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RE: new sub with some questions - 5/23/2011 10:06:07 AM

OwnedFemaleFlesh

Posts: 182
Joined: 4/9/2011
Status: offline

Run.

You're new, he's taking advantage. You will regret it later.

Tell him to come back if and when he has actually left his girlfriend, and in the meantime find yourself someone who deserves a fabulous newbie sub to explore and corrupt, someone who will be with you and not their other woman. It's not like there is a shortage of Doms, and I promise you that there is nothing special about him that you would not be able to get elsewhere. But if you stay with him, you will be shortchanging yourself, and you really will regret it later. I got with a married man as my very first Dom, I was absolutely convinced he was a God and nothing would persuade me to see the pain and shame I was letting myself in for. In hindsight, he was just a chubby middle aged man who didn't deserve the wife he had, let alone me as well. I wish I had found someone else, maybe a nice newbie Dom, to go on that journey and explore with. There are plenty of fish in the sea!

owned xxx

(in reply to SexyBBWSub4myman)

Post #: 21

RE: new sub with some questions - 5/23/2011 10:56:31 AM

SexyBBWSub4myman

Posts: 6
Joined: 4/28/2011
Status: offline

I thank everyone for all they have said. The reason I had asked here. Was because I had heard different opinions on another site I posted the same issue. They all told me opposite of what is being said here. I do want to be number one for the right person. I just need to keep looking to find that person. Again I thank everyone. I understand what I need to do at this stage of the game.

(in reply to OwnedFemaleFlesh)

Post #: 22

RE: new sub with some questions - 5/23/2011 11:08:06 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OwnedFemaleFlesh

It's not like there is a shortage of Doms

Well, it depends on what you want. I would say there is a shortage of good guys out there, at least in my area.

And that is where common sense and knowing what you want come in.

(in reply to OwnedFemaleFlesh)

Post #: 23

RE: new sub with some questions - 5/23/2011 11:26:00 AM

Iamsemisweet

Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
Status: offline

Sounds like a situation that is going to end in tears. Most likely yours, OP.
I do think there is a certain subset of this community that tries to use this "lifestyle"to justify behavior that they know is outlandish. After all, who wouldn't want to have a main squeeze and a piece or two on the side? Certain Doms I have encountered have argued that this kind of situation is practically their birthright. I can't imagine any one with any self esteem agreeing to be someone else's secret fuck buddy, but that is just me.
If nothing else, he is certainly portraying the girl friend as kind of a psycho. She needs help? Sounds like this situation is likely to end in tears AND restraining orders. That wouldn't be my idea of a good time, but if it is yours, good luck.

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 24

RE: new sub with some questions - 5/23/2011 11:48:04 AM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

These kinds of relationships rarely bring happiness. It sounds to me as though the OP has that "Rescue the Stray" mentality: "Oh, I'll just love him and be his friend and take whatever bones he wants to throw at me because that's good enough for me because he is so wonderful and I want to make his life easier and I'll be there if he needs me but if he doesn't that's okay and maybe if I love him enough he'll wake up one day and see me here and we'll ride off into the sunset together, blah blah blah."

Then one day, you decide you're in love with him and you're absolutely miserable. Especially when he finally does meet someone who knocks his socks off and "helps" the girlfriend by dumping her so fast her head will spin for a week. Friend on the side who?

My advice is don't even consider it.

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)

Post #: 25

RE: new sub with some questions - 5/23/2011 12:10:14 PM

robbieboy

Posts: 9
Joined: 4/30/2011
Status: offline

i've pulled some boners in my day... think i'll mind my own business. Good luck!

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 26

RE: new sub with some questions - 5/23/2011 12:24:12 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SexyBBWSub4myman

I thank everyone for all they have said. The reason I had asked here. Was because I had heard different opinions on another site I posted the same issue. They all told me opposite of what is being said here. I do want to be number one for the right person. I just need to keep looking to find that person. Again I thank everyone. I understand what I need to do at this stage of the game.

