Begging to Serve

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Evanesce -> Begging to Serve (5/11/2006 3:47:03 PM)
I've got an interesting dilemma. There is a male "slave" who lives about ten minutes from me. When I met him several months ago, he proved to be pushy, argumentative, and inflexible. On top of that, he was rude to Master. I won't go into all the details of what he said and did, but suffice it to say I informed him that I'd decided he was NOT a good fit for us, and I told him why. His response to that was inexcusably rude. I told him not to contact me again, and thought that was that. Fast forward to about two weeks ago, and this same individual is again contacting me. He claims he's thought a great deal about what I said, and now sees that I was right in my assessment of him, and he wants a second chance. Again, I'm seeing pushy behavior that is more than annoying. He went as far as to tell me there was another couple interested in him, but he really wanted to serve Master and me. I told him if there was another couple interested in him, then by all means, go serve that other couple, because we will not be forced into a snap decision. So yesterday, I get an email from him saying he'd hurt his head at work and it would mean so much to him if I'd "call on" him today. I emailed him back and said I'd not be calling on him, and again explaining that we are not a good fit. In fact, what I said was: "The Kaptin and I have discussed you at length, and have come to the conclusion that our personalities really do not mesh well. Especially yours and mine. You have a tendency to be pushy, and a demonstrated inability to be flexible and go with the flow. I can see us butting heads at every turn, because when it comes to additional slaves in this household, it's my way or no way. I expect absolute obedience. However, in prior conversations with you, you wanted to argue every little point, which aggravates me to no end. It simply will not work. I wish you luck in finding the right situation for you." This afternoon, he sent me another email begging for a one-week probationary period, because he just "knows" we're perfect for each other. The sad thing is, if he weren't such an annoying, pushy, antagonistic individual, we probably WOULD accept him. How do you deal with someone who simply won't go away? He knows where I live and drives by the house every day on his way to work (so he says). I guess the good thing is I know where he lives, too. But how do I get rid of this guy?

Najakcharmer -> RE: Begging to Serve (5/11/2006 3:54:34 PM)
You're doing all you can do, taking all the right steps already. At this point you can either stop responding, or explain yet one more time that you are really serious about not being interested and ask him to stop contacting you. If he escalates into real "stalking" behavior, tell him you'll contact the authorities, and if this is at all feasible in your situation, do so. It's annoying to have to file a police complaint or get a restraining order, but it's possible. Sometimes just the mention that you are dead serious about doing this if he does not leave you alone may wake him up to the reality of "no means no."

BrutalAntipathy -> RE: Begging to Serve (5/11/2006 4:03:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Najakcharmer You're doing all you can do, taking all the right steps already. At this point you can either stop responding, or explain yet one more time that you are really serious about not being interested and ask him to stop contacting you. If he escalates into real "stalking" behavior, tell him you'll contact the authorities, and if this is at all feasible in your situation, do so. It's annoying to have to file a police complaint or get a restraining order, but it's possible. Sometimes just the mention that you are dead serious about doing this if he does not leave you alone may wake him up to the reality of "no means no." *I agree with this 100%. Give him a final " no ", then block his mail. If he persists or begins harassing you with other e-mail accounts, by phone, or in r/l, go to the police with it.*

crouchingtigress -> RE: Begging to Serve (5/11/2006 4:08:56 PM)
I think that his behavior (the one side I am able to see here), is troubling. I see the distinct beginnings of stalking behavior. He has fixated on you. He is using guilt to manipulate you, and he is ignoring your wishes. This is the classic initial behaviors of a stalker, and I am not saying you are in danger but you may not be aware that you are feeding this, and that of course escalates it. this is from "How to Handel a Stalker" http://www.psych.org/pnews/99-12-03/howto.htm Among the most important bits of wisdom she imparted was to tell the stalker "no" only one time. "Repeating it gives him what he wants—contact with you. The more you respond, the more you teach him that his actions will elicit a response." Remember, Orion said, that it is pointless to try to reason with erotomanic stalkers. Their obsession leaves them incapable of responding as the victim—or the police—would hope. The stalker rationalizes any evidence that the victim has no interest in returning his or her love and turns it into inconveniences or minor impediments that will soon be overcome. It is also critical that stalking targets know it is not their fault. "Shame just helps the stalker," she cautioned. "It’s their best weapon against you." I wish you luck with this.

BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Begging to Serve (5/11/2006 4:50:14 PM)
A lot of people are like this, and I have no idea why... Being antagonistic and pushy of their agenda, and when you say back up because yours and my agenda don't seem to be meshing well, they come begging for another chance. It isn't about needing leniency from you or me though. For me this hot and cold, nice vs arrogant/pushy is indicative of mental instability and I tend to stay away from that, because I believe it comes from a lot of conflicting emotions/thoughts. M

Evanesce -> RE: Begging to Serve (5/11/2006 4:54:17 PM)
I tend to view it as stalking as well, although I really don't feel I'm in any danger from this particular individual. He asked for permission to come to my house, which was, of course, denied. I believe he'll respect that. That, and I've got an 80-lb Rottweiler who loves to growl and bark insanely (like she's going to rip their throat out) at anyone who comes to the door (and at the traffic light at the corner, and the people in the church next door, and the trash can in the living room). He's not met her and doesn't know she's a big baby. What I've decided to do is to have Master respond to him and tell him exactly what I've told him. I think, perhaps, hearing from the person who does have the ultimate authority in the household might cool him off. Unfortunately, Master won't be home for another week.

thetammyjo -> RE: Begging to Serve (5/11/2006 7:35:18 PM)
If he is contacting you via CM then put him on ignore or ban or whatever that button is that will block his messages. Otherwise maybe you can set your email to automatically delete his messages as spam. Just a suggestion.

MisPandora -> RE: Begging to Serve (5/11/2006 8:07:39 PM)
Simply put: Even the negative responses are providing him wank material. Block him and go on with your life. He's not worth the words in the emails.

MsSonnetMarwood -> RE: Begging to Serve (5/11/2006 8:10:46 PM)
I think you've made it clear you are not interested, and any further explanation or response on your part is not only unnecessary, but likely to encourage him to continue because you are giving him attention by responding. Unfortunately this "pester until I get my own way" is not all that uncommon. Ignore him. If he shows up on your doorstep, call the police.

MistressLove999 -> RE: Begging to Serve (5/11/2006 8:10:49 PM)
I agree with you and the advice you have been given. Go with your instincts, there are too many things that you don't like about him. Maybe when he has to deal with a male he will move along (hopefully), if not don't hesitate to call the law on him dear.

theRose4U -> RE: Begging to Serve (5/11/2006 8:25:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Evanesce I tend to view it as stalking as well, although I really don't feel I'm in any danger from this particular individual. He asked for permission to come to my house, which was, of course, denied. I believe he'll respect that. That, and I've got an 80-lb Rottweiler who loves to growl and bark insanely (like she's going to rip their throat out) at anyone who comes to the door (and at the traffic light at the corner, and the people in the church next door, and the trash can in the living room). He's not met her and doesn't know she's a big baby. What I've decided to do is to have Master respond to him and tell him exactly what I've told him. I think, perhaps, hearing from the person who does have the ultimate authority in the household might cool him off. Unfortunately, Master won't be home for another week. As you pointed out about puppy what he doesn't know can hurt him, emails are rather unisex ...wink wink. I would assume he's probably reading your threads. Telling him that you've already "discussed' the situation with your good friend at the sheriffs department who encouraged you to inform him that he's being watched and any further attempts to contact you will be met with legal action...then block on both sides. This warning will also help if you do have to send the jan darmes to have a little discussion with him about harassing women.

bandit25 -> RE: Begging to Serve (5/11/2006 8:35:11 PM)
Yes, I agree that you should block. Continued correspondence from you will only encourage him.

