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xssve -> RE: BDSM in the Vanilla World (4/29/2011 9:16:41 PM)
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The Amazon thing is easy- it's exiting, women read a lot of bodice rippers and books about serial killers too, but only a small percentage of them end up dating them - probably a higher percentage of women who read kink who are confident enough to act out on it, but they probably have at least one kinky friend - women in general, outside the those sufering from sever religious neurosis, are actually a bit more kink friendly than men in general I think, possibly because they're less prone to idealize men, and when they do it's seldom as abstract objects of purity the way men often idealize women, but more often in kink compatible, materialistic terms; power, athleticism, seduction, romantic or otherwise, etc.
Everybody likes to flirt with the dark side, horror is also a very popular genre with women, the whole romantic vampire thing has been going strong for quite a while now, give it time, I just happen to think kinky is as kinky does, not everybody needs the reassurance of a social "scene" per se, i.e., it's not like you get a badge or something, although a lot people seem to think that - technically, that's a fetish in itself, IMO, i.e., the tendency to institutionalize tribal structures.
I guess what I'm saying is, what is kinky? At what point do you cross the line from vanilla to kinky? A more pertinent question, I think - vanillas do a lot of kinky things that they just call something else, they're always shocked when you point out just how kinky that is - i.e., Christianity, and most major religions are blatant and unapologetic about being paternalistic, male dominant, they not only openly practice objectification and humiliation, they do like it's a mission from god, literally - where do you think half this stuff came from?
That it's justified as basically a breeder fetish makes it less kinky? Shit that's even kinkier - if a kinkster were denying a submissive any sexual satisfaction while forcing her to churn out babies, and forgo any career opportunities she might have to raise them, the question of whether that was abusive would at least be raised I think, particularly if she were indoctrinated into this lifestyle from an early age, and under threat being shunned and abused if she rebels - but that is pretty much "mainstream" religion.
Anyway, off topic rant, just saying, it's mostly in your head - about 15% of the population identified themselves as kinky, both male and female in roughly even proportion, males were actually only slightly higher, in the Janus report which is the most recent and comprehensive sex survey - you might get a higher number now, it's more fashionable, people are a bit more open about it, but the fact that the survey was taken before it became fashionable leads me to suspect that that is a probably a relatively stable number.
So, the answer is, they're everywhere, maybe you're just not their type - for one thing, secular kink, unlike religion, doesn't lock you into a particular gender role, which in the past, often forced women to choose between the lesser of two evils - not surprisingly, this generated a certain degree of cynicism among women, about men, and now, financial independence is possible, and homo or bisexuality, by definition, kinky, is a more attractive option than it once might have been.
Sad but true, I think a lot of women like kink, they just get tired of dealing with assholes and players.
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