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RE: communication rituals - 5/2/2011 11:36:57 PM   
Awareness


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Status: offline 		  Sounds like a chick thing.  Would probably give a sub the opportunity to whine about some shit.  Given that she's going to be inclined to do that one week out of every four anyway, I don't think it's wise to encourage that kind of thing more frequently than is absolutely necessary.

Mind you, I'm a guy, so a woman talking about "where we're heading" would inspire eye-rolling.


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RE: communication rituals - 5/2/2011 11:45:48 PM   
HannahLynHeather


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Status: offline 		whew!!! thanks dude. after agreeing with you on the scat rap thread, when i saw you'd posted in this thread i was really worried you'd actually post something of a non homo erectus level of sophistication.

thanks for proving those fears groundless. all is right with the world again

quote:

Mind you, I'm a guy, so a woman talking about "where we're heading" would inspire eye-rolling.
i see what you mean, i'd get tired of hear "in the shitter" all the time too. my sympathies dude.

hannah lynn

< Message edited by HannahLynHeather -- 5/2/2011 11:49:05 PM >

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RE: communication rituals - 5/3/2011 12:59:19 AM   
crazyml


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quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

It's cute how you call her Hanners.



Aww Domi-pops! Look at you!


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RE: communication rituals - 5/3/2011 1:04:25 AM   
crazyml


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Status: offline 		I like topics where my initial answer is one thing, and then when I think about it for a bit I realise that it's more nuanced.

So my initial answer would have been "Nope. My relationships have never required a 'time' to communicate, it's something that happens all the time."

But... it is more nuanced than that. Even if there's no "protocol" or formality involved, I think many of us (if not most) will tend to slip into habitual (or ritual) behaviour. In my last relationship, it was "in the bath", the one before it was when out for a walk. None of these were prescribed, but they naturally evolved.

That said, these "times" were never the only times that discussion could happen.

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RE: communication rituals - 5/3/2011 1:51:27 AM   
ranja


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness
Mind you, I'm a guy, so a woman talking about "where we're heading" would inspire eye-rolling.


For some all this need to 'cummunicate' is rather over rated... my Husband is not a 'talker' either... and as some here might agree... my communication skills rather suck too, especially that time of the month.
He would most definitely deplore it if i would spoil the time i spend grooming Him with simultaneously moaning about stuff... that would also spoil things for me as my main hangup is not getting enough sex... and He most definitely won't feel like giving me any if i am whining about it...

talking about deep shit is not really something we like to engage in on a regular basis
i rather just tell Him (as politely as i can muster) i think He's behaving like a tit when i think He is and then tits up to Him what to do with that info... a spanking usually does the tit...

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RE: communication rituals - 5/3/2011 4:43:06 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


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From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		I agree with crazyml. As a couple, we have developed certain times/places that are conducive to a certain type of talk. Venting about work or the noisy neighbors? We do that while out on a walk. Have serious relationship discussion? That occurs when we are cuddled up in bed together. Have an intellectual discussion? We do that over dinner.

This:
That said, these "times" were never the only times that discussion could happen.


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RE: communication rituals - 5/3/2011 4:55:08 AM   
LordOdhinn


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Status: offline 		Yes, what she said!

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RE: communication rituals - 5/3/2011 5:01:20 AM   
Awareness


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Status: offline 		  Christ, this is exactly what I mean - a chick whining about some shit I don't give a fuck about.  Why the hell would I inflict this crap on myself?

Quick tip guys:  If a woman asks "where is our relationship going", the proper answer is:  "Nowhere bitch, this ain't a ride."

Thus endeth the lesson.


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RE: communication rituals - 5/3/2011 5:06:11 AM   
Awareness


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quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja
that would also spoil things for me as my main hangup is not getting enough sex... and He most definitely won't feel like giving me any if i am whining about it...
  Quick diversion - you want more sex?  Stop offering it.

The less we get it, the more we want it.  Plus, simple operant conditioning informs us that a random ratio reinforcement schedule is the best way to reinforce desired behaviour.  Since a sub may not be able to refuse sex without poisoning the dynamic, the alternative is to amp it up roughly 60% of the time - really blow his mind.

Of course, if witholding sex is part of your dynamic, or his libido doesn't even begin to match yours, then all bets are off.

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RE: communication rituals - 5/3/2011 5:47:11 AM   
ranja


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness
, simple operant conditioning informs us that a random ratio reinforcement schedule is the best way to reinforce desired behaviour.  Since a sub may not be able to refuse sex without poisoning the dynamic, the alternative is to amp it up roughly 60% of the time - really blow his mind.

oh dear... this might be good advise, but im afraid i am waaayy to simple to get it

quote:

Of course, if witholding sex is part of your dynamic, or his libido doesn't even begin to match yours, then all bets are off.

i think i might be fucked

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RE: communication rituals - 5/3/2011 5:53:04 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


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quote:

Yes, what she said!

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OMG, I had no idea he was going to do that!! Plus, he used his thug picture.


