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absence of attention - 5/6/2011 10:30:49 PM   
BeautifulSufforing


Posts: 38
Joined: 4/3/2011
From: auburn wa
Status: offline 		my dom play partner and i had only been together for five scenes over a four month period. in between scenes not communication on dom's part was almost non exsistant . it took me a while to figure it out that i was just a fuck buddy . for me i had other hopes. he was my first experience in bdsm . i totally fell in love with everything he did to me except his constant disrespect of my feelings . He didn't care that I hated the silent treatment which he always apoligized for at the begining of each scene . I'd just be so grateful that I had his attention I'd let it go . To make it short I just found out thru fb no less . He moved away back to his wife/ex wife to seek his happiness and kids . I don't understand the fact that he would have so much care and respect when with me in the bdrm and have the complete opposite everywhere else ? He was so full of diplomacy when he was in roleplay why didn't or couldn't he respect me enough to be completely straight with me ? I find this to be quite perplexing . Oh iam in need of a real relationship with a dom who can have enough respect for me to treat me as he would like to be treated except for the bdrm of course. lol
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: absence of attention - 5/6/2011 11:01:05 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		You were into him way more than he was into you.  He apparently felt that was okay with you since you would play with him even though you had virtually no communication between scenes.  You were a convenient play partner when he was in the mood, no more, no less.  If he was so full of diplomacy when he was in role play, perhaps the diplomacy was just part of the role play.

You gained some experience.  Now you know that you want more than a casual occasional partner for just play.  Next time develop a personal relationship before going into a play one.

Let me add one more thing.  I just read your profile.  Quite frankly, you sound like a guy looking for whank fodder.  It is no wonder your last sir felt you were more into the play than the relationship if that is how you present yourself.  Asking for photos and details of the worst activities a Dom would do to you is not making you look like you want anything but a play partner.  Not only that, you state it's an application requirement.  That does not sound like anyone looking for a relationship beyond a meet and beat.  The tidbit about liking rock music and having sense of humor isn't much to go on for a relationship. 


< Message edited by peppermint -- 5/6/2011 11:08:39 PM >

(in reply to BeautifulSufforing)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: absence of attention - 5/7/2011 1:12:53 AM   
BeautifulSufforing


Posts: 38
Joined: 4/3/2011
From: auburn wa
Status: offline 		thank you for your input as well as the constructive critisim . iam aware of how you might see that bout my application i have always had a lil more of a guys vision with the care that a loving women. i would say not a very common kind of person . iam ok with how it reads for now if they want to know more they will contact me if not so be it i will probally modify it at a later point in time i just wanted to catch the attention of a couple not to many to bear . that way i can slowly filter thru with face to face conversation i can read more by body language if iam a very different kind of women indeed .lol i will go post a lil addition to my app notice again i thankyou and appreciate your reply

(in reply to peppermint)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: absence of attention - 5/7/2011 4:44:44 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		If all you're finding are fuckbuddies you're probably rushing cunt first into things.

Slow down, take your time, talk to these men, get to know them as men, not as doms, build something with them and go from there.

If you want to have more than just wham bam thank you ma'am then I suggest dating.

Call me old-fashioned.


(in reply to BeautifulSufforing)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: absence of attention - 5/7/2011 4:59:50 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Did you tell him you wanted to be more than just fuck buddies? If not, why weren't you honest with him? You both made assumptions about each other because nobody started communication.

Beyond that, if you said you disliked being ignored except when he wanted play, yet accepted that behavior for nearly six months, you taught him that this was okay for you. We teach people what we expect from them by what we tolerate. You said one thing and did another. And when word and deed disagree, always believe the actions. Next time be consistent. If you don't like something, then don't accept it. If you want something, don't hope the other person can read your mind instead tell them directly.

You were  both dishonest, both need to learn better communication skills. Do this before you get into another relationship unless you want it to turn out the same way.


_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: absence of attention - 5/7/2011 6:31:17 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Dumb question - if you're looking for more than fuck buddies, why do you have a pussy picture on your profile?  You get what you advertise for.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: absence of attention - 5/7/2011 8:07:52 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
Dumb question - if you're looking for more than fuck buddies, why do you have a pussy picture on your profile?  You get what you advertise for.

