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Undoing Training - 5/9/2006 8:47:36 AM   
substantialsub


Posts: 5
Joined: 5/9/2006
Status: offline 		I have a question that I was hoping others may have some insight into. Well it is actually a series of questions so here it goes...

I have only been involved with one dominant and during that time I learned to become physically aroused by certain phrases, or orders. In fact it only took his voice to arouse me. I learned to think of him as Sir or Master and it turned me on to do so after I became used to this. There were also certain positions he favored me to present myself, and certain things he liked me to say and do sexually. I became so adjusted to this over a couple of years it became second nature to me. It became engrained into my psyche.


We quit seeing each other but there is this residue of the way he taught me to think left behind. It has been about 5 months since he gave me an order but I still think in the terms he taught me to about sex and what to say and how to act. I would not see this as a problem necessarily, but I am seeing a new dominant that has his own expectations of what I will call him, and it isnt Sir or Master. He has his own ideas about how I will speak and interact with him sexually. This of course is the way it should be! We have not had sex yet, but are headed this direction, and I really want to please him... BUT I have this fear I may slip and call him Master or Sir, and I know he does not like this.

My question about all this is has anyone else been through this? How long did it take for you to adapt to a new dominant? If you are a dominant and were training a new girl to please you, would you understand that she may have a little trouble getting past experiences out of her mind? Is there a learning curve that you respect as a dominant knowng that a sub may make mistakes, especially if she is physically aroused? How would you bring this up to a new dom, or how would you like a new sub to speak to you about it? I REALLY like this new person, and I am very hopeful about this new situation... This is the only thing I am a little insecure about discussing with him. Any thoughts?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Undoing Training - 5/9/2006 8:55:33 AM   
slaverosebeauty


Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline 		We carry with us the remanents of every person we have trained under, regardless of how long we were with that person, good or bad, mundane or complex.

Communicate with this new person and explain your fears, thats what is the right thing to do and it shows trust and that you want things to work out; the lines of communication should always be open and free from censorship.

It never took me very long to adjust to a new person, I don't know why, it doesn't take me long to adjust to the time changes either. Maybe it's because I do temp work and in a given month, if I am doing short-term stuff, I can be in 4 or 5 different offices, so I have learned to adjust qucikly, and that has just carried over to this lifestyle and part of my life as well.

A long-term relaitonship, that would take a bit more time, but as long as care, communicaiton, trust and patience are there, I do not see it being a problem.

Good luck on your new relationship. :o)

_____________________________

http://slaverosebeauty.livejournal.com/

"Friends live on in our hearts, regardless if they are here or not."

(in reply to substantialsub)
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RE: Undoing Training - 5/9/2006 8:59:09 AM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		For starters... you're gonna get a whole lotta... COMMUNICATE.... talk to him.. be open.. be honest... responses.

To each things will be different. When things get brought up in conversation... those are good times to tell him... not use to that... will take some getting use to. Going back over in your mind things already talked about... little cheat  notes for you to study over when he's not about. So that you can begin your own mind melting.... learning his way... and trying to ignore ways of the other. You might even bring something new to his table in things you do and know. So don't try to throw it all out.

I spent many a years with my first Master... upon his death.. it was hard for me to understand really there were so many other ways... I thought it was all done a certain way. Hell to him I was his slave... it wasn't till later I found out I wasn't really a slave.. just his slave. To others... just a submissive... (yep that's me today)

So yeah... there's the communincation... talking things out... open ,,,,, honesty.... could work out great for the both of you in the long run.... could show a great match... or incompatible... but at least you'll know you did it right.... good luck there...

< Message edited by truesub4u -- 5/9/2006 9:00:53 AM >

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to substantialsub)
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RE: Undoing Training - 5/9/2006 9:00:22 AM   
Wildfleurs


Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline 		I'm a huge fan of breaking the rules that were established as a way for *you* to establish autonomy and kind of reclaim your body.  So whatever rules he had in place in terms of presenting yourself and doing sexually, just do the opposite if you can.

C~


_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(in reply to substantialsub)
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RE: Undoing Training - 5/9/2006 9:10:23 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Let the new person know what's going on ahead of time and how you feel.  That should be a duh, but stating it just to make sure.

Give yourself time and new perspective.  Habits take time to build up and then time to change.  Slips happen occasionally, over time they will happen less frequently.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to substantialsub)
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RE: Undoing Training - 5/9/2006 9:23:20 AM   
candleTC


Posts: 148
Joined: 5/8/2006
From: Springfield, Il
Status: offline 		The best thing you can do in My opinion is just let him know beforehand that you aren't perfect, you aren't perfectly trained by him (yet), and still have -X- amount of years of training under your belt from your last Master.... so old habits die hard, and you're bound to slip up once in a while... especially in the heat of the moment. If he's worth his salt, I'm sure he'll understand and be forgiving over the matter.... at least in the beginning, just do your level best not to let it become a recurring issue.

