RE: How Rampant is Promiscuity? (Full Version)

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uncertainlyizzy -> RE: How Rampant is Promiscuity? (5/12/2011 1:11:46 PM)

I don't have casual sex. I've tried. I end up having panic attacks. Hyperventilation is not sexy. I love D and he loves me and I'm more comfortable with him than I've been with anyone in the last 5 years and I still have moments where I panic for a couple minutes and he has to drag me back down to earth. Sex with people who aren't invested in you emotionally don't give a damn about dragging you back down. Maybe I've just had really really poor decision making skills about men (I'm hoping that's the truth) but the casual ones I've run into in my life didn't even blink when I started falling apart and they certainly didn't stop. There's only so many times I'll touch a stove before I realize it'll burn me. I'm not sure how many guys I've been with. I don't keep count. At 23 I know I've had less than most of the girls I knew had had by 18 though. But like someone said above, a lot of it is a function of your generation. These days sex is horribly common and people start having it young and then have it often and with lots of people. That's just how things are. I don't really care how many people anyone has been with as long as they're practicing safe sex. Screw who you want but if you bring home something to me I'm cutting it off.



ResidentSadist -> RE: How Rampant is Promiscuity? (5/12/2011 1:13:08 PM)

To me, promiscuous is trolling for strangers on the beach and sport fucking several different ones in a day.  Not fucking on the first date because of the 3 date rule is just prudish and foolish. 

If we are so turned on that we want to fuck on the 1st date and don't . . . there won't be a 3rd date because you are living on pretzel logic.  There is nothing wrong with a hedonistic roll in the hay just for pleasure.  My motivation for sex is sex.  My motivation for a relationship is based on whether or not she seems like good relationship material.  If you are dating someone to see if they are good relationship material and deny your sexual desires . . . well . . . it speaks volumes about what the future with you would be like.  Giving sex for love (a relationship) just seems like pretzel logic to me.



DesFIP -> RE: How Rampant is Promiscuity? (5/12/2011 1:58:54 PM)

Both of us are very old fashioned and can count our total sex partners on our fingers with room left over. We both take the term monogamy seriously and prefer nothing to a nsa. Now what that tells you about the world in general I haven't a clue except that the gamut runs from A to Z.

However, those of us who don't do much don't have much to talk about. "Went on a date, no amazing chemistry so wished him well and went home alone" isn't the start of a scintillating thread.



WestBaySlave -> RE: How Rampant is Promiscuity? (5/12/2011 2:12:29 PM)

  In my late teens, I was extremely promiscuous. Forget counting on fingers, I'd probably run out of toes or even bones in my body if I got through that list, even assuming I could remember half their names.

For me, I was still very closeted, and didn't see having a relationship as a realistic option. I none the less found myself in possesion of a very strong sex drive, and saw hook-ups as the only way of relieving it.

The weird part is, not one of those encounters did I wholeheartedly enjoy - they were always passionless, awkward,  and somehow depressing. The first time I had good sex coincided with the first time I fell in love... From then on I've become extremely selective in who I'm with. If I'm not planning a long-term relationship with them sex just doesn't happen.



poise -> RE: How Rampant is Promiscuity? (5/12/2011 2:47:57 PM)

And on the other side of the spectrum, you have someone like me. [sm=angel.gif]

I have four older sisters, and was raised in a very small town. All of them
became pregnant at age 16 or younger, and I spent my formative years with
the town pointing fingers at me, certain that I was going to follow in my sister's path.

I was pretty rebellious in those days, and I had a whole town to prove wrong!
I also didn't want the type of life my sisters were leading, so I kept my legs
tightly closed and my mouth firmly shut until He came and rescued me from a life of virginity.
He continues to be the only man I have ever been physically intimate with.

I can't recall ever spending time in my day wondering about other people's sex lives,
and I'm certain this revelation here isn't going to stop the world from turning either.
Whatever gets ones jollies off is fine by me!



NocturnalStalker -> RE: How Rampant is Promiscuity? (5/12/2011 3:05:40 PM)

quote:

He continues to be the only man I have ever been physically intimate with.


That can be changed.



agirl -> RE: How Rampant is Promiscuity? (5/12/2011 3:22:43 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheRaptorJesus

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheRaptorJesus

I've been around these parts for quite a while and met a chosen few people and find myself pained by sad revelations I seem to have made.

It seems that the online BDSM community is the land of sluttery and man-whoring. I suppose it makes a bit of sense considering a lot of this is about 'sexual liberation' and a lot of people are hung up on satiating the devil between their pants rather than the angel between their ears. The nature of a lot of relationships with power dynamics can allow a dominant to fulfill their libido often enough with whatever person they end up dating rather than the delightful vanilla 3-dates rule.

