quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
While I probably wouldn't have pushed the OP to the extent that it seems.  I'm not going to say that every person I have dealt with said no and eventually said yes.

quote:

ORIGINAL: JBondage
She made the following arguments to convince me:

It was her responsibility as my Domme to push my limits so I could grow and become what she wanted me to be.

It was my responsibility to make her happy and this would give her much pleasure. My refusal to do this reflected poorly on her and I should think more about her pleasure then my limits.

I should never have agreed to this but at the time saw no other way as I did truly want to make her happy. She grew more distant the more I refused so I felt that I would lose her If I did not do as she asked.

So should I have stood my guns and continued to say no?

quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious
For sure. But tell me something, Lady P: when they were saying no did you deliberately withdraw affection from them? I can't imagine you doing that. It's not so much what she was asking him to do that's the issue here, it's how she did it.

I had a feeling that I was going to phrase that poorly.  That's what happens when I attempt to respond to threads in the middle of the night. 

You're completely correct that I wouldn't withdraw affection.  That's a piss poor way of doing things in any relationship.  The term "emotional blackmail" suits very well when folks do that.  Not My style at all.

Roch did a pretty good job of one way to address this area.  I do have a little issue with the strap on sucking bit.  Yes, a very good method of introduction, but at the same time, I'd probably have a hang up with anybody who couldn't deal with an inanimate object.  If it comes to that, I'd better be familiar with some kind of trauma or form of abuse from a person's past if they can't handle that.  Better bring something better to the table than "it looks like a dick" and they can't deal with it because of homophobia.

Getting past a hard limit of any kind, has everything to do with knowing the person you are dealing with and why it's a hard limit in the first place.  Some should never be brought up and others you can work on.  The latter might take years.  My own experiences in the matter are exactly why I sit on My side of the screen and see just how foolish some people are when they think all sub males secretly want to do this.  They don't.  Some never will.  Others, it can be a long process.

I have a feeling that, in the OP's case, it wasn't just how she did it, but also that she was attempting to do it too quickly.  Impatience when working with any limit doesn't turn out well.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious
For sure. But tell me something, Lady P: when they were saying no did you deliberately withdraw affection from them? I can't imagine you doing that. It's not so much what she was asking him to do that's the issue here, it's how she did it.

I had a feeling that I was going to phrase that poorly.  That's what happens when I attempt to respond to threads in the middle of the night. 

You're completely correct that I wouldn't withdraw affection.  That's a piss poor way of doing things in any relationship.  The term "emotional blackmail" suits very well when folks do that.  Not My style at all.

Roch did a pretty good job of one way to address this area.  I do have a little issue with the strap on sucking bit.  Yes, a very good method of introduction, but at the same time, I'd probably have a hang up with anybody who couldn't deal with an inanimate object.  If it comes to that, I'd better be familiar with some kind of trauma or form of abuse from a person's past if they can't handle that.  Better bring something better to the table than "it looks like a dick" and they can't deal with it because of homophobia.

Getting past a hard limit of any kind, has everything to do with knowing the person you are dealing with and why it's a hard limit in the first place.  Some should never be brought up and others you can work on.  The latter might take years.  My own experiences in the matter are exactly why I sit on My side of the screen and see just how foolish some people are when they think all sub males secretly want to do this.  They don't.  Some never will.  Others, it can be a long process.

I have a feeling that, in the OP's case, it wasn't just how she did it, but also that she was attempting to do it too quickly.  Impatience when working with any limit doesn't turn out well.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
Roch did a pretty good job of one way to address this area.  I do have a little issue with the strap on sucking bit.  Yes, a very good method of introduction, but at the same time, I'd probably have a hang up with anybody who couldn't deal with an inanimate object.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009
I actually think that sucking strap-on is a pretty easy first step for most guys.  I wouldn't expect you to get much resistance to it.  But the second step that I mentioned of having him service you with another naked male sub can be difficult at first.  I know that it was for me.  I just felt weird being that close to another naked man during a sexual situation.  I know that this is going to sound silly, but I found that I couldn't look at him.  As long as I kept my eyes on her, I was okay, but looking at him felt weird. 

As I've shared in another thread, I now enjoy mmmF situations (mfmm in your terminology), and I no longer even flinch when another male touches me during those situations.  But I have to admit that it took me a while to get to that place (not flinching).

I still am not at the point where I would suck another man's cock.  But for the right Domme, it probably wouldn't be a complete impossibility.  So I guess that over time, my hard limit has become a semi-rigid limit. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
Most males can do this, if they are comfortable in the 'territory'.  Almost like splitting the woman in half.  One male works the lower region and the other works the top.  He does the nipple work, the caressing of the neck, the kissing of the mouth when she is in the throws of orgasm.  This is voyeurism at it's best.  Inches away from a woman who is having a great orgasm and at the same time, not being distracted by providing the stimulus to create that orgasm.  In a way, the 'top man' gets a unique experience.  He watches every heave of the chest, the crook of the neck, the hungry mouth longing for the kiss.  The perspective is completely different and it is completely beautiful. 

Most males, if they see a woman in that state, they are willing to stretch a bit more.  It is amazing what some males will do, given the proper circumstances.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

BTW, thanks for sharing, Lady Pact.  One of the things that has often frustrated me about the message boards on CM is that we seldom share our personal experiences.  Everyone seems to be so reluctant about providing wank material, that we never share details about what we actually do and enjoy.  So this exchange has been appreciated.

quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy


Literal BDSM logic holds that everything that goes wrong is the submissive's fault. Arguably everything the Mistress or Master wants, the sub should grant or they are not being submissive.

quote:

Literal BDSM logic holds that everything that goes wrong is the submissive's fault. Arguably everything the Mistress or Master wants, the sub should grant or they are not being submissive.