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Trying to find a solution - 5/4/2011 7:12:51 PM

Rivenfae

Posts: 4
Joined: 2/8/2011
Status: offline

OK, bit -o- background here for this...
My Master has been married twice first wife died 14 years ago, one time she cheated on him so in a fit of rage he did the same to her. His second wife(whom he is married too until we both can divorce our spouses), wanted a female playmate and figured in the process he could have said woman as a slave. Worked until the woman they moved in preferred my Master to his wife and wouldn't touch her. His wife wouldn't sleep with him and would also make very ugly remarks about his.. umm *blushes* manhood.

They booted her, and before that my Master had met me online and we were having then an online relationship and he had spent a week with me. My husband whom I was hiding from had found me and so to protect me and my kids he moved us in with him and him wife. Note.. I am not Bi or a lesbian at all... Due to space and combined 4 children the adults shared a bed. She knew I was not lesbian .. but tried to seduce me.. if you want to call it that... numerous times. She was also physically abusive to my Master over the years, so they as a result had no real relationship period. He would spend a great deal of time once they had internet with online relationships.. sometimes multiple people at once.

After starting a online relationship with me he stopped all others and hoped to have me as his slave, which he does now. Eventually after I moved in with him and his wife she.. left.. and then we moved to another state for money reasons.

Now here is the question (sorry,SORRY; for the long back story)... My Master told me he would never have a relationship with anyone but me from now on... However, about 2 months ago while walking past his laptop I saw a message from someone on yahoo and they were talking about online sex.. as in having it... lets just say I got upset and my Master proceeded to totally whip that person from their accounts and apologized. Now I know for a fact he isn't with anyone else online.. however I would love some suggestions on how to deal with the worry over him even talking to other females? I feel like I'm being annoying by worrying over it, as I am constantly asking who he's talking too.

Post #: 1

RE: Trying to find a solution - 5/4/2011 7:54:57 PM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

So.... you got involved with a cheater, and now you want to know how to deal with worrying about him cheating. Do you really not know the answer?

best,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to Rivenfae)

Post #: 2

RE: Trying to find a solution - 5/4/2011 8:01:06 PM

BonesFromAsh

Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline

Sorry OP, but I read posts like yours and they just make my head spin. Too much drama for me.

(in reply to Rivenfae)

Post #: 3

RE: Trying to find a solution - 5/4/2011 8:45:28 PM

peppermint

Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

First time cheating is the hardest. After that it gets easier. Once caught, cheaters tend to get sneakier about their cheating to keep from being discovered.

We have no magic wand you can wave to keep him from playing with other women.

(in reply to Rivenfae)

Post #: 4

RE: Trying to find a solution - 5/4/2011 8:58:00 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

As far as your story - I'm not sure I can connect all the dots except you are both married to other people and bedding each other... not your spouses. Somewhere in here there was yet another woman that you edged out of the picture. Everyone in this is loaded with so much baggage, no single, sane available person would want to dip into that Jerry Springer show waiting to happen. Now you are concerned about the fact he only stops having sex with other women when he gets caught?

I don't get the problem? Either stop catching him at it or straighten out your own damn life. When you aren't married, or bedding a married man, or edging a married man's mistress out, you can interest a man that cares about who his partner is and the fidelity of the relationship.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to BonesFromAsh)

Post #: 5

RE: Trying to find a solution - 5/4/2011 9:18:34 PM

peachgirl

Posts: 396
Joined: 6/25/2009
Status: offline

You don't need a solution. You need to be able to trust him. Based upon what you've written, I'd say, only you can decide whether or not he is worthy of your trust. Are you worthy of his? It works both ways.

_____________________________

Have you seen that girl in the corner?
I'd like to take her out of her chains
Cause if I had my way with you baby
I would be changing your life today.
- Bob Welch

(in reply to Rivenfae)

Post #: 6

RE: Trying to find a solution - 5/4/2011 9:42:34 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

I'd suggest you swear off relationships for a while.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to peachgirl)

Post #: 7

RE: Trying to find a solution - 5/4/2011 10:08:11 PM

hausboy

Posts: 2360
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline

*shaking head*
...but please!....don't let some monogamous gay couple who have been loyal to one another for twenty years get married....because they'll just SCREW UP the holy union that is heterosexual marriage....

sorry. slight hijack.

