DEPL
Posts: 13
Joined: 5/19/2011
Status: offline
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Hi, just me again,
Thank You 'Lucylastic', I appreciate that. And by the way, I checked out your profile, I loved your pics, especialy the picture of (your?) camel toe! Laughed myself silly - as a person, I think maybe you're my kind, and it shows that you care about people, me too. Not trying to flirt, just showing due appreciation. I know you're not in the market for more than friends, and I think I'd like that. If you'd like to expand on "that makes things a whole lot different in my mind", I'd appreciate your point of view. That's what I'm here for, to learn.
Uh, 'sunshinemiss', maybe I should of put a (sic) after that, but I thought it was so obviously said 'tongue-in-cheek', that it wasn't necessary, and I was refering to that spot in my profile where it's a bit better presented. If you'd read further, you would've come to the part that says "there is something intrinsically different between a heterosexual woman and a lesbian", and that was my point exactly, a hetero woman is looking for a man (with a man's brain), not a mans body with a lesbian brain. So, believe it or not, I actually AGREE with you. Thanks for the comments, though.
Maybe what I am looking for is a bi-sexual woman, someone that can appreciate both sides of me. Maybe I'm too old fashioned, I don't (at least haven't) pick up women online, and in the real world, they don't have "bi-sexual" tattoed on their foreheads, and it's hardly polite to ask before you ask them out. I meet who I meet, I might get to know someone, and if I like her, and she's single, I'll ask her out, and it goes from there. (CollarMe is the first online meet n greet type service I've participated in.) Assuming we get along, she generally falls madly in love with me, even before I'm ready for that, it seems to work for awhile, but then I struggle to meet her expectations of a "man", and have to prop it up to maintain the relationship (I don't like or enjoy pretending to be something I'm not), but that just prolongs it a bit, and sometimes the kindest thing is to just kill it off quickly. But then I'm alone again, and then it starts all over again.
I read somewhere, that the definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over again, and expect a different result. If you want a different result, then you need to change something! That's what I'm trying to do, I'm just not sure what is going to work! Given my fantasies and kinks, this seemed like a reasonable place to start, or at least try, as it is a place that caters to people with non-vanilla interests. Like everyone else, I'm just looking for a little happiness, twisted though it may be.
Now, 'MistressDarkArt', I know it looks like I,I,I,me,me,me, and maybe it is.
But for me, I'm new to this, and I know that there is a whole "standard" and "script" that you're supposed to follow. I don't mean to offend here, but I think that's a load of BullShit. I'd guess there are at least as many different definitions of exactly what BDSM "really is", and what a Dom/Domme, and sub/slave "really is" as there are members of this site.
So excuse me if I'm different from you, I think that BDSM is more of a spectrum than that, maybe "old-school" BDSMers would disagree with that, as is their right and privelidge - they were here first, but you also need new blood to enter the fray, and they've got other ideas. From what I've seen, it ranges all the way from frilly little girls who play dress up in PVC boots and things to get the boys hot, all the way through to the hard-core, edge players who are into blood and severe body mods, even if that is kept under the table and only ever whispered about.
I say again, I'm NEW AT THIS, maybe this isn't the right place for me, and maybe I'm more dominant than what you think of as a sub, I did mention I have switchy inclinations, and who knows where that will lead; I call myself sub simply because I want to submit to a woman - not just ANY woman, or ANY Domme, but the Right one. Maybe she doen't exist, I don't know, but I'm a lover first and foremost, and I go years at a time between sex BECAUSE an emotional connection is not just paramount to me, but the Most Important thing - sex is Only good for me because of it, because it pleases her, and in that I take my pleasure. Without Love, or at the very least an emotional connection of some sort, it's just a wank, and to be honest, a wank is more enjoyable than sex, though the sensations can be nice, it just doesn't satisfy. But then, too, love is a risk, if/when it goes wrong it can be far more painful than anything you could do to my cock and balls, so I don't fall in love with just anyone, and I DON'T submit to just Anyone.
