Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: What answer does a Dom expect?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: What answer does a Dom expect? Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: What answer does a Dom expect? - 4/25/2011 6:40:02 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		If we're deeply in the moment and saying "I don't like it" would kill the moment, he probably wouldn't ask in that way.  He's been known to say "Tell me you love this" or something like that, in which case I can give him the words which will add to the moment, plus it's hot to be forced to say I like something I don't.  ;)  But that's in the moment of play.

I can always tell him afterward (and I do, even if not asked) that I do or don't like something.  It's how he gets to know my internal response to things.  If he were to ask "in the moment" if I liked something, and I didn't, I'd say so.  Heck, I've been known to blurt out that I didn't like something (plugs, for example) even when not asked! 


_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to sirssubk2008)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: What answer does a Dom expect? - 4/25/2011 6:46:37 AM   
sirssubk2008


Posts: 248
Joined: 1/1/2011
Status: offline 		Thank you BK

Thank you for clarifying RS. I seem to have read about the birthday party in another thread somewhere. I thought it was funny, for some reason, funnier coming from you.

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: What answer does a Dom expect? - 4/25/2011 8:52:26 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		When in subspace, I'm unable to answer. I go nonverbal. He's tried asking me things and what he gets is something that doesn't relate to what he asked and it comes several minutes later. If he wants me to talk he would have to jar me out of subspace, and the result of that is that I would need the scene to end because being suddenly jarred out leaves me emotionally very upset.

Here, I'm not ever supposed to lie. So if he told me to lie to him, I would probably burst into tears being conflicted by two contradictory orders. Bad tears, leaving me too upset to continue.

If being ordered to lie is a hard limit for you, then talk to him about it. But I don't see any purpose in ordering someone to lie except as an excuse to violate a limit. And that's just reprehensible.


_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: What answer does a Dom expect? - 4/25/2011 9:21:06 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sirssubk2008
This question is based on a scenerio when you and your sub are really getting into 'it'. You ask your sub if he/she likes what's being done. Do you expect an honest answer or do you expect them to just say 'yes' because it pleases you? What ifthey remain silent?

I do not ever expect anyone in my life to lie to me. That seems like a rather odd expectation to have.

quote:

How about a little different angle: you tell your sub to say they like it. Do you expect them to say 'yes' because you demand it, do you want an honest answer, or does silence from your partner mean anything?

I would never command anyone in my life to lie to me. My command to Carol would not have been to say she liked it. My command would've been to actually like it.


_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to sirssubk2008)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: What answer does a Dom expect? - 4/25/2011 10:01:31 AM   
sirssubk2008


Posts: 248
Joined: 1/1/2011
Status: offline 		Thank you NV.


Thank you Des... I guess one of the things that I was looking at is that even though someone is a Dom,they are still human and can get caught up in the moment just like anyone else. I guess it would be no different than if a Dom carried anything too far because they were caught up in the moment. It would cause a problem within the relationship, but is it repairable?

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: What answer does a Dom expect? - 4/25/2011 10:06:14 AM   
sirssubk2008


Posts: 248
Joined: 1/1/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:


I would never command anyone in my life to lie to me. My command to Carol would not have been to say she liked it. My command would've been to actually like it.



This brings up an interesting point. If you command her to actually like something when she really can't, wouldn't that be a problem? I've gathered from reading many of your past postings that you are really intune with Carol and I don't doubt that, but you are still human and therefore subject to making mistakes like anyone else is. What happens if she has tried everything but failed to actually like something that you have commanded her to like?




(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: What answer does a Dom expect? - 4/25/2011 1:08:17 PM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline 		For my part...

If I ask a question I expect an honest answer to it. I'd be very irritated if they'd lied.

To the second part - sure, I'd expect the sub to answer in the way I'd directed them.

There's never any confusion between the two - I wouldn't be with a sub who wasn't able to draw the distinction between the two scenarios.

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to sirssubk2008)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: What answer does a Dom expect? - 4/25/2011 3:32:17 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sirssubk2008

This question is based on a scenerio when you and your sub are really getting into 'it'. You ask your sub if he/she likes what's being done. Do you expect an honest answer or do you expect them to just say 'yes' because it pleases you? What ifthey remain silent?

How about a little different angle: you tell your sub to say they like it. Do you expect them to say 'yes' because you demand it, do you want an honest answer, or does silence from your partner mean anything?


This is a bit silly. I don't need my ego stroked so of course I want the truth. How else can I decide whether to pleasure or torture her with her own desires.

And then there's that whole mystery of female orgasm. Male pride says I wanna get her off when she's earned it but if she's previously lied as to what felt good etc, then it could make for an unfulfilling time all round.

Beyond teasing and even humiliating her with her own pleasures and needs, I do NOT teach or encourage her to give convenient answers I wanna hear. That's what "john's" pay hookers for, IMO.

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to sirssubk2008)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: What answer does a Dom expect? - 4/25/2011 5:12:12 PM   
sirssubk2008


Posts: 248
Joined: 1/1/2011
Status: offline 		Thank you crazy.
What would be your purpose in telling them to say it?