Vendaval -> RE: Begging to Serve (5/11/2006 11:15:31 PM)
Denise

Vendaval -> RE: Begging to Serve (5/11/2006 11:19:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Vendaval Denise, I am sorry you are having to deal with this with the Kaptin away. You have gotten some excellent advice from other folks on this thread. Having dealt with not 1 but 2 stalkers in the past and having obtained a restraining order for one, this is what I have to add. The more documentation you have the better. Save all the e-mails, text messages and voice mail. Record them and make sure to have two copies, one for yourself and one to present to the judge at court. If he harrasses you in front of witnesses, contact them and ask if they are willing to sign a written statement. The laws vary a bit from state to state I believe. When I paid for a restraining order several years ago it cost about $200 in processing fees and I obtained a lawyer through Legal Aid. I went to the County Clerk's Office for the forms. Depending on the case load of the courts, a temporary restraining order is usually granted immediately with the hearing for the permanent one a few weeks later, good for a few years. Also, it is best not to threaten this guy, just stay calm and rational and let the police handle it if he keeps up the behavior. Do not respond to any of the e-mails or phone calls, text messages, etc. If you respond after say, 4 attempts at contact, what he has learned is that he needs to contact you 4 times for you to respond. He will operate on that premise from that point on. Contact Me on the other side if there is anything else I can do to help. Blessed Be, Vendaval quote: ORIGINAL: Evanesce How do you deal with someone who simply won't go away? He knows where I live and drives by the house every day on his way to work (so he says). I guess the good thing is I know where he lives, too. But how do I get rid of this guy?

Lashra -> RE: Begging to Serve (5/12/2006 4:48:25 AM)
If you can block him from your email do so, same thing with online chat. If he calls tell him you will report him to the phone company for harassment. If he keeps driving by your house you can call the police and file a stalker complaint. Because that is exactly what he is doing STALKING you. You never know what is going on inside of a stalkers head and some of these people can be dangerous. Don't play around with him tell him to leave you alone or you will file a complaint. If he keeps it up follow through on it. ~Lashra

Wulfchyld -> RE: Begging to Serve (5/12/2006 4:53:13 AM)
Demand boo koo tribute!

Proprietrix -> RE: Begging to Serve (5/12/2006 7:31:50 AM)
I agree with some of the advice you've been given, but I take a slightly different approach when it's verging on stalking. I ignore, but I do not block/delete messages. In fact, I keep all messages neatly tucked away in a little folder titled "potential stalker". But I don't respond to any of them. It can back up your story if it ever does reach the point of police involvement (which it normally doesn't as stalkers need that feedback, good or bad, and if you don't provide it, they move on). If I were to send any kind of final message to him it would be this "We have made ourselves clear that we don't desire relations with you. Please end all communication with us immediately. Anything after this point will be considered harrassment/stalking, and we will take the appropriate action. Good luck on your search."

thetammyjo -> RE: Begging to Serve (5/12/2006 7:33:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Proprietrix I agree with some of the advice you've been given, but I take a slightly different approach when it's verging on stalking. I ignore, but I do not block/delete messages. In fact, I keep all messages neatly tucked away in a little folder titled "potential stalker". But I don't respond to any of them. It can back up your story if it ever does reach the point of police involvement (which it normally doesn't as stalkers need that feedback, good or bad, and if you don't provide it, they move on). If I were to send any kind of final message to him it would be this "We have made ourselves clear that we don't desire relations with you. Please end all communication with us immediately. Anything after this point will be considered harrassment/stalking, and we will take the appropriate action. Good luck on your search." This is a wonderful suggestion -- perhaps you can even set up a folder that the unwanted email goes to so you don't have to see it at all. Have your master or someone else go through it regularly to spot any hints of increased threat so you can get to the police before its too late. Hopefully that will never happen.

Delighted12003 -> RE: Begging to Serve (5/12/2006 10:27:04 AM)
It is not only good sound advice to keep any e-mails this person sends You, it is vital to keep anything and everything he sends. Stalkers will often also send 'gifts' such as flowers, chocolates, etc all of these things should be kept unopened in the original paper. In the case of bio degradeable things such as flowers, photograph them, then dispose of them. You are also recomended to keep a note book detailing any sightings / times of this person near Your home, as well as keping detailed notes of all contacts he has with You. Most importantly of all, You must ignore him and never reply to anything he writes, sends etc, but do keep those notes and details, if the matter does go to the Police, the detailed notes You will have and the evideince will be more then enough for the courts to deal with this person according to the laws of Your land. i truly hope You can be rid of this nasty, pushy person once and for all.

Evanesce -> RE: Begging to Serve (5/12/2006 3:48:15 PM)
quote: Demand boo koo tribute! LOL! Oh, in the first go-round with this guy, I told him right off the bat I wasn't interested in his money. Yet, the night he met Master, he made a point of letting us both know in no uncertain terms that he would not be spending any of his money on us, and that he wasn't selling his house (huh? who asked you to sell your house, bucko?). That really pissed me off, because I'd already addressed that issue and his bringing it up again told me he wasn't listening the first time.

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