I don't know if that's fair. I'm pretty allergic to the whole concept of "fuck buddies" and her photos and profile didn't send me running for the hills. Of course, it didn't exactly attract me either. It really says nothing about her except she's a 41 year old woman newly exploring kink. Her whole story actually seems entirely normal to me for a dating venue where sex is front and center. She met a guy. He fucked her a few times then got bored and moved on. He misled her during the time he was fucking her. He probably talks about honor and integrity a lot. This seems to me like a valuable learning lesson for a woman entering "the lifestyle" otherwise it'll happen... well... as many times as she lets it.


_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: absence of attention - 5/7/2011 8:34:08 AM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		When they're real nice to you only right before they're fucking you, that's usually a good indication, too.

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: absence of attention - 5/7/2011 8:42:07 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BeautifulSufforing

my dom play partner and i had only been together for five scenes over a four month period. in between scenes not communication on dom's part was almost non exsistant . it took me a while to figure it out that i was just a fuck buddy . for me i had other hopes. he was my first experience in bdsm . i totally fell in love with everything he did to me except his constant disrespect of my feelings . He didn't care that I hated the silent treatment which he always apoligized for at the begining of each scene . I'd just be so grateful that I had his attention I'd let it go . To make it short I just found out thru fb no less . He moved away back to his wife/ex wife to seek his happiness and kids . I don't understand the fact that he would have so much care and respect when with me in the bdrm and have the complete opposite everywhere else ? He was so full of diplomacy when he was in roleplay why didn't or couldn't he respect me enough to be completely straight with me ? I find this to be quite perplexing . Oh iam in need of a real relationship with a dom who can have enough respect for me to treat me as he would like to be treated except for the bdrm of course. lol


In the month since you have been posting on this forum, you have started threads on the following topics:

about what you call manic mode, that is, how you start crying when he leaves

about badly needing dick, to the point your child had to comfort you

about wondering if you were a booty call

and now this one about absence of attention

You are clearly not doing well emotionally, to the point I think you need professional help. Neurotically needy is never attractive.




_____________________________



(in reply to BeautifulSufforing)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: absence of attention - 5/7/2011 9:27:44 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BeautifulSufforing

my dom play partner and i had only been together for five scenes over a four month period. in between scenes not communication on dom's part was almost non exsistant . it took me a while to figure it out that i was just a fuck buddy . for me i had other hopes. he was my first experience in bdsm . i totally fell in love with everything he did to me except his constant disrespect of my feelings . He didn't care that I hated the silent treatment which he always apoligized for at the begining of each scene . I'd just be so grateful that I had his attention I'd let it go . To make it short I just found out thru fb no less . He moved away back to his wife/ex wife to seek his happiness and kids . I don't understand the fact that he would have so much care and respect when with me in the bdrm and have the complete opposite everywhere else ? He was so full of diplomacy when he was in roleplay why didn't or couldn't he respect me enough to be completely straight with me ? I find this to be quite perplexing . Oh iam in need of a real relationship with a dom who can have enough respect for me to treat me as he would like to be treated except for the bdrm of course. lol


I'm sorry this happened to you. The highlighted phrase above is something you can learn from and take with you into your next relationship. I'd have to say that it seems as though the respect you got from him in one area, bdsm, was so he could get what he wanted from you.

When people come to the forums and ask questions that revolve around why aren't they getting what they want then I have to look at what they are asking for, and if they're asking for it in a manner that communicates those things to others. DS mentioned the pussy pic, having up pictures of genitalia generally doesn't say "I'm looking for a relationship". You've obviously changed your profile but what is there now is strange in the way that you misinterpreted a comment here. You took Peppermint's comment about the fact that you had listed all sexual items and then something about rock music and a sense of humor, and wrote in your journal that it was brought to your attention that wanting the the last 2 things made it seem like you were looking for a play partner...? Her meaning I believe was that having everything in the profile be about sex/kink would bring about a certain type of man- one who was looking for sex/kink. Having listed the last two things about music and humor were just two little things that didnt really say you were looking for a relationship since the bulk of what you had written was about sex which might imply that was what you sought.

I also wonder if you need professional help. It would be something to consider for sure. Your journal entry two days ago says in its entirety:  "My inner vision is distorted from past violence and emotional seperation from real and imaginary to sane and insanity "self image". This doesn't sound healthy. If there is a child to take care of you should try to be at your best and get help if you need it.

