Do I need A tag? (Full Version)

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smothrme -> Do I need A tag? (4/25/2011 8:25:06 AM)

Hi. I am a submissive who is sort of shy. I have been to paddles NYC a few times, I think it is the only club in NY where I live but never stay too long because I am to shy to approach anyone. I was wondering is there any visual means to state that I am submissive other than a flashing neon sign?
I dont want to look like a circus clown, something subtle would fit who I am. I know some women wear handcuffs insome way to show their prefrence, was wondering is there anything I might try. thanks Jack



strangedesire -> RE: Do I need A tag? (4/25/2011 8:32:48 AM)

There are lots of ways to flag, but if you're too shy to approach anyone, it probably won't accomplish anything.

I've never been to Paddles, but I know they have a yahoo group and a huge fetlife group. Maybe you could connect with someone who will be willing to make introductions? Try some munches, too. From what I hear, most people who play in clubs tend to set things up beforehand.



Rochsub2009 -> RE: Do I need A tag? (4/25/2011 8:35:38 AM)

I know that you were asking a Mistress, but I'd like to take a crack at this one.  Like you, I'm a male sub, so I've been where you are.

The first thing that I'd suggest is to try to fight through your shyness.  Shyness is a problem if your trying to meet women, and that's true regardless of whether you're trying to meet vanilla women or dominant women.  You have to have the courage to put yourself out there and say "Hi" to people, and then be able to follow that up with a halfway interesting conversation.

Frankly, I think that going to a local dungeon as a single male is a formula for failure.  Particularly if nobody there knows you.  Then when you factor in your shyness, well, it's no wonder that you aren't having much success.

What I'd recommend is going to a munch first.  At a munch, you'll be able to meet some people from the local BDSM community in a non-threatening environment.  There are likely to be some dominant women there.  Talk to them.  Get to know them just as human beings.  If you do that, you'll start to know people who go to Paddles.  So after a while, when you go, you'll know people and you won't feel like a total stranger.  Moreover, people will now know you, and they'll be much more likely to come over and say "hi" to you.  They may even ask you if you'd like to play.  [;)]

Hope that helps.



LadyPact -> RE: Do I need A tag? (4/25/2011 8:40:22 AM)

Is there a reason that wrist cuffs would be a bad idea for you? There's something about the way you stated it in the above that made Me wonder if you think it's only acceptable for a female submissive to wear them, but not a male.  Maybe I've got the wrong vibe on that.

I haven't been to Paddles yet, Myself.  I'll just give you the advice that I would have you take if you were at the clubs that I've been known to frequent.

Get to know the staff on a friendly basis.  When the staff knows who you are, they are more willing to introduce you to other people.  After all, the staff knows a bit about everybody who goes there and they are very familiar with the regulars.  They might happen to notice those who are looking for the same thing if they are aware of it.

If there are opportunities to volunteer at the club, do that.  I have yet to go to a club that wasn't looking for extra sets of hands from time to time.  Whether that's cleaning, participating in special projects, or anything that takes a bit of extra help.  This gives people a chance to get to know you.

Involve yourself in any activities or special nights that relate to you as a submissive.  Some clubs will organize events that are aimed at a particular segment of the kinky population.  If they have a femdomme night (if you happen to be a heterosexual submissive male) you should make an attempt to go.  Also look for classes for submissives that are advertised at the club.  Some clubs will allow munch groups or sigs to have fliers for those events in the foyer.





smothrme -> RE: Do I need A tag? (4/25/2011 8:45:47 AM)

Never thought about yahoo groups. Thanks



smothrme -> RE: Do I need A tag? (4/25/2011 8:53:50 AM)

No wrist cuffs I guess could work. Femdom nights sounds like good idea also but I dont know if they have them.
Volunteer you say, another verygood idea. One question the wrist cuffs would be fine for a club and I will try them but how about
something for lets say the grocery store. Thanks Jack



smothrme -> RE: Do I need A tag? (4/25/2011 8:55:58 AM)

good advice, thanks



LadyPact -> RE: Do I need A tag? (4/25/2011 8:56:22 AM)

You could always go with the hanky code, but half of the folks wouldn't know it and some of the ones that do wouldn't know if you were straight or gay.

