advice from sub men (Full Version)

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wasguy89 -> advice from sub men (5/12/2011 4:24:37 PM)

Hi, I'm new to all of this. How did you guys get started? Does anyone have any advice on finding the right woman on here, or in general?



LadyConstanze -> RE: advice from sub men (5/12/2011 4:57:44 PM)

Change your profile, seriously, sounds like you are looking for room and board in your area and kinky sex on top of it, apart from that nothing about you.

Try and read that: http://www.collarchat.com/m_3057130/tm.htm



wasguy89 -> RE: advice from sub men (5/12/2011 5:45:59 PM)

thanks for the reply. You've got a really good point there, but do you have any idea where I should start? I mean If I go into any detail about the kinky sex it'll obviously sound even more like that. But I don't want to go into my life story online. I guess I'll put some regular interests and stuff up there. I'll just take the "room and board" junk out cause yeah good point, that sounds like you said. Any more advice welcome.



wasguy89 -> RE: advice from sub men (5/12/2011 6:18:33 PM)

I updated the profile, hows it look now?



BonesFromAsh -> RE: advice from sub men (5/12/2011 6:37:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: wasguy89

I updated the profile, hows it look now?


Two things stand out (not in a good way) for me...

Is it NJ or Philly?

The ramble that is the 3rd paragraph....can you find a way to say you like music without sounding like you're nervously talking to a really cool chica and trying to impress her but failing and instead just sounding like you have nothing to say but feel something should be said.
Make sense? [;)]

Maybe some journal entries, over time, could help flesh out who you are. What ever you do, please don't make your journal one long string of complaining entries. Nothing says loser like loads of whining.

If you've been a fan of Jon Stewart as long as your claim...prove it by showing folks a bit of the Jon-style humor.

The photo is cute in a geeky-tech guy sort of way....which is a good thing.

Good luck and have fun. Remember...CM is cool but there's a big wide LIVE world out there...find a munch and start connecting.



wasguy89 -> RE: advice from sub men (5/12/2011 6:46:48 PM)

Do you mean I should just say "I like music"? I'd like to attract someone with similar tastes. And I'm in south jersey, right outside of philly. I work on the road, mostly in and around philly. I'm trying to move to philly soon anyway, and I don't feel like putting my hometown on here. Call me self-conscious, but it could be embarrassing if someone I know finds me on here.



BonesFromAsh -> RE: advice from sub men (5/12/2011 6:52:28 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: wasguy89

Do you mean I should just say "I like music"? I'd like to attract someone with similar tastes.


What I meant was that you ramble a bit. You like music and want to meet someone who digs your tastes...what are they? Can you say it without sounding like a Grateful Dead jam session? Not to knock the Dead, mind you...I'm groovin' to a bit of Mickey Hart drumming myself right now.
FYI...in the list of interest, there's all kinds of music styles to tick off as likes.

quote:


And I'm in south jersey, right outside of philly. I work on the road, mostly in and around philly. I'm trying to move to philly soon anyway, and I don't feel like putting my hometown on here. Call self-conscious, but it could be embarrassing if someone I know finds me on here.


Maybe put in your profile that you're in Dirty Jersey now but planning a move to Philly soon. Or, just list the state you're in....I list CT. If I feel like telling someone where exactly in CT I am, I will.

*ETA....yeah, I know I have a rather verbose profile myself. Ironic, isn't it? [;)]



wasguy89 -> RE: advice from sub men (5/12/2011 7:07:19 PM)

Yeah I ended up just putting I like many kinds of music, and I ticked off the interests, lol



BonesFromAsh -> RE: advice from sub men (5/12/2011 7:13:00 PM)

It's good...except for one more thing.

"Feel free to message me whenever you want!".....lose that line. If a woman wants to email you, she will...trust me.

Get to a munch...I'm sure you have loads in your area. Google BDSM Munch in Philly and see what comes up.

You've been a real sport about this...keep it up and have fun!



wasguy89 -> RE: advice from sub men (5/12/2011 7:29:41 PM)

Hey np, thank you very much for all of your great advice, I really appreciate it. One more question from me, whats a munch supposed to be like? Should it be easy to meet people?



hausboy -> RE: advice from sub men (5/12/2011 7:47:20 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: wasguy89

Hey np, thank you very much for all of your great advice, I really appreciate it. One more question from me, whats a munch supposed to be like? Should it be easy to meet people?


I think there are a number of archived threads on munches...
munches vary from town to town, but they usually have certain common denominators.
They are in public places most of the time--often a restaurant. Occasionally they are at a private residence.  They are typically vanilla (non-kink) dress codes and usually there's some "code name' for the group as not to tip off the restaurant. (i.e. "internet group" "singles dinner group" etc.

Munches are often casual, strictly social and a chance to meet other people in the scene as just plain people--no formality.  And if you hit it off, you may find yourself invited to play parties, local events etc.

If you enjoy submission to women, see if there is a local chapter of ClubFEM near you.

good luck-




BonesFromAsh -> RE: advice from sub men (5/12/2011 7:55:26 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: wasguy89

Hey np, thank you very much for all of your great advice, I really appreciate it.


You're quite welcome.

quote:


One more question from me, whats a munch supposed to be like? Should it be easy to meet people?