(in reply to BeautifulSufforing)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: absence of attention - 5/7/2011 9:49:47 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

quote:

ORIGINAL: BeautifulSufforing

my dom play partner and i had only been together for five scenes over a four month period. in between scenes not communication on dom's part was almost non exsistant . it took me a while to figure it out that i was just a fuck buddy . for me i had other hopes. he was my first experience in bdsm . i totally fell in love with everything he did to me except his constant disrespect of my feelings . He didn't care that I hated the silent treatment which he always apoligized for at the begining of each scene . I'd just be so grateful that I had his attention I'd let it go . To make it short I just found out thru fb no less . He moved away back to his wife/ex wife to seek his happiness and kids . I don't understand the fact that he would have so much care and respect when with me in the bdrm and have the complete opposite everywhere else ? He was so full of diplomacy when he was in roleplay why didn't or couldn't he respect me enough to be completely straight with me ? I find this to be quite perplexing . Oh iam in need of a real relationship with a dom who can have enough respect for me to treat me as he would like to be treated except for the bdrm of course. lol


In the month since you have been posting on this forum, you have started threads on the following topics:

about what you call manic mode, that is, how you start crying when he leaves

about badly needing dick, to the point your child had to comfort you

about wondering if you were a booty call

and now this one about absence of attention

You are clearly not doing well emotionally, to the point I think you need professional help. Neurotically needy is never attractive.





This.

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: absence of attention - 5/7/2011 12:07:39 PM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BeautifulSufforing

my dom play partner and i had only been together for five scenes over a four month period. in between scenes not communication on dom's part was almost non exsistant . it took me a while to figure it out that i was just a fuck buddy . for me i had other hopes.  i totally fell in love with everything he did to me except his constant disrespect of my feelings . He didn't care that I hated the silent treatment which he always apoligized for at the begining of each scene . I'd just be so grateful that I had his attention I'd let it go .



According to your profile, you're 41 years old.  It concerns me that you don't seem to have learned some obvious relationship lessons during that time.

It sounds like you want a relationship.  Well, the foundation of most good "relationships" is communication.  Yet, you accepted a "relationship" that lacked communication.  Bad move.

ChattePartaitt pointed out that you're the same individual who started that thread about how badly you needed some dick.  I remember that thread.  It definitely didn't sound like the words of someone who was seeking a relationship.

You may want to take a step back from this whole BDSM thing.  In fact, you may want to stop dating for a while.  Instead of dating, you may want to do some serious soul searching.  Figure out what you really want/need.  Then go after that, and don't settle for anything else.

CollarMe is full of people who will happily take advantage of free pussy.  And when you make posts about how badly you need some dick, it certainly makes you sound like a good source of free pussy.  So decide what it is that you want in life, and then be firm in that.  If you want a relationship, don't entertain messages from people who are clearly only looking for play partners or free pussy.  And the only way to make sure that you're on the same page is through communication.  Lots of communication. 

Never again get caught up with someone who thinks that the only time they need to communicate with you is right before they fuck you.  In those times when you're feeling like you really NEED some dick, you may feel tempted to disregard this advice.  Don't!

< Message edited by Rochsub2009 -- 5/7/2011 12:12:27 PM >

(in reply to BeautifulSufforing)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: absence of attention - 5/7/2011 12:13:26 PM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

quote:

ORIGINAL: BeautifulSufforing

my dom play partner and i had only been together for five scenes over a four month period. in between scenes not communication on dom's part was almost non exsistant . it took me a while to figure it out that i was just a fuck buddy . for me i had other hopes.  i totally fell in love with everything he did to me except his constant disrespect of my feelings . He didn't care that I hated the silent treatment which he always apoligized for at the begining of each scene . I'd just be so grateful that I had his attention I'd let it go .



According to your profile, you're 41 years old.  It concerns me that you don't seem to have learned some obvious relationship lessons during that time.

It sounds like you want a relationship.  Well, the foundation of most good "relationships" is communication.  Yet, you accepted a "relationship" that lacked communication.  Bad move.

ChattePartaitt pointed out that you're the same individual who started that thread about how badly you needed some dick.  I remember that thread.  It definitely didn't sound like the words of someone who was seeking a relationship.

You may want to take a step back from this whole BDSM thing.  In fact, you may want to stop dating for a while.  Instead of dating, you may want to do some serious soul searching.  Figure out what you really want/need.  Then go after that, and don't settle for anything else.

