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Not just a "bottom." - 4/28/2011 8:47:32 AM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
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As a mostly self defined "sadistic top," I am constantly redefining what I consider a "bottom." By the most common definitions, I would never get along with or desire a full fledged "submissive" in my life; most of my BDSM lusts are expressed through acts of bondage and S&M, but I have zero interest in what most people define as "bottom."

There's a whole different class of "bottom" where the person desires to submit to acts, but the acts are less important than the fact that he's seduced, coerced, overpowered or otherwise influenced. He isn't RESISTING per se, but he's not dictating the acts, and the acts themselves are absolutely inconsequential. What is absolutely MANDATORY for him, though, is that the woman is thoroughly enjoying his helplessness, his surrender, and his inability to resist. That's why a simple "top" is never a good fit for him - if he wanted a top, he'd go visit a pro in a dungeon or engage in some casual BDSM at a party. He doesn't want a woman who enjoys bondage or whipping or humiliation as mere acts, he desires a woman who wants to make him SUFFER for her, and those are some of the acts that she may employ. It's her attitude that makes him want to surrender, not the acts themselves.

This is a power dynamic that is so much NOT just simple top/bottom that it is impossible to label it as such. It's "submissive bottoming" and "dominant topping" - if I were to pick simple definitions. As a top, I enjoy making men endure acts that would otherwise NEVER endure - sure, they may have thought about it in passing, but they certainly are not lining up looking for someone (anyone) to do it, they protect it instead, and are only able to engage in it with a woman who they fully respect, trust and want to please -- and she, in turn, clearly desires it and wants it. Not just the acts, but HIS suffering.

The older I get, the more I want to redefine myself in the most simple terms - Top is fine for me, at this point, as I am not looking for a man to run errands or do my laundry or just say "yes ma'am" all the time. I ultimately seek men that are intellectually challenging, emotionally mature and from an S&M stand point, understand the nuances of power exchange that make good bdsm scenes 'mindblowing' - they understand the way a sadistic female mind works and want to tap into that, but they treasure their "submission" and don't submit easily. These men DO exist, but I think they are trapped behind the poorly defined labels that are out there - bottom or submissive? They don't have a 'submissive' bone in their body - chivalrous, yes, absolutely! Classy, a real gentleman, but more assertive, and more content to be 'equals' in relationship context, not looking for a woman to 'take the lead.'

But when it comes to BDSM, this man is clearly not a 'bottom' either, as the acts aren't relevant - what he seeks is a woman who is dominant and sadistic first and foremost, and who craves and needs his surrender, humility, and desperation.

I feel like bottoms totally get robbed in the bdsm "community." There needs to be a better range of definitions.

Akasha

< Message edited by AAkasha -- 4/28/2011 8:48:10 AM >

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