RE: Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell them apart?

RE: Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell them apart? (Full Version)

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SnowRanger -> RE: Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell them apart? (4/18/2011 7:15:52 PM)
LaTigresse, I admit that I had not thought of that at all. My comment was more directed to the remark that men were visual creatures but could be swayed to respond to inner beauty. Now that I think about it, I have seen this cruelty myself. When it comes from women, I am not sure that I fully understand it. When it comes from men, I attribute it to sour grapes. That nastiness is certainly experienced by people on either end of the "externals" spectrum. It IS really sad. Mike

LaTigresse -> RE: Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell them apart? (4/18/2011 7:19:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SnowRanger LaTigresse, I admit that I had not thought of that at all. My comment was more directed to the remark that men were visual creatures but could be swayed to respond to inner beauty. Now that I think about it, I have seen this cruelty myself. When it comes from women, I am not sure that I fully understand it. When it comes from men, I attribute it to sour grapes. That nastiness is certainly experienced by people on either end of the "externals" spectrum. It IS really sad. Mike Absolutely! If we make fun of fat people, ugly people, stupid people.....whatever we perceive as being something less desirable to BE........people will jump all over us for being cruel. But, it is somehow acceptable to be cruel and snarky to, about, those that we perceive as being or having, something we all want. Even if we won't admit we want it. Consider how we trash the celebs.

sunshinemiss -> RE: Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell them apart? (4/18/2011 7:26:46 PM)
I read once about the compassion that Mother Teresa had for the rich. She said that the rich are always insecure about losing their money. Many beautiful people have the same concerns about their looks.

porcelaine -> RE: Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell them apart? (4/18/2011 7:52:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse I honestly do not understand the nastiness. As different as Saharah Eve and I are, I admire her. Given the opportunity I sincerely believe I would enjoy meeting her and visiting with her. For all of her beauty I always get the sense of an intelligent and complex woman. A woman with a sense of humour. The nastiness can be downright brutal at times and i think you have to be well adjusted and able to rise above it to avoid swimming in the trenches with people that take great pride in marring anyone they perceive as better in some capacity. And when you start adding on the accomplishments and differentiating yourself from others the response can be very telling. As long as we're all one in the same it's okay, but don't stray too far from the pack or someone might get their feelings hurt. quote: The catty competitive shit annoys me and causes me to lose respect for a woman. I don't have to be like another woman, share the same goals, to appreciate her and her goals. i've heard some really interesting things over the years and it's one of the reasons i'm very selective about the company i keep. i find the idea of sameness is horribly rampant in many circles as is the notion that we're all going about 'this' in an identical fashion. i don't believe women are the only persons guilty of this behavior. i've endured comments from the opposite sex that were often echoed in an attempt to downplay our differences to the degree where my attributes were negative if he lacked the same exposure or experiences. i don't find these things insulting per se, but merely note it's a sensitive issue for him and one i cannot abide. quote: But, it is somehow acceptable to be cruel and snarky to, about, those that we perceive as being or having, something we all want. Even if we won't admit we want it. Exactly. Where do you think that pillow princess comment hails from? [;)] Thank you for the compliment. You know i feel the same. xx Namaste, ~porcelaine

SaharahEve -> RE: Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell them apart? (4/18/2011 8:05:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SnowRanger Welcome Home Saharah Eve! It's nice to see you again. Respectfully, Mike SnowRanger Thank you, Mike. And let's hope no one attacks my dress! [:)]

SaharahEve -> RE: Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell them apart? (4/18/2011 8:10:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse As different as Saharah Eve and I are, I admire her. Given the opportunity I sincerely believe I would enjoy meeting her and visiting with her. For all of her beauty I always get the sense of an intelligent and complex woman. A woman with a sense of humour. Thank you, LaTigresse, for such a compliment, and I reciprocate in kind. I am flattered and honored to have received such words from you. As for my humor, it ranges from light-hearted to insanely cruel, as some of my slaves have had the "luck" of experiencing. [:D]

SaharahEve -> RE: Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell them apart? (4/18/2011 8:16:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss I read once about the compassion that Mother Teresa had for the rich. She said that the rich are always insecure about losing their money. Many beautiful people have the same concerns about their looks. And I'll reveal a little secret of some who are blessed and likewise cursed with beauty: that some, for all the advantage good looks bring, look forward to growing old and going about their business for the first time without being constantly ogled by every other man and sneered at by their wives. Don't forget that, either.

