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RE: The Perfect Dom - 5/10/2006 3:01:29 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilbitnella

Thanks Bita! I hope my list isn't every subs list...(grins..then there would be trouble, ey?)

hehe.. No kidding.. we'd all be going after the same guy! lol

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Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

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RE: The Perfect Dom - 5/10/2006 3:05:27 PM

allspicey

Posts: 44
Joined: 4/30/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilbitnella

(boy am i asking for trouble...lol, but here goes---and remember, this is submitted respectfully and most likely, pure fantasy)

1. Remembers to "Court" a submissive first. *there is no such thing as an "instant sub, just add water."
2. Recognizes a submissives vulnernabilities/weaknesses and helps the sub to grow in a fashion that is beneficial/healthy.
3. Is affectionate.
4. Punishes when 'needed' and not for their own satisfation.
5. Is confident, not "cocky"
6. Attentive - when a sub is confused about boundaries, limits they carefully watching their subs reactions to various scenes, encounters..etc.
7. Remembers how much a submissive aims to please, and is grateful and rewarding when Dom is pleased.

Hey, I can dream, can't I...smiles.
Nella

Hate to be a party pooper and be serious but...

List of dreams? Hardly. Depends how deep in the lifestyle you want to go. If you're just going to paddle along the surface you probably don't need all that stuff. If you are going to dive in the depths, you certainly do!

This looks very similar to my list of needs that Master had me write out. Yes, Virginia, slaves do have needs! My needs are structured in a pyramid, much like Maslow's heirarchy of needs for humans. It looks like this:

Duty of Care, Love, Hugs and Sleep
Clear Guidance and Control
Play and Sex
Rules, Punishment and Rewards, Feedback and Forgiveness
Rituals and Slave Time
Structured Training, Debriefing and Special Awareness

These are the things that Master tries to take care of for me so that I can focus completely and calmly on serving him. Is it easy? Pffft! The road to Mastery is no easier than the road to submissiveness and slavery. Does he hit the mark 100% of the time? Now THERE is a fantasy! But he does a damn fine job of it and doing better all the time.

So hang in there and keep looking for that "perfect dom". Because there are some fine ones out there looking too.

One less though, these days

allspice{T}

(in reply to lilbitnella)

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RE: The Perfect Dom - 5/10/2006 3:10:08 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

Allspicey,

I agree! Most of us do have affection needs and so forth. And whomever thought being a dom was easy never really did it...smiles. (not that I ever have, but to be that responsible for another takes courage and character and self control that most do not possess)

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Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

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Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: The Perfect Dom - 5/10/2006 4:22:45 PM

artglfr

Posts: 235
Joined: 4/8/2005
Status: offline

Of course I thought you were talking about me when you mentioned "the Perfect..." LOL... hell I have so far to go and will Never be perfect, I am lucky to have what i have and am very thankful.

You make some very good points and I am constantly amazed by some of the attitudes (yes even worse than mine) of the "Masters/Doms etc. and have come to understand why so many submissives here are hesitant to respond having been burned so often.

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RE: The Perfect Dom - 5/10/2006 6:41:07 PM

DaimonDog

Posts: 14
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quote:

ORIGINAL: allspicey

These are the things that Master tries to take care of for me so that I can focus completely and calmly on serving him. Is it easy? Pffft! The road to Mastery is no easier than the road to submissiveness and slavery.

You are so right! - Neither is easy.

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RE: The Perfect Dom - 5/10/2006 10:20:42 PM

Chaingang

Posts: 1727
Joined: 10/24/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilbitnella
1. Remembers to "Court" a submissive first. *there is no such thing as an "instant sub, just add water."

I think the word "court" doesn't work here. I converse with submissive women. They get my praise only if they deserve it for some reason. I don't instantly want to be someone's Dom either, but I am often demanding and usually automatically assume a position of authority. I would think a submissive woman would tend to adopt a submissive posture in relation to me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilbitnella
2. Recognizes a submissives vulnernabilities/weaknesses and helps the sub to grow in a fashion that is beneficial/healthy.

Yeah, I'm not your therapist. I can help you be who you are and I can even help you in a therapist-like manner, but self-improvement is up to you ultimately.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilbitnella
3. Is affectionate.

No problem. Will you also be affectionate?

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilbitnella
4. Punishes when 'needed' and not for their own satisfation.

I am somewhat sadistic so I can't promise anything here except that when I want you to feel pain as an extension of pleasure you will probably enjoy yourself; when I punish you it will not be enjoyable at all.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilbitnella
5. Is confident, not "cocky"

Subjective call. It's probably the case that if you like me you will think I am confident because you will think I am justified in my attitude. If you dislike me you will most likely think that I am merely a cocky wannabe.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilbitnella
6. Attentive - when a sub is confused about boundaries, limits they carefully watching their subs reactions to various scenes, encounters..etc.

I am extremely attentive. Are you? I am not an emotional divining rod - if you feel confused about something you should say so. In the context of a scene I am fairly sensitive but not telepathic. I like to take my time building up to scene activities by learning a submissive's attitudes to other things first. My usual rule is to discuss scene criticism far after the fact, perhaps the next day. Same goes for love play. So unless there is an emergency of some kind I prefer anything that needs talking over be discussed out of context when everyone has a cool head.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilbitnella
7. Remembers how much a submissive aims to please, and is grateful and rewarding when Dom is pleased.

I am not sure I understand the point here, but I always use positive reinforcement to guide behavior. I have no problem praising that which is praiseworthy.

Anyway, this is just a reply to offer my own personal reality check against your own original statement. Take it for what you will.

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