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RE: communication rituals - 5/3/2011 6:14:42 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness

Christ, this is exactly what I mean - a chick whining about some shit I don't give a fuck about.  Why the hell would I inflict this crap on myself?

Quick tip guys:  If a woman asks "where is our relationship going", the proper answer is:  "Nowhere bitch, this ain't a ride."

Thus endeth the lesson.



I agree with the basic sentiment of this post. The men I've known (dom or sub) are not interested in endless conversations about the relationship.

Having always been into honesty and communication, when I was much younger I used to initiate relationship discussions far too often. Some men tolerated it, others, well, see the above. If you have all kinds of thoughts and feelings you just have to get out, start a journal.




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RE: communication rituals - 5/3/2011 6:27:01 AM   
NuevaVida


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness

Sounds like a chick thing.  Would probably give a sub the opportunity to whine about some shit.  Given that she's going to be inclined to do that one week out of every four anyway, I don't think it's wise to encourage that kind of thing more frequently than is absolutely necessary.



It's interesting that a thread about how people communicate has you focused in on whining, when whining/complaining wasn't part of the topic.  Do the women in your life whine to you a lot?  If so, that's unfortunate.

I think my only real "whine" to the Mister was when he denied me wine for 6 weeks. Then I whined about wine.  Otherwise, he understands that - for the most part - women communicate differently then men, and he accepted that when he decided to own a woman.  He's pretty cool like that. 


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RE: communication rituals - 5/3/2011 10:37:03 AM   
peachgirl


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quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

quote:

Yes, what she said!

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OMG, I had no idea he was going to do that!! Plus, he used his thug picture.



That was cute. Put a smile on my face :)

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RE: communication rituals - 5/3/2011 7:37:08 PM   
petmonkey


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Status: offline 		i was with someone who ritualized communication based on Our first meet.  If We needed to re-negotiate structure or "play" specifically, or there was something that'd gone sideways between us/one of us felt uneasy about something going on, We'd meet up at that same ice cream parlor. We arrived and left separately and i brought something funny from a 50 cent machine (they collected "homies" etc.) for them; they brought a tulip for me.

We had a little "break-up" party there with some of Our mutual friends when Our arrangement ended.  It's high on the list of Good Relationship Experiences for me.


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RE: communication rituals - 5/3/2011 11:19:16 PM   
SimplyMichael


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Status: offline 		Nueva,

Makes you wonder what sort of women these men date, if the most important person in their lives has an issue and they call it whining.

Years ago, I used to be big on ritual, now I just pick better partners. I don't mean that to knock ritual, its just that for me, ritual was a way of dealing with my inability to listen without reacting, and other issues. When stuff comes up, I want to talk right then, not wait. I wouldn't be with a woman who couldn't bring her issues to me and my partner is very good about doing so.

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RE: communication rituals - 5/4/2011 3:17:40 AM   
LordOdhinn


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quote:

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Nueva,

Makes you wonder what sort of women these men date, if the most important person in their lives has an issue and they call it whining.

Years ago, I used to be big on ritual, now I just pick better partners. I don't mean that to knock ritual, its just that for me, ritual was a way of dealing with my inability to listen without reacting, and other issues. When stuff comes up, I want to talk right then, not wait. I wouldn't be with a woman who couldn't bring her issues to me and my partner is very good about doing so.


Well said, Michael.  Ritual can be a useful tool for communication, but really listening is  the key that unlocks a better relationship on both sides.




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RE: communication rituals - 5/4/2011 9:43:06 AM   
NuevaVida


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Status: offline 		Michael (I can't quote from my iPhone),

I don't much wonder about the people they date, but of someone who would think of their partner/property/whatever with such contempt. It is a foreign concept to my current way if thinking, and I would have to wonder about myself if I thought so negatively about my mate.

I didn't really see people saying they ONLY talk during these times of ritual. I can say the Mister and I talk about things as they come up, but our bedtime rituals gives us a time to connect, whether it's just closing out the day together, or if the day was too hectic to have a sit down chat (life can do that to you). It gives us an opportunity to talk about anything we didn't have a chance to during the day. Often times when his daughter is with us, I look forward to bed time because I know we have that time carved out and can talk about more personal things in private. Sometimes we're just too pooped to talk, but an embrace and an "I love you" winds the day up perfectly.

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RE: communication rituals - 5/4/2011 10:20:32 AM   
southcalguy


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Status: offline 		I have in the past. In general I set aside at least 20 minutes of the day .... when I walk through the door my girl would sit on my lap and tell me about her day and I would just kind of hold her and touch sometimes. It could go over twenty minutes of course but it was like a daily thing that no matter what the whole world was going to come to a complete stop for at least 20 minutes for her to sit on my lap and tell me what was the best part of her day. What was the worst part of her day at the very least.
I found this to improve things a lot.

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RE: communication rituals - 5/4/2011 5:15:37 PM   
NavyGirl18


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quote:

Why the hell would I inflict this crap on myself?
Because you're secretly a masochistic male sub.

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