porcelaine -> RE: Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell them apart? (4/18/2011 8:26:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SnowRanger My first observation is that beautiful women can be intimidating to be around. I've been in the presence of more than a few. More often than not, one of my brilliant observations on the passing scene has escaped my lips sounding like "HOOPDEE-WHOOPDEE-HOODELDEE-BOOP!" I think that that is the origin of the expression, "My tongue got hard." Intimidating or not, I have observed a "She's too hot for me." phenomenon in a lot of guys. My point here is that I think that most guys have a comfort range (for lack of a better term) when it come to the attractiveness of women. i'm certain many have the ranges mentioned but that often is a reflection of their belief that those that fall outside of the parameters set are out of their league. i don't agree with that line of thinking as it is far too limiting and almost castigates my person in a negative manner. i like attractive men. i prefer them and that is what i date in all truth. i don't apologize for this or spend endless hours wondering if he'll feel the same. It's the inability to accept rejection that eliminates opportunities for expansion in my opinion. One can never know without making an attempt. quote: My next observation may be exclusive to me but I doubt it. External beauty may get a woman a measure of ATTENTION; but, it takes more than that to hold a man's INTEREST. I think that is a valid distinction here. i disagree. i think people need to believe this to compensate for being passed over. A better way to express the idea is to simply note that ones emphasis on physical appearance is dependent on the importance assigned. If that is at the top of his list and a sense of humor is near the bottom the suggestion won't apply. Again, we're not cut from the same cloth. Viva la difference. quote: However, I made one innocent (at least to me) mis-step and found myself down range of more venom than all of the cobras in Africa and Southern Asia combined. I managed to make amends and smooth things over. Batshit comes in all shades. It doesn't discriminate. Namaste, ~porcelaine

LadyConstanze -> RE: Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell them apart? (4/18/2011 8:31:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SaharahEve And I'll reveal a little secret of some who are blessed and likewise cursed with beauty: that some, for all the advantage good looks bring, look forward to growing old and going about their business for the first time without being constantly ogled by every other man and sneered at by their wives. Don't forget that, either. I dunno, I was never cursed or blessed so much with beauty that I considered myself outstanding, I know I'm not ugly but I also know there are a lot of women who are by far better looking, most women have something guys will ogle, be it boobs, butt, legs, hair... Of course some insecure spouses will sneer, it doesn't only happen to outstanding beauties, it also happens to us rather average gals, there are guys who are leeches and there are females that are insecure and insanely jealous, I guess the same thing happens to guys just slightly different. Edited to add: Being an ***** is not tied to a gender

SnowRanger -> RE: Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell them apart? (4/18/2011 8:39:25 PM)
OOOFFFF!?! Did Saharah Eve just punch me in the solar plexus? I usually stare with mute reverential awe... Okay I admit it I ogle.... Seriously though, a few years ago I found myself working for a large Federal land management agency. This was a recreation area with two lakes and lot's of desert. (Any Guesses?) The point Ms Eve is this. I made a point of NOT ogling the ladies for their comfort as much as my own desire to project a positive image on behalf of my employer. I turned it into a very good habit that I keep to this day. With eyes fixed studiouly straight ahead, Mike

SaharahEve -> RE: Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell them apart? (4/18/2011 8:53:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SnowRanger The point Ms Eve is this. I made a point of NOT ogling the ladies for their comfort as much as my own desire to project a positive image on behalf of my employer. I turned it into a very good habit that I keep to this day. Yet another reason why I find you beautiful, Mike. P.s. A respectful and tactfully appreciative look is one thing; glaring until your eyes virtually glow green is quite another.

SexyBossyBBW -> RE: Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell them apart? (4/18/2011 9:08:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SaharahEve quote: ORIGINAL: SexyBossyBBW quote: ORIGINAL: SaharahEve Hush, now Rochsub. Your wise words are going to stir up trouble among the not-so-lovely step sisters who had once ruined the ever-so-lovely Cinderlla's dress because of their raging jealousy. Beauty also has the power to make certain people behave in very ugly ways, you know. His words aren't stirring up trouble at all IMO. A conversation is just that. I don't see why having dissimilar, or alternative views would be taken problematic, or showing jealousy. Cinderella is problematic to the beautiful women of the world at large. I hope we aren't all showing self hate, by trying to ruin her dress. M I wasn't supporting the Cinderella Complex in Women; I was borrowing from a scene most are familiar with from childhood, which clearly portrayed the destructiveness of open jealousy about beauty. You know...a conversation is just that, and all that stuff. You're the one who used Cinderella as an example, and your intentions are for you to know, just as mine are for me to know. My point was, that not all people who may not be "the Western" model of beauty, envy, or aspire to be "the thin, tall, blonde, blue eyed model type." I don't disagree that it's better to be perceved beautiful, than not. You almost sound like human jealousy/cruelty toward one another, was created by ugly people, as a result of beauty's priviledge. The conversation is just that... You will never find a place on these boards, or anywhere, that will show me as being hateful toward other women, perceived "beautiful or not." I hope I'm not perceived as "not beautiful," therefore defending the ugly. Perhaps I should mention here that I've been invited to try for plus size modeling before (okay, it was about 20lbs and years ago, lol). M

