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Can someone talk to me about collaring and the collars ... - 4/15/2011 2:40:14 PM   
Revenge93


Posts: 22
Joined: 10/1/2010
Status: offline 		I understand that to be collared is something of a big deal in the BDSM community, a sort of symbolic commitment to someone. How is this different than say, a normal steady relationship? For subs, does the collaring represent something different than simply being asked to be in a traditional relationship with your dominant significant other? Are the emotions evoked by being collared different than those those from being asking into an exclusive relationship?

I have been seeing someone for some time, and although we enjoy a D/s (almost master/slave) relationship, it has always been understood that although she exclusively belongs to me, I had still been seeing other people. This girl has very strong emotions for me and has been wanting more. I've stopped seeing anybody else, and I'm considering telling her that I'm finally going to accept her into a more concrete relationship. I do know it's been something she has wanted for awhile, but I wasn't ready. I feel comfortable with being in a more traditional relationship now, and genuinely care about this girl. I've never felt closer to someone.

But, I want to know more about collaring and what it represents to others in this subculture. I would like to tell her that she belongs to me, and to formally put on her first collar (we've played with collars before, but I mean something symbolic and permanent). I want it to be clear that I find her special and want to keep her around, not only as a significant other, but as a possession or servant that I dearly cherish and want to protect. I'm not really sure how to put how I view this subject into words, but hopefully you can understand what I'm getting at. It's possible I'm over-romanticizing the collar, but I believe she shares similar feelings about it.

I am wanting to hear stories about collaring "ceremonies" (for lack of a better word), other opinions on the subject, or suggestions how to approach the situation with my girl. I want this to be romantic, if I decide to go through with it. I need to understand everything I can about collaring though.

Also, assuming I go through with collaring her, where could I find something simple and small for her to wear? Something like a simple leather choker/collar with a ring for a lead, something that doesn't overtly look sexual and could be worn daily? Of course, a collar is going to seem sexual to anybody who understands the meaning, but I've even vanilla girls wear them as fashion accessories before, so it shouldn't be too suspicious.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Can someone talk to me about collaring and the coll... - 4/15/2011 3:28:09 PM   
coookie


Posts: 541
Joined: 10/25/2010
Status: offline 		Collaring can be as serious as a wedding ceremony for some and others seem to throw on a collar as soon as they meet. For me i liken it to a much more serious commitment. I have been his for years and still he has not collared me. I personally wouldn't have a ceremony which others would be involved in because it isnt my style .. hell if i were to get married again i would prefer to elope lol.
We have spoken about the collar and for us a necklace of some kind which would not be removed would be the collar i would wear everyday. Good luck.

(in reply to Revenge93)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Can someone talk to me about collaring and the coll... - 4/15/2011 3:52:54 PM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline 		If you do a search on both collar and collaring, you'll find stuff -- lots of it. For myself, I take collars fairly seriously... and my boi wears just one, 24/7 -- that's the way I like it. I collared her formally, but just the two of us, no big ceremony with people. I have been to many of them, however, and they are important to those involved. Just today I was asked to stand up for someone at their formal collaring.

again, do a search, you'll find a lot in thise forum and likely in others...


quote:

ORIGINAL: Revenge93

I understand that to be collared is something of a big deal in the BDSM community, a sort of symbolic commitment to someone. How is this different than say, a normal steady relationship? For subs, does the collaring represent something different than simply being asked to be in a traditional relationship with your dominant significant other? Are the emotions evoked by being collared different than those those from being asking into an exclusive relationship?

I have been seeing someone for some time, and although we enjoy a D/s (almost master/slave) relationship, it has always been understood that although she exclusively belongs to me, I had still been seeing other people. This girl has very strong emotions for me and has been wanting more. I've stopped seeing anybody else, and I'm considering telling her that I'm finally going to accept her into a more concrete relationship. I do know it's been something she has wanted for awhile, but I wasn't ready. I feel comfortable with being in a more traditional relationship now, and genuinely care about this girl. I've never felt closer to someone.