I'm just curious how many others like myself are very reserved with who they end up sleeping or exchanging oral delights with. Secondarily, also how many people may be creeped out by people who have had a lot of partners.

I might just be old-fashioned, Jurassic even.

Edit: Let me just add to prevent any flame-warring, there's no trolling involved in this. If you're offended, be less of a slut maybe?



I'm quite reserved about who I get sexual with.

I can't say I'm bothered by someone having lots of sexual partners, but it might be a long, long day before they managed to have numbered me as one of them.

I'm more than content to be a pal though.

agirl



I probably should have specified "creeped out" a little more. I'm all for people doing whatever they want as long as I'm not affected. I'm just perturbed by the potential that if my current relationship ended and I ventured to these realms seeking a partner. I find sexual history a touchy thing to discuss early in correspondence despite it really being a deal-breaker for me. So, being the neurotic reptile prone to paranoia that I am, I'd be ever-so-terrified of contracting every sort of disease and some full-blown AIDS.



Crumbs. I suppose that if YOU KNOW you're not shagging around, you perhaps, tend to assume that the people you're going out with would assume the same.

I may be a complete innocent here....but no-one I've ever spent time with has ever asked or even wondered how slutty I am....it's self evident before we even meet for a walk.

agirl



LadyPact -> RE: How Rampant is Promiscuity? (5/12/2011 3:25:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheRaptorJesus
Polyamory isn't my thing, but I can definitely respect poly-fidelity and whatnot. So long as there's a real and tangible commitment between both parties everyone should fuck like rabbits.

PS- You weren't anyone that caused these thoughts. Most of the inspiration for this is actually people I've met personally and their circle of acquaintances. Which, as someone alluded to, could be attributed to the age range and the fact that a lot of them love drugs... sweet, delicious drugs. 


Completely fair.  I didn't actually think it was about Me.  More a demonstration of how it could potentially come across in how we see others sometimes.

Actually, I'm going to give you some kudos on thinking about this and wanting to ask the question.  I think it's an important thing to know how a potential partner feels about sexual intimacy, making love, and (thanks, RS [:)]) sport fucking, just to name a few.  It's a compatibility issue, like so many others.



aromanholiday -> RE: How Rampant is Promiscuity? (5/12/2011 3:41:35 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: TheRaptorJesus
I'm just curious how many others like myself are very reserved with who they end up sleeping or exchanging oral delights with. Secondarily, also how many people may be creeped out by people who have had a lot of partners.


I meet your first qualification, but not your second. I haven't had a lot of sex partners primarily because typically I meet someone, we have sex, and then we have a relationship that lasts for years. I'm not sure why that happens with me; it just does. I've seldom had sex for casual (pure physical attraction) reasons; and I've never done dominance and submissive casually. I've gone for shockingly long periods without sleeping with someone or doing oral, and the reasons for that are varied (they frequently had to do with the circumstances I found myself in). While many people wouldn't enter into a long-term relationship where they could not do such things, specific physical acts of sex are fairly low on my needs list, despite a relatively high libido. What really arouses me can come from many sources. Sometimes its mental, sometimes its pain or control driven, sometimes it has to do with sex acts. My relationship with my last master was a very long one. After it ended I took a few years off, and now that I'm back from there, unsurprisingly, I don't find myself drawn to casual pursuits. I'm not looking for a master-for-a-day. Or even a month, although when I find the right person, I have no doubt that the relationship will last as long as he wants it to and no more.

I don't care how many partners someone I am drawn to has had. Even if there were not many other things that had a higher priority, I still wouldn't care, because I look at the end end result of their experiences--what sort of person they've become--not the experiences themselves.

Do you know why it makes you feel creeped out if someone's slept around a lot? Is it the possibility of catching a disease? Is it that they seem impure or sullied? Or used goods? You are right, your attitude is not very common anymore. But it's quite interesting.



aromanholiday -> RE: How Rampant is Promiscuity? (5/12/2011 3:48:16 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

"Loose lips sink ships." Surely they were talking about whores when they said that.


Because the helmsman would forget to look where he was steering the ship?



littlewonder -> RE: How Rampant is Promiscuity? (5/12/2011 3:58:09 PM)

I'm with you RaptorJesus. I felt the same way years ago and why I don't really attend many bdsm functions and events. I don't like so see all the sexual acts and passing around and stuff that I usually see at such things.

It turns me off when I hear of people in bdsm who all know each other because they all fucked or played with each other.