ETA - Here's some other stuff you can do. 

You can wear jewelery with the triskelion symbol.

I, personally, have a pair of miniature handcuffs hanging from My rear view mirror.

I wear symbolic accessories.  I often wear the key to My boy's collar on My bracelet.

T-shirts from clubs, events, and munch groups.  (Many munch groups have their own logo.)

The pin from any leather event.  (They come in every welcome package when you attend.)

Every person who has met Me in the last five years has seen the purse.  It's the foot portion of a stiletto boot with chains for purse strings.  (I really need to put a picture of it on My profile.)

Find things that fit your life and do those.



smothrme -> RE: Do I need A tag? (4/25/2011 8:57:33 AM)

hanky code?????????? Im straight



mnottertail -> RE: Do I need A tag? (4/25/2011 9:04:27 AM)

Have you properly blown your nose?  That's gonna help, regardless of sexual orientation.

(And you can quote me). 



LadyPact -> RE: Do I need A tag? (4/25/2011 9:07:50 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: smothrme

hanky code?????????? Im straight

Do you think straight people don't use it, too?  You'd be wrong.



smothrme -> RE: Do I need A tag? (4/25/2011 9:21:58 AM)

Thanks again. Goin to get something with the triskelion symbol. Is that well know ?



smothrme -> RE: Do I need A tag? (4/25/2011 9:24:15 AM)

No I didnt mean it like that. I never heard of it. You asked if I was straight, I think



Scala -> RE: Do I need A tag? (4/25/2011 9:28:47 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: smothrme

I was wondering is there any visual means to state that I am submissive other than a flashing neon sign?


Crawling around on your knees would get the message across [:)]



LadyPact -> RE: Do I need A tag? (4/25/2011 9:37:44 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: smothrme

Thanks again. Goin to get something with the triskelion symbol. Is that well know ?

I'd say it is.  If it's not, it's just a huge coincidence that you see the same one used over and over.  LOL.

I do want to make sure that you're not getting the wrong impression here.  It's not like any form of flagging out and about in the general public is going to make people run up to you and want to discuss BDSM.  (OK, it does happen to Me with the purse, but I get that from vanilla folks as well as kinky folks.  I've got some really off of the wall stories about it.)



sunshinemiss -> RE: Do I need A tag? (4/25/2011 9:40:35 AM)

quote:

Do I need A tag?


You don't really want one, do you?

*grammar humor. I crack me up!

Hankies - they are used in the BDSM / leather community. They're not just for queers anymore!



LadyPact -> RE: Do I need A tag? (4/25/2011 9:45:44 AM)

Oh, yeah.  I forgot one.  I do have a "tag" (it looks like a red ID -dog tag, like the "tags" used in the military) on My keys that says "Proud Owner of LPs littleclip" on My car keys.  



MsLadySue -> RE: Do I need A tag? (4/25/2011 9:50:25 AM)

This is where I purchased my triskelion symbol earrings, pendant and ring. You might want to check their other jewellery.

http://emblemproject.sagcs.net/jewelry1.html



smothrme -> RE: Do I need A tag? (4/25/2011 9:51:22 AM)

i never heard of the Hanky anywhere. WTF. You are saying that a Hanky in ones shirt pocket
is a symbol of a submissive, this is a fact or joke????????????
next you are gonna say it needs to be pink diamond studded.



PeonForHer -> RE: Do I need A tag? (4/25/2011 9:53:53 AM)

I do think you've got to overcome some of that shyness, smothrme. Perhaps the easiest first step is to arrange your face to look friendly. Smile a bit more. And don't forget: shyness can look like aloofness, or even bad-temperedness, to many people. I've had these problems myself - these and other little tricks will help overcome them.

No reason at all why you can't wear a cuff, as far as I'm concerned. Also, wearing something kinky will, in itself, help to break your own shyness a little.



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