I don't ever believe a cheater who has a long history of dishonesty. What a complete mess of self-created drama.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 8

RE: Trying to find a solution - 5/4/2011 10:25:50 PM

OwnedFemaleFlesh

Posts: 182
Joined: 4/9/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss
So.... you got involved with a cheater, and now you want to know how to deal with worrying about him cheating. Do you really not know the answer?

QFT

Sorry, I know it sounds harsh, but that's a cheater for you. If he was willing to cheat on his partners of (x) amount of years, he'll be willing to cheat on you. The way he told you it was all their fault and they treated him badly? That's exactly what he'll be telling the new girls. Not because it's true, but because it works. Got you to believe him and think he was a nice person, didn't it?

Once a cheat, always a cheat. Especially with his past record.

owned xxx

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 9

RE: Trying to find a solution - 5/5/2011 4:07:51 AM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

You were "hiding" from your estranged husband with your (and his) children, so I'm going to assume that a) he was either abusive or b) you are a horrible person keeping someone's children from them.

In scenario "a," you should have contacted your local woman's abuse group for assistance in getting that divorce. Saying you can't afford it is no excuse, because it would have been a pro bono case.

In scenario "b," you fled the state with his children, which he has joint custody of and you are a fleeing felon.

This guy 20 years your senior with a dead wife he cheated on (allegedly out of spite) and a current wife that he cheated on with someone else before you is a mere complication.

You have put your children on the back burner so you could have some jerk pay your bills. You should be quite proud of yourself.

(in reply to Rivenfae)

Post #: 10

RE: Trying to find a solution - 5/5/2011 5:29:50 AM

Rivenfae

Posts: 4
Joined: 2/8/2011
Status: offline

Ok first.. thanks for the responses, even though I should have expected the outcome before I posted it I decided to put it up. My Master did look it over before I sent it (in case anyone was wondering). Incidentally for the person that thinks I should have gotten a pro bono divorce already due to my abusive husband.. well I did contact a battered woman's shelter and they told me there was not enough info or proof (though ask my son and daughter's shrink and they'd get tons) that it wasn't worth the money to help as they had much worse cases to go after. Silly but true... For the person who commented on me just moving in with him “to pay the bills” I have a -very good- job before I moved in with him, which the initial move into the house him and his wife shared was to protect my kids from their father as he was trying to have sex with them.. (but the assholes (SS or abuse places) won't do shit about it until there is physical proof or you can get the kid's shrink to yank it out of them. Which after 5 years my son's is just starting to do now.... As for when him, his second wife had another woman come to live with them for that woman to be his wife's girlfriend and his sub... it was consensual (not cheating as they both agreed to it). Both of them have told me that is was, but that it went down hill as the 2nd woman after a couple weeks no longer wanted to be with both and only my Master.

He had originally wanted to be poly and after spending the 12+ years with his current wife and how she treated him he got the courage to leave her... -and- I have the police report to prove that his wife was abusive. He decided after all that garbage with her that it was worth more to be with one person... seems he has trouble learning to do that and I wanted help to gain the patience to work through it with him.

Sad thing here is :

#1 you cannot possibly give anyone in a forum enough information to give a response that's truly based on what has been experienced unless you write a book...

#2 I was told by many people that this site was not the best to ask any question of... and I am seeing why

However, I'd still like to thank everyone who posted a response.. after all the responses were based on the information you had... and at least one of you looked at our profile and thank you for that.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

Post #: 11

RE: Trying to find a solution - 5/5/2011 5:39:30 AM

Charnegui

Posts: 1352
Joined: 5/1/2011
From: Puzzled
Status: offline

Your posting reminded me to another one, titled 'sad slave' I first thought 2 profiles, one writer as your writing in the first posting seemed similar :)

Wish you all the luck you need, to get out of this mess. Wish you happiness and joy in the nearby future.

