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Polite or pushy? - 5/10/2006 8:20:17 AM

Justinix

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Joined: 7/14/2005
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Just wondering, how to approach a domme here? The only message I've sent which has actually been read was one including a picture, so it appears that pictures are a smart move. Now what sort of picture are appreciated? The one I sent was pretty ok except I was wearing a suit - is that too vanilla? Should I be more naughty? And while showing one's interest until one is noticed works well in the vanilla world, I have an inkling this might not be the case here...and one doesn't want to end up being blacklisted and ignored for being pushy...any thoughts, anyone?

Cheers
Justinix

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RE: Polite or pushy? - 5/10/2006 8:41:24 AM

MySweetSubmssive

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From: Lehigh Valley, PA
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Justin ...

Everyone has their own preferences, but here are some general guidelines: Be polite, spell and write correctly, write to someone for whom you meet their criteria and interests (i.e. if she specifies that she wants a pain slut and you aren't, then don't write to her), talk about more than your BDSM interests, demonstrate that you have read her profile in what you write to her. By doing this, you show that you are reasonably intelligent. Do be aware that dominant women get lots of annoying email, and that if you are sincere, you will have to wait out a certain amount of jadedness.

Don't ... send cock shots. Some women may like more nude pictures, but I don't. I don't want someone getting intimate with me before I am ready. Pictures don't make a difference to me in opening or responding to mail. You are right in surmising that you should not keep emailing someone if you don't hear from her. No answer - from anyone here - is a polite way of saying "no, thank you." Don't send a form letter.

I looked over your profile and was confused. You look like a dom who now wants to be submissive. I don't dom dominants. If you feel you are now submissive, you need to make a stronger case. The way you talk about paddling, the dismissive way you mention being a slave (some strive to be that!) and the fact that you start off talking about your physical attractiveness and that you want to "hook up" do not work for me. I would not respond to an email from you with your profile as it is. You seem ambivalent and/or casual about submitting.

What is it you're looking for? Who do you want to meet? What do you have to offer her? Those things need to be more clear.

That you want to incorporate love into your kink was very sweet to read.

Good luck!

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RE: Polite or pushy? - 5/10/2006 8:43:31 AM

ladiespet77

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I apraoch the Dommes in a polite and respectful way .Much the same way i would aproach a Vanilla women. I do Not aproach like a Groveling pathetic and desperate male sub. Dont get me wrong i can Grovel with the best of them lol. It is just in my experiance Most Femdom Ladies want You to apraoch them in a Real, forthright and respectful manner .They want to see You are a person beyond Kink. I include Some breif info about my personality, Some breif info on the type of Mistress i seek ,Some Brief info on the type of sub/slave I am and Some info on my BDSM history .I do Not send a luandry list of my kink. If they are interested and want More info they will Tell you.Obviosly we all want Good mathces.So look at there interest list (if they have one) and narrow Your potential Good matches that way.
I also always send a Nice vanilla photo that Clearly shows my face.Indeed this will also help in getting a responce.
Really it is Not all that hard to get a reply from someone,If You follow a simple.Honest and staright forward aproach.
Lastly we are All differant.Some trial and error on Your part will help in narrowing a stategey that works for you....Good Luck

< Message edited by ladiespet77 -- 5/10/2006 8:51:19 AM >

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RE: Polite or pushy? - 5/10/2006 8:44:19 AM

sweetbbwsub31

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Be yourself, be honest, put up any picture that makes you feel comfortable.
Most of all remember that these things take time.

Good luck,
sub tara

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RE: Polite or pushy? - 5/10/2006 11:03:04 AM

MistressSassy66

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I have to agree with spelling correctly,being polite and being yourself.
I also agree about with not sending cock pics,that for Me can be an automatic disqualifer,as
thats not what I'm looking for.Which brings up the point of making sure you write to someone that has
the interests you do.And most important is patience,good things come to those who wait.

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RE: Polite or pushy? - 5/10/2006 11:20:13 AM

MHOO314

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Well here are some pointers:

Don't do anything you would not do if you walked up to her in a vanilla setting:

1.No cock pics--we get at least 10 of those a day---and trust Us they all look the same.

2. More than three words

3. No one-liners

4. Do not say, I will submit to you, want to be your slave, have no limits or will give you oral service daily----we get plenty of those too.

5. Introduce YOU--who are you, what is life like when you aren't chained 24/7--are you new? have some experience? What value do you bring?

And remember YOU have every right to be choosy--too many subs forget that until there is an agreement--you are a person looking, nothing more--and have no obligation.

Net, a clear, well thought out note, not too much, not too little, after all its a starter.

Good luck!

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RE: Polite or pushy? - 5/10/2006 11:23:57 AM

Lionesse

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I liked this thread a lot. http://www.collarchat.com/m_7898/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm :Primer for male submissives

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RE: Polite or pushy? - 5/10/2006 4:32:39 PM

slave55555

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Greetings,
Thank you Justinix for bring this topic into discussion.
In addition thank you very much Ladies for your advices.

a salve

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RE: Polite or pushy? - 5/10/2006 5:16:22 PM

Lionesse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314
4. Do not say, I will submit to you, want to be your slave, have no limits or will give you oral service daily----we get plenty of those too.

LOL I used to get LOTS of those on my old profile, back when I was looking. The idea of some stranger proposing to be that intimate with me or showing me his wiggly boy bits always made me go "yuck" and delete/block the person from ever emailing me again. That's just gross. I really don't want to see or hear that kind of thing as a first introduction to a stranger.

The ones that were stupid enough to offer a ridiculous fantasy to a stranger as if it were fact (eg, I want to be naked and chained to your bed and flogged 24 hours a day) were clearly demonstrating that they did not have enough knowledge about themselves or about real life D/s relationships to be anywhere near ready to negotiate with a partner.

So subbies, if you do stuff like this, we will probably just delete/block you. So don't, not if you actually want to get to the point of meeting someone in real life.

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