RE: The temp Domme (Full Version)

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RedMagic1 -> RE: The temp Domme (5/24/2011 2:38:03 PM)

Eh. She might totally crave the kink... with someone who isn't the op. "vanilla" women don't just wake up one day with a slave contract in one hand and a chastity device in the other.



Rochsub2009 -> RE: The temp Domme (5/24/2011 2:43:55 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1
"vanilla" women don't just wake up one day with a slave contract in one hand and a chastity device in the other.


True, but you have to remember who she was dealing with.  I'll bet he showed up at their first meeting with a slave contract in one hand, and a chastity device in the other and told her how much he'd enjoy it if she'd "make" him sign the contract, turn over all of his money, and wear the chastity device.  [8|]

The poor girl had probably never heard of a slave contract or a chastity device.  But the idea of him giving her all of his money probably made her consider the idea.  And then she got to know him, and realized that he couldn't pay her enough to deal with his BS.  [:D]



LadyPact -> RE: The temp Domme (5/24/2011 2:48:01 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009
Wait a doggone minute!!!!  That's totally different than what you described in the OP.  You never said that you tried to force your kink on a vanilla woman and she got tired of it.

I hate it when people start a thread, and then give additional information later in the thread that totally changes the story.  Had we known this info from the beginning, I'll bet many people would have given you a totally different answer.   Although in my case, I still would have said that she's just not that into you.  However, I might have added that she's also not into your kink, or BDSM in general.


I don't know if I would have honestly changed My answer, at least the bait and switch portion, or not.  It would depend on when the element of controlling the cash became part of the deal.  Heck, any vanilla chick could spend fifteen minutes with google and find out there's a potential pay day associated with "trying" BDSM or D/s. 



RedMagic1 -> RE: The temp Domme (5/24/2011 2:51:39 PM)

That is a long string of ifs. I have not followed his posts, but they must have left quite an impression on you.

Where did they meet? SeekingArrangement.com? The logistics of this situation are starting to intrigue me. Such a dramatic level of commitment. What was the mutual vetting process?



Rochsub2009 -> RE: The temp Domme (5/24/2011 2:52:53 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

That is a long string of ifs. I have not followed his posts, but they must have left quite an impression on you.

Where did they meet? SeekingArrangement.com? The logistics of this situation are starting to intrigue me. Such a dramatic level of commitment. What was the mutual vetting process?


Based on his previous posts, they likely met in his imagination.  [:D]



PeonForHer -> RE: The temp Domme (5/24/2011 3:06:31 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig
That maybe so, but I still objectify him on a daily basis....[:D]


Thank you, Arpig. You are a gent. [:)]



AAkasha -> RE: The temp Domme (5/24/2011 3:13:05 PM)



Ultimately, maybe she felt like she was the one being the "slave" in the relationship.

It doesn't matter if a woman is vanilla but willing to give it a try, or as "kinky as the day is long" (that's me) -- nothing can squash bdsm undertones in a relationship more than this: EXPECTATIONS.

I can't tell you how many submissive men have rocked my world initially, but ultimately I could not get away from the fast enough because they could not settle their expectations and let me do my thing. It was never enough. I wasn't kinky on their time. I wasn't using the toys they wanted. I wasn't responding to the hints, the sighs, the passive aggressive pouting. I was not allowed to be a girlfriend, or a woman, or a best friend - because they were thinking all the time about when would be the next time.

It requires TWO people to make a relationship work, and I found myself often like the third wheel. The relationship was 1) Him, 2) his fantasies and 3) me, to enact his fantasies.

It's AMAZING to have a man who shares my lust for kink and has an eagerness to endure my restraints, my desire for humiliation, my weird fantasies. But if he wants it either way more than I do, or wants it "his way," I absolutely lose interest. I can't dominate in the proper mindframe if it's just to get him off my back. If a man can't respect that as a femdom I need space to allow my lusts build, and I need to be aggressive on my own clock, then there is no way we can be in a functional relationship. It took years of failed relationships and ultimately going BACK to vanilla guys (hey, at least they don't bug me to dominate them all the time, but they STILL endure the kink - for love!) for awhile to calm my head.