Thank you Focus.
quote:

Male pride says I wanna get her off when she's earned it but if she's previously lied as to what felt good etc, then it could make for an unfulfilling time all round.
I definitely agree

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: What answer does a Dom expect? - 4/25/2011 11:45:39 PM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sirssubk2008

Thank you crazy.
What would be your purpose in telling them to say it?





Very occasionally, and nearly always in the context of humiliation play, I'll tell a sub to say things that aren't true because of the humiliation that saying them will generate.

It's not a major kink of mine though!

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to sirssubk2008)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: What answer does a Dom expect? - 4/26/2011 4:17:06 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sirssubk2008
Thank you Des... I guess one of the things that I was looking at is that even though someone is a Dom,they are still human and can get caught up in the moment just like anyone else. I guess it would be no different than if a Dom carried anything too far because they were caught up in the moment. It would cause a problem within the relationship, but is it repairable?


Sure. you stop, you comfort the person who you inadvertantly hurt and then you discuss it. And you discuss it again when they are calmer and more able to explain the problem. And then he corrects his mistake.

However if he insists he can demand you lie to him, my response would be that he can't want both honesty and dishonesty out of me because I'm not capable of discerning which he wants and when, not being a mind reader. So if he wants dishonesty then he better be prepared to get it at all times I feel like it. But that would be more a pointed way of making my point since I wouldn't be interested in having to lie to a partner. If dishonesty exists in the relationship so does distance and my relationship is founded on emotional transparency, on being vulnerable to him. Which isn't something I can do to someone I cannot believe. As the flip side of me lying to him is that he would be lying to me also.

If you suffer things you hate for him, which happens in a lot of s & m relationships, then why doesn't he just say what he wants to hear such as "I know you really love it". That way he can hear what gets him off without bringing dishonesty into the equation.


_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to sirssubk2008)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: What answer does a Dom expect? - 4/26/2011 5:23:08 AM   
Palliata


Posts: 371
Joined: 8/9/2010
Status: offline 		If I command a 'yes' answer, (eg "Tell me you love it") I obviously don't want an honest answer or I wouldn't have given her one to use. In that case it isn't an information-gathering action, it's simply a way of controlling. It degrades her by making her say she wants something she obviously doesn't.

If I ask a question (eg "How does that feel") then I want an honest answer no matter what. That's about getting information, and imperfect information is highly undesirable. Lying is absolutely unacceptable if I ask a question.


_____________________________

I speak not of The Way, but only My Way. Think it not an indictment of Your Way.

I'm male. I know it sounds female. Work with me.

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: What answer does a Dom expect? - 4/26/2011 9:30:24 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sirssubk2008
This brings up an interesting point. If you command her to actually like something when she really can't, wouldn't that be a problem? I've gathered from reading many of your past postings that you are really intune with Carol and I don't doubt that, but you are still human and therefore subject to making mistakes like anyone else is. What happens if she has tried everything but failed to actually like something that you have commanded her to like?

"Do this" commands are always easy. The internal commands such as "like this" are a lot more problematic. In such cases I expect a good faith effort and, frankly, expect success the vast majority of the time. Still, there's a world of difference between 100% success and 95% success and human psyche's are squirrely things. Nobody can predict for certain what is and is not possible. I go into it with the assumption that it IS possible until proven otherwise. I expect her to have the same assumption which, in large part, is what drives the success rate.

It's worth noting that I have the same expectations of myself. Carol is currently exploring masochism and my standard for myself is not merely to tolerate the sadism but to enjoy it. Anything less than that and I'd see my effort as half-assed... exactly as I'd see such efforts on her part. Despite the fact that I have numerous times checked out sadism and in all cases found "nothing there" in me, this time I'm digging a LOT more deeply (because now she is exploring masochism) and finding some of the internal connection points to rewire myself as a sadist. I confidently expect success there. If I had really, really, dug deep and still found nothing then I'd be fine with that.


_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to sirssubk2008)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: What answer does a Dom expect? - 4/26/2011 10:40:22 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirssubk2008
This brings up an interesting point. If you command her to actually like something when she really can't, wouldn't that be a problem? I've gathered from reading many of your past postings that you are really intune with Carol and I don't doubt that, but you are still human and therefore subject to making mistakes like anyone else is. What happens if she has tried everything but failed to actually like something that you have commanded her to like?

"Do this" commands are always easy. The internal commands such as "like this" are a lot more problematic. In such cases I expect a good faith effort and, frankly, expect success the vast majority of the time. Still, there's a world of difference between 100% success and 95% success and human psyche's are squirrely things. Nobody can predict for certain what is and is not possible. I go into it with the assumption that it IS possible until proven otherwise. I expect her to have the same assumption which, in large part, is what drives the success rate.

