sheisreeds
Posts: 578
Joined: 7/8/2008
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I'm in a sadomasochistic dynamic, in which we are both equal parts sadist and masochist. Just like any relationship our play and sex change and fluctuate a lot.
For me, and a lot of times my partner sadomaschocism is as good as or better than sex. Sometimes after a good scene of beating one another we're too tired and blissed out to think about sex. Like Saturday we were at a party and I just remember laying on the medical table staring at the ceiling and babbling. Too blissed out from cuttings and get hit with a bat (plastic bat!)
So we tend to either play a little bit and have sex, or go for an all out scene and it happens if it happens.
Also, there has definitely also been play, especially when really increasing my intensity and depravity level when I didn't want sex, I was turned off to sex but not to play. Enough comfort with those forms of play and I was into sex afterwards.
With my wiring I have to have S&M involved in some way to really get aroused, and enough S&M, and it's better than an orgasm for me.
The real question is, and I haven't seen the OP bring this up:
Are your needs getting met?
Do you like this type of play?
Do you need to have sex or have a traditional type of orgasm to be satisfied?
I'd assume he's getting what he needs right now, the question really is you.
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edited to answer the questions specified by the OP
> Do you think your sadistic personality was strong enough in the beginning to be considered (if correctly handled) as more satisfying than sex?
In the beginning no, now totally.
> Has sadism made you want to play more frequently?
In the beginning yes, I wanted to play all the time. When the sadistic streak in me started to come out, it was much like when my masochism did, I was ravenous. Now, I more want to play to really make it count. I play heavy on average once a month, and light far more often.
> If you had a partner right then, how did he react?
He loved it, wishes I was actually more sadistic.
> what do you like the most? Is it seeing someone suffer, or perhaps it is something else?
I do love screaming, that really gets me going. Though more so it is the power and the control, it's the fact that I can make someone scream. It's also the fact that they want to scream and I have the power to give that to them. I also like fear, I like feeling the other party's anticipation. I like the hypervigilence when I'm topping I'm aware of everything around me.
> What do you really like someone to do when cornered by you?
Whatever response comes out of them naturally, that's what I want, whatever is raw and real.
> I ask because I can see that it’s not only the pain, but more something elses that are difficult for me to grasp right now.
Likely control and power.
> Also, is there a main thought in your head when your sadistic part awakens?
Not really, and it's always just kinda there.
> A fantasy, a hunger, a need, a desire maybe? Or is the fantasy always there?
I need it for sure, it's how I connect with my partner, but I don't have anything specific from it that I need.
> And how do you feel during play, and once it’s over?
During, I feel amazing, right after I feel serene and amazing. The next day I tend to feel a little drained. I get top drop and sub drop.
> When do you know you’ve had enough?
When my partner has had enough, fulfillment for me is their limit, and the fact that I got them there. When they're done I'm done. With my partner we've planned really heavy topping scenes where it was clear he was going to need to safeword out within minutes (like when I was hitting his privates with a rope dart). When he was done so was I, because I had gotten him to that destination, it was just as good as if it had gone on for hours.
< Message edited by sheisreeds -- 4/18/2011 3:46:59 PM >
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Change in play style? - 
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