CollarMe is full of people who will happily take advantage of free pussy.  And when you make posts about how badly you need some dick, it certainly makes you sound like a good source of free pussy.  So decide what it is that you want in life, and then be firm in that.  If you want a relationship, don't entertain messages from people who are clearly only looking for play partners or free pussy.  And the make sure that you're on the same page is through communication.  Lots of communication. 

Never again get caught up with someone who thinks that the only time they need to communicate with you is right before they fuck you.  In those times when you're feeling like you really NEED some dick, you may feel tempted to disregard this advice.  Don't!



*joins the never ending line of females in love with Rochsub*


_____________________________



(in reply to Rochsub2009)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: absence of attention - 5/7/2011 12:24:00 PM   
BeautifulSufforing


Posts: 38
Joined: 4/3/2011
From: auburn wa
Status: offline 		well i have perfessional help i was diagnosed with severe ptsd , genralized anxiety,major depression and iam on new meds for those of you who were conserened . Everything I write doesn't always pertain to me however my self image I was sad and it popped in my head so I jotted it down and posted it . I do have issues with poor communication always have due to a very absusive raising up . However iam not a victim in any way shape or form . I have learned a lot of necessary lessons in this relationship of 3 months. Actually from feb 18th to April 13 almost 3months . I am the kind of person who does learn from my mistakes .thank you all of you for your insight it has been quite helpful. Oh the pussy pic I have tryd to remove not much luck with that . I also felt if I put that pic then the guy knows what he would be getting from the waist down . I have never taken naughty pics of myself I really had no clue of the possible meanings behind it . I have always failed in seeing the beauty of me . I until here recently thought of myself as ugly and undesirable . :) I don't think of myself in this way anymore .if someone grows up hearing your this your that its only a matter of time before they believe it .iam spankableme on fetlife as well I have a few wore pics there . Until I can get access to a pc I can't change my picture situation. Thank you all for the constructive criticism .

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: absence of attention - 5/7/2011 12:24:01 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		Roch.. you are absolutely a keeper.. and if I were what you were lookijng for, I'd ttally keep you;)

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: absence of attention - 5/7/2011 12:45:05 PM   
BeautifulSufforing


Posts: 38
Joined: 4/3/2011
From: auburn wa
Status: offline 		please to some of you this might seem like a dumb ? but to me a dumb ? is one not asked . what does polysnortatious mean

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: absence of attention - 5/7/2011 12:53:16 PM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BeautifulSufforing

Oh the pussy pic I have tryd to remove not much luck with that . I also felt if I put that pic then the guy knows what he would be getting from the waist down .



I don't mean to sound snarky, but unless you're a transvestite, or a pre-op transexual, I think most men know exactly what they're getting from the waist down.  We don't require photographic evidence. 

Now, your job is to make sure that it's no longer free. 

< Message edited by Rochsub2009 -- 5/7/2011 12:54:21 PM >

(in reply to BeautifulSufforing)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: absence of attention - 5/7/2011 1:23:56 PM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

Roch.. you are absolutely a keeper.. and if I were what you were lookijng for, I'd ttally keep you;)


Thank you, GT.  You too, ChatteParfaitt. 

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: absence of attention - 5/7/2011 1:59:11 PM   
BeautifulSufforing


Posts: 38
Joined: 4/3/2011
From: auburn wa
Status: offline 		lol i guess your right about whats below the waist . it was the very first pic i ever took from that point of view and i wanted to share . now as far as no more free pussy . i get it or maybe i should say im not getting it .lol i say lol but its not funny since i turned 39 my sex drive is insane and now i'm suppose to not fuck . that i must get to know the person more i have been in a vanilla relationship foer 21 yrs of my life before coming to bdsm. i was a huge slut when i was first exposed to sex . i so see why a lot of men have a problem keeping it in their pants because everytime iam single im the same way at times .but this last lession i learned is i have the strength to say no . i have been doing that all this week . how do i stay strong when my sex drive is so high ? masturbating only makes it worse . the more i get the more i want most of the time :(

(in reply to Rochsub2009)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: absence of attention - 5/7/2011 2:28:03 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		if your sex drive is that high that you can't control yourself like everyone else does then I suggest a full checkup and talk to your therapist about it. I'd say you have major problems in so many ways.


(in reply to BeautifulSufforing)
Profile   Post #: 20
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