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cariad -> just a thought to a new novel this slave is thinking of writing (10/8/2004 8:15:18 PM)
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after reading this, please take into mind that it is just the creative juices flowing of a writer who is always getting new ideas for new novels or to add to her existing one. any and all comments, suggestions, or advice is always appreciated.
*hangs her head, crawling to the window with what
strength is left in her soul, pulls herself slowly to
the rafters feeling very weak, sits facing a window,
knees to her chest, arms wrapped around them, head
resting on them. she stares out the window putting up
a brick wall around her, one that NO one will ever
break again, shutting out those who CLAIM to love,
care for and about her, NOT trusting anyone any more
but three including her Master, whom she loves and
cares for and about. leaving enough room for her to
bound out on occasion to eat, use the lil slaves room,
answer her phone, but not enough room for two people.
she does this knowing others will now hurt yet not
caring any more, her heart turning to one made of
stone and ice, knowing that she will never feel again,
leaving enough of her heart for her Master and the two
she cares for and about. shutting out all things
beautiful, all things that she used to love doing,
letting herself go off into the land of forever
eternal with those she misses, loves and has lost.
while her physical body is very much alive, her
spiritual one has moved on to be with the loved ones
she has lost over time, hugging them, kissing them,
thanking them for being there when she arrived, only
to be given a hard, swift kick in the ass from her
creator being told NOT to be so stubborn and to go
back. so there she sits between life and life eternal,
not knowing who she can trust other than the three she
knows, loves, cares for and about, not knowing what's
around the corner lurking to hurt her or maybe love
her. not knowing what to do is so scary for her yet so
exciting, she knows now to NOT be so open, loving,
caring, kind, NOT to wear her heart on her sleeve, NOT
to give up any of herself to any but the three she
loves, cares for and about. what does she do to be
hurt so? why does she attach so easily? why does she
give so much of herself? why does she not pay
attention to her gut instincts? why does she let her
heart rule her every move? the answers to at least 2
of these are that she is a slave who gives all that
she is to the One she spending time with be it Master
or another Dom/Domme......why does she let her heart
rule her every move?....again see the answer above.
she knows not where she wanders or what is there to
hurt her, love her, or distract her for a moment
allowing her to slowly break down the wall she has so
carefully built. perhaps in time she will mend and
move on but for now she sits between the door to life
everlasting or life eternal if you will and a life of
TRYING to remain a slave with a heart of ice and stone
only giving part of who she is SHOULD she ever scene
again or find a slave of her own. she knows not if she
wishes to be a Domme for finding that her emotions are
too easily hurt she fears finding a slave and having
him ask release once again. you ask how she feels she
nods her head or wags her tail, she does not move or
blink an eye, she does not even jump when she sees her
Daddy appear, she is like a statue only her phyical
body is there and her spirtual one dead or at least
appearing to be dead. He reaches in and touches her,
finding her cold to the touch, His heart breaking
seeing her in pain and torment, He cries out a shrill
cry enough to deafen all within the walls of this hell
she is going through, she blinks, a single tear of
blood rolling down her cheek, He leans over licking at
the tear hoping that if He stops it more will come and
bring His girl back to life. He cries again, this time
not a cry that deafens all within, but one of love,
one of anger, one of fear of losing that which He
created, that which He holds dear. she blinks the tear
becoming two, one down each cheek, looks up to Him and
whispers....."Please Daddy forgive me for my sins,
forgive me for loving someone as much as i do, please
Daddy let me go, Don't hold me in this prison any
more." He growls, screams, cries, yells, looks back at
her whispering softly....."If you go my Chylde then so
must I for I can not live knowing you are gone, it
hurts me to see my lil girl aching so badly that she
has asked for only a part of her heart to remain real
while the other is stone and ice." she looks up at
Him, her eyes filled with the crimson tears that she
has shed for so long, her body trembling, her tail
barely twitching now, her voice ever so soft as she
closes her eyes fighting to stay with Him yet knowing
she will only hurt more if she prolongs her
destiny....."Daddy, as much as this slave loves You,
she can not live a life of hurt, anger, torment, any
longer please Daddy let her go, let her move on,
remember Daddy that she loves You so and will wait for
You to return to her once again." her eyes closed,
heart barely beating as she cliings to what was once
known to her as a love everlasting, her paws aching,
crimson tears flowing as her creator once again kicks
her out the door and shuts it on her showing her that
it is not her time. her spirit hanging in limbo not
sure where to turn, she looks to the heavens above
praying for an answer, one she knows may never come.*
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