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Craves2Devote -> newbie question (5/2/2011 9:45:40 PM)

Hello again,

another newbie question: im currently not owned, but i really want to be. Should i do anything as a slave if im not owned? As in own certain toys/devices, act in a certain way, groom in a different way?

i know there could be many different opinions on this, and thank you



WyldHrt -> RE: newbie question (5/2/2011 9:58:03 PM)

quote:

im currently not owned, but i really want to be. Should i do anything as a slave if im not owned? As in own certain toys/devices, act in a certain way, groom in a different way?

Sub rather than Domme here, but I'll have a go. [:D]
On toys, I have more than a few of my own. For one thing, I believe that insertables and the like should be single person toys, and for another I don't think it's fair to expect the D to bring all the party favors. I also think that 2 toybags are more fun than just one!

As for how to act, the most helpful thing I can tell you is to approach someone who interests you as a person first. Being treated as a fetish delivery service is a huge turn off for many/ most women, regardless of orientation. For me, someone who approaches me with a humorous comment about something vanilla in my profile or a post I've made on the boards is wayyyy ahead right out of the gate.

One other thing; folks on the other side have this nifty button that allows them to see your forum posts with one click. Complaining or running down the Dommes on this side is likely to shoot you in the foot not only with the Ds here, but on the other side as well. What you put out on the forums is how many will see you as a person before they get to know you.

On grooming preferences, other than clean and neat, the Dommely types can answer that better, although everyone has their preferences and many differ.

Good luck to you!

ETA- Oof! Just looked at your profile. All the interests on the left are kink and it is really bare in the description section. You will do much better by including some of your vanilla interests on the left, toning down the kinky ones just a bit, and telling a LOT more about who you are and what you like to do outside the bedroom in the text section. Your profile is your 'ad', a way to sell yourself and let people know something about you. Making it all kink is NOT a good thing, as it gives a woman nothing about what it would be like to meet and just talk with you.



Craves2Devote -> RE: newbie question (5/2/2011 10:05:05 PM)

quote:


One other thing; folks on the other side have this nifty button that allows them to see your forum posts with one click. Complaining or running down the Dommes on this side is likely to shoot you in the foot not only with the Ds here, but on the other side as well. What you put out on the forums is how many will see you as a person before they get to know you.


im sorry, what does that mean?



WyldHrt -> RE: newbie question (5/2/2011 10:16:16 PM)

It just means that whatever you post here is visible to everyone, including potential partners from the profile side. I'm not in any way saying that you have done anything wrong, you certainly haven't.



Craves2Devote -> RE: newbie question (5/2/2011 10:21:46 PM)

o no no no, i didn't mean anything like that, i was just confused thats all. thanks!



HannahLynHeather -> RE: newbie question (5/3/2011 12:09:15 AM)

quote:

another newbie question: im currently not owned, but i really want to be. Should i do anything as a slave if im not owned? As in own certain toys/devices, act in a certain way, groom in a different way?
you're not owned, so you decide. got it?

toys/devices: whatever you like or would like to try someday or just happens to catch your fancy.

act in a certain way: be you. don't put on a fake slave front. just be who you are.

groom in a different way: yes, unowned slaves shave the left side of their heads. its on page 123 of slave farmers of gor.
(actually, see the answer above...same thing applies.)

hannah lynn



SexyBossyBBW -> RE: newbie question (5/3/2011 12:46:54 AM)

Heya newbie,
Speak, or introduce yourself like you would any lady you like/respect, and present yourself the way you normally would/live, unless you like or want to be perceived, dresswise.

Take the following, as you wish. Nothing serious really, but just my thoughts, since you asked.
I would remove the following from your profile, and add a little bit about your likes, non kink.
quote:

Mistress
Many women don't enjoy being called a mistress. You could simply say, a Lady/woman.

quote:

worship
Many women don't play with the Goddess word, and don't like the idea of being "worshipped."

quote:

Im looking for the real deal.
not looking to tribute for "training".
The "real deal" is not precise, and most people feel they are, IMO. You know you're not looking "to tribute." Delete unread, or block when you read "tribute" bs. Putting it on your profile, probably just annoys non-tribute dominas, or makes them think "you're a cheapskate." M



Charnegui -> RE: newbie question (5/3/2011 1:01:41 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: HannahLynHeather

you're not owned, so you decide. got it?

toys/devices: whatever you like or would like to try someday or just happens to catch your fancy.

act in a certain way: be you. don't put on a fake slave front. just be who you are.