sunshinemiss -> RE: Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell them apart? (4/18/2011 9:14:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SaharahEve quote: ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss I read once about the compassion that Mother Teresa had for the rich. She said that the rich are always insecure about losing their money. Many beautiful people have the same concerns about their looks. And I'll reveal a little secret of some who are blessed and likewise cursed with beauty: that some, for all the advantage good looks bring, look forward to growing old and going about their business for the first time without being constantly ogled by every other man and sneered at by their wives. Don't forget that, either. I feel the same way about when I leave Asia. [:)]

SnowRanger -> RE: Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell them apart? (4/18/2011 9:34:25 PM)
Hello Ms. Porcelaine, Perhaps my observation about Attention vs. Interest IS exclusive to me. ;-) Never the less I will stick to my premise. Attention and Interest are not congruent words. Further there is a big difference between attracting attention and holding interest. I am not sure what to make of the bat guano comment. The truth be told I couldn't help but feel sympathy for this woman. I could only wonder at the pain that had turned her so bitter. I'm sure that she'd been subjected to a lot of nastiness. I genuinely hope that she's okay now. By the way Porcelaine, you're going to have to teach me how to pull quotes out of previous posts like that ;-D Mike

porcelaine -> RE: Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell them apart? (4/18/2011 10:09:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SnowRanger Hello Ms. Porcelaine, Perhaps my observation about Attention vs. Interest IS exclusive to me. ;-) Never the less I will stick to my premise. Attention and Interest are not congruent words. Further there is a big difference between attracting attention and holding interest. Greetings Mike, i'm not suggesting your remarks didn't have a personal slant, but i didn't make the assumption either. i don't disagree with the differences as that would be rather foolish. Where we differ is in the belief that the idea holds true for the beholder. Altruism is nice in theory, but if the gentleman desires an arm piece and she suits his needs that may be the main ingredient for attraction and retention. While i find we're not one dimensional persons by any stretch of the word, one can elect to behave in that manner. :) quote: I am not sure what to make of the bat guano comment. The truth be told I couldn't help but feel sympathy for this woman. I could only wonder at the pain that had turned her so bitter. I'm sure that she'd been subjected to a lot of nastiness. I genuinely hope that she's okay now. Empathy doesn't preclude me from recognizing that i'm not a quasi punching bag. Most people have endured some aspect of unpleasantness in their lifetime. But that doesn't give me the right to project it on unsuspecting persons, even when it happens unintentionally. my personal hardships cannot become an acceptable crutch for a loss of self-control. While you were kind and considerate to assuage her feelings due to the errant remark, she bore responsibility for the response. quote: By the way Porcelaine, you're going to have to teach me how to pull quotes out of previous posts like that ;-D It would be my pleasure. The process is very simple and as i began writing it i realized the visual examples would probably be a better approach. CM provides a detailed list of the textual input styles you can utilize when posting. i hope it helps. Namaste, ~porcelaine