Submission for me is to Love, and the Woman is the source, destination and symbol of that to which I submit to, and she, in turn controls and dominates me with and by it.
But love is what I'm looking for, we play within that, because we both want and need that to be fullfilled and happy.
I Don't need any kind of life support system for my self-absorption and kink; if need be, I can do that all on my own, I don't need a Domme for that.
On the contrary, why would a man of any stripe want to be objectified as the life-support system for Your self-absorption and kink??
How ever we dress it up, or deny it to ourselves, or others, the TRUTH is that EVERYONE here is here to get what they want, we're all here to find something that We want, personally. I am not, and am not ever likely to be Your sub, so don't expect me to submit to You. I will only submit to someone who I can admire and respect, at least on some level, no matter how hot, sexy, or beautiful she may be. And respect has to be earned, not simply given, or it really isn't worth much.
I reserve the Right to Choose who I submit to, if at all, and to terminate that submission if the terms of that submission are breached. I submit to NO man, and to Love, and maybe temporarily to some hopefuls along the way. This is a journey, not a destination.
Having said that, it seems to me that having a castration and penectomy fantasy is basically a sub thing, so that's why I said I'm sub. Originally I clicked the "Switch" category (there wan't a "I Don't Know" category) so maybe "Switch" is more correct, I'm a fiesty sub at best. I think I might change that, at least until I'm a bit more sure. Certainly in the vanilla world I can be domineering if I have to be.
Is it possible to be a Dominant castrated eunuch, should I be a Dom and order my submissive woman/women to castrate me, or have her cut off my dick as I cum inside her. The thought of that certainly turns me on no end. It certainly wouldn't stop me from dominating her, and instead of needing to find a Domme who's interested, I simply order my sub to castrate me, and I can have sex with her afterwards (artificial testosterone) - that's sort of like having my fantasy and eating my sex too. (That's a play on words, for those that missed that).
All sorts of wicked, imaginative, sick, kinky and twisted possibilities there!! Hmmmmmm, certainly would be easier...
Ah, now 'tigerspoohbear', I thought I went through that in my profile, yes, essentially I'm a lesbian trapped in a mans body, but I'd make a really FUGLY woman, 23+" accross the shoulders when I'm skinny, let alone with a few extra pounds as I'm likely to have after I'm castrated and on oestrogen (you generally put on weight with either of these, let alone both). Besides, to get through the physch' tests, you've got to live as a woman for at least a year, you know, wear frilly dresses, stockings, high heels, get into shopping and be real girly gurl. I doubt most butch type lesbians could qualify, let alone me. You know how hard it is to get size 13-14 (mens) pumps?? I have enough trouble as a man, and usually have to wear some obnoxious, goofball, out-of-proportion, scaled up shoes as it is!! You can't just take a size 6 or 8 and blow it up and it's ok, you know! I'm sure they try out their experimental designs on the 13+ shoes - certainly I've had some god-awful designs that I was embarrassed to wear, but if that's all there is, that's all there is.
Ah, "Going on about your size", is that in reference to 6incehes, or my large frame?? If the 6inches, that was just a generic, 'average' size thing, I'm not sure if I'm that big to be honest, I don't measure it.
Anyway, thanks for taking the time to make a comment. Hope that answers your questions.
And now 'Madame4a' THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU VERY MUCH, VINDICATED AT LAST, well - at least I feel a bit less of a fool for my heading/topic anyway!! You see, you're the kinda person I'm hoping to meet (email's fine), doesn't have to be for sexual contact or anything, just friends is great. I see you're from Maryland, so I guess there's little chance we'll be meeting anytime soon, been there; there used to be a great little French restaurant there, can't remember the name now, ate there sometimes.
