about stuff, but you definitely don't always need to and some people actually prefer not to verbally bash everything to death still they take great pleasure in physically doing it. especially if you value the surprise factor she could of course turn her own shyness into a game, dress appropriately, have that stiff drink and hand him a list of questions for him to 'interrogate' her with... obviously if she gives him the right incentive and he takes to it he will start asking his own questions at some point....

sunshinemiss -> RE: Discussing interests with sig. other (4/15/2011 7:48:34 AM)
To the OP: Show him this thread, and then go for a walk. Come back, and have a chat. Good luck, sunshine

LillyBoPeep -> RE: Discussing interests with sig. other (4/15/2011 10:23:35 AM)
i don't agree that just because you can't talk about something, you shouldn't do it. lots of people have internalized shame or fear responses to things that are otherwise fulfilling to them in some way. i still don't talk out loud about some things i like, but i'll write them down, just because sometimes i feel weird for liking them. that rule may be true for some things, but not for every thing or every one. i do agree, however, that these activities really require that he is also into them. you can't force someone to do something, especially if it ends up causing harm to them. if he doesn't want to make her do this stuff, but she tries to force him, it could cause him to resent her. you have to know whether he's really even into any of that. extreme things can seem fun in fantasy, but the reality is often less fun.

kalikshama -> RE: Discussing interests with sig. other (4/15/2011 11:14:06 AM)
quote: Anything that involves nakedness usually gets a man's eager attention. Sunny! Quote of the Day nomination

kalikshama -> RE: Discussing interests with sig. other (4/15/2011 11:18:39 AM)
Here's a booklist: http://www.collarchat.com/m_1726118/tm.htm Try buying "Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism," reading it together, and see what comes up.

DarlingDisaster -> RE: Discussing interests with sig. other (4/15/2011 12:41:49 PM)
I guess I should reiterate that I am not trying to be selfish about any of this. I know it may seem one sided because I'm asking for help with what I need to express but the truth is we don't have problems doing what he wants (therefore you aren't hearing about all the things we do for him). It's not like I expect to do these things every time we have sex. I just wanted to figure out a way to break through some of the embarrassment. I do want to thank everyone here that has tried to help (and not just accused me of being selfish) I love Adam very much and if I didn't care about what he likes or wanted I would have no problem just jumping into this conversation. I really couldn't give a shit less what most people think but he's my world. Also, I don't have a scripted scenerio that I want played out I was just sort of listing in general for the sake of understanding. There is much more to it but the internet has a way of losing a bit in the translation. If any of us were sitting in person discussing the situation I think it would be easier to explain but here we are in an online forum and I'm trying my best to convey the dilemma as I see it. We have rough, kinky, great sex and I brought out sides of him he didn't know he had-problem is I want dirtier situations that I feel a little wierd about. Anyhow, thank you guys again and as for the book, I will probably order it this weekend. I've been messaging another member and she actually suggested that as well so I think that's going to be a good start.

leadership527 -> RE: Discussing interests with sig. other (4/15/2011 12:53:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarlingDisaster I want dirtier situations that I feel a little wierd about. This is exactly why I always say that intimacy is vulnerability. So ask yourself, how truly intimate do you wish to be with this person? If the answer is, "more is better" then you're gonna have to suck up the vulnerability thing. Don't get wrong. I sympathize. It's one of those things that are way easier to say than do. But still... there ya have it.

DarlingDisaster -> RE: Discussing interests with sig. other (4/15/2011 12:55:23 PM)
I did want to throw another thought out there and see if anyone had any ideas. If I wait until we have a night to ourselves I could pick a fight with him, obviously that will give me the chance to throw something (broken glass) chances are he'll be upset enough to call me names (probably won't do much more than that but it's a start) and then atleast I'd have a golden opportunity to have some painful degrading sex =) Idk worth a shot maybe or is it a stupid idea? Plus it wouldn't feel so "set up"

ranja -> RE: Discussing interests with sig. other (4/15/2011 1:30:55 PM)
that is one way to go about it i would not recommend... but who knows maybe it'll work for you. We have a pair of leather handcuffs with fiddly buckles, sometimes i'll give them to Him and ask if He would be so kind to put them on me please... and then i try to escape and fight him off as hard as i can... it is great fun... very hot and a real fight... it has non of the unsexy bad vibes of a 'picked' fight about it though Edit... the problem with your scenario is that it is totally set up, you would try to con him, it could pan out with a total ruination of a night and totally turn him off any idea about sexy stuff with broken glass. it is devoid of any humor bad manipulation... you need to find a better way to manipulate

DarlingDisaster -> RE: Discussing interests with sig. other (4/15/2011 5:59:10 PM)
Yeah, I agree fighting may not be the way to go but earlier I did ask if he wanted to fight with me and we could have some hatesex (like I said he's got some idea of what I like) albeit in a joking manner...he smiled and called me a bitch lol!

NocturnalStalker -> RE: Discussing interests with sig. other (4/15/2011 7:42:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarlingDisaster Ok, so after talking with another member about this she helped me realize maybe there's nothing "taboo" about what I want. I just don't really know how to explain this without losing the aspect of being controlled and surprised. A little background to start: My fiance and I have been together for years and I have opened him up to a few things (on occasion he asphyxiates me or uses a ballgag) but other than things being very intense, that's kind of the limit. I'm not the type to just bow down because I want to give him control, he has to challenge me there (psychologically, emotionally, and physically) To make matters more difficult, what I want is WAY more extreme than a little hair pulling or spanking and I don't know how to get him to learn about it or want to do it. I think he could enjoy it if given the opportunity to expose himself to it and if he didn't freak out. So...enough bad grammar and run-on sentences I'll jump to the point: I want to be forced to crawl over broken glass a rope braided into my hair for him to pull spit on, cigarettes flicked at me, called names hog tied and shoved under water with his foot on my head I want to be teased with knives gagged in an ice bath restrained uncomfortably in absolute darkness while I hear him in the background I want to be pinned against a wall, strapped to it and brought to the edge but denied most of all, I want him to want all of it and I don't want to be embarrassed about it then I want to be kissed and brought breakfast in bed... So, are there any ideas on bringing him in my little world or is that a bit much to introduce him to? If anyone can suggest any books or anything that could maybe get him to take the initiative and open up pandora's box please let me know. Thanks for your time! "How can I make my boyfriend a borderline serial killer?" Edit topic title with this, pls.

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