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online vs real life - 4/24/2011 1:07:21 PM   
thabto


Posts: 28
Joined: 4/23/2011
Status: offline 		Ok I will put this simply. On this game second life i can be a lot more agressive and tell people what to do, but in first life I am a little bit of a pushover in some regards even if stubborn in others. So i was just curious if there was a way to get some more of my dom that I feel i can do online into a bit more of real life.
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RE: online vs real life - 4/24/2011 1:42:39 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		Ride a Harley, tame a horse, drink whiskey, raid a village, conquer a town, catch a poisonous snake barehanded, wrangle an alligator, beat an enemy, outrun the law . . . etc.

The point is, get some real world experience that will give you confidence in your dominant nature.


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I give good thread.

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RE: online vs real life - 4/24/2011 1:49:55 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		Like people suggested in your intro thread, go to munches. Also read any of the books in the booklist in Resident Sadist's signature above. My (now ex) husband and I did both when we were noobs.

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RE: online vs real life - 4/24/2011 2:05:16 PM   
thabto


Posts: 28
Joined: 4/23/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

Like people suggested in your intro thread, go to munches. Also read any of the books in the booklist in Resident Sadist's signature above. My (now ex) husband and I did both when we were noobs.


i am trying to find some. sent a couple emails requesting information so i am gonna see how that turns out.

(in reply to kalikshama)
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RE: online vs real life - 4/24/2011 2:13:38 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		be a dominant personality....do things that boost your confidence, take charge of situations, add some trauma.

However if you don't enjoy these things then forget it. Nothing you do will help. You actually have to like being a dominant personality and all that it entails. Otherwise all you're doing is role-playing which is all fine and well as long as you let your partner/partners know this.


< Message edited by littlewonder -- 4/24/2011 2:14:28 PM >

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Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

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RE: online vs real life - 4/24/2011 2:19:19 PM   
thabto


Posts: 28
Joined: 4/23/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

be a dominant personality....do things that boost your confidence, take charge of situations, add some trauma.

However if you don't enjoy these things then forget it. Nothing you do will help. You actually have to like being a dominant personality and all that it entails. Otherwise all you're doing is role-playing which is all fine and well as long as you let your partner/partners know this.



i do quite a bit of stuff, but it is only online at this point. Have done a little over webcam doming but that is the extent.

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RE: online vs real life - 4/24/2011 2:22:35 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thabto

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

be a dominant personality....do things that boost your confidence, take charge of situations, add some trauma.

However if you don't enjoy these things then forget it. Nothing you do will help. You actually have to like being a dominant personality and all that it entails. Otherwise all you're doing is role-playing which is all fine and well as long as you let your partner/partners know this.



i do quite a bit of stuff, but it is only online at this point. Have done a little over webcam doming but that is the extent.



I'm talking real life, face to face in the real world.

As far as I'm concerned online is not going to help you.


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Nothing has changed
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RE: online vs real life - 4/24/2011 2:23:38 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		I don't think sex-related stuff was what little wonder meant. Do you enjoy control when all clothes are on and the computer is off?

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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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RE: online vs real life - 4/24/2011 2:49:42 PM   
thabto


Posts: 28
Joined: 4/23/2011
Status: offline 		i will give an answer when i have tried it out.

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RE: online vs real life - 4/24/2011 2:55:02 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		Dude. Take the sex out of the equation. Are you hetero? Then no babes. It is you and two friends going to dinner. Who decides how to choose the restaurant?

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to thabto)
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RE: online vs real life - 4/24/2011 5:06:51 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Um, if you're new to RL, then try it before you judge yourself as being not Dom enough.  Once you're used to Domming, it'll seem more natural.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: online vs real life - 4/24/2011 5:09:50 PM   
MasterSlaveLA


Posts: 3991
Status: offline 		 
Therapy 



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RE: online vs real life - 4/25/2011 6:39:01 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thabto

Ok I will put this simply. On this game second life i can be a lot more agressive and tell people what to do, but in first life I am a little bit of a pushover in some regards even if stubborn in others. So i was just curious if there was a way to get some more of my dom that I feel i can do online into a bit more of real life.


I was gonna say accomplish some shit (AKA RS's great list of how to learn to be a bad ass), but then I looked up and realized the OP is 27.
Now, this IJMHO, and I know it's not in line with the group meme, but by that age, you're either a dominant take charge sorta guy or not.
Now, I'm not saying that the person can't be in charge in the bedroom, or a relationship, but expecting a person of that age to just get aggressive and assertive, in other words change their base personality, that ain't gonna happen. At least not unless something genuinely life jarring occurs.

Here's my question for the OP:
Why do you feel that you need to be aggressive to be a dom?
I know lots of guys who aren't. They are quiet, soft spoken guys, but they are dominants, leather masters, Heads of 50's style households etc...

The one, does not necessarily make the other.

Now I happen to be an aggressive take charge sorta guy, but I've ALWAYS been that way. In some ways I've grown further into being who and what I am as I've aged, but I've never been a shy, quiet sort of cat. There was no big change in who I am, I just became more me, if that makes any sense.

Which would really be my feedback to the OP.
Don't try to be what you are not. Rather, be who you are, be faithful and true to that, and my bet is that some gal finds it attractive.

We now return to the regularly scheduled program...


_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

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RE: online vs real life - 4/25/2011 7:48:51 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Hello thabto -
Welcome to the boards. While I agree in principal with the idea that around your age one realizes what their personality is, some folks haven't. Nothing wrong with that. Some folks have been busy doing other stuff, deeply focused on perfecting a craft - music, woodworking, writing code, medical school, etc. that other portions of their personalities have not had the opportunity to breathe as well.