I don't know what other site advised the opposite of what we all are saying here, but it seems that it is a site filled with people who believe it is ok to lie and cheat as long as they get what they want. You don't want to be one of those people.

I perved your profile. You are 33 years old and say the last 18 years of your life were filled with TWO failed marriages. You got married at 15? Or you married your high school sweetheart? Either way, when those kinds of things happen, typically the person coming out of it has not had the opportunity to explore the "single" life in their early 20s' like they should have. Now you are free and looking to do that exploring and discover yourself. Good for you, nothing wrong with that. You aren't a child anymore, and this whole "sub" thing is new to you, so naturally, you will have some questions along the way.

Here are some things to remember....subs still have the right to expectations from a partner (as in not coming in second). Subs have a right to want to be loved and be in a monogamous relationship. Most importantly, if some "domly uber dom" tries to tell you what a "real" sub is like, RUN! There is no right or wrong way to engage, only the compatability of the people involved. Sub/slave does not equal settling for what some master/dom decides to give. If you are looking for a relationship, even if you find you want to be poly, you get to choose what situation is right and will work for you.

Good luck, and always feel free to come back here to ask questions as you enjoy the ride.

(in reply to SexyBBWSub4myman)

Post #: 27

RE: new sub with some questions - 5/23/2011 7:05:27 PM

ThundersCry

Posts: 892
Status: offline

my dirty little secret...

whats your limits? Is this all you feel like you *deserve*

Put yourself in her shoes...would you like it?

I think you deserve much...better...

each to their own, so they say...

Good luck!

(in reply to SexyBBWSub4myman)

Post #: 28

RE: new sub with some questions - 5/23/2011 7:10:57 PM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline

quote:

I would say there is a shortage of good guys out there, at least in my area.

That's because you're not looking in Ottawa.

<----Psssstt pick up the phone for Christs' sake, its been ringing for days now and my arm is getting tired.

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 29

RE: new sub with some questions - 5/23/2011 8:43:56 PM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

It isn't wrong for wanting something. What you do with that desire, however, is what's important.

I'm a fan of living an honest life. It's much simpler that way, and less heartache for all involved with you.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to SexyBBWSub4myman)

Post #: 30

RE: new sub with some questions - 5/23/2011 9:33:24 PM

MasterSlaveLA

Posts: 3991
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

If your best friend said she had to sneak around to be someone's bit on the side, that she was never going to get a card on Valentine's Day, never go to the movies, never get to meet his parents, never have him get her a birthday present. That her only value to some guy was to spread her legs when he wanted her to, and disappear the rest of the time. What would you say?

I have a better question for the OP... "If your best friend was the girlfriend of the guy that he's cheating on... what would you say?!!"

< Message edited by MasterSlaveLA -- 5/23/2011 9:36:38 PM >

_____________________________

It's only kinky the first time!!!

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 31

RE: new sub with some questions - 5/23/2011 10:46:33 PM

OwnedFemaleFlesh

Posts: 182
Joined: 4/9/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1
I would say there is a shortage of good guys out there, at least in my area.

True. But she isn't with a good guy, by the sounds of it, so why settle for less?

owned xxx

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 32

RE: new sub with some questions - 5/24/2011 5:40:08 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Perhaps the reason she can't get a good guy is because she isn't a good person herself. Judging by her belief that there's nothing wrong with cheating on someone you claim to care for and have promised faithfulness to.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to OwnedFemaleFlesh)

Post #: 33

RE: new sub with some questions - 5/24/2011 5:48:58 AM

WinsomeDefiance

Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline

If you want to be a lying, cheating, second-rate piece of ass - then you are on the right path. Otherwise, pull over and reprogram your internal GPS.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 34

RE: new sub with some questions - 5/24/2011 6:34:52 AM

coookie

Posts: 541
Joined: 10/25/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SexyBBWSub4myman

I thank everyone for all they have said. The reason I had asked here. Was because I had heard different opinions on another site I posted the same issue. They all told me opposite of what is being said here. I do want to be number one for the right person. I just need to keep looking to find that person. Again I thank everyone. I understand what I need to do at this stage of the game.