Here's a couple links that discuss what a munch is...

Munches

A Beginner's Guide to BDSM Munches

Will it be easy to meet people? Is it easy for you to connect with new folks at any get-together? If so, and you remember to mind your manners, you should have no problem. Look for TNG (The Next Generation) munches, which are geared towards the younger crowd.

Seriously, if you're as "new car smell" fresh as you seem, your best bet will be to head to something offline. Also, FetLife is great for listing munches/groups/events according to location.

Have fun!

*wanders off trying to remember why she gave away her copy of "Mrs. Robinson".....[;)]*



wasguy89 -> RE: advice from sub men (5/12/2011 9:13:11 PM)

Thank you very much both of you you've been very helpful. :)

I'm glad to see I found a site with friendly people.



coookie -> RE: advice from sub men (5/12/2011 9:15:58 PM)

Your profile looks great!! Your attitude here is likewise awesome. You have shown yourself to be eager to learn and open. Those are two great qualities if you ask me. Good luck out there and ya get to some munches.



LadyPact -> RE: advice from sub men (5/12/2011 9:55:59 PM)

I'm going to answer this question.  Keep in mind, you might not like everything that I have to say, but you'll always get an honest perspective from Me.

Other folks gave you great advice on the profile bit.  For the majority of time, it's not going to matter.  Most women don't have to do the research because they are too busy with folks who are contacting them first.  If you are expecting just to set up a really cool profile and then sit back and wait for women to contact you?   Yeah, well, not happening in most cases.  Between the gender lines, this place is no different than other meeting sites.  Not only are you dealing with any internet site having way more males than females, you also have to deal with the lopsided numbers that have been traditionally noticeable in the kink community. 

What does this mean?  Well, it means you have to work harder.  Be exceptional.  You have to make yourself stand out better than the other hundred guys who joined this site today.  If you give up, tomorrow, there will be another hundred guys just like you to take your place.  Seven hundred in a week and over three thousand in the next year. 

You asked what worked.  Simple answer, show up!  Anybody can create a profile on a website.  A much smaller margin will actually get off of their butt in front of the computer, shower, put on clean clothes, go to the munch/event where the kinky people are, have manners, and get to know women as human beings.  The sub who is collared to Me today asked Me about meeting.  I told him that I would be at a party in Atlanta.  He did the three hours drive just to meet in person.  Another flew a thousand miles to spend a weekend with Me.  Others drove to go to the munch where I was holding an event. 

If you can do that, you'll stand out from the crowd.  If you can't, you're just another blip in the vast sea of white noise.



LadyConstanze -> RE: advice from sub men (5/13/2011 1:49:56 AM)

Work over the first paragraph again, it's a bit rambling and unclear, you say you got no experience but you want to jump to 24/7, that's a bit much, also with the looking for a girlfriend, it's a bit of pressure, try to look at it the other way round, if a girl would talk to you and you know she's looking for a boyfriend, she wants a boyfriend and that is why she is talking to you, you'd feel a bit more under pressure as if it would be just a friendly conversation, you get to know each other and you might hit it off as a couple...

I'd focus more on just meeting people, say you are open for a relationship but first thing should be just to learn about it and meet people. Worst case scenario is that this "life-style" is not how you imagine it, that you find that there is a difference between your fantasy and reality and reality simply isn't for you, or 24/7 isn't for you, or certain aspects of it aren't for you, but you're stuck in a relationship - not good. So I would concentrate on making friends first, getting to know more about it, munches, etc, getting your feet wet and keeping an eye open, if you meet somebody you click with, excellent, if not, you are making friends and get to know people and you learn a lot about the life style.



sunshinemiss -> RE: advice from sub men (5/13/2011 3:20:32 AM)

There's a huge scene in Phillly.

You could say something about the venues that you like to see music in if you want to get with someone in Philly. If you go to the Tin Angel, for example, that attracts a very different crowd than, say, North Star Bar than Warm Daddy's.

Just a thought.

*Did I name drop enough? I feel like I should have name dropped some more.



wasguy89 -> RE: advice from sub men (5/17/2011 8:20:16 AM)

thanks again for the responses everyone. sorry it took so long for me to respond.



theRose4U -> RE: advice from sub men (5/19/2011 6:59:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: wasguy89

Do you mean I should just say "I like music"? I'd like to attract someone with similar tastes. And I'm in south jersey, right outside of philly. I work on the road, mostly in and around philly. I'm trying to move to philly soon anyway, and I don't feel like putting my hometown on here. Call me self-conscious, but it could be embarrassing if someone I know finds me on here.


Um call me captain obvious but if they find you here...THEY ARE LIKELY KINKY!! Sort of like seeing your minister and boss in a strip show...you're both there for the same thing?
The reason for the question is someone in NJ looking for a sub likely won't look in PA and vice versa. Honesty is the first big step to finding someone. If you lie about the little stuff it's pretty easy for a domme to think you'd lie about other things. Cautiosness is a good thing but it's hard to meet  real person that's interested in you if we don't get an honest view of who you are.



trueshadow -> RE: advice from sub men (5/28/2011 3:59:24 PM)

Munch, munch, munch, munch.  Live and learn.  Meet like-minded folks.  Go to some parties.  Join reputable organizations.  You will meet real people, believe it or not.



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