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sunshinemiss -> RE: online vs real life (4/25/2011 7:48:51 AM)
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Hello thabto -
Welcome to the boards. While I agree in principal with the idea that around your age one realizes what their personality is, some folks haven't. Nothing wrong with that. Some folks have been busy doing other stuff, deeply focused on perfecting a craft - music, woodworking, writing code, medical school, etc. that other portions of their personalities have not had the opportunity to breathe as well.
I've often seen people around this (age 27 - 29), that are finally coming into their own. You are learning who you are. You are learning to be the man that you are. That's terrific!
I'd like to begin by cautioning you to limit your computer usage. It can give a false sense of confidence that in the end can undermine your self-esteem. Look what's happening now - you are having a rough time of it in regards to the online you and the real you. There's a song by Brad Paisley about that, but I don't want to lose my train of thought right now.
I'd like to suggest a couple of things to you for learning how to be more dominant - which to my mind really is about self-confidence and the ability to lead. They are just ideas, but perhaps you would consider them.
Take some martial arts classes. As you move up in rank, so will your self-confidence, your calm, your ability to make good decisions.
Learn to dance - not disco dance or whatever. Learn ballroom dancing - leading a woman around the dance floor, making her listen to your subtle commands via eyes, hands, pressure, slight turns, can be quite a powerful experience. I know that some people feel foolish doing this, but women love a man who can dance (and dance well), the leading is very dominant, and it is a great way to meet people and keep yourself in shape.
Join a charity that you appreciate. Work on committees and learn. Eventually, you will be in charge of some event or another - non-profits ALWAYS need people who believe in them to volunteer their time.
Set a physical goal and meet it - run a 10K, hike the Appalachian Trail, do a city to shore bike ride, be able to bench press 150 pounds, compete an Iron Man. Nothing like real, physical, measurable goals to make you feel great! You will walk more confidently and your body will feel better.
The way to get confident is to set goals and accomplish them. Sorry, but there's no getting around it. It's sweat equity all the way!
best,
sunshine
ETA: It seems to me that there are fewer negative consequences on line than there are in real life. You say something worng to a woman in real life, she could slap you or knee you in the jewels. Say the wrong thing to a dude, and it could land you in a fist fight. Even if it weren't that dramatic, there is a certain discomfort, nervousness when actual danger is in front of you. So, too, can it be nerve-wracking to be around real life women who may reject you. And then you have to find another one to try to get together with. Online, there always seems to be someone new who can fill the slot for whoever has "walked out" of your scene, chat, whatever. This is why it can give FALSE self-confidence. It's not a risk.
best,
sunshine
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