I find it difficult to believe that there is some other site that would have the opposite opinion.
In the middle of a situation there are always to cheat. My spouse wont have sex with me. I am so unhappy. He/she just does not understand who i really am. Either talk it over with your boyfriend about what it is you need or leave the relationship or deal without exposing your "dark side"

(in reply to SexyBBWSub4myman)

Post #: 35

RE: new sub with some questions - 5/24/2011 6:57:07 AM

magdalaina

Posts: 45
Joined: 4/29/2011
Status: offline

I am not the OP but I must say these are all amazing posts and I applaud those who are making them. They make me think deeply. Thank you.

_____________________________

Dabit eloquio victa puella manus. Ovid

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 36

RE: new sub with some questions - 5/24/2011 8:52:30 AM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SexyBBWSub4myman
He had also mentioned to me that he loves her very much. Though he said she needs to get help. He mentioned if he did leave her it would be to help her out. Which in turn he said would help him. I replied to him that I would never ask him to leave her. Though if he did I would gladly be there for him.

I don't get that last bit... he sounds mixed up to me,
so telling him that you would gladly be there for him might have been a bit of a mistake... dear he might hold you to that and you might come to regret it.

But as he is taken it is more likely that he is not LT relationship material...
so if he makes himself available to you for some 'not many strings fun' and you take what is on offer: make sure you use protection and don't become attached.

Alternatively maybe you could suggest the three of you could get together and have fun, see how that goes down...

(in reply to SexyBBWSub4myman)

Post #: 37

RE: new sub with some questions - 5/24/2011 1:35:15 PM

tiggerspoohbear

Posts: 19141
Joined: 6/27/2010
Status: offline

Having been the other woman when much younger, I finally came to the conclusion that I deserved someone who could be there for me when I needed and wanted, not when he decided he could give up a few hours to slip away. I swore to myself when I was 25 that I'd never be with another attached man. I've kept that promise to myself and never regretted it for a moment. It's been 23 yrs since the day I made that decision and I've stuck to my guns. I learned to value myself and it wasn't easy at times, but I've struggled through it and came out stronger and much more confident.

I may be alone now, but I'd rather be by myself than with someone who doesn't appreciate the person I am, the person I've become. I had to do it for myself, there was no one to do it for me, and that's the only way to do it. Give yourself enough respect to do so yourself. And good luck in future relationships.

_____________________________

"RABBIT IS GOOD, RABBIT IS WISE".

"I'm a baaa-aaad pussycat".

(in reply to magdalaina)

Post #: 38

RE: new sub with some questions - 5/25/2011 2:53:27 AM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

Are you OK being his "bit on the side"?

He is lying to his partner, the person that should be his number 1, what makes you think he is honest to you, if he isn't even honest to his partner?

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to SexyBBWSub4myman)

Post #: 39

RE: new sub with some questions - 6/1/2011 5:01:37 PM

SexyBBWSub4myman

Posts: 6
Joined: 4/28/2011
Status: offline

Ok, I am the OP. I have moved on from that person I had been speaking of. I left the person that I was hiding my dark side from as well. I have since found a single person who I had been seeing for a while as a friend who so happened to be in the lifestyle. One weekend while I was there we decided to get intimate with each other. Then one morning that weekend he asked me if I would be willing to accept his collar. I told him that since I had know him for so long and already had built a trusting relationship with him I would be willing to accept his collar as he is also fairly new as well. So we are going on a journey together and I can't be happier right now.

I also have talked with the one guys girlfriend and she know's about what happened. She was not mad at me. She was upset with him for not asking her is she wanted to have me as her pet before he decided to play around with me alone. I apologized to her and she was understanding with me.

Thanks all. I don't think anyone needs to post any further as this should bring some closure to this initial post.

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 40

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