AAkasha
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Joined: 11/27/2004
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quote:
ORIGINAL: VeryHeavyBondage
If you want to hang weights from its balls, what's a sensible maximum weight?
If you want to suspend it, how long can it be left before it needs to be released and put into another position?
If you want to strap it down in total bondage, how long can it be left before it has to be put into a new position?
As a male submissive I am not really qualified to judge this - any pain to the balls seems too much and it's sort of my role to be scared of what might be done to me while bound - so I am looking for knowledgeable feedback from Mistresses who who know what can, and more importantly what cannot, be done safely to a gimp while pushing its limits, so I can ask to be treated in ways that will really push my limits while being safe.
[I hope the use of "It" doesn't seem too impersonal - "It" is how I actually think of myself once bound and helpless.]
Steve in th UK.
The whole "it" thing maybe provides some insight into the greater problem. You desire a woman that doesn't care for you, and sees you as an object for her sadistic pleasure, so much so that your discomfort and/or limits are meaningless to her. You have eroticized that.
Does a woman like this exist? Well, I don't know. Most women I know, who are like me (read: sadistic. Very.) express their sadism as a way to communicate intimacy or affection or lust. These are qualities that require connection, affection, empathy. I enjoy making a man suffer, because it pleases me. However, I have to have feelings for the man. That will always prevent me from being totally heartless about it, and, in fact, will also ensure that ultimately I want him to be safe. I can be pretty cruel, but I have no desire to reduce a man to an "it" and put my sadistic desires above his well being.
No matter how cruel I am feeling, I will always take time to "check in." I will always stop a step short of when he has to 'safeword' if we are playing with such code words (rare for me, since I prefer direct communication anyway). I actually get hot and wet from making a man suffer for me, but the kinds of scenarios you describe - where the man is reduced to an 'it' - fall flat and cold to me, and would never be my style.
It's a very complicated fantasy at the end of the day, and one that is - to be honest - perhaps best played out in the safety of a professional dungeon with a serious mindfuck wrapped around it. To find it in an an affectionate relationship with a woman who cares for you may ruin the underlying need you have to be objectified. I can do that in small doses and it can be incredibly rewarding, but it's not like that at all for me.
More importantly though, if with a partner who I felt saw me as a femdom falling short as a 'sadist' because I could not ignore his safety and/or totally confidently read his signals, I would probably not be able to continue with that partner. I am sadistic for my own needs, not his; the irony here is that the woman may be getting everything *she* needs with the level of your suffering, but you are not satisfied, yet all the risks for your safety fall into her hands, as does the failure if afterward you say, "well that was not that bad at all." Hindsight is always 20/20 until your balls literally rip from your body from the 30lb weight.
Akasha
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