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RE: How to engage with her? - 4/27/2011 7:48:56 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

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Maybe we're special, or because we'd been seeing each other for 2 years long distance, once a week, but living with Daddy was never awkward for us not even at the beginning. We fell into it very naturally.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan

In that case, just give it time. The first couple of months living together are going to be a little awkward.

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RE: How to engage with her? - 4/27/2011 7:52:01 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

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Personally she shouldn't of moved in then, if she wasn't comfortable with you, yet. In my opinion.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Nanako

interest in being dominant, more just not being comfortable enough yet with me, it seems

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RE: How to engage with her? - 4/27/2011 7:56:15 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

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I didn't. I had no use for that kind of stuff. I never did the whole go out and drink and party my ass off an come home drunk, I'm 28 and I still don't have any use for shit like that. Sure I get buzzed drink a little now and then but I am so not a party hound.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

She smokes and drinks and goes out, oh gee she is 20...who didn't do that at 20? I did. I

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RE: How to engage with her? - 4/27/2011 9:22:10 PM

BlackTigerDragon

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I think what you have there is a flat mate.
You haven't known her for a very long time and you've been living with her for an even shorter time.
She's probably not interested in someone who would address her as Mistress before even saying 'hi' and introducing themselves (I certainly am not interested in anyone that does this.)
She's probably more interested in someone who will say 'hi' and introduce themselves and then more than two months later, when she actually knows your last name and favourite colour, address her as something she wants to be addressed as, which doesn't necessarily have to be Mistress.
In conclusion: treat her like what she is, a human being and flatmate. It's probably far to early to be treating her like a Mistress if she's not even ready to be your Mistress.
But that's about all I can say right now. I don't have any experience.

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RE: How to engage with her? - 4/28/2011 3:48:10 AM

BonesFromAsh

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BlackTigerDragon

I think what you have there is a flat mate.

Bingo!

*ETA.......OP, you were only speaking with this person (I'm not including the male part of this "couple" because he's not the one living w/you) for a few months before choosing to allow her to move in? What was the rush?

< Message edited by BonesFromAsh -- 4/28/2011 3:53:37 AM >

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RE: How to engage with her? - 4/28/2011 4:55:05 AM

LadyConstanze

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

I know this will be hard to deal with, but try as much as possible to let her come to you. Stop trying to serve her, it's obvious right now how you can best serve is to be a friend. When finances get tough, some get very withdrawn and depressed, I would not take that too personally if you think things are good between you beyond that.

She smokes and drinks and goes out, oh gee she is 20...who didn't do that at 20? I did. I screwed around, too. Let's try not to be judgmental here. We have no indication that she is a serious substance abuser.

Nanako. feel free to message me on the other side.

This...

Additionally, I can understand her, I'm not a high protocol person, it's not right for me and it feels too stiffling, I'd much rather sit with somebody and have a talk and a good time instead of being served all the time, get to know somebody before I engage in BDSM play, while BDSM is a part of my life, it's not my whole life, it's fine as an addition but if I had the feeling that my whole life has to revolve around it, I'd possibly would feel very frustrated. Treat her like a friend or a flat mate, if she wants to change the situation, she'll let you know.

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RE: How to engage with her? - 4/28/2011 7:31:34 AM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

Honestly? She sounds like me a year and a half ago - no titles, no protocol, no service. If I were you I'd back the hell off trying to serve her and just focus on being her friend. Constant repetition of 'how can I please you how can I please you how can I please you' is really stressful when you're on the receiving end of it, especially if you don't quite know the answer.

Ding, ding, ding, ding! We have a winner.

The more you try to pressure a closer relationship, the more it's going to be resisted. Ever have much luck telling a Dominant woman that they have to feel a certain way? The more you try to force it, the less likely it is to happen.

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RE: How to engage with her? - 4/28/2011 8:57:41 AM

AneNoz

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The answer is plain. They chose you. Thus they find who you are pleasing. So simply be you.

Be at peace
Aneka

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RE: How to engage with her? - 4/28/2011 10:05:06 AM

Nanako

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

I know this will be hard to deal with, but try as much as possible to let her come to you. Stop trying to serve her, it's obvious right now how you can best serve is to be a friend. When finances get tough, some get very withdrawn and depressed, I would not take that too personally if you think things are good between you beyond that.

Hello miss, thank you for the kind words ^^

I guess I was half thinking the same thing, and looking here for advice on how to be a better friend, too.

quote:

She smokes and drinks and goes out, oh gee she is 20...who didn't do that at 20? I did. I screwed around, too. Let's try not to be judgmental here. We have no indication that she is a serious substance abuser.

Just to clarify the matter here, we've gotten drunk togther exactly twice since she moved in. One was a sort of welcoming gathering that I paid for, and the other was a friend buying. nobody's drinking a lot or blowing all their money on alcohol ^^

quote:

Nanako. feel free to message me on the other side.

I may do, thank you for your kindness ^^

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RE: How to engage with her? - 4/28/2011 10:27:24 AM

PeonForHer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Nanako

Just to clarify the matter here, we've gotten drunk togther exactly twice since she moved in. One was a sort of welcoming gathering that I paid for, and the other was a friend buying. nobody's drinking a lot or blowing all their money on alcohol ^^

You're a part of a group of twenty-odd-year-olds sharing a house in Scotland, and that's all you smoke and drink? Blimey, I bet your neighbours think you're all monks! ;-)

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RE: How to engage with her? - 4/30/2011 10:43:09 AM

undergroundsea

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Just as there are love languages that describe how people like to receive affection, there are D/s languages that describe how people like receive dominance or submission. Thus, there is a question of whether you two have compatible D/s languages or, at least, understand what each others D/s languages are.

Given that they were a couple, and that she moved from across the country and is staying with you, it is not clear to me how much there is an interest in you as a sub, and how much there is an interest in you as a friend (I don't think she is only using you because there are indications of interpersonal interest as a friend) and that the current arrangement allows her to be closer to her primary.

Cheers,

Sea

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RE: How to engage with her? - 5/30/2011 4:13:54 PM

Nanako

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Hello everyone ^_^
Apologies for going so quiet on this. I wanted to post a little update.

In the end, she told me she wasn't ready for the relationship, and felt guilty for hurting me. We agreed it wasn't working and decided to end it. She's now moved out (and i'm seeking a new owner :o )

Thank you for the replies everyone!

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