I've often seen people around this (age 27 - 29), that are finally coming into their own. You are learning who you are. You are learning to be the man that you are. That's terrific!

I'd like to begin by cautioning you to limit your computer usage. It can give a false sense of confidence that in the end can undermine your self-esteem. Look what's happening now - you are having a rough time of it in regards to the online you and the real you. There's a song by Brad Paisley about that, but I don't want to lose my train of thought right now.

I'd like to suggest a couple of things to you for learning how to be more dominant - which to my mind really is about self-confidence and the ability to lead. They are just ideas, but perhaps you would consider them.

Take some martial arts classes. As you move up in rank, so will your self-confidence, your calm, your ability to make good decisions.

Learn to dance - not disco dance or whatever. Learn ballroom dancing - leading a woman around the dance floor, making her listen to your subtle commands via eyes, hands, pressure, slight turns, can be quite a powerful experience. I know that some people feel foolish doing this, but women love a man who can dance (and dance well), the leading is very dominant, and it is a great way to meet people and keep yourself in shape.

Join a charity that you appreciate. Work on committees and learn. Eventually, you will be in charge of some event or another - non-profits ALWAYS need people who believe in them to volunteer their time.

Set a physical goal and meet it - run a 10K, hike the Appalachian Trail, do a city to shore bike ride, be able to bench press 150 pounds, compete an Iron Man. Nothing like real, physical, measurable goals to make you feel great! You will walk more confidently and your body will feel better.

The way to get confident is to set goals and accomplish them. Sorry, but there's no getting around it. It's sweat equity all the way!


best,
sunshine

ETA: It seems to me that there are fewer negative consequences on line than there are in real life. You say something worng to a woman in real life, she could slap you or knee you in the jewels. Say the wrong thing to a dude, and it could land you in a fist fight. Even if it weren't that dramatic, there is a certain discomfort, nervousness when actual danger is in front of you. So, too, can it be nerve-wracking to be around real life women who may reject you. And then you have to find another one to try to get together with. Online, there always seems to be someone new who can fill the slot for whoever has "walked out" of your scene, chat, whatever. This is why it can give FALSE self-confidence. It's not a risk.

best,
sunshine


< Message edited by sunshinemiss -- 4/25/2011 8:21:45 AM >

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RE: online vs real life - 4/25/2011 8:23:36 AM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thabto
Ok I will put this simply. On this game second life i can be a lot more agressive and tell people what to do, but in first life I am a little bit of a pushover in some regards even if stubborn in others. So i was just curious if there was a way to get some more of my dom that I feel i can do online into a bit more of real life.


When I play Halo on-line I'm a 7'0" Spartan and I can kick alien a$$.

When I play Grand Theft Auto, I rob old ladies, beat people up, and take their cars from them. 

But what the heck does that have to do with real life?  If you're a pussy in real life, then who cares that you like to pretend to be a bad-ass when you're on-line?  On-line is make believe. 

So now that we've got that out of the way, what is it that you REALLY want to do in real life?  Do you want to be able to kick someone's ass?  Do you want to have the courage to ask hot chicks out on dates?  Do you want to be able to play sports?  Do you want to stop being shy?  It's hard to know what to recommend without knowing your specific goal.  Sunshinemiss recommended some interesting suggestions.  But if your goal is simply to stop stuttering every time you try to talk to women, then running a marathon isn't going to help that problem very much.

And if your goal is to simply be a bedroom Dom, well  you don't have to have a black belt in karate to do that.  So once again I ask you "what is it that you're ultimately trying to do?"

(in reply to thabto)
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RE: online vs real life - 4/25/2011 12:30:46 PM   
coookie


Posts: 541
Joined: 10/25/2010
Status: offline 		Initially i thought that your response was overly harsh but after thinking about it i have to agree.

OP agressive does not equate dominance. Just be who you are gain confidence in areas of your life.

(in reply to Kana)
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RE: online vs real life - 4/25/2011 12:54:53 PM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline 		Ello!

You've already had some great advice - ESP from sunshine.

Now, apologies if I seem snippy - I've just spent an entire weekend trying to fix my shower.

My key advice to you is "step away from the computer". It seems to me that your head knows that second life isn't "real" but I'm getting a slightly creepy vibe that your heart is wanting to "be" the person you play on second-life.

Keep reminding yourself that second-life isn't real life - it has its own standards, rules, and consequences. They're different.

Think about the personality you put on in second life - and consider how that personality would get on in the real world... The bad-ass who calls "fuck you" to strangers on secondlife is likely to get a proper kicking in meat space.

Don't aspire to be your second life character, stop and think about what you want out of your first life, and work from there.

Remember that people in meat-space will respond differently... if you want to be a leader, then acquire some leadership skills. If you feel you lack confidence in social situations, then embrace opportunities to improve your social skills.

In short... focus on your first life.


[Edited because my iphone submitted the post before I'd finished with it!]
[Edited to remove the kind of grammar cock up I take the piss out of other people for making]

< Message edited by crazyml -- 4/25/2011 1:10:41 PM >

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RE: online vs real life - 4/25/2011 1:04:20 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

 
Therapy 




Anyone who has a tie on for their main profile is in definite need of it.

BadOne

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RE: online vs real life - 4/25/2011 1:26:10 PM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml
Now, apologies if I seem snippy - I've just spent an entire weekend trying to fix my shower.


Just to be sure, are you saying that for all the women that are currently
fantasizing over you, they are now to imagine you more all hot and sweaty?

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RE: online vs real life - 4/25/2011 1:34:07 PM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline 		i don't know if you like men or women better... if you want to learn how to lead a lady... take up ballroom dancing... it might be your thing

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