But, I want to know more about collaring and what it represents to others in this subculture. I would like to tell her that she belongs to me, and to formally put on her first collar (we've played with collars before, but I mean something symbolic and permanent). I want it to be clear that I find her special and want to keep her around, not only as a significant other, but as a possession or servant that I dearly cherish and want to protect. I'm not really sure how to put how I view this subject into words, but hopefully you can understand what I'm getting at. It's possible I'm over-romanticizing the collar, but I believe she shares similar feelings about it.

I am wanting to hear stories about collaring "ceremonies" (for lack of a better word), other opinions on the subject, or suggestions how to approach the situation with my girl. I want this to be romantic, if I decide to go through with it. I need to understand everything I can about collaring though.

Also, assuming I go through with collaring her, where could I find something simple and small for her to wear? Something like a simple leather choker/collar with a ring for a lead, something that doesn't overtly look sexual and could be worn daily? Of course, a collar is going to seem sexual to anybody who understands the meaning, but I've even vanilla girls wear them as fashion accessories before, so it shouldn't be too suspicious.



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(in reply to Revenge93)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Can someone talk to me about collaring and the coll... - 4/15/2011 4:02:29 PM   
Revenge93


Posts: 22
Joined: 10/1/2010
Status: offline 		Thanks. By ceremony I didn't mean I wanted to perform anything in front of people, but maybe something special between the two of us. I also searched on here, but the keywords "collaring" and "collar" show an overwhelming number of unrelated results, and although I read through quite a bit, I was wanting even more information specific to my situation as a relatively inexperienced dom.

As far what I'm looking for in a collar that could be worn daily, something similar to a simple choker with a ring, such as this:



That would be perfect if I could find something with a slightly more understated ring. It would need to almost appear as an alternative fashion accessory.

< Message edited by Revenge93 -- 4/15/2011 4:03:19 PM >

(in reply to Madame4a)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Can someone talk to me about collaring and the coll... - 4/15/2011 4:06:30 PM   
coookie


Posts: 541
Joined: 10/25/2010
Status: offline 		It depends on what her position is in society. If she were a professional then that would not be appropriate IMO. I personally would not be comfortable wearing a collar like that day in and day out. To a bar or concert sure. But that is something that the two of you would have to discuss. I have seen metal collars that look more like jewelry that i personally would be more comfortable wearing

(in reply to Revenge93)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Can someone talk to me about collaring and the coll... - 4/15/2011 4:11:25 PM   
SirRussellP


Posts: 107
Joined: 1/10/2006
Status: offline 		Collars are important to me, though she will go through several before the final collar is offered.  I think it takes time to get to know each other before the big collar. 

Today there is a collar of consideration, then a training collar even though I have been training her from the beginning, finally there is the collar that says she is mine and I am hers.

I truly hate the velcro collars that seem to be so popular today.

Russell

(in reply to Madame4a)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Can someone talk to me about collaring and the coll... - 4/15/2011 4:19:30 PM   
Revenge93


Posts: 22
Joined: 10/1/2010
Status: offline 		It would not seem like a very outlandish thing for her to wear, based on her regular sense of fashion. I wouldn't expect her to wear it to work (in medical/handicapped care), but this girl would likely wear it everywhere else if she thought it would please me. It's my decision to find something rather "normal" looking, because she's someone who wouldn't take appropriate attire into consideration, and wants to follow orders. Chokers similar to that aren't uncommon to see on younger girls, especially if involved in any alternative subculture. I want something that is recognizable as a collar, but more of a fashion accessory than fetish symbol.

I still have our larger functional collar to be used in the bedroom. This new collar will be similar to a "promise ring".

< Message edited by Revenge93 -- 4/15/2011 4:21:35 PM >

(in reply to coookie)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Can someone talk to me about collaring and the coll... - 4/15/2011 4:36:14 PM   
Revenge93


Posts: 22
Joined: 10/1/2010
Status: offline 		http://www.stockroom.com/Premium-Garment-Leather-Collar-P2915.aspx

I believe this is exactly what I'm looking for. It's relatively small and simple.

I need to decide whether to do this, and how to talk to her about it.