LadyNTrainer -> RE: Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell them apart? (4/18/2011 10:39:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CuriousNCurious My question is this: How does one go about telling Domms such as those above from those who are genuinely seeking a submissive partner - either for long or short term? It's harder than you might think, and it depends on your personal boundaries and relationship goals. There is such a thing as a dominant woman who is just so fucking sick of the wankers, time wasters, selfish gimme-gimme do-me's and assholes that she feels the need to set a proving ground up front on interactions with her that basically demonstrate that the person is willing to give, not just out to take. I do understand and sympathize. However, it's not actually possible to tell one of these (rightfully) annoyed and disillusioned ladies from the time wasters and selfish gimme-gimme types on the other side of the kneel, of whom there are also quite a few. You are absolutely allowed to set your own personal boundaries to say that you are not comfortable giving money to people you do not know for unspecified reasons. In fact I'd recommend it. But that doesn't solve the issue of the "asshole filter" that dominant women need to keep up just to survive with their sanity intact. It really is going to be hard to tell the exasperated dominant woman with an asshole filter apart from the greedy gold digger. If you do have money, but are reluctant to fall for scams, I would recommend this. To show you are serious and willing to give of yourself to the right woman, you will make a donation to her favorite charity in her name and show proof you have done so. A legit relationship seeker who just has an asshole filter up shouldn't have too much of a problem with this. Needless to say, you also must be polite, kind, considerate and not treat her like a fetish delivery system with tits and a whip, or no amount of donations to charity will convince her that you are not a selfish asshole who just wants to use her for kink. I am a professional dominant; I offer honest and straightforward transactions that clearly describe what you will pay and what you will get. If you pay me for an online fitness consultation that also includes kinky motivation, you will get exactly that - and it will be damn useful, too, if you have specific body recomposition goals and have had difficulty achieving them in the past. I don't consider it professional to make nebulous demands for money without being clear what is being offered, so this I do not do. I am not sure I can really blame the women who do this out of sheer frustration with all the selfish takers who treat them like things to be used. However, I absolutely do need to keep a strong filter up to weed out the endless wankers and time wasters who want my time and energy and are willing to give nothing in return. This is what I do. If you don't want to work with me professionally, then your sole option is to show up at a local BDSM event or Munch I am already attending and say hello. If you are a friendly, polite, sociable, intelligent, articulate sort, and you do NOT proposition me for play or sex, we might become friends. And we might possibly progress from there to being play partners, but the friendship has to happen first. I actually have to like and respect you as a human being, and know that you like and respect me in turn. The investment of time and energy in building a genuine friendship is actually a pretty significant one, and I honestly expect that for most people it's going to be a lot easier to get in the door with a professional session than by joining my D&D group and hanging out socially with my poly family for months to develop that level of friendship. The latter costs zero cash but a whole lot of time and energy, and most people aren't going to be a good fit for my social life to that extent.

LadyNTrainer -> RE: Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell them apart? (4/18/2011 10:48:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: samboct As far as I can tell-financial domination is nearly mythical- perhaps not quite, but pretty close. Note however, that this survey is NOT exhaustive and is only based on the women that I've met personally through this site. Pro-dommes with a lot of experience will likely come across this request eventually. Not actually true. On my old social "seeking friends only" profile, before I hung out the pro shingle, I would get tons of requests for financial domination from men wanting to be my pay piggy. I just deleted and blocked them; it's not my kink and doesn't float my boat. I would feel weird taking money from someone and not giving them a fair and honest return for it. Now that I have the pro shingle out, I actually get less of those specific requests. Which is okay with me. When I do get them, I handle them pretty much like any other client inquiry, which is to say in a straightforward professional manner. This is a huge turnoff to these guys, who expect me to buy into their fantasy from the get-go and start demanding money. Which I am not going to do. I have a certain dignity and work ethic as a professional. While I'll do somebody's fantasy, I won't lower my own standards of behavior outside of the bounds of negotiated fantasy session time.

LadyNTrainer -> RE: Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell them apart? (4/18/2011 11:02:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Ariane23 A real Domme will enter into conversation and discuss mutual kinks etc. Oh hell no I won't. If the gentleman in question can't spend some serious time getting to know me as a person, hanging out for a D&D game, geeking out on science topics, etc, and starts right in with talk about his kinks, our meeting is OVER. It's clear we don't have enough personal chemistry to enjoy one another's company, and that all he cares about is a life support system for tits and a whip. He wants the drive-through McDomme's, and I don't serve kink to order unless I'm getting paid for it. The meetings that have turned into real D/s relationships for me were ones where we found ourselves just talking for hours about fun geeky stuff and mutual interests that had nothing to do with kink. Every single meeting I've had where the conversation turned early to kink has been a no go for me. I'll do it for clients who are paying for my time, but if you want a personal relationship with me, we have to be friends first. We can't make friends if you're viewing me as a kink delivery system rather than a human being you would enjoy getting to know.

sunshinemiss -> RE: Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell them apart? (4/19/2011 1:20:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SaharahEve And I'll reveal a little secret of some who are blessed and likewise cursed with beauty: that some, for all the advantage good looks bring, look forward to growing old and going about their business for the first time without being constantly ogled by every other man and sneered at by their wives. Don't forget that, either. Here's a wonderful video about it... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QZg8XMdgX8Y Go to 2 minutes and 30 seconds and listen to what Billy Cristal says... and to the end with Mandy Patinkin... Exactly the same... [:)]

Ariane23 -> RE: Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell them apart? (4/19/2011 1:59:13 AM)
I think you posted the wrong video link.

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