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DKNS -> New to Dominance (5/10/2006 9:15:28 PM)
Hi I'm a SWM, 41 years old, never really thought about this, until fairly recently, Now want to explore as a Dom. How do I start? What are subs looking for? In short, how do I explore this? Let me ad that I've dated only since I hit my 30's, and only (count 'em!) 4 women.

luluorange1 -> RE: New to Dominance (5/10/2006 10:40:36 PM)
I am curious as to how you come to realize that you are a Dom. Never mind what subs are looking for, what are you looking for?

allspicey -> RE: New to Dominance (5/10/2006 11:27:52 PM)
Dominance, like submission, is a personal journey. The best thing you can begin to do is educate yourself. Submissives are looking both for personality and skill sets. The skill sets you can begin to work on well before you find a sub (for instance, were you a Boy Scout? Are you handy with rope? Do you know things like pressure points on the body to be able to do safe bondage?). Books I'd highly recommend: Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns - excellent first reading S&M 101 - bit dry but technically brilliant Loving Dominant - A great book about the psychological aspects of dominant There are many many more good books out there but those are the first three I always recommend. Find out about your local or near local BDSM clubs and gatherings. Depending on where you are at, there should be something. Munches are social gatherings, very good places to meet people and talk. Don't hide that you are new! Anyone with experience will figure it out in about 10 minutes anyway. Take every opportunity to talk with people and to learn from them. Sort it out as you go along, what you like, don't like, things that interest you for more exploration, things you decide are way to far out there for you. Take advice the same way you do in any other aspect of life...with a grain of salt! Get a couple of toys and practice, practice, practice. If you want to use a flogger or a whip, find something like a post or even a pillow and practice until you can hit exactly where you want at the speed and intensity you want. That will make you points! If you aren't good with rope and don't want to be, limit your bondage to safer toys like leather cuffs and chain. Again...learn learn learn everywhere you can. Meet people, get to know them, accept help from other doms if they offer it. The passing on of knowledge from one person to another is still, to me, the best way to learn. Good luck! spicey

LadyHugs -> RE: New to Dominance (5/10/2006 11:38:25 PM)
Dear DKNS, Everybody starts somewhere. Sometimes more seasoned dominants forget that but, I highly recommend to attend your local BDSM Support and Education group. These groups often put on lectures, demonstrations and workshops, covering flogging, caning, safe play and other topics in the D/s dynamic. Books are wonderful as well. Find an establishment where D/s and M/s folks attend, such as a club where you can watch dominants at work. When they're done with their scene and have caught their breath; approach them and ask them for their tips on "how to." Perhaps they will mentor you. Research on the internet. So much is at your fingertips. Sometimes, the information has to be cross-checked as to weed out 'tongue in cheek' writings. Feel free to ask always. Opinions are cheep. Respectfully submitted, Lady Hugs

HarryVanWinkle -> RE: New to Dominance (5/10/2006 11:41:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: allspicey Dominance, like submission, is a personal journey. The best thing you can begin to do is educate yourself. Submissives are looking both for personality and skill sets. The skill sets you can begin to work on well before you find a sub (for instance, were you a Boy Scout? Are you handy with rope? Do you know things like pressure points on the body to be able to do safe bondage?). Books I'd highly recommend: Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns - excellent first reading S&M 101 - bit dry but technically brilliant Loving Dominant - A great book about the psychological aspects of dominant There are many many more good books out there but those are the first three I always recommend. Find out about your local or near local BDSM clubs and gatherings. Depending on where you are at, there should be something. Munches are social gatherings, very good places to meet people and talk. Don't hide that you are new! Anyone with experience will figure it out in about 10 minutes anyway. Take every opportunity to talk with people and to learn from them. Sort it out as you go along, what you like, don't like, things that interest you for more exploration, things you decide are way to far out there for you. Take advice the same way you do in any other aspect of life...with a grain of salt! Get a couple of toys and practice, practice, practice. If you want to use a flogger or a whip, find something like a post or even a pillow and practice until you can hit exactly where you want at the speed and intensity you want. That will make you points! If you aren't good with rope and don't want to be, limit your bondage to safer toys like leather cuffs and chain. Again...learn learn learn everywhere you can. Meet people, get to know them, accept help from other doms if they offer it. The passing on of knowledge from one person to another is still, to me, the best way to learn. Good luck! spicey Since you're looking for a submissive woman, I'd add "The Lesbian SM Safety Manual" by Pat Califia, to spicey's list, if you can find a copy. But, what I'd recommend more than that is finding some of the clubs and groups that must be in your area. Find them. Join them. Meet real people and talk to them.

DKNS -> RE: New to Dominance (5/11/2006 3:12:57 AM)
Hi I got involved with an older, self-described "submissive", who liked being spanked. It was a major turn on! Both the dominance, and the nurturing aspect of our relationship.

slavejali -> RE: New to Dominance (5/11/2006 4:15:00 AM)
What are subs looking for? Someone to dominate them [:)]

CanadianGuy -> RE: New to Dominance (5/11/2006 4:30:57 AM)
Look inward. If it's not there, reading books, joining mailing lists, and acting out scenes is going to do you no good.

SweetSarijane -> RE: New to Dominance (5/11/2006 6:57:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DKNS Hi I'm a SWM, 41 years old, never really thought about this, until fairly recently, Now want to explore as a Dom. How do I start? What are subs looking for? In short, how do I explore this? Let me ad that I've dated only since I hit my 30's, and only (count 'em!) 4 women. Asking what subs/slaves want in a Dom/Master will get you as many different answers as the ones who reply. It's all individual. Different people want different things and it's about finding the one(s) compatible with you and what you want, not trying to be what someone else wants. First you need to look at what YOU want in a sub/slave. Are you sadistic? Do you like inflicting pain? Do you like or want to tie up a sub/slave? What kind of power/control do you want over a sub/slave? How much? Spend time looking inside you and finding your wants, needs and expectations as a Dominant. http://www.greenerypress.com/ This is a great site for books to help you learn and understand. Some of the books found here were mentioned already. Find local lifestyle groups. Go to munches. Meet people. Form friendships. Ask questions. Ask for help learning things you want to know. Take it slow and enjoy the journey of self discovery. Good luck and I hope this helps.

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