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What am I? - 4/27/2011 9:01:24 PM

KittyinHeat

Posts: 11
Joined: 4/24/2011
Status: offline

I read over the post How to Attract a Dominant Woman and I came across the part defining a bottom from a submissive. I have been writing myself as a submissive the whole time but I realized from how they described it that I might just be a bottom.

You all probably know what it is but here is what I read:

If you are only seeking the kink activities, the play, you should clearly state you are only interested in acting as a bottom.
If you wish to submit your will over to another person and have a relationship based on authority transfer, then you are a submissive/slave.

I have a boyfriend who doms me in the bedroom already. But I miss being with woman, and I want to find that domination in the bedroom with a woman. So basically dom in the bedroom and friends out of it for the long-term.

My profile explains what I'm looking for more if you care to read/skim.

So...am I just a bottom or am I an actual submissive?

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RE: What am I? - 4/27/2011 9:07:59 PM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline

Do you want someone else to be in charge outside the bedroom? For example, when you go out with your friends, who decides where you go and what you do? Do you like to be the decision maker or do you want someone else to do it? Do you want the decision to be democratic or would you rather give an opinion but someone else has the final say?

If you want to make your own decisions or for decisions to be made in a democratic fashion, then go with bottom. If you want someone else to make all the decisions or to have the final say after listening to your input, go with submissive.

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl

"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to KittyinHeat)

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RE: What am I? - 4/27/2011 9:33:49 PM

KittyinHeat

Posts: 11
Joined: 4/24/2011
Status: offline

I don't now I guess not really outside of the bedroom. I mean, I wouldn't mind if she said, "today I want to go to the movies then eat lunch at Mcdonalds and that's what we're going to do." But I wouldn't want her to be like "You have to spend all day with me and you cant contact anyone else."

See I'm not sure, I'm not a leader or someone that takes charge so I wouldn't mind taking up most or all of her suggestions.

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)

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RE: What am I? - 4/27/2011 11:54:24 PM

Wickad

Posts: 428
Joined: 3/12/2005
Status: offline

(fast reply)

So, ... I've done a bit of reflecting about this topic and here is my take on it as it pertains to the OP.

If while in an erotic situation you want your Top (I use the word loosely) to tell you what to do, how to do it, etc then you may be a bedroom (or erotic) submissive. If, on the other hand, while in an erotic situation you just want your Top to poke needles in you, flog you, hit you with a paddle or cane, or some other SM activity then you may be a bedroom bottom. Of course if you like a bit of both then you might be an erotic SM submissive.

Now, this is my take on things and other folks interpretations of such roles may vary. The final say of course comes down to the individual and how they choose to identify themselves.

Best of luck you OP,
Wickad

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RE: What am I? - 4/28/2011 8:40:52 AM

AneNoz

Posts: 263
Joined: 4/26/2011
Status: offline

You are as you are. The descriptor is of less importance than is your knowledge of yourself. Through contemplation and self examination, you will come to understand what you are within. The name that is draped upon that is of little importance, as you will interact socially with potential partners prior to a relationship.

These terms have an understood base meaning, beyond this, each of us shades the words with meanings of our own devising. This is why they are useful only within the context of presenting a beginning. One must speak with the other to find what is meant by the words used.

Be at peace
Aneka

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RE: What am I? - 4/28/2011 9:35:41 AM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KittyinHeat

I wouldn't mind if she said, "today I want to go to the movies then eat lunch at Mcdonalds and that's what we're going to do." But I wouldn't want her to be like "You have to spend all day with me and you cant contact anyone else."

See I'm not sure, I'm not a leader or someone that takes charge so I wouldn't mind taking up most or all of her suggestions.

Take some time and think about this:

You are living in your ideal situation. You have your boyfriend and the woman of your dreams. What does this situation look like? What do you do when you're not in the bedroom? Do you prepare meals for her? Rub her feet? Bring her a glass of iced tea? Or does she get her own food and drinks? Do you alternate bringing each other things depending on who's up at the time?

If you see yourself doing things for her, serving her, then you are probably submissive. If you see her doing things for herself or the two of you trading off equally, then you are probably more of a bottom. Ftr, whatever you are is fine. Being submissive is no better or worse than being a bottom and vice versa. What's important is to know yourself and be able to communicate your desires and expectations clearly to others.

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl

"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to KittyinHeat)

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RE: What am I? - 4/28/2011 10:50:30 AM

KittyinHeat

Posts: 11
Joined: 4/24/2011
Status: offline

Thank you all for your help.

I guess I am a bottom. Since I'm looking for to be close friends outside outside of the bedroom, and I don't think want those two worlds to mix.

Now, is there anything in my profile I should take out? How do I make it clear that I'm looking to be a bottom?

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)

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RE: What am I? - 4/28/2011 10:56:35 AM

HannahLynHeather

Posts: 2950
Joined: 4/4/2011
From: where it's at
Status: offline

quote:

Now, is there anything in my profile I should take out?

well, yeah. all the shit about dom/sub, mistresses and serving for starters.
<but taking profile advice from me is sort of a non-starter...mine just leaves people scratching their heads wondering if they could have my dealer's number>

hannah lynn

_____________________________

clique? i don't need no stinking clique!

fuck a duck ~w. disney

My Twitter: http://twitter.com/HannahFuck

i hope you enjoyed the post, and as always my friends....have a nice day

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RE: What am I? - 4/28/2011 11:03:59 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KittyinHeat

I read over the post How to Attract a Dominant Woman and I came across the part defining a bottom from a submissive. I have been writing myself as a submissive the whole time but I realized from how they described it that I might just be a bottom.

You all probably know what it is but here is what I read:
If you are only seeking the kink activities, the play, you should clearly state you are only interested in acting as a bottom.

If you wish to submit your will over to another person and have a relationship based on authority transfer, then you are a submissive/slave.
I have a boyfriend who doms me in the bedroom already. But I miss being with woman, and I want to find that domination in the bedroom with a woman. So basically dom in the bedroom and friends out of it for the long-term.

My profile explains what I'm looking for more if you care to read/skim.

So...am I just a bottom or am I an actual submissive?

To me.........you are a bottom. To state otherwise I would feel is misleading.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to KittyinHeat)

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RE: What am I? - 4/28/2011 11:07:41 AM

KittyinHeat

Posts: 11
Joined: 4/24/2011
Status: offline

And I fully understand that now.

Now, how does my profile look? Does it say "I am a bottom?"

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Post #: 10