And yes, to add LOCKED CHASTITY to an already horny man who has spent a lot of time with his fantasies - recipe for disaster unless the woman knows what she is in for. It assures he will think 24.7 about his locked condition. Not recommended for beginners, that's for sure!

The bottom line is that two people have to agree on the parameters of the kinky acts and dominant mindframe. If he has expectations/needs (like - daily? three times a week? how much "play time"?) he has to put them on the table up front - she has to then establish the groundrules. If a man ever thought with me that he could get me to top him on his terms, all that ever led to was me NOT wanting to top him for an even longer period of time -- because I don't find sulking or demanding to be attractive traits in a man. My femdom lusts are persistent and relentless; if I wake up one day and don't feel like strapping it on or breaking out the handcuffs, then it's off the table. The mood will come back, it always does.

Unless there's a man on the other side of the room whining about it in a very unattractive manner.

Akasha



sunshinemiss -> RE: The temp Domme (5/24/2011 3:37:05 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: falccon
usually the title speaks volumes, but not in this case. for her it was a temp thing because she wasn't into bdsm in the first place. she's total vanilla, and wanted to try this to see where it could lead. she went back to vanilla world. it's that simple. i tried with a person who was not into the scene. next time, i will make sure the person has been into it for long time and craves it as much as i do.



It took 50 posts before you finally said what happened?




quote:

i asked a legit question, and some of the answers were down right disrespectful. you want respect it has to go both ways. i spoke my mind, and didn't act like a doormat. i know that's what a lot of dommes here want to see. unfortunately, it's not me.


As for this little tidbit... Please notice how much the women here adore Peon, Otter, and Roch. I mean ADORE. Heck, even the straight men and the sub women are attracted to them. They are ADULTS. They are people of deep and abiding character, people with passion and humor and decency. And they are - even when playful - respectful. I'd take a little note from how well it works for them and how well it doesn't work for you.

good luck,
sunshine

p.s. Thanks to Bones for saving me the "drama queen" typing.



OttersSwim -> RE: The temp Domme (5/24/2011 4:27:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: falccon

i asked a legit question, and some of the answers were down right disrespectful. you want respect it has to go both ways. i spoke my mind, and didn't act like a doormat. i know that's what a lot of dommes here want to see. unfortunately, it's not me.

usually the title speaks volumes, but not in this case. for her it was a temp thing because she wasn't into bdsm in the first place. she's total vanilla, and wanted to try this to see where it could lead. she went back to vanilla world. it's that simple. i tried with a person who was not into the scene. next time, i will make sure the person has been into it for long time and craves it as much as i do.


Falccon,

At the end of the day, if you look at your question from the perspective of any rational adult...it quite obviously appears that what you did (or said you did) was outright reckless.  Your motivations and expectations seemed to be drawn straight from fantasy and porn.

Pull the average person off the street and tell them that sort of story and the reply would be along the lines of "What were you thinking!?"  Give your scenario to lifestyle BDSM folk and you are and were met with incredulity and scorn - this isn't Hello Kitty Island Adventure...it's a BDSM site on the internet and there are sadists here.

And so people came in and danced in your topic and rightfully so, IMO, after you became combative.

Since, you have come back and given additional details that show even poorer judgment in admitting that you tried this with a person who was not into BDSM in the first place.

And so what is there left to say?  At the backside of this adventure of yours, your original post still seems to show the same fantasy and porn driven motivations and expectations and it is not clear that you actually learned anything - hopefully all of what has been said to you here in the form of a Clue-by-four will help you.

My advice from this point - set your kinky desires on the back burner.  Read a lot here, go meet some actual folk in the BDSM world face to face at a munch or event.  Make some friends and learn a bit, then bring your desires back and re-examine them for reasonableness given what you have learned about human dynamics in kink.