I couldnot agree more

quote:

ORIGINAL: HannahLynHeather
groom in a different way: yes, unowned slaves shave the left side of their heads. its on page 123 of slave farmers of gor.
(actually, see the answer above...same thing applies.)

hannah lynn

LOL

(and to me, you do not seem an asshole)




LadyNTrainer -> RE: newbie question (5/3/2011 7:22:41 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Craves2Devote
another newbie question: im currently not owned, but i really want to be. Should i do anything as a slave if im not owned? As in own certain toys/devices, act in a certain way, groom in a different way?


Yeah. Totally drop the bullshit and fantasy mindset, and act like a normal, polite, intelligent human being who has a personality and is fun to be around.  Treat others in the scene, especially dominant women who might be prospective partners, like normal human beings.  Be nice.  Be sociable.  Be friendly.  Be real.  No fantasy roleplaying, slave drama, insta-kink, groveling or drooling until AFTER you have gotten to know each other like normal human beings and agreed that you both want to pursue kinky play or a kinky relationship.

Think of the kink stuff like sex.  You wouldn't get very far on the dating scene if you started waving your weenie at some woman you met before you were even introduced.  You won't get very far in the real world kink scene if you start waving your "I'm a slave, I submit to you" banner at people before they know you well enough to know whether or not they want to be your owner.  It's an intimate thing, and not all dominants consent to be that intimate with you. 

TL;DR, get to know people on a vanilla level first, THEN start in with the slave stuff.  There are no shortcuts to dating and getting to know a woman, even in kink.  Except in porn, but that shit doesn't tend to work so well in real life.



SylvereApLeanan -> RE: newbie question (5/3/2011 8:10:05 AM)

I second everything Wyld said.  If you read the FAQ for this section, there are a couple of links that will help you with your profile.  It's pretty sparse, so start there.  Other than that, my only suggestion is to get out to a local event (munch, club, whatever) and meet some people.



thedavezone -> RE: newbie question (5/3/2011 8:42:53 AM)

You should be in good health and have an exercise regimen.
You should be in good sexual health, have my girls cum on a regular basis and increase the frequency over time so they crave it.
And your finances should also be in order.



Craves2Devote -> RE: newbie question (5/3/2011 10:54:07 AM)

ok well i look like a jackass, but thanks for the advice. ill try to change things so i don't look like fantasy bullshitter =P



LadyHibiscus -> RE: newbie question (5/3/2011 5:02:29 PM)

You don't look like a jackass, you've made very polite responses :)



Craves2Devote -> RE: newbie question (5/3/2011 9:33:33 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

You don't look like a jackass, you've made very polite responses :)


lol, well thank you



SexyBossyBBW -> RE: newbie question (5/3/2011 9:58:59 PM)

I don't agree you look like a jackass at all. I think you've been a total gentleman.

You'll do fine around these parts, I believe. Your profile is even better, now that you have a picture up.
Good luck, M



HannahLynHeather -> RE: newbie question (5/4/2011 12:19:35 AM)

quote:

and to me, you do not seem an asshole
lol, thanks, but just wait till i get riled up

hannah lynn



LadyConstanze -> RE: newbie question (5/4/2011 1:34:40 AM)

I think you're doing quite alright so far, you're polite without being a sycophant (something that turns most women off - and I suspect a lot of males as well, apart from the fact that sycophants are the ones that turn around and attack you if they don't get their way).

Your own tool bag is an excellent idea of getting all the stuff you always wanted to try, and if you got it, chances of the domme using your tools are a lot higher. additionally Wyld nailed it, some toys you want "just for your own use", insertable toys are quite personal and despite condoms and disinfectants and the most thorough cleaning, it just feels better and gives both play partners a greater peace of mind if you know they are only used on one person.

Apart from all that Wyld said already, don't get carried away too much and try to be the best fantasy slave ever, or expect the partner of your dreams to materialize out of the blue (and then moan and groan about all the fakes here if you spent 2 weeks on CM and you aren't collared [:@]), your profile says you are in New York, there are a lot of munches and parties, try to go there and meet people, it's even more important to meet people in real life.

Good luck with it all!



Charnegui -> RE: newbie question (5/4/2011 1:42:34 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: HannahLynHeather

quote:

and to me, you do not seem an asshole
lol, thanks, but just wait till i get riled up

hannah lynn


I have all day *lol*



Craves2Devote -> RE: newbie question (5/4/2011 2:11:41 AM)

wow thanks lady constanze, that was actually nice to read



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