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RE: how much dose love come in to play? - 4/26/2011 5:32:26 AM   
Palliata


Posts: 371
Joined: 8/9/2010
Status: offline 		To precisely the degree your personality allows and demands and no more whatsoever. 

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RE: how much dose love come in to play? - 4/26/2011 6:19:28 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
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quote:

ORIGINAL: cooper1982

I do know that. But I can not lie to someone and tell them I will love them when I know I will not. That how people have bad experiences.

I'm not encouraging you to do otherwise.  However, it's My personal opinion that there just aren't a whole lot of women out there who are seeking the situation that you describe compared to the number of people who would like to have a third for this purpose.  You'll specifically have to look for someone who is as emotionally detached as you and that's not a prevalent characteristic in a lot of females.


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RE: how much dose love come in to play? - 4/26/2011 7:41:00 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: cooper1982

My wife is the only person that had ever made me care about someone. She would like somebody to play out her bi fantasy with. I would like too have some one too use and not care about there emotions. I know how bad that sounds.


The problem is you expect your add-on to give their heart to you both and it be non-reciprocal.
That is asking for an awful lot.
If you both want a play thing that is fine, but perhaps that is what you should specify that is what you are looking for.

Have you been to the local munches?
You might be able to meet people who are only interested in casual play or are willing to play casually until they meet a dominant they wish to commit to.




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RE: how much dose love come in to play? - 4/26/2011 9:53:47 AM   
coookie


Posts: 541
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quote:


If you both want a play thing that is fine, but perhaps that is what you should specify that is what you are looking for.


I agree with this and explain what you CAN offer her. Why would she want to embark in this relationship.

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RE: how much dose love come in to play? - 4/26/2011 1:02:37 PM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		if that is what you want good luck finding her. I don't think you will have an easy time of it.

As for me i could not submit withoutat leasting likeing someone. I liked Master and i was not planning to fall in love with him but i did and he withme. Now i don't think i want to live without the love. His love for me is as ncessary to me as breathing.

Matt's littleone

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RE: how much dose love come in to play? - 4/26/2011 3:54:00 PM   
cooper1982


Posts: 17
Joined: 2/27/2011
Status: offline 		Thank you all for insight. I have talk with my wife and we have chosen to stop are looking for right now. I will be going to school and that will be my main focus.

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RE: how much dose love come in to play? - 4/26/2011 4:51:56 PM   
subbykat


Posts: 115
Joined: 4/9/2011
Status: offline

quote:

I do know that. But I can not lie to someone and tell them I will love them when I know I will not. That how people have bad experiences.


How do you know you won't love them, when you haven't even met them? And if you did, love them, wouldn't that be a good experience?

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: how much dose love come in to play? - 4/27/2011 12:30:38 AM   
AneNoz


Posts: 263
Joined: 4/26/2011
Status: offline 		By my beliefs, love is all important. It infuses all I do, it is the gift that makes life livable, without which it would only be misery. When I address my two slaves I use the term "Beloved". They address me as "My love, my life". We use these terms because they are true.

Be at peace
Aneka

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RE: how much dose love come in to play? - 4/27/2011 5:27:24 PM   
KayxSlut


Posts: 28
Joined: 4/25/2011
From: Wilmington, DE
Status: offline 		It's a touchy subject, honestly. My fiance and I have been together for three years now and we just recently introduced bdsm into our sexual relationship. It makes it much easier to weed out what we do and dont out and it makes the sex much more gratifying when you see someone you love switch faces and go to town on you. it's...amazing.