It's not my thing at all. I'm extremely picky about who I am with and why I stayed single, did not play, did not fuck anyone else, etc..for well over 8 years after my last relationship.





sunshinemiss -> RE: How Rampant is Promiscuity? (5/12/2011 4:03:43 PM)

There was a time in my life when I embraced all things sexual - touching, loving, and intimacy making. I enjoyed it deeply. When I was with someone, I was with them. I loved them in that moment. It was a deeply spiritual connection for me. I was the gal everyone wanted to date because they felt so good being with me. Even if the date was only a few hours and they never saw me again, the love I gave was filled with deep affection, and connection. Sometimes it was sexual, sometimes not. I found that it often didn't matter. People loved that being with me meant they were visible - they were truly visible. That is heady stuff.

I consider sex to be on the continuum of many other physical / intimate / spiritual things. This would include arguing, dancing, making music, exercising, kissing... even an authentic, focused smile... anything that involves interacting. The line between what I would do on the continuum with new people welcomed them just about anywhere on the continuum of intimacy. I trusted them and cared for them. In that moment I loved them. It was a spiritual connecting thing for me.

As time passed, and I fell in love, I enjoyed sex and that continuum in a completely different way. The man connected with me - emotionally, physically, intellectually, spiritually. It was like a whole other world. He brought the connection back to me. It was no longer give and give and give. The circle of love (for lack of a better term) showed me a different meaning for sex and sexuality. When we broke up, I was devastated. I admit that I found comfort in the arms of other men and did a lot of taking for about a year after that. I sowed my wild oats, and then came out the other side to realize that I wanted what I'd had with the man. Or at the very least, I wanted sexuality to be reciprocal. I no longer had the deep well of love from which I could give to others without receiving.

Now, today, I still see intimacy and sexuality on the continuum, but my line of "this I can do" without an actual committed relationship has moved drastically. I still find intimacy, even sexuality, with a dance, with a deep conversation, with a smile when it is focused and complete. I don't however, open my body. I am waiting. I want what the man and I had. If I never have it again, I will still consider myself lucky to have had such a deep and moving experience. His love put sex into a different light for me. When he loved me and touched me, I experienced sexuality in a completely different way. I want that again. I had wonderful intimacy in one way, and then I had it in another way. Both are valid and valuable. Today, I prefer one to the other.

I am neither ashamed of or embarassed by my promiscuous past. Why would I be? It was a tool of connection and spirituality for me. There is honor in that. I loved with my body and with my heart. Why would I be ashamed of love?

However, it is the narrow mindedness of other people - who use words like "slutty" - to turn something beautiful into something ugly that is offensive. These are the same people who call Goddess worshipers whores, the same people that put G*d into a box, that want to guilt people into unlove. Just because some don't understand the spiritual connection sexuality can have - even with people you don't know well - doesn't mean it doesn't exist. That people would turn my religious behavior into a ugly taboo is offensive and small minded. Just it is not visible on this plane does not mean it does not exist.

Ultra violet light is reality even though it is not visible to the naked eye. So too with spiritual sex.

Best,
sunshine



rulemylife -> RE: How Rampant is Promiscuity? (5/12/2011 4:08:22 PM)

Not rampant enough.

It's been too long since I got laid.  [:(]



SylvereApLeanan -> RE: How Rampant is Promiscuity? (5/12/2011 4:19:33 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

I loved with my body and with my heart. Why would I be ashamed of love?


I nominate this for the Sunny quote of the day.



HannahLynHeather -> RE: How Rampant is Promiscuity? (5/12/2011 4:31:39 PM)

i sleep around. besides heather i have 2 other regular partners. in addition i usually have 1 or 2 casual encounters a month and the occasional roll in the hay with a guy.

i liked sex from the first time i tried it. but it wasn't till i left home at 19 that i became promiscuous. that was when i discovered that what was between my legs was a tradeable commodity, and a fun and easy way to pay for what i wanted. gas, grass, or ass? well i'll keep my weed and cash thanks. eventually i got around to charging for it, more out of desperation than anything else. those weren't particularly happy times, but i didn't really dislike the work. those days are through though, i give it away for nothing again these days.

promiscuity is not, despite what chatte says, always rooted in some sort of major issue. i don't hate myself, i don't hate my parents, i don't have self esteem issues, i just really, really like sex. i do it because its fun. a whole fucking lot of fun. i really can't see any reason not to have a lot of sex, its good for you, its emotionally healthy, and it just plain feels good. i also can't see any particular reason to limit your activities to just one (or a few) person (or persons). variety, spice, and all that. besides, every girl tastes different and i'm fond of buffets. that and its really hard to have an orgy with just two of you there.

quote:

If you're offended, be less of a slut maybe?
i'm not offended in the least dinoboy, and no thanks, i like being a slut. its fun and to borrow a phrase a very wise man recently told me, its good for the soul.

hannah lynn



CreepyStalker -> RE: How Rampant is Promiscuity? (5/12/2011 4:33:04 PM)

I've slept with almost everyone I've ever met (excluding family members and ugly people). That's what other people are there for innit? 



