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RE: First time questions for Domme - 5/11/2011 7:55:01 PM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: falccon

When you approach a Domme, what are some good questions to ask?



Here's a tip.  Forget that she's a Domme.  In fact, forget the kink altogether.  Pretend like she's a new colleague at work.  Or a new neighbor who has just moved into the house/apartment next door.  What kind of things would you say to those people?

You're putting way too much pressure on yourself.  If you just treat her like any other woman that you've met during the course of your life, things will go much better.

She's a person.  She's a woman that you're meeting for the very first time.  You've done that before, right?  So do what you've always done (unless you're really creepy and have a tendency to scare women away).

In case that isn't explicit enough for you, here are a few specific instructions:
-"Hi" is always a good way to start a conversation, but it's not a conversation all by itself.  NEVER send someone a message that just says "Hi".
-Don't send/show her a picture of your cock.
-Don't give her a laundry list of your kinks and fantasies.
-Don't call her "Mistress" (or any other title) unless she tells you to.
-Ask her lots of questions (about HER, not about your kink).
-Show interest in what interests her.
-Continue to resist the temptation to talk about your kink (unless she brings it up).
-Smile (if you're meeting in real life).

Hope that helps.  Good luck.


(in reply to falccon)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: First time questions for Domme - 5/11/2011 8:20:19 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: falccon


quote:

ORIGINAL: BonesFromAsh

I'd like to share a wonderful story by AAkasha that was posted in the Creative Writings forum.... The Bitch in High Heels

Have a read through and see if that gives you a general feeling as to how many dominant women like to be approached. Once you're able to realize that the important part of the equation, generally, isn't so much the dominant as much as it is the woman part, it should become clearer.

As for specific compatibility questions...I would suggest not being in such a rush to "get past" the small talk. Remember...the devil is in the details and sometimes those details are dropped as subtle hints in not-so-small talk.


that was a definite eye-opener, and it should be required reading; i'm glad you presented it to me. if i didn't read that article, i would of messed up my whole approach. i kept looking at them as a Domme first, but it should be as a woman first.


Good advice, looking at us as a life support system for your kink is a good way to get kicked to the curb.

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to falccon)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: First time questions for Domme - 5/11/2011 11:22:39 PM   
HannahLynHeather


Posts: 2950
Joined: 4/4/2011
From: where it's at
Status: offline
quote:

When you approach a Domme, what are some good questions to ask?
WTF!?! holy crap dude, isn't it obvious? ask her the questions you want answers too.

hannah lynn


_____________________________

clique? i don't need no stinking clique!

fuck a duck ~w. disney

My Twitter: http://twitter.com/HannahFuck

i hope you enjoyed the post, and as always my friends....have a nice day

(in reply to falccon)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: First time questions for Domme - 5/11/2011 11:37:33 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		"thanks to all who replied. once i get past the small talk, what specific questions do i ask to see if we are compatible?"

You don't.  Just relax, you're not the one in control.  She should ask you what your desires, needs and goals are and tell you what hers are.  If you guys click, she'll let you know how to proceed. 





_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to falccon)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: First time questions for Domme - 5/12/2011 12:43:43 AM   
Ariane23


Posts: 88
Joined: 12/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam

Why dont you try "Hello, my name is ______________.  How are you this evening?"



Gods I hate that.

Try asking about some of her interests as stated in her profile, rather than sounding like a generic "OMG it's female, pounce! pounce!" approach.

(in reply to Hillwilliam)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: First time questions for Domme - 5/12/2011 9:01:21 AM   
falccon


Posts: 68
Joined: 9/4/2005
Status: offline 		very good feedback from all. the questions were geared towards ladies i will meet at a munch or an event.

(in reply to Ariane23)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: First time questions for Domme - 5/12/2011 9:52:49 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I'm a little confused.  You're other thread in the General section was about the things you miss in a M/s dynamic.  To Me, that says that you had to go through this process before.  How did you handle it then?  What was your getting to know each other phase like?  I don't understand why you are treating this differently.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to falccon)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: First time questions for Domme - 5/12/2011 10:30:30 AM   
Hillwilliam


Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Ariane23

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam

Why dont you try "Hello, my name is ______________.  How are you this evening?"



Gods I hate that.

Try asking about some of her interests as stated in her profile, rather than sounding like a generic "OMG it's female, pounce! pounce!" approach.