Just out of curiousity.... what -does- he wish you to call him, if not Master or Sir ?

beth

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Undoing Training - 5/9/2006 9:42:35 AM   
Proprietrix


Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
Status: offline 		As long as you are being open and honest with him about this situation, and trying your best to learn the new routine, I don't see really that there's more you can do. As your Dominant, it will be he that is responsible for molding you into what he desires. He needs to put the rules in place. He needs to meet out the rewards/punishment. He needs to train your to do things his way. So let go, relax, and be the best student/charge you can be.

_____________________________

IMO, IMHO, YMMV, AFAIK, to me, I see it as, from my perspective, it's been my experience, I only speak for myself, (and all other disclaimers here).

(in reply to substantialsub)
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RE: Undoing Training - 5/9/2006 9:48:06 AM   
MrMister


Posts: 272
Joined: 3/6/2005
Status: offline 		Just wondering why it is you may be feeling a bit insecure about telling him how you are feeling regarding what you've expressed here. I confident that you have found in him something that warrants developing a meaningful relatioship, and without a doubt, he can surely understand how it is with all of us.

For the simple fact is as years pass us by, whenever we remember others that have touched our lives for whatever reason, we may not remember exactly what was said, or heck, we may not even remember the person's name, but we will never forget how that person made us feel. Whether good or bad. This appears to me to be inherent in most each and every one of us. And I feel as though he will understand your situation better than you are giving him credit for dear lady.

(in reply to substantialsub)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Undoing Training - 5/9/2006 11:24:03 AM   
substantialsub


Posts: 5
Joined: 5/9/2006
Status: offline 		Just out of curiousity.... what -does- he wish you to call him, if not Master or Sir ? As he reads this board I prefer not to say..smiles. I will show him this thread after my initial discussion about this with him. I always intended to talk to him about it, I just wanted to know how common this was and what others that do WIIWD expect from new subs. I know it only matters what HE thinks...lol.... but I just wanted some feedback from the outside before we talked about it.


Just wondering why it is you may be feeling a bit insecure about telling him how you are feeling regarding what you've expressed here. I confident that you have found in him something that warrants developing a meaningful relatioship, and without a doubt, he can surely understand how it is with all of us.  Insecure may not be the right term, just wanting to get feedback on if this was something others had experienced before I did talk to him about it. I have kinda talked to him about it a little, but not in the terms I did in the OP. He has questioned me quite a bit about what was expected of me before, but I have not told him directly that I still have some automatic responses geared towards what was expected of me by my last dominant.  These responses seemingly just do not work with him...lol. It isnt even that I have the desire to do what I did before, it is just "habit". He is EXTREMELY understanding, and that is part of what is awakening my desire to please him.

Thanks everyone for your advice and input

(in reply to MrMister)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Undoing Training - 5/9/2006 2:04:43 PM   
mathiasdomm


Posts: 71
Joined: 1/29/2006
Status: offline 		The truth is that this goes both ways.  Doms adapt to their subs too.  We get used to a particular kind of life, particularly in the details, how you make the bed, how hot you like the bath water, how you like your spankings.  And when you're gone, those things linger.  I was with a girl full time, eventually engaged to, for about two years.  I still live in the house we shared and there are all sorts of things that I notice that have her qualities.  There are lots of things that I do that reflect the time I spent with her.  WHere I put my towels, the way I position hands when I tie them.  It's a long process, getting the peices of people out of your life after they're gone.  I don't suppose you ever really get it all out. She pushed me to drink green tea, and now I drink three or four a day.  You've just got to be able to let it go and move on.  You've got to shift your emotional attachments from the person who's gone to the person who's there. 

-m  

(in reply to substantialsub)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Undoing Training - 5/9/2006 2:12:36 PM   
lilbitnella


Posts: 42
Joined: 5/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

I REALLY like this new person, and I am very hopeful about this new situation...
quote:

ORIGINAL: substantialsub



*Smiles* That's the ticket right there. You are hopeful and you like this new person. That is the basis of you establishing the new relationship, and the 'hope' is the foundation.


_____________________________

"It doesn't matter who you love, or how you love, but that you love"
~Rod McKuen~

(in reply to substantialsub)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Undoing Training - 5/9/2006 2:40:30 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		I can relate to what you are saying. Master and I spoke on the internet for 11 months, all was good, it wasnt till we met however that I realised my previous perceptions of what a slave was were largely based on my past live-in Master/slave relationship....there was a HUGE learning curve I had to go through to *learn* my new Master....I am probably still learning and we have been together 2 years now.

When Master first came here, I would kneel, He would tell me to get up. I would sit on the floor, He would tell me to get on the sofa, I would wait to be invited into bed, He would look at me funny, I would wait to be commanded, He wouldnt command...heaps and heaps of things which totally threw me into confusion...this went on for months and months and months....He kept just telling me to be patient, that we had all the time in the world.....finally when I totally wasnt feeling like a slave in any way shape or form...he started to take control....day by day he made me his own slave.....I'm thinking now that Master is a genius....it was the perfect plan to suit my personality and the transition from one live-in Master/slave relationship to another.

I think the main thing is to realise each Master is different and to give yourself a transition time and to keep faith in your new Master.

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to lilbitnella)
Profile   Post #: 12
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