DomImus -> RE: How Rampant is Promiscuity? (5/12/2011 5:12:29 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheRaptorJesus
I'm just curious how many others like myself are very reserved with who they end up sleeping or exchanging oral delights with. Secondarily, also how many people may be creeped out by people who have had a lot of partners.


I've been in a monogamous relationship (actually two that were immediately back to back with a slight overlap) for the last fifteen years so no promiscuity there on my part. If I were unattached and out looking yes, I think I would be less sexually active than I was in my younger years. As I have gotten older I have slowed down a bit all around but more importantly my priorities have changed. Maybe I no longer feel a need to pursue this because I sowed way more than my share of wild oats when I was younger. I dunno.

I'm not creeped out by women who have had many sexual partners. It really wouldn't be fair to do so since I have been around the block many times myself. As long as you are healthy it matters not to me where you have been. I've never gotten the sensation that many people are really actually concerned about this. It gets a lot of lip service in online forums and other discussion venues but I have only had one woman ever ask me how many partners I had from a perspective of being concerned about it. A very low percentage in what most statisticians would consider a mathematically valid sample.

Of course, the big concern for most folks is STD's and that is a reasonable concern. I remember having my first STD screening after the woman above asked me about my sexual history. This was at the tail end of my sexual crusades just before I entered into the aforementioned monogamous relationships. I won't lie - I was sweating bullets waiting for the results because I had always loathed condoms and avoided them like the plague. Everything came back clean and green. Oddly enough, she would not reciprocate with her own test as she was 'sure' about her partners and I promptly kicked her to the curb.

Chatting with my urologist one day not long after that while visiting him over a kidney stone flare up (ouch) I mentioned my STD test and my sexual history and how lucky I felt that I got a green light. He went on to say that my green light was much less due to serendipity as it was to the simple fact that there is a lot of fear mongering out there regarding STD's and the problem really is not quite as epidemic mathematically as it is presented. He went on to say that he was not giving me a green light to go out and have unprotected sex with impunity - like any doctor he advised that safe sex practices should always be the norm since it only takes one time - but his opinion was that there is reason to be concerned but not at the levels people assign to it. I guess it really doesn't matter since it's still akin to playing Russian roulette just with a really big chamber. That was actually the analogy he used. For what it is worth that is what he told me.





Icarys -> RE: How Rampant is Promiscuity? (5/12/2011 5:22:35 PM)

quote:

There was a time in my life when I embraced all things sexual - touching, loving, and intimacy making. I enjoyed it deeply. When I was with someone, I was with them. I loved them in that moment. It was a deeply spiritual connection for me. I was the gal everyone wanted to date because they felt so good being with me. Even if the date was only a few hours and they never saw me again, the love I gave was filled with deep affection, and connection. Sometimes it was sexual, sometimes not. I found that it often didn't matter. People loved that being with me meant they were visible - they were truly visible. That is heady stuff.

Worked the Vegas strip have ya?



Icarys -> RE: How Rampant is Promiscuity? (5/12/2011 5:23:51 PM)

quote:

its good for the soul.

Only if by "good for the soul" you mean it's so cozy down in hell.



SorceressJ -> RE: How Rampant is Promiscuity? (5/12/2011 5:25:35 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: needlesandpins

i'm very selective about who i have sex with and i am exclusive to that person. the only way that would change is if we met someone together. he has my exclusivity because he is enough. there is nothing lacking that i would want to find elsewhere. everything i want to do i want with him because of the way things feel, the way he makes me feel and the atmosphere we create.

i've done the empty, cold fuck in my teens and frankly it's just boring. it makes me feel cheap in a bad way afterwards too. i want the electricity of him, the anticipation of knowing how my body reacts to his touch, be that soft or harsh, knowing i'm safe while feeling anything but and so much of the other stuff that goes with it. i'm his slut in the best or worst possible ways.

i'm just not interested in anything else that anyone else has to offer. for me that would be like me saying he's not enough, he's lacking in some way that i need/want to fuck someone else.

others will do/think differently and that's all cool, each to their own.

YMMV

needles


THIS. Rock on, needles.. )O(



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