I was speaking of RL meetings, not the cyber stuff. People don't walk around with a profile tattooed to their forehead.

_____________________________

Kinkier than a cheap garden hose.

Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

(in reply to Ariane23)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: First time questions for Domme - 5/12/2011 10:41:11 AM   
falccon


Posts: 68
Joined: 9/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I'm a little confused.  You're other thread in the General section was about the things you miss in a M/s dynamic.  To Me, that says that you had to go through this process before.  How did you handle it then?  What was your getting to know each other phase like?  I don't understand why you are treating this differently.


it's complicated. i'd have to start a new thread because i do not want to hyjack this one.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: First time questions for Domme - 5/12/2011 10:46:24 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Personal opinion, of course, but I'd just see that as additional info.  It relates to why you were asking the question in the first place.  The Mods really don't nail folks to the wall if there is discussion during a topic.  

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to falccon)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: First time questions for Domme - 5/12/2011 10:59:11 AM   
falccon


Posts: 68
Joined: 9/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Personal opinion, of course, but I'd just see that as additional info.  It relates to why you were asking the question in the first place.  The Mods really don't nail folks to the wall if there is discussion during a topic.  


the additional info might help, but i'll open up at another time when i get to know some of the members here.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: First time questions for Domme - 5/12/2011 11:05:52 AM   
Ariane23


Posts: 88
Joined: 12/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: falccon

very good feedback from all. the questions were geared towards ladies i will meet at a munch or an event.


Ah, that's different. You have nothing to go on, unless you've seen people on-line and are going to a munch they're also going to.

But as others have said, it's basic social rules. What would you say to a woman at a friend's party in vanilla-land? You might want to throw "Are you here with friends?" in around question 3, to see if she's there with a partner.

(in reply to falccon)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: First time questions for Domme - 5/12/2011 7:42:02 PM   
Hillwilliam


Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Ariane23

quote:

ORIGINAL: falccon

very good feedback from all. the questions were geared towards ladies i will meet at a munch or an event.


Ah, that's different. You have nothing to go on, unless you've seen people on-line and are going to a munch they're also going to.

But as others have said, it's basic social rules. What would you say to a woman at a friend's party in vanilla-land? You might want to throw "Are you here with friends?" in around question 3, to see if she's there with a partner.


That last question is an awesome idea. Dom here but it's still interesting to know who the future cucky boy might be ;-)

_____________________________

Kinkier than a cheap garden hose.

Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

(in reply to Ariane23)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: First time questions for Domme - 5/12/2011 10:03:01 PM   
SexyBossyBBW


Posts: 1693
Joined: 2/25/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam
Why dont you try "Hello, my name is ______________.  How are you this evening?"

Make sure you smile and look into her EYES not her TITS.
I agree with Hillwilliam, with a minor exception... I'm not entirely offended, by a guy looking for a couple of seconds, at the bewbage. M


_____________________________

"..touching was and still is and always will be the True Revolution" Nikki Giovanni
"Only when there are many people who are pools of peace, silence, understanding, will war disappear." -Osho

(in reply to Hillwilliam)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: First time questions for Domme - 5/13/2011 5:00:49 PM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline
Just make friends... for goddess sake.. if someone asked me a ton of questions so THEY could see if we were compatible, we would not be.. if someone tried to make friends and maybe buy me a cup of coffee at a later date then I might want to get to know them better and in that process I'd probably see if we were compatible. I do so hate the fact that people only approach you as a potential partner and the minute you're not they reject you. You know what.. that's just damned stupid.. I have friends...


quote:

ORIGINAL: falccon

very good feedback from all. the questions were geared towards ladies i will meet at a munch or an event.



_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to falccon)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: First time questions for Domme - 5/13/2011 6:58:49 PM   
Delilya


Posts: 4108
Joined: 2/2/2011
Status: offline 		Ask questions to find her passion in the vanilla world. Books, nature, animals, music, the list goes on. Get my attention that way and I am much more likely to give you the time of day.

One of the best people I converse with here, caught mine by sending messages with Tom Jones lyrics in them. It was a lucky guess on his part, I've kissed Tom Jones.

_____________________________

“Love me without fear, trust me without questioning, need me without demanding, want me without restrictions, accept me without changes, desire me without inhibitions"-Dick Sutphen

(in reply to Madame4a)
Profile   Post #: 36
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