And I still hold to my original statement about Love being so important.  Even if you are not in a primary relationship with someone, my firm belief is that there must be some love and respect on both sides - even if it is totally platonic - if the relationship is going to be successful for both parties.

So it sort of comes down to this...people have insulted you on the internet...you have arrived...get your t-shirt and move on, or keep fighting and we'll just keep on dancing. 

Good luck.



PeonForHer -> RE: The temp Domme (5/24/2011 4:29:52 PM)

Thank you, Sunshine. I feel like I'm glowing - seriously!



SylvereApLeanan -> RE: The temp Domme (5/24/2011 4:34:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OttersSwim

this isn't Hello Kitty Island Adventure...it's a BDSM site on the internet and there are sadists here.


If this doesn't get Sunny quote of the day, it at least deserves an honorable mention.



VaguelyCurious -> RE: The temp Domme (5/24/2011 4:35:34 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: falccon

i asked a legit question, and some of the answers were down right disrespectful.

I think our concepts of a 'legit question' differ considerably. I'd say a legit question a) was clear b) contained all the pertinent information c) was realistic and thought provoking - not just 'I did something really really stupid, why did I get a really really stupid result?'. Your question failed on all three fronts.

quote:


i spoke my mind, and didn't act like a doormat. i know that's what a lot of dommes here want to see. unfortunately, it's not me.

You didn't receive the responses you did for 'not acting like a doormat'. You received the responses you did for acting like an idiot - not providing all the information, and then calling responses inaccurate without actually being willing to clarify. And I question your reading comprehension if you think the dommes here want to see doormats. Round here, we like our men intelligent, thoughtful and lively.


quote:


for her it was a temp thing because she wasn't into bdsm in the first place.

...so like everyone said in the first place, she just wasn't that into what you were offering....

quote:


she's total vanilla, and wanted to try this to see where it could lead. she went back to vanilla world.

...and then, hey! She offered you one thing and then did another! Whaddya know? Bait and switch!

So basically people were right all along, no matter how many temper tantrums you want to have about it.



Rochsub2009 -> RE: The temp Domme (5/24/2011 5:56:54 PM)

AAkasha,
Great post!  [sm=yourock.gif]



falccon -> RE: The temp Domme (5/24/2011 7:20:19 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious


quote:

ORIGINAL: falccon

i asked a legit question, and some of the answers were down right disrespectful.

I think our concepts of a 'legit question' differ considerably. I'd say a legit question a) was clear b) contained all the pertinent information c) was realistic and thought provoking - not just 'I did something really really stupid, why did I get a really really stupid result?'. Your question failed on all three fronts.

quote:


i spoke my mind, and didn't act like a doormat. i know that's what a lot of dommes here want to see. unfortunately, it's not me.

You didn't receive the responses you did for 'not acting like a doormat'. You received the responses you did for acting like an idiot - not providing all the information, and then calling responses inaccurate without actually being willing to clarify. And I question your reading comprehension if you think the dommes here want to see doormats. Round here, we like our men intelligent, thoughtful and lively.


quote:


for her it was a temp thing because she wasn't into bdsm in the first place.

...so like everyone said in the first place, she just wasn't that into what you were offering....

quote:


she's total vanilla, and wanted to try this to see where it could lead. she went back to vanilla world.

...and then, hey! She offered you one thing and then did another! Whaddya know? Bait and switch!

So basically people were right all along, no matter how many temper tantrums you want to have about it.

i kept the original post succinct, and thought it was evident.no one is having a temper tantrum except you. this is nothing. as for people being right, correction, mistreses sticking together is more correct. i expected that. for the ones who were respectful, you know who you are, props to you. the rest was verbal diarrhea.



falccon -> RE: The temp Domme (5/24/2011 7:37:03 PM)

they say the journey is a learning experience, and it was. some ladies kept their cool throughout the discussion offering constructive criticisms while others launched into a vile, contemptuous attack. this is something i need to look out for in future dommes, and stay clear of these negative people. it's good to see the other side of people, and i sure did. i learn something everyday.



