I wrote a poem!

I wrote a poem! (Full Version)

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HannahLynHeather -> I wrote a poem! (4/18/2011 9:37:32 PM)
ON A CLEAR EVENING Drifting, dreaming...smoke pooling in still air Sitting, waiting...hours spent going nowhere Hoping, listening...for your step on the stair Smiling, laughing...you're here, not going anywhere Flirting, tempting...take me if you dare Touching, teasing...fingers roaming everywhere Kissing, tasting...soft lips on skin so fair Tugging, Pulling...your hand grasping my hair Seizing, claiming...my secret need stripped bare Coming, going...two of a perfect pair Falling, floating...pieces of me scattered here and there Drifting, dreaming...in your arms without a care. Heather

DarkSteven -> RE: I wrote a poem! (4/19/2011 6:36:03 PM)
Wow! That's one unusual structure, but I like it. I'm surprised you were able to keep to that structure and yet the writing itself seemed light.

HannahLynHeather -> RE: I wrote a poem! (4/21/2011 10:07:00 AM)
Thank you, Sir. I don't know much about poetry, so I don't really know if the structure is all that unusual, but it sure was hard to keep with it and tell the story! Heather

maybeuglynotfat -> RE: I wrote a poem! (4/28/2011 7:24:03 PM)
Yes, a strange form. Not that form means to much. Need rhythm, great start!

subrob1967 -> RE: I wrote a poem! (4/29/2011 1:29:48 AM)
I know nothing about poetry but I think it's beautiful.

HannahLynHeather -> RE: I wrote a poem! (5/1/2011 1:37:53 PM)
quote: I think it's beautiful. Obviously you are an expert!! Thanks. Heather

Arpig -> RE: I wrote a poem! (5/1/2011 6:11:22 PM)
I wouldn't say I'm an expert, but I have been writing poetry longer than you've been alive, and I do know a thing or two about it. The structure is unusual, and it must have been a pain keeping to it, well done. As well it really paints the picture well. Each line depicts a clear picture of a moment or mood. And together they do tell a story effectively. Its really good, especially if, as you imply it's your first effort. I especially like the 2nd last line, that one is really good, it paints a picture of the aftermath of particularly exuberant sex perfectly in my mind. I hope you keep writing. However, don't tie yourself to this particular structure, each poem is its own thing, try different forms and styles, and don't worry if its any good, the crappy ones you just crumple up and toss. Nobody but you has to know about them. For every good one I write, there are anywhere from 5 to 10 ones that just don't pass muster. And last and most importantly...have fun with it!

HannahLynHeather -> RE: I wrote a poem! (5/1/2011 8:47:46 PM)
Wow! Thanks a lot for the kind words. It is the first poem I've ever written, and I will keep on trying. Hanners is going to buy me a big notebook to scribble in. [:)] The first line was the hardest actually. originally it had a different beginning, but then I decided I wanted it to start and end with "Drifting, dreaming..." I just couldn't think of something evocative to say, till I thought of Hanners on the couch reading and smoking, and the way the smoke sort of just hangs in the still air above her. Anway, thanks for reading it and for not tearing it apart. I have another I wrote, but its really strange, so I am reluctant to post it. Heather

beinbluesbeech -> RE: I wrote a poem! (5/1/2011 9:00:22 PM)
My eyes opened, my eyes closed In darkness the memory of the words are full thoughts and feelings Thank you !

sirssubk2008 -> RE: I wrote a poem! (5/1/2011 10:11:16 PM)
quote: As well it really paints the picture well. Each line depicts a clear picture of a moment or mood. And together they do tell a story effectively. Its really good, especially if, as you imply it's your first effort. I especially like the 2nd last line, that one is really good, it paints a picture of the aftermath of particularly exuberant sex perfectly in my mind. [sm=agree.gif] I think you did a wonderful job Heather, and I'm looking forward to more.

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