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I disagree.  I grew up in negative conditions, spent time married to an actually mentally ill person, and went from the frying pan into the fire with the sadistic owner referenced above.  Once free of all that, I learned an enormous deal about myself.  Some of it was learned in therapy, some of it on travels alone, some of it through books - - but I had my experiences to reflect on during my "soul searching" (for lack of a better term). I will spare writing a book about it all here in this post, but suffice to say, through my past experiences I discovered what works for me, what does not work for me, what I want for myself, what I like, and who the "real" me is, that will not be stifled again.  I learned who I am.

I wouldn't call being with those unkind people a strategy for learning; but I chose to learn about myself as a result of those experiences.  I could have chosen to do something else, but I had to come out from it all a happy, healthy, peaceful person.  So I did what I needed to, to achieve that.

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ORIGINAL: jewelsthepoet

i am wholeheartedly with you on this one. i grew up in a bad environment, bad marriage, bad relationships, bad experiences.. but you learn from all that, and if you're smart and lucky you find ways to avoid those situations in the future. Bravo to you for learning about yourself and learning from your experiences that helped you gain a bigger perspective of who you are.

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Many of us have things in our past that have jaded us in some form or another, but most people's biggest mistake is not learning from the bad experiences. If you can't learn from that, you certainly shouldn't be involved in a lifestyle like bdsm because of the complexity of it all.

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ORIGINAL: NuevaVida
Thank you, and bravo to you as well.  I believe people have choices - the choice to remain a victim or rise above being one.  It took me a long time to learn from those experiences, which is why I repeated them. I am actually grateful for that final blow, because it caused me to really re-evaluate me, my life, and where I wanted to go.  I'm grateful to those who loved me through it all.  Repeating past mistakes is no longer an option for me, because of the way I conduct my life now. My former ways are just too foreign now, and don't fit in my world.

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ORIGINAL: jewelsthepoet

I completely understand where you're coming from and congrats for all the hard work. I can't imagine now making the choices i made when i was 20 or 25. I'm just not the same person.

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I've always had a small inner circle, but for different reasons. I like to have people around me that are different than me in all sorts of ways.. but the ones i hold close are the ones who've earned my trust and who, usually, at some point, relied on me for something that required them to trust me a lot.

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I've done the bitter, angry person bit.. and it just eats you alive. you can't live like that for long, it devours you. I won't say i'm all roses and sunshine and that i'm always the most balanced or even the most positive or happy person, but i can say that i'm honest and i'm realistic. If the reality is grim, then that's how it is. I don't try to pretend that things aren't as bad as what they are anymore, and i don't sugar coat it to other people, either. I learned the hardest lesson. That to be honest to myself, i had to be honest to everyone else. Now if i'm working, yes, i'll be extra polite and may say things i don't really mean for a customer to be happy. But outside of a job.. i am who i am and you can like me or not and i won't bullshit you regardless of what's happening.

I'll tell you what, it's made the friendships i have much closer than any i ever had before.

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ORIGINAL: pyroaquatic

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ORIGINAL: uncertainlyizzy

Some people aren't looking for someone to "fix" them. They're looking for someone to hold their hand and support them while they "fix" themselves. And then there are some things that just plain can't be "fixed". Most people are more successful in growth and change when they have a sturdy support system. 

Dingity!!

No one knows my inner workings better than myself. Self-repair is the only option.

I don't want a Savior but someone who can savor my flavor.

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ORIGINAL: jewelsthepoet
So... i guess there's a lot of lessons involved in the long run, but the short and sweet is learning to accept yourself, be honest with yourself, and don't bullshit other people because in the end, it lowers how you feel about yourself.

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ORIGINAL: petmonkey
Takes a hearty personality and a healthy psychological frame of mind to pull that off.

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ORIGINAL: leadership527

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ORIGINAL: petmonkey
Takes a hearty personality and a healthy psychological frame of mind to pull that off.

No it doesn't. It takes honesty. It's amazingly easy to keep one's actions aligned with one's words when the words represent actual intent. When I say, "I want to help you." that is not code for "I want you to suck my cock."

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ORIGINAL: strangedesire
Here is the problem: if you help someone overcome a challenge, and they continue to overcome, you continue to feel pleasure. If a process-oriented person helps someone overcome, she is deprived of her involvement in the process. If the person she is helping becomes self-sufficient, the process-oriented helper is deprived of something. It does take some psychological strength to give up something emotionally rewarding because it helps someone else.

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ORIGINAL: erieangel

For me it would seem that looking for somebody to "fix" what is wrong in my life would mean a limited relationship because once the problem was fixed He and i would have very little left. So yeah, while i can do better at a lot of things in my life (i am terrible with handling money) i don't want a Dom whose purpose will be "fix" me. Support me while i fix myself would be nice, loving encouragement always helps me to try harder. Acceptance of who i am now is even better--it implies that the "fix" while it would help me to be a better person is not in and of itself necessary.