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RE: how much dose love come in to play? - 4/28/2011 9:26:44 PM   
luvtosubmit


Posts: 6
Joined: 4/26/2011
Status: offline 		I am very new to this lifestyle. I originally joined a dating website (PoF), met someone, and discovered that I am a submissive. I am lucky because He is a very experienced Dom and I continue to learn (and experience) such painful pleasures, and further my knowledge of how to submit. For me, I am looking for love and want to fall in love and have someone fall in love with me too, but I definitely know now that I want a D/s relationship. For me it seems that I want two separate relationships in one: one where I can express both distinct sides of who I am, the outgoing, confident woman that most people see (and hopefully my Dom/Daddy enjoys and can be proud of), as well as my submissive self, who wants to be treated as a sexual object, disciplined for misdeeds. Is this a common thought process? Can these relationships be sustained?

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RE: how much dose love come in to play? - 5/1/2011 6:36:29 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

For me, I am looking for love and want to fall in love and have someone fall in love with me too, but I definitely know now that I want a D/s relationship.


Yes, you definitely can have both in a D/s relationship - many posters here are in such a relationship.

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RE: how much dose love come in to play? - 5/2/2011 4:56:59 PM   
luvtosubmit


Posts: 6
Joined: 4/26/2011
Status: offline 		Thank you for your comments. I am perplexed at how emotional I am over everything, so I am hoping that this can be a completely fulfilling way of life for me, of course, depending on my Dom and how he sees this relationship going. I don't know how happy I can be just serving someone who doesn't actually love me or isn't in love with me; I truly feel loved and appreciated by my Dom, but it's hard to be sure, so it's hard to jump off this cliff and submit fully and completely without knowing, and without jumping, I will never know!

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RE: how much dose love come in to play? - 5/7/2011 1:11:05 PM   
Mzicchillri


Posts: 6
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline 		There are many people who are no affectionate. no matter what title we give ourselves, Dome sub, nurse, mother whatever....we are still all human.


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RE: how much dose love come in to play? - 5/7/2011 1:15:27 PM   
heartcream


Posts: 3044
Joined: 5/9/2007
From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
Status: offline 		Very much dose!

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RE: how much dose love come in to play? - 5/10/2011 4:15:41 PM   
TiedKat


Posts: 6
Joined: 9/9/2010
Status: offline 		(Fast Reply)

I was in my relationship before M/s was brought to the table. Love is our basis, and even if he would disown me as a slave we would still be together. M/s or not, the love comes before the collar, in my terms. Hope this helps!

(in reply to cooper1982)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: how much dose love come in to play? - 5/10/2011 5:28:28 PM   
luvtosubmit


Posts: 6
Joined: 4/26/2011
Status: offline 		Thank you so much for your comments. Since I've joined Collarme and have received feedback from this group, I have been able to open up to Him so much more and now I feel like I've finally come home. I can let the wall down, because I've acted the brat and stomped my feet, and his reaction was to pull me closer and love me harder. What more can a sub ask for?

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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: how much dose love come in to play? - 5/11/2011 3:15:43 PM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		love is VERY important to me.
but there's nothing wrong with looking for someone who fits you. there are s-types out there who aren't looking for love or feelings; they want to feel like property.
personally, i want both. =p


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RE: how much dose love come in to play? - 5/12/2011 7:45:49 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama
Yes, you definitely can have both in a D/s relationship - many posters here are in such a relationship.

I'm not sure this is entirely true. You can absolutely have authority in any relationship type. But at least some non-trivial percentage of folks actually feel that they cannot have love and M/s at the same time. When they look at Carol and I, they see "vanilla", not "M/s" or "D/s". In the end, my best impression is that it comes down to what imagery you have in your head and how you make your definitions. If you include things like "cold" and "uncaring" in the definition of "dominance" then it's going to fight with "love" very strongly.


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I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: how much dose love come in to play? - 5/12/2011 8:54:57 AM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		i'm not sure why you think her statement isn't entirely true. for some people it's 100% true. just because it doesn't apply to everyone doesnt make it any less true for those it DOES apply to. 

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RE: how much dose love come in to play? - 5/12/2011 5:58:13 PM   
ThundersCry


Posts: 892
Status: offline 		good to see you...back Magic one...

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Profile   Post #: 40
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