(in reply to Revenge93)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Can someone talk to me about collaring and the coll... - 4/15/2011 4:54:20 PM   
AcademyForSlaves


Posts: 712
Joined: 2/24/2006
Status: offline 		I collar slaves in several different ways. Some ways are by contract only if he is unable to wear a collar publicly. Whereas other slaves I collar will wear the collar 24/7 but it will be a discreet collar so he can wear it always and in public but it will not be obvious; usually a thin black leather cord necklace or a chain. That way he knows what it represents but his boss or employees will not know it is BDSM related. This is for his own privacy. I love collaring a slave. I especially love owning a slave by signed slave contract. he has to live up to all that he writes, vows, and signs. It takes willingness and devotion. If he does not live up to his contract then it is his own loss of course.

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http://www.academyforslaves.com/home.html

(in reply to Revenge93)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Can someone talk to me about collaring and the coll... - 4/15/2011 6:36:38 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5172
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		Collaring means exactly what you and she agree it means, nothing more, nothing less.  What others believe has nothing to do with your own relationship.

I was collared quietly with just the two of us.  Some have big ceremonies.  That is your choice.

As to the collar, that can be many things besides a collar around the neck.  I wear a buckle ring for mine.  I can wear it in any situation without raising eyebrows.  If you are interested here are some examples of the rings. 

http://www.overstock.com/Jewelry-Watches/Sterling-Silver-Black-Diamond-Accent-Buckle-Ring/4771446/product.html

(in reply to Revenge93)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Can someone talk to me about collaring and the coll... - 4/15/2011 6:56:26 PM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline 		Depends on those involved. Personally, they are meaningless to me other than as a hot-as-fuck fashion accessory.

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(in reply to Revenge93)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Can someone talk to me about collaring and the coll... - 4/15/2011 6:59:45 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Revenge93

Also, assuming I go through with collaring her, where could I find something simple and small for her to wear? Something like a simple leather choker/collar with a ring for a lead, something that doesn't overtly look sexual and could be worn daily? Of course, a collar is going to seem sexual to anybody who understands the meaning, but I've even vanilla girls wear them as fashion accessories before, so it shouldn't be too suspicious.


Greetings,

i don't care for leather collars and the idea of sleeping with that is a bit of an annoyance, not to mention its removal when showering. i have always preferred jewelry for its simplicity and tastefulness. i generally like an everyday piece and another that is utilized for formal occasions. i have fallen in love with this and would be inclined to beg for it. The only customization required is the necklace and monogramming. It's a neat play on debauchery with an undercurrent of class that i adore.

Namaste,

~porcelaine


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His will; my fate.

(in reply to Revenge93)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Can someone talk to me about collaring and the coll... - 4/15/2011 7:12:08 PM   
Muttling


Posts: 1612
Joined: 9/30/2007
Status: offline 		You other post expressed an interest in blood play.  There's a LOT of good information in the posts above and collars are well described above.  IM those folks and ask them to talk to you about collars if you don't get it.     Put blood play on the back burner as you  can't get blood play if you can't get collars.

(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Can someone talk to me about collaring and the coll... - 4/16/2011 7:22:41 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Within the last five pages of this topic board, there are a few threads on the subject of collars and collaring.  During the course of these, a number of folks have expressed what these things mean to them.  I think a few of us even discussed our own collaring ceremonies and why they had significance to us.  Flip back through a few pages and you'll find a great deal of information on the subject.

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(in reply to Muttling)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Can someone talk to me about collaring and the coll... - 4/16/2011 9:34:54 AM   
Ariane23


Posts: 88
Joined: 12/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Revenge93

http://www.stockroom.com/Premium-Garment-Leather-Collar-P2915.aspx

I believe this is exactly what I'm looking for. It's relatively small and simple.

I need to decide whether to do this, and how to talk to her about it.


You've wisely worked out that it wouldn't be practical at work. In her profession, any permanant collar might be dangerous.

But if it suits her life outside work, it's a decision between you. I would suggest showing her the link and demanding her opinion. ;)

(in reply to Revenge93)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Can someone talk to me about collaring and the coll... - 4/16/2011 12:46:51 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		I would want something more discrete like this:





Attachment (1)

< Message edited by kalikshama -- 4/16/2011 12:48:03 PM >

(in reply to Revenge93)
Profile   Post #: 16
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