Anyway, I suppose that was what I was getting at; I don't think there really are such things as "Gay", "Hetro", and "Lesbian". They're just intellectual pidgeon holes used for classification and communication with language constructs between humans. The reality, I think, is far more of a linear continuum from one to the other, however the probabilty spread clusters around these points, and so it is convenient to give those clusters a name. I don't think there is such a thing as a "pure" lesbian, simply some who are relatively more or less lesbian. That obviously goes for all sexuality, gender, and even physicality. However, until recently, we were chastised fiercley if we stepped outside our alloted gender roles, and so it is only now that the artificiality makes itself evident.
Anyway, you say you've had a "straight" male play partner, well I'm not straight, I'm gay, gay in the sense that I'm a woman who is attracted to women sexually, but I've got some extra dangly bits. Of course, that's my opinion, and you could call me straight if you wanted to, most people in the vanilla world do.
I've tried a dress, etc, what a joke, I've seen a bloke like that in Quebec once, moustache and beard, badly applied makeup, purple highlight hair (more purple than highlight), high heels that kept falling over, stockings with long black hair poking through or in clumps -EEEEEEEEEEEEKKK!! (Shivers up my spine!!!!)
I don't think that'd make me anymore attractive to someone like yourself (a lesbian) , or anyone else for that matter.
By the way - you've got a killer smile (that's a good thing), and yeah, I'd like to finish off your Dairy Queen. It's a shame, really, I think I'd like to get to know you, as a friend, but it's over 20,000 miles (or is that kms, I forget), and that's a hell of a long way on a motorbike, especially for an ice-cream. Besides, I don't think I can hold my breath anywhere near long enough, and the roads pretty slippery.
Still, I would apreciate your perspective on what I should do. (Mini-pop-Quiz).
Essentially, if You were to meet me, and it transpired that you were interested in some sort of relationship with me as a lesbian in a man's body, which would you prefer.
The options are:-
1./ A full sex-change?? (There's the fugly imitation women issue.)
2./ I have considered going SRS on the genitals only , leaving the rest alone (i.e. a male looking body with a man-made neo-vagina. A la Ron Angel. Yes. I know, FTM.).
3./ Castrated with Penectomy (i.e. Nullo)
4./ This is a recently available option - castration with penectomy, but with essentially a sensate clitoris (tiny) [I rather like that possibility, 40-80% possibility of orgasmic response, a nullo tht cums, hmmm], OR with the EXTERNAL ONLY appearance of labia and no hole (using the scrotum). This is much cheaper, and allows for the possiblity of orgasm (about 40-80%) and the posssibility of making a vaginal tube made from colo-rectal tissue at a later time (if I should choose that/change my mind), which seems to be the prefered method now, as it's self lubricating, although without the penile skin, it's depth is limited. I have toyed with this option, without the hole that is, I don't think I need that - what do You think??
5./ Something Else.
6./ Nothing is going to increase my chances to get a lesbian lover.
7./ Only a familially challenged lesbian, who isn't "OUT" could love me, as it satisfies her and visually, her family!
(I saw a documentary about an ethnic lesbian in the UK and her lover, and she was practically disowned by her "asian" family. I think they were Pakistani, I can't quite remember. "asian" as a term in the UK generally refers to the dark skinned varieties, at least when I was there, that was the euphanism. That was what this girl was.)
(Any other lesbians like to comment, please do - I'd really like to know what YOU would prefer, if you were interested, it doesn't mean that you are or want to be, if that's the case please send me a message or a friend invite, OK??)
I wouldn't be a woman, but at least I'd no longer be a man, and I've pretty much accepted that's probably where I'll end up, eventually. I just sort of hoped maybe there'd be some woman somewhere, hopefully a lesbian or couple, maybe both a touch bi, or one of them bi, that'd be interested in playing for awhile, and maybe have a long term thing if it works out. Of course if you're a hetro woman, and all this doesn't put you off, by all means, contact me. I've mostly been with hetro women, and they generally think I'm a really nice guy, even afterwards.
Thanks again for your concern and perseverance in reading all this.
PLEASE NOTE:
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RE: Hello World! Any Lesbians out there into CBT?? - 
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Castrato? Anyone? Anyone?
If you find a (sane) taker, we'll be standing by with bated breath...
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