It's worth noting that I have the same expectations of myself. Carol is currently exploring masochism and my standard for myself is not merely to tolerate the sadism but to enjoy it. Anything less than that and I'd see my effort as half-assed... exactly as I'd see such efforts on her part. Despite the fact that I have numerous times checked out sadism and in all cases found "nothing there" in me, this time I'm digging a LOT more deeply (because now she is exploring masochism) and finding some of the internal connection points to rewire myself as a sadist. I confidently expect success there. If I had really, really, dug deep and still found nothing then I'd be fine with that.



I've never been a masochist, so have never had any expectations of myself in that way. If I was *commanded* to like something....... basically it'd have been up to him to have made it likeable/bearable in SOME way. I know that's totally possible so  I wouldn't rule it out.

I most certainly could *say* I liked something even I didn't, if *made* to.........but we'd both know that's exactly what it was. He also has the ability to *make* me like something..........but that's a deep part of how we relate and is hard to explain.

It'd be rare that he'd ever ask, either, plus it'd likely throw me a bit if he did. He's not verbal and nor am I in general. I suspect all of that is likely the road we already know.

If he *told* me to like something, I know I'm capable of it, though it can be a bit hit and miss, or might take a bit of convincing. Eventually he could convince me that I like some things, yes, even if it was JUST because he wanted me to. And funnily enough, I could........for that reason.

This is the twisted world of M/s. There are not many hard and fasts.

agirl










_____________________________

See how easy it can be?

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: What answer does a Dom expect? - 4/26/2011 12:53:24 PM   
Arturas


Posts: 3245
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sirssubk2008

This question is based on a scenerio when you and your sub are really getting into 'it'. You ask your sub if he/she likes what's being done. Do you expect an honest answer or do you expect them to just say 'yes' because it pleases you? What ifthey remain silent?

How about a little different angle: you tell your sub to say they like it. Do you expect them to say 'yes' because you demand it, do you want an honest answer, or does silence from your partner mean anything?


I expect an honest answer. I do not expect them to just say yes because it pleases me. If they remain silent they are punished.

Different angle , same answer.

I do, however, require them to "thank me" no matter what because I know they enjoy it.

_____________________________

"We master Our world."

(in reply to sirssubk2008)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: What answer does a Dom expect? - 4/26/2011 1:49:19 PM   
sirssubk2008


Posts: 248
Joined: 1/1/2011
Status: offline
quote:

Very occasionally, and nearly always in the context of humiliation play, I'll tell a sub to say things that aren't true because of the humiliation that saying them will generate.

That makes sense, thank you crazy.

quote:

Sure. you stop, you comfort the person who you inadvertantly hurt and then you discuss it. And you discuss it again when they are calmer and more able to explain the problem. And then he corrects his mistake.



I can see this, as long as he is willing to correct the mistake. Thank you Des

quote:

In that case it isn't an information-gathering action, it's simply a way of controlling.

Thank you Palliata for defining it in this way. It does show a complete difference.

quote:

It's worth noting that I have the same expectations of myself.

Thank you leadership. I think it's good to have the same expectations as those that you require in someone else. I wish the two of you well on your endeavor.

quote:

basically it'd have been up to him to have made it likeable/bearable in SOME way. I know that's totally possible so I wouldn't rule it out.


Thank you agirl...This I can definitely agree with.


(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: What answer does a Dom expect? - 4/26/2011 1:53:58 PM   
sirssubk2008


Posts: 248
Joined: 1/1/2011
Status: offline
quote:

I do, however, require them to "thank me" no matter what because I know they enjoy it.


Thank you Arturas. I am a bit confused (doesn't take much to confuse me sometimes ). What exactly are you referring to when you say "I know they enjoy it"?

< Message edited by sirssubk2008 -- 4/26/2011 1:54:37 PM >

(in reply to sirssubk2008)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: What answer does a Dom expect? - 4/26/2011 2:22:03 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sirssubk2008

This question is based on a scenerio when you and your sub are really getting into 'it'. You ask your sub if he/she likes what's being done. Do you expect an honest answer or do you expect them to just say 'yes' because it pleases you? What ifthey remain silent?

How about a little different angle: you tell your sub to say they like it. Do you expect them to say 'yes' because you demand it, do you want an honest answer, or does silence from your partner mean anything?


He never asks me if I like or don't like something. He does what he wants. I get off on having no control or influence over what he chooses to do.

_____________________________



(in reply to sirssubk2008)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: What answer does a Dom expect? - 4/26/2011 2:24:44 PM   
sirssubk2008


Posts: 248
Joined: 1/1/2011
Status: offline 		Thank you Aileen

(in reply to Aileen1968)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: What answer does a Dom expect? - 4/26/2011 3:15:26 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl
 Eventually he could convince me that I like some things, yes, even if it was JUST because he wanted me to. And funnily enough, I could........for that reason.

This is the twisted world of M/s. There are not many hard and fasts.

agirl


I would draw the distinction between liking it for myself and liking the fact that he liked it. But there would always be that distinction. I couldn't come to enjoy it for myself.


_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: What answer does a Dom expect? Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109