_____________________________

There's a difference between my personality and my attitude; My personality is who I ám, my attitude depends on who you are.

(in reply to Rivenfae)

Post #: 12

RE: Trying to find a solution - 5/5/2011 6:10:44 AM

BonesFromAsh

Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rivenfae

#2 I was told by many people that this site was not the best to ask any question of... and I am seeing why

What sort of answers were you expecting?

It might be difficult but, if you could step away from the immediate personal relationship of your original post/question and look at it with the eyes of a stranger, would it be possible to see where many of the responants are coming from?

Many people come here and ask similar questions, sometimes in the hope that they'll be awarded some kind of acceptance for their cheating backgrounds. There seems to be a misconception that people who fall under the broad umbrella of "alternative lifestyle" are somehow more accepting of cheating ( I'm not refering to poly, mind you) and less judgemental.

This isn't always the case.

(in reply to Rivenfae)

Post #: 13

RE: Trying to find a solution - 5/5/2011 6:13:47 AM

Rivenfae

Posts: 4
Joined: 2/8/2011
Status: offline

correct which is why I did say thank you.. and pointed out there is more information but to put it all up would require a great deal of space.

(in reply to BonesFromAsh)

Post #: 14

RE: Trying to find a solution - 5/5/2011 6:24:16 AM

coookie

Posts: 541
Joined: 10/25/2010
Status: offline

OP i am not sure you can. Is it important that he be monogamous to you?

(in reply to Rivenfae)

Post #: 15

RE: Trying to find a solution - 5/5/2011 6:26:38 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

~FR~

so, OP.. you cant be arsed to give us here a full and honest accounting of whats going on.. yet you want advice.

nice.

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to coookie)

Post #: 16

RE: Trying to find a solution - 5/5/2011 6:28:02 AM

Rivenfae

Posts: 4
Joined: 2/8/2011
Status: offline

no, but my biggest issue with it is he said he wants too and has no plans to be with anyone else. I even told him if he needed an "outlet" online just let me know and we could find a way for me to deal with it. Doing so without telling me he was doing it upset me and now I'm dealing with the issues involving that.

(in reply to coookie)

Post #: 17

RE: Trying to find a solution - 5/5/2011 6:44:50 AM

coookie

Posts: 541
Joined: 10/25/2010
Status: offline

I understand that Rivenfae but at this point you are putting yourself through agony in reaction but i am more looking to the proactive. He cannot change what he did even if he is sorry (sorry he got caught it seems) and this will blow over but i will bet it will come up again. Take the fun from him and just assume he is fucking girls online. Can you live with that?

(in reply to Rivenfae)

Post #: 18

RE: Trying to find a solution - 5/5/2011 6:51:43 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rivenfae
#1 you cannot possibly give anyone in a forum enough information to give a response that's truly based on what has been experienced unless you write a book...

#2 I was told by many people that this site was not the best to ask any question of... and I am seeing why

However, I'd still like to thank everyone who posted a response.. after all the responses were based on the information you had... and at least one of you looked at our profile and thank you for that.

1. So, you had a big mess in your life and came to a bunch of strangers for some advice without actually giving the kind of information necessary to give you some real advice. Where are your friends? Why are you coming to us? What did you think you would get considering the OP? Why should we have to go to your profile? It's YOUR responsibility as the OP to provide information. I'm not a detective. It's arrogant of you to expect us to go searching for information in order to do you a favor.

2. I'm really not going to lose any sleep because you don't feel we were the best people to ask. Not even one wink.

good luck,
sunshine

< Message edited by sunshinemiss -- 5/5/2011 7:49:54 AM >

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to Rivenfae)

Post #: 19

RE: Trying to find a solution - 5/5/2011 8:12:44 AM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

That light you can see, at the end of the tunnel....

Are you sure it's not a choo choo?

<just askin>

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to Rivenfae)

Post #: 20

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