LadyPact -> RE: The temp Domme (5/24/2011 8:23:12 PM)

It really didn't have anything to do with the female Dominants sticking together.  There's really no nice way to say it.  If your best friend came to you and presented this situation to you, would you have said, "that's great, man!  You made a well thought out intelligent choice."  How many of your friends thought this was a good idea while it was in progress?  How many of them now are telling you that you shouldn't have done it?

Female Dominants deal with people on a fairly regular basis who want this so badly that they will offer to serve anyone.  That includes having their own slave contract ready and promises to turn over their assets.  Yes, they want it so bad that they are desperate.  In addition, we get a lot of guys who don't have any success with lifestyle Dommes, or for one reason or another want to convert vanilla women.  It's the same kind of desperation, but in another way.  In cases like these, they just want it so bad.  The longer they want it, still with no real success, the desperation gets worse because they start thinking they will never find it.  At that point, it becomes something of a cycle.

When people get to that place, and believe Me, there's more of them out there than you might think, they are ripe for the picking for those who would take advantage of them, especially for their money.  They'll risk all kinds of things just for the hope of fulfilling what they feel like they've wanted so long.  If you don't believe Me, ask yourself an honest question.  Why do scams work?  If it wasn't for desperate people who allow that desperation to cloud their judgment, why do they work?



falccon -> RE: The temp Domme (5/24/2011 8:51:11 PM)

LadyPact, you're one of the 'good ones,' and i have utmost respect. you're wise, resourceful, and i love the way you come across. the one thing people don't and can't see on the internet is personality. i get along with majority of people, even difficult people because i'm very personable. my boss puts difficult people to work with me because he knows i'm easy to get along with. i may not seem that way here, but this is the internet. in person is where it counts most and where it's real.

scams work because people are desperate for whatever the scam is purported to offer. the scam feed upon people's needs and emotions, and that's why they are money making schemes.it's a shame, but many people fall for it. in my case, money was never an issue because i have a good paying job to fall back on.



orchid77 -> RE: The temp Domme (5/24/2011 9:48:35 PM)

Your last comment is chilling. You have a good paying job to fall back on, but your don't see the choices that you made as a poor one? Could I please have some of your hard earned money?

Also it seems to me you were generally testing the Domme section to see who would answer you in a calm, cool, and collected fashion and who would not? Like some game. Real shame. For a mind is such a terrible thing to waste.



theRose4U -> RE: The temp Domme (5/24/2011 10:09:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: falccon

After finding a Domme, you're collared, sign a slave contract, and a chastity devise is installed. You make the necessary arrangements to hand over access all possessions to her including bank account and wages into her account. Life as a slave has begun and you are truly where you've always wanted to be. However, after a few months, the Domme refuses to play and doesn't enforce the rules anymore. She doesn't want to be in control and seems uninterested in such play. She likes control of the slave's money and that's all. What can you do to prevent this from happening?


Very simple, you get into a relationship with a real live girl!!!
The whole caged 24/7, domme controlling everything and boo hoo she doesn't want to play anymore isn't real.



VaguelyCurious -> RE: The temp Domme (5/25/2011 12:41:11 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: orchid77

Also it seems to me you were generally testing the Domme section to see who would answer you in a calm, cool, and collected fashion and who would not? Like some game. Real shame. For a mind is such a terrible thing to waste.

The thing is, everyone answered in a calm, cool and collected fashion. There was some sarcasm, sure, but I think he's seeing upset/angry people where only vaguely irritated people/people who won't just accept what he says blindly without questioning it exist - his OTT response to Lafayette Lady comes to mind as an example - she made a calm post and he called her a drama queen (which in